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Newspaper
Brimfield News
Location
Brimfield, Illinois, United States of America
Date
Jun 27, 1901
Page
3
Mrs Crawford laments after a quarrel that luck doomed her hopes while a judge notes a millen to one shot denied happiness. The speaker argues fate and chance in a tense courtroom moment.
If Coffee Poleons You miss your digestion makes you nervous and sallow, Grain-O is offered as a pure grain based healthful nourishing drink. It lacks coffee’s bad effects yet tastes similar to fine coffees. Priced about 4 cents per serving. 15 and 25 cents sizes. Ask your grocer for Gram-O.
A Kansas City Star quote mocks a limited monarchy stating a government by no king and a claim that in bankruptcy the king would not bear national debt. The remark then likens the idea to private life and limited mobility companies.
A Detroit Free Press quotation panel reflects on the paradox of employment and attire. It contrasts the need for a good suit with the lack of a job, highlighting hardship and social irony in a terse exchange.
An advertisement style note promotes Hall's Catarrh Cure as a constitutional remedy priced at 75 cents. It includes testimonials from Wm. O. Endsley of Van Buren Indiana supporting its throat and lung benefits, dated February 10, 1900, and references other seemingly unrelated phrases and lines from various sources.
A public-spirited suburbanite brags of a remarkably low death rate as proof the town is fine. A caustic city man counters that few would want to be found dead there, the line becoming a dry jab about safety and status.
Do Your Feet Ache and Burn Shake into your shoes Allen's Foot-Ease a powder for the feet It makes tight or new shoes feel easy Cures corns bunions swollen hot and sweating feet At all druggists and shoe stores 25c Sample sent free Address Allen 8 Olmsted LeRoy NY
A humorous East Anglia anecdote recalls Mayor Wakefield of Castle Rising and a passing Lynn official who refuse help yet exchange titles. The piece also promotes the Pan-American by Michigan Central and parries into Paul du Chailll’s Jungle talk on animal intelligence and behavior.
A narrative from Julian Ralph portrays a boastful British officer who, under a hail of bullets at the Dreefontein kopje, stands tall with eyeglass in place. He taunts the unseen Boers, then collapses as comrades urge him down. The scene ends with him embracing the earth.
An Atlanta Constitution item describes Major Williams being shot in the left leg while seated at home. The bullet passed through his wooden leg without injury, a detail framed with irony about Providence protecting him and rheumatism failing to stop the leg.
An old advertisement touts Grain-O as a healthy substitute for coffee for children. It claims Grain-O is made from pure grains, tastes like coffee, and costs about a half to a quarter more per unit. Sold by grocers at 15 and 25 cents.
Fractured dialogue about a lost dog and Pat-Sure, a joke plan to advertise the dog in a way the dog could not read. The text includes stray phrases about a cure and a bottle, with unclear context and garbled OCR.
A Marine captain plans complaints after morning parade to discipline grumblers. During the event he tightens helmet chin-straps by four links, forcing the men to keep mouths closed. A witty orderly officer hears a quip about loose straps and a puzzled reply about “taters” from a sergeant, highlighting humor amid drill.
In Rockbridge Missouri on June 24 neighbors and Rockbridge Lodge No 435 A F and A M celebrate the recovery of Ambrose McKay a respected Masonic member. Once plagued by diabetes rheumatism and kidney trouble his pain eased after using Dodd's Kidney Pills and he reports great improvement saying they are worth more than their cost. The pills are gaining a notable reputation with several reported cures across Missouri.
A garbled Los Angeles Herald fragment shows a comic scene with Angelina Swizzleblossom and Augustus Bloomengarten, a wheel accident, and a joking newsboy. It blends stray phrases about green tea varieties like Hyson and Gunpowder with misread city notes and playful banter.
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