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This newspaper page contains 32 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Bristol Phoenix
Location
Bristol, Rhode Island, United States of America
Date
Apr 20, 1909
Page
4
An advertiser claims people can gain a pound a day by taking Scott's Emulsion and that flesh is essential for health. The notice encourages obtaining the product from Scott & Bowne at 409 Pearl Street, New York.
The text recounts a marriage rite for Abyssinian brides in which a bride undergoes a skin transformation. She is secluded for three months, wrapped in wool except for her head, and exposed to fumes from burning green branches that allegedly erase the old skin. Elders feed her nutritive pills as the process proceeds.
A Boston girl comments on Santa Claus, clarifying she does not approve yet notes he does not wear evening clothes and calls after six. The exchange captures a playful moment from the Washington Star.
A Houston Post quote features a father's blunt dismissal of his daughter's suitor, noting the young man believes he can gain a home and drain the bank, but the father insists he will not be outsmarted.
In Illustrated Bits a comic claims men live faster than women asserting ages when married. A husband says he is fifty while his wife is thirty one, asserting they married at the same age, highlighting a humorous comparison about aging.
A brief exchange shows the office boy explaining the standard procedure for leaving poems with an editor. He notes calling back after a day to retrieve the submissions, reflecting typical magazine work norms of the period.
A brief back and forth between Uncle Joe and Teddy imagines people on the moon. Teddy asks what happens to them when there is no moon, inviting whimsical speculation.
A brief humorous exchange between a caller and editor shows an offer to donate to a poets’ hospital fundraiser. The editor agrees to contribute and jokes about calling tonight with an ambulance and having poets ready, framed as a light civic moment.
A concise reflection from La Rochefoucauld on the virtue of concealing one’s cleverness. The maxim suggests prudence in revealing wit and talent rather than flaunting it openly.
An advertisement urges readers with indigestion symptoms to try Kodol for Dyspepsia and Indigestion taken occasionally to relieve simple stomach ailments. It promises guaranteed results and notes the product is sold by W. H. Butlington.
A traveler stops at a church in Enstone on a warm day and overhears two workmen debating religious labels. The mason Bill simplifies Episco pale beliefs as a “fancy foreign religion,” highlighting local ignorance and humor in a brief village moment.
An Paris insurance firm decorated by the Legion of Honor received visiting cards including one for an office boy described as the emperor's orderly. The old Invalides veteran claimed to be Napoleon's orderly, saying he dusted the emperor's tomb, prompting puzzled reactions from the manager in London Express account.
Bohemian Magazine discusses dream imagery and morality, arguing the dream world ignores conscience while real consequences are felt only upon waking, citing Professor Hoffman on wakefulness checks. The piece suggests dreams lack moral burden despite possible troubled conscience.
A young colored person pursued by a farmer and three sons fled into the road. A long eared jack rabbit sprang ahead, and the chased man cried in a quavering voice for the animal to move aside so he could keep running. The scene, reported by Argonaut, captures a moment of fear and humor as the pursuit continues.
A Paris cafe owner hired a pianist who delivered Chopin's Funeral March nightly after the owner refused a salary increase. Patrons deserted the cafe, leaving only one diner. The pianist was prosecuted and fined 60 francs, claiming he played to reflect his mood after the salary request was refused.
A witty exchange about a husband at home and a wife enjoying her freedom as she goes out while the husband remains nearby. The humor hinges on domestic roles and social norms with a sharp columnist voice.
A quip notes that a novel ends with marriage while the real world continues its search for a new flat, a cook, and a job lot of furniture. The line highlights the shift from literary convention to practical post-plot life.
A Washington Herald item quotes a man awkwardly addressing a meeting, with the chairman interjecting and noting that to err is human, illustrating a public speaking mishap in a brief civic moment.
A humorous exchange shows Peckem teasing Youngbad about marriage with a quip that being enraged feels like being married, highlighting social banter and witty dialogue in London.
The quote argues wit should shield defense, not wound others. It frames humor as a protective tool in conflict, promoting restraint and ethical use of cleverness.
Robertson the celebrated aeronaut from Petersburg seeks support at Hudson for a vast air balloon. He envisions a 722 foot diameter vessel carrying about thirty seven tons and fifty passengers with masts sails a cabin gallery stores and provisions. A smaller balloon and parachute would ensure a gentle descent if the outer balloon bursts and the craft could stay aloft for weeks.
A community dinner to honor a judge faced a revolt over inviting a former brilliant lawyer turned town drunkard. The speaker recalls his own decline from a $12,000 yearly practice, a wife and carriage, to ruin, contrasting it with the guest’s rise, and ends with the quip that they now sit on a level.
A Chambers' Journal excerpt highlights Disraeli’s sharp humor. Tales include a writer thanking him for a book and a Radical quip about his weak eyes. Another tale shows Disraeli turning Lord Rosslyn into high commissioner to the Church of Scotland for his swearing habit.
Arolin, a London police judge in the 1930s, praised bulls and offered cautions on courtroom reasoning. He quipped about pinpointing the exact moment an offense occurred and the defendant’s presence, and warned against abandoning common sense in justice. He is misattributed with a maxim about clearer evidence than any case.
A college president in Indiana addressed students in the chapel at the start of the year noting the largest freshman class in the college's history. He then read the Third Psalm in a thunderous voice, "Lord, how are they increased that trouble me."
A Louisville Courier-Journal note quotes a manager planning to exhibit the heroine's gowns bridging a sixteen year gap in a play. The stunt aims to attract women to the lobby and boost attendance. The exchange underscores promotional theater tactics of the era.
London Tit-Bits notes a stage manager recalling a tragic death scene that moved the audience to tears, praising the performer for paralyzing the crowd with drama while revealing they knew the death was staged.
A Philadelphia Record excerpt notes perceived contradictions in women’s behavior, claiming women can appear hot and then treat men coldly, reflecting social commentary rather than direct events or statements. The piece analyzes gender dynamics and public attitudes of the era.
A Chicago News note asks who should decide what counts as necessities for women in a divorce case after a woman justified buying adornments rather than basic needs. The item raises questions about gendered standards in marital financial disputes and who interprets essential spends.
A fragment quotes RBacon noting that observers often perceive more than players. The line hints at deeper insight into games and human behavior.
J A Reid recounts a Bristol town roll call of childhood friends from North Grammar days and the Civil War era. He names many local youths, their families, and later fates, celebrating a generation whose memories shaped the town’s history and the annals of Bristol.
An urchronicle style ad touts Doan's Kidney Pills as a cure for backache and uric acid related ailments. Mrs Mary Cunningham of Bristol credits the treatment with removing pains and strengthening her system after using a box from J H Young & Co. The ad urges purchase at 50 cents and names Foster Milburn Co of Buffalo as U S sole agents.
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