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This newspaper page contains 27 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Brimfield News
Location
Brimfield, Illinois, United States of America
Date
Sep 07, 1950
Page
8
A one-armed man sits at a noon lunch counter next to a curious patron. The inquisitive observer asks about the missing arm. The man examines his empty sleeve, exclaiming in disbelief that the arm is indeed gone.
A rider recalls an incident where the horse veered suddenly forcing a fall. The rider asks who won the clash between horse and rider, noting the animal overpowered the human and tossed them aside.
A general and a colonel stroll the street and greet privates with a muttered same to you. The general asks why the colonel always says it, and the colonel explains he once wore private rank and understands what they are thinking.
A young woman taunts a admirer about her father a very red business man who built a large fortune when quite young. He asks to hear how he did it but first wonders if he still has it.
A slim man and a very fat man meet in a hotel lobby. The fat man quips about famine from the tall man’s appearance. The thin man retorts that the fat man’s looks could have caused it.
A girl in a new car experiences engine trouble while stuck in a green to red traffic cycle. A police officer approaches and asks what is wrong, noting the situation with a blunt, colloquial remark.
A playful note recalls a baby's first birthday gift moment when a money-box was opened and a shiny iron was discovered as a charming but odd keepsake. The anecdote captures a family’s mix of humor and affection around a milestone.
A dialogue plays on weather and discretion with wordplay about tipping. One character suggests going to a fine restaurant without tipping the waiter as valor, then questions discretion as dining at a different restaurant the next day. The quip relies on misheard phrases for humor.
A classroom scene centers on a boy named Johnny who refuses to admit defeat after a teacher claims a trained trainer could swim three times over a break stroke. Johnny counters with silent wit, then pretends to keep time and hides by the side as a figurative lesson unfolds.
A garbled excerpt suggests a note about bread rations or incentives during hardship. It mentions percentages, a blast of cold, and people shoveling from basements with bread supplies. The message appears engraved or printed on items, with references to heat and a cramped room.
Wild animals including rabbits are frequent victims of tularemia but domestic rabbits appear not to contract it. Squirrels rats field mice skunks and beavers are among the animals susceptible to this disease also called rabbit fever. Certain biting insects are thought to spread the infection to humans though most cases come from contact with wild animals or water contaminated by them.
After a patient experiment Edison produced the first successful incandescent lamp in 1878. He turned on a new era of electricity, building on Galvani's early discovery and marking the dawn of the great Age of Electricity.
A visitor in a country town is shaved by a barber who cuts his cheek. The customer apologizes and places tissue over the wound to stop the bleed. After the shave he surprises the barber by tipping generously, remarking that the barber also deals in two other trades. The barber asks which three trades, and the customer reveals barber butcher and paperhanger.
The walls and woodwork of a bathroom need two quarts to one gallon of paint per coat depending on room size. Glass or semi glass enamel is advised due to moisture and the ease of washing walls regularly.
Veterinarians note vomiting in dogs can signal serious illness or occur with no stomach problem. Excitement, shock, pain, bitter taste, ear canal parasites, or worry may trigger the upset in otherwise healthy dogs.
In the dialogue the dog tax illustrates indirect taxation. The dog is taxed but the creature does not pay, instead the owner bears the burden through higher costs or prices. The exchange highlights how indirect taxes affect consumers indirectly.
The article argues that family disruption is less common today than 60 years ago. It attributes this to fewer deaths of spouses reducing overall disruption, offsetting higher divorce rates.
A total lunar eclipse will be visible in the United States on September 25 with totality from 9:45 p.m. to 10:40 p.m. Central Standard Time. Another total lunar eclipse on April 2 will not be visible in this country.
Psychologists explain that each blink halts vision for three tenths of a second and a brief readjustment period follows. As a result a person is effectively unseeing about 11 to 20 percent of awake time.
An irate traveler confronted a hotel keeper over a prohibition on roller towels in hotels. The hotel man argued the towel in question was installed before the law’s passage, highlighting tensions between new rules and existing fixtures.
A humor exchange features a man misinterpreting a joke about three crows on a fence post. He asserts two would remain after a shot, while the other insists none would remain as the birds would fly away. The joke plays on literal versus implied counting in a rural setting.
In lighthearted dialogue a father boasts of inherited intellect while the mother retorts that she has hers too. The exchange plays on family pride and humor about a son’s intelligence, delivered in a simple domestic vignette.
The defendant told the judge he had not spoken to his wife in five years. The judge pressed for an explanation and asked, What explanation have you for not speaking to your wife in five years. The husband replied, Your Honor, I didn't lie to interrupt the lady.
A wry exchange questions a doctor's advice to a wife to exercise. The reply suggests that rushing to conclusions and racking up bills counts as exercise, implying skepticism about medical orders and financial overreach.
A claim that legume hay generally contains high calcium content is reiterated, noting soybeans may be an exception. The sentence emphasizes calcium richness across legume hays with a caution about soybean hay.
At a Atlantic City medical convention two old student friends compared progress in the field. One now a nerve specialist shares a cautious boast of success while his companion, noting a humorous anecdote, recalls a former patient asking for fifty dollars as a sign of status.
An excerpt from Irvin S Cobb reflecting on after dinner speakers who run out of words yet feel compelled to speak. The piece critiques verbosity and the tendency to prolong remarks beyond useful purpose.
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