Ned’s Division Hoax Ends In Cheating A Sibling
A playful verse about Ned who fakes a division by marking a fish hoax and splits a stick unequally. He eats the pieces to hide the trick, cheating Sandy without either recognizing the deceit.
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Newspaper
Brainerd Dispatch
Location
Brainerd, Minnesota, United States of America
Date
Sep 04, 1885
Page
4
A playful verse about Ned who fakes a division by marking a fish hoax and splits a stick unequally. He eats the pieces to hide the trick, cheating Sandy without either recognizing the deceit.
The piece mixes meteorology explanations of cyclones with a long reminiscence about General Grant. It discusses barometers, atmospheric pressure, cyclone paths, rainfall measurement, and a 19th century Georgia cyclone history, then shifts to William Marshall recalling Grant's character and decisiveness, ending with a Georgia criminal fugitive tally and a nuisance indictment in health notes.
The excerpt records historical rainfall extremes in Del 1834 and Fairfield Ohio 1861, notes heavy daily rain in India and near Switzerland, and describes rainless cloudless showers. It explains lightning forms including ball and heat lightning, thunder mechanics, and methods to estimate cloud distance, with mentions of rainbows and lunar bows at Niagara.
The article describes parallel experiments with water gas and coal gas in Newton and Athol rooms, detailing rapid poisoning in animals and contrasting slower effects. Professor Sedgwick discusses painless vivisection, the use of anesthetics, and the purpose of studying heart and circulation with a kymograph apparatus.
The article compares a motmot bird's decorative plumes with human vanity, noting its blue and green plumage and crest. It details the bird’s self slicing of tail feathers and a mistaken belief about why tips wear away. It also reports two El Paso contractors who built a jail, altered plans to gain $50,000, and were arrested after being exposed.
A reflective verse questions who carries out evil in society if the Devil is voted out. It ponders responsibility for crimes and woes amid modern creed and public life, asking who remains to perform the Devil’s work in home church and state. The speaker demands accountability for killings, frauds, and divine absence.
A verse lamenting cold weather and ironies of a freezing world. The speaker longs for extreme cold, picturing icy imagery from frost to Styx, seeking relief in a perpetual chill and a cold grave.
Farmers report success with ground bones as shelling aid for fowls to prevent soft shells and advise a handful per six hens three times weekly. Other sections discuss breeding routines using a single bull for consistent calves, lemon use for health, egg preservation methods, swine feeding theory, beekeeping notes, and varied farm practices.
A Rochester Union quotation reports ex governor Jacob of Kentucky and a Republican candidate winning a pivotal 1884 campaign by maintaining health via Warner's safe care. The Democratic contender grew stronger while the rival faltered after violinistlike strain. The winner claimed the secret to his endurance and success.
A correspondent near upper Saranac Lake recalls meeting President Cleveland at a primitive Adirondack log camp with Dr. Ward and Mr. Bacon. They shared a venison breakfast, slept on balsam beds, and kept fires to deter bears. Cleveland teased guides as “Governor” and pondered wood chopping for the evening fire.
The speeches in Dublin left a clear mark as Parnell issued a final, uncompromising statement of his aims. He outlined the course of British legislation toward eventual legislative independence, replaced by a push for land reform per the national league plan and a revival of urban prosperity via strong protection against English goods.
Market notes show wheat varying by grade with Milwaukee No 2 at 81X cents and Minneapolis No 1 hard around 79 cents. Corn ranges 42 to 44 1 2 cents, oats 27 to 32 cents, rye 56 to 48 cents. Mess pork near 8.87 to 8.00 dollars, lard around 6.25 dollars, dairy butter 14 to 16 cents, eggs about 11 to 12 cents. Continuous price quotes for bran shorts hay and other feeds also listed across cities.
The infirmarian reports Red Star Cough Care gave satisfaction at Mount St. Clements College Ilchester Maryland. In a severe consumption case it brought relief and ended restless nights and night sweats. Maj. McMichael withdrew his resignation as DC marshal but was asked to remain until his term ends in about fifteen months.
Nathan Ford of St Paul promotes his new warerooms at 92 94 East Third St offering rail fare paid for customers buying pianos or organs during fair week. He highlights standard instruments from KwasBe Decker Hazelton Fisco- Erk Marshall & Wishpeu Clough & Warren Estry and accepts trade-ins with easy terms.
In a New York World interview the speaker vows to press for Beecher’s retirement when the moment arises. He denies current church division and cites support from deacons trustees and church leaders. He plans to use his abilities for the good of Plymouth Church and credits improved health and clarity of thought.
In Meadville a young woman blew a tin horn at a back door to scare off intruders. neighbors woke, search found no one, as burglars escaped. The item notes frost in Staunton and Lock Haven, and adds ads and a consumer-health pitch claiming Dr. Pierce's medicine cures consumption. Eli Frank, a Chicago liquor dealer, fronts $16,200 from his brother on false pretenses and flees.
An advertisement urges readers to avoid hawking coughing and dizziness by using Dr Sage's Catarrh Remedy. It claims rapid relief from nasal discharge throat irritation and associated aches and fatigue while also sparing friends from the disease’s unpleasant breath and symptoms.
Essay-like compilation shows dairy farming tips on keeping cows productive and producing golden yellow butter with Wells, Richardson & Co color. It also advertises Dr Graves Heart Regulator with a thirty year record and a pamphlet offer from F. E. Ingalls in Cambridge Massachusetts.
An advertisement for Mensman s Peptonized Beef Tonic touts it as the only beef preparation containing all nutritious properties. It is marketed as blood making force generating and life sustaining, useful for indigestion dyspepsia nervous prostration and general debility including exhaustion over work or acute disease especially pulmonary. Caswell Hazard & Co. New York sell through druggists.
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