The Ames Times Humorous Aphorisms Column
A collection of light quips and aphorisms from The Ames Times in Ames Iowa. The brief items joke about flirtation forgiveness patriotism and common sayings with a satirical tone and playful misdirections.
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Newspaper
Ames Times
Location
Ames, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Sep 01, 1898
Page
5
Seed of Human Action Shapes Future Circumstances
A philosophical reflection on how human actions seed future conditions and influence destiny, suggesting that outcomes are shaped by choices made now and the forces that govern collective fate.
Liquid air as medicine yields odd results in experiments
A Russian physician tested liquid air by placing a dog in a chamber at 100 degrees below zero for ten hours and the animal emerged alive with a huge appetite. The physician then repeated the test on himself and found his vitality stimulated by the extreme cold, creating an intense appetite comparable to a bracing northern climate.
Government spending rises over seventy seven million in year
Expenditures for the fiscal year total 443 375 387 dollars, up more than 77 500 000 from the prior year. The war and navy departments drive the rise with increases of over 43 000 000 and nearly 24 300 000 respectively, totaling over 67 000 000. Civil, miscellaneous and pensions also rise by 6 100 000 and 6 400 000.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
War and Navy Departments
Navy
Gold whistle and breast-plate mark the dictator’s vanity
The writer mocks the dictator of the Philippines as vain and self-glorifying. He notes the army and navy perform well but warns the dictator may stumble due to inflated self-importance. He is relieved the man did not publicly announce himself with a fog horn.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Philippines
Army
Navy
Isolating America Debate Emphasized by Rev J H Crocker
Rev J H Crocker of Buffalo disputes claims of American isolationism. He argues the United States has long been abroad through education, missions, and cultural influence, shaping the world with peaceful, developmental efforts rather than meddling.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
J. H. Crocker
Buffalo
Contempt for Buffalo Sports Morality Over Boxing Match
The piece denounces Buffalo authorities for opposing the Corbett McCoy boxing match, accusing professional men of hypocrisy for condemning a supposedly scientific, high class event after tolerating earlier local slugging bouts. It argues there is no sense or conscience in the protest.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Buffalo
N. Y
Bridge Collapse Over Des Moines River Traps Coal Train
A 120 foot span of the Mason City & Fort Dodge railroad bridge near Lehigh gave way under a coal train. The engine and four cars plunged forty feet into the river. Engineer White and Fireman Kalde went down with the engine. White was injured but not fatally. Kalde escaped unharmed. The coach remained on the bridge as passengers narrowly escaped.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Doper
Mason City & Fort Dodge
Des Moines
Lehigh
White
Kalde
Fifty second Iowa Regiment Begins Movement to Camp McKinley
Des Moines reports the Fifty second Iowa regiment shipping baggage at Camp Thomas Chickamauga Park and set to move to Camp McKinley today. Governor Shaw has been notified and quarantine may follow the arrival while Major J A Olmsted starts mustering out procedures, expected to take two weeks.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Des Moines
Iowa
Camp Thomas
Chickamauga Park
Camp McKinley
Shaw
J. A. Olmsted
Daily News Enlarged Eight Page Saturday Edition
Des Moines paper returns to eight pages as war time price pressures ease. The Des Moines Daily News offers $1 yearly, 75 cents six months, 50 cents three months, or 25 cents monthly. Judith Jorgenson’s daily letters add value to the bright issue.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Des Moines
Paper
Chicago
Des Moines Daily News
Daily News
Judith Jorgenson
Jumped From a Train While Demented
Miss Ora Garver a young woman traveling from Kansas City to Marshalltown jumped from a Chicago Great Western train at forty miles an hour. She was found two miles west of Baxter in a demented state and seriously injured. Doctors believe a sudden insane episode caused the leap. Miraculous escape noted.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Ina
Ora Garver
Kansas City
Marshalltown
Chicago Great Western
Mills
Miss Garver
Baxter
Two Convicts Hurt in Prison Yard Attack
At Iowa state penitentiary three convicts were at work in the yards when one suffered a sudden lunatic attack and struck two companions with a heavy tool, crushing their skulls. Both men were taken to the hospital and trephined. their condition is serious but officials hope for recovery.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Fort Maprsox
Iowa State Penitentiary
Veteran farmer J. H. Marr fatally injured in buggy accident
August 27 report from New Hamilton notes J. H. Marr an elderly prominent farmer near town threw from his buggy when a vicious colt pulling the buggy escaped. Marr, who was 72 on his birthday, sustained serious injuries with doctors doubtful of recovery.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New Hamilton
Marr
Near Here
More Sick Town Soldiers Arrive Fort Dodge
Twenty one more members of Company G of the Fifty second Iowa reach Fort Dodge from Chickamauga sick with fever. Thirty of the original fifty have been sent home sick. Corporal Webb Rif enbarv, who arrived last week, is dead.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Fort Doper
Iowa
Fort Dodge
Chickamauga
Webb Rifenbarv
Betsy Smith Seeks New Trial Delay in Appeal
Des Moines August 29. Attorneys for Betsy Smith the twice convicted murderer of her husband will likely appeal to the supreme court for a new trial claiming Judge Conrad erred in his jury charge.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Betsy Smith
Des Moines
Supreme Court
Conrad
Morning Sun Man Fatally Run Over by Train
Chiltee of Morning Sun was struck by a Burlington engine near Burketown on August 29 and both legs were severed. Doctors say he will die.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Burketown
Chiltee
Morning Sun
Burlington, Cedar Rapids & Northern Railroad
Lyons Nominated for Congress in Ninth District
Capt. Jas. A. Lyons of Guthrie Center has been nominated by the Democratic convention of the Ninth congressional district on the first ballot.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
J. A Lyons
Congress
Council Bivarrs
Jas. A. Lyons
Guthrie Center
Ninth Congressional District
Beckwiths Welcome Baby Daughter on Furlough Return
Mrs. Jessie Lincoln Beckwith of Mr. Pleasant gives birth to a daughter. War veteran Warren W. Beckwith, son of Robert Lincoln, returns home on furlough after elopement sensational last fall.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Mr. Pleasant
Jessie Lincoln Beckwith
Robert Lincoln
Warren W. Beckwith
Haugen Nominated for Congress in Fourth District
In New Hampton on August 26 the Fourth district Republicans nominated G. N. Haugen of Worth County on the 366th ballot after Updegraff forces shifted support. Blythe led early with 98 votes before Clayton and other counties swung to Haugen, yielding 120 to 98 and an unanimous confirmation.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New Hampton
Fourth Congressional District
G. N. Haugen
Worth County
Congress
Updegraff
James Blythe
Clayton County
Haugen
Fayette
Mitchell
Winneshiek
Worth
Ninth district convention nominates Smith McPherson
The Ninth district congressional convention ended a long deadlock on the 619th ballot and nominated Smith McPherson of Montgomery county. Hager's withdrawal and fusion with Major Curtis's forces led to the McPherson win with 76 4 percent to Byers 35 1/4 percent.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Smith McPherson
Red Oak
Covuncyu
Burris
Montgomery County
Hager
Major Curtis
McPherson
Byers
Triple Tragedy at Russell Claims Wife Daughter and Self
William Newell a Russell clothing merchant shot and killed his wife Madge eight in her bed and then shot his daughter and himself. His wife died in bed from a head wound while the girl died of a heart wound. Newell was shot in the eye and may have been driven by financial worries after mortgaging stock for 500.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Newell
Cnarirox
William Newell
Russell
Madge
Sioux City Officer Wounded in Cuba Battle
Sergeant H. D. McDougall of Troop G First U S Cavalry lies semi unconscious at his sister’s home in Sioux City after four days in the San Juan Ridge engagement. He fought at Guasimas Siboney and was landed in Cuba under Texas and Indiana guns. Fever worsens his wound. officials praise his fighting qualities.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Sioux City
H. D. McDougall
U. S. Cavalry
San Juan Ridge
Cuba
Texas
Indiana
Guasimas
Siboney
Priest Sues Editor for Libel in Federal Court
Father Peter Klos of Chelsea Iowa sues editor August Geringer of the Bohemian Szvernost for $10,000 damages alleging libelous claims that he collected money for the Spanish cause and is a traitor to the country.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
ChicaGco
Peter Klos
Chelsea
August Geringer
Szvernost
Geringer
Robber Attack on August Imhoff in Dyersville
August Im hoff, a leading young merchant of Dyersville, was assaulted by three assailants around 3 a m while returning to his hotel. He suffered a broken knee cap and rib, was robbed of a diamond pin valued at 350 dollars and a substantial amount of money.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Dunver
Imhoff
Dyersville
Death by Peculiar Cause in Boone Leaves Family in Mourning
Mattias Ernst dorf, a long established Boone resident, died after severe bleeding following multiple tooth extractions. Doctors could not stop the hemorrhage as his blood failed to clot. He leaves a wife and four children.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Boone
Mattias Ernstdorf
Page House in Mitchellville Destroyed by Fire
The residence of L. L. Page in eastern Mitchellville burned down with all contents. Loss estimated around 600 dollars. The family was away in Des Moines at the time.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Mitchellville
L. L. Page
Des Moines
Colfax Mineral Water Ad Promotes Pure Drinking Water
An advertisement urges readers to avoid surface water and sewage due to disease and to drink Colfax Mineral Water. The copy cites Colfax Mineral Water Co of Colfax Iowa as the provider.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Colfax Mineral Water
Colfax Mineral Water Co
Colfax
Iowa
Iowa congressman Hull secures order on Fiftieth Iowa deployment
The Fiftieth Iowa will be sent from Jacksonville Florida to Iowa as soon as practicable per War Department order secured by Congressman Hull. Corporal H G Davidson and Musician Milton Miller returned home from Camp Thomas quite sick. only sixteen men answered roll call at one point. Captain Olmsted orders immediate muster out of two artillery batteries at Camp McKinley. 200 officers and men are affected. The Twelfth Signal Corps, from Des Moines under Captain Frank E Lyman, moved to Chickamauga Park and will likely be ordered to Camp McKinley for muster out.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Hull
War Department
Iowa
Jacksonville
Fla
Bancroft
H. G. Davidson
Milton Miller
Camp Thomas
Fifty-second Iowa
Dispatch
Des Moines
Olmsted
Camp McKinley
Twelfth Signal Corps
Frank E. Lyman
Chickamauga Park
Newport News
Chickamauga
Miles Returns to Press a Probe of Santiago Campaign
Washinaron August 27 Major General Miles back in Washington prompts an investigation into the war department campaign against Santiago. A dispute with the department flared over Tampa logistics as Shafter moved to Santiago and Miles sought command. A dispatch authorizing Miles to lead never reached him.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Miles
Santiago
Washinaron
Washington
War Department
United States
Ponce
Tampa
Shafter
McKinley
General Miles
Peace Problems In Washington Prompt Civil Officials Debate
In Was nixetox August 24 the McKinley administration faced heavy criticism as peace issues grew more grave. Officials praised prompt government conduct while accusing Spain of delaying commissions for Cuba and Porto Rico. The president urged counselors to avoid political missteps and pressed for timely, permanent measures to resolve the crisis.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Wasnixetox
Pr McKinley
Inet
Ailitar
Cuba
Por
Spain
Porto Rico
Mad
Army Strength Boost to 100000 Men Favored
Chairman Hull of the house military affairs committee in Washington plans a bill in the coming session to fix defects in the current law and raise the permanent army to a peace footing of 100000 enlisted men. He believes the measure will be enacted.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Full
Wasninoros
the Tribune
Congress
Hull
House Committee On Military Affairs
Washington
Ship Missing Solace Carrying Sailors From Santiago
The Red Cross hospital ship Solace, carrying sick and wounded sailors from Santiago, departed Cuban shores last week and has not sent word since. Fears grow after reported wreckage off Shore Island and potential storm or disaster. Some sailors from Admiral Sampson's fleet were aboard headed for Chelsea naval hospital.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Red Cross
Bostrox
Solace
Santiago
Cuba
Sampson
Naval Hospital
Chelsea
Shore Island
Anarchy Reported in Puerto Rico After Troop Withdrawal
General Stone reports that rural Puerto Rico is in turmoil as guerrillas roam freely after Spanish troops pull back. Irregulars sack and burn a large plantation near Adjuntas as residents fear for safety and seek American protection. Spanish mounted police had previously patrolled the area, and U S forces have not yet assumed leadership.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
the Herald
Porto Rico
Negligence Claim Aboard the Olivette
Dr Phil Reig, surgeon in charge on the Olivette, testifies the ship was in terrible condition on its last trip. He says it carried too many patients, had no medicines for all, and many died of exhaustion after reaching Boston. He blames no one in particular for the loading.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Tempo
Phil. Reig
Boston
Departure From Santiago With Troops to Spain
The Spanish transports San Francisco San Augustina and Colon have sailed for Spain with 4 568 Spanish aboard. Eight died en route. General Toral bid farewell to officers and men saying Conquered we yield with honor to ourselves and that history will remember their heroic deeds in Cuba.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Santiago
Saxtraco
San Francisco
San Augustina
Colon
Spain
Toral
Cuba
John Sherman Stops in Columbus for Brief Visit
Ex Secretary John Sherman halted in Columbus for a few hours en route to Washington. Judge D F Pugh, commander of the Ohio G A R, said he might accept the Republican nomination for governor next year.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
John Sherman
Ohio
Columbus
Washington
D. F. Pugh
Ohio G. A. R
Money for the Soldiers to Manila on Scandia
About 1 million dollars in gold and silver coin was loaded for payment to U S troops in the Philippines. The coin was guarded by a soldier detachment aboard the steamship Scandia bound for Manila.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
San Francisco
Manila
United States
Philippines
Spanish Prisoners Arrive Home
The steamer Alicete arrived in Corunna with Spain’s first repatriated soldiers from Santiago. Enormous crowds gathered on the quays but were kept back to prevent yellow fever exposure.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Corunna
Spain
Alicete
Santiago
Prospectors Fear Alaska Winter Famine Reported
Victoria reports from the City of Seattle indicate prospectors in Alaska fear famine this coming winter as supplies and food run short along the frontier, stirring concern among miners and coastal towns.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Alaska
Victoria
B. C
Seattle
Undertaker John Higgins Fells Dead After Sudden Illness
John Higgins an undertaker from Medicine Lodge Kansas had just lowered a man into a grave when he suddenly collapsed from heart disease. He gasped, fell across the coffin, and died within minutes, becoming a casualty of a fatal illness.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
John Higgins
Medicine Lodge
Kansas
ROW OVER SAMOANS
August 27 news from Wasutxeron reports growing tensions over the Samoan Islands. Germany seeks greater control under the 1990 tripartite protectorate while the United States under a 1878 treaty maintains a naval station at Pago Pago. President McKinley moves to strengthen defenses and protect U S rights in Samoa despite German opposition.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Ancle Sam
Germany
Wasutxeron
Samoan Islands
United States
Great Britain
Pago Pago Harbor
Cleveland
McKinley
Samoa
Europe
Trouble With Turks Massacres Expected in Armenia
Vienna reports mass killings of Armenians are imminent in Turkey. Russia may bear moral responsibility. Forty thousand Armenians who fled to Russia from Asia Minor face expulsion. Kurds and Muslim populations have seized Armenian property, risking a new wave of homelessness as return becomes unlikely.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Vienna
Turkey
Russia
Asia Minor
Aid to Cubans Surpasses Expected Relief Funds
August 26 report notes Congress allocated 50000 dollars for Cuba relief, while the central Cuban relief committee distributed foods medicines and general supplies valued at 318619 dollars. Of this total 172032 dollars came as cash contributions and 146557 dollars as supplies.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
WasuinarTon
Congress
Lee
Cuba
Central Cuban Relief Committee
Admiral Schley Leaves for Washington after Recovery
West Point Conn August 26 Admiral Schley has recovered from his illness and left for New York where he will board the Brooklyn and proceed to Washington.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
West Point
Conn
Schley
New York
Brooklyn
Washington
Hobson Promoted to Naval Constructor
Washington August 29 The naval examining board recommended Assistant Constructor Hobson for promotion to naval constructor.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Hobson
Washington
Naval Examining Board
Brevities from Madrid and Pacific News
Opposition presses resist American claims in the Philippines amid fears Germany Russia and France will oppose annexation. A Manila special notes the expedition led by Major General Otis has arrived from San Francisco. The Monadnock reached Guam and the Ladrone islands discovering a self styled Filipino governor deposed. Captain Whiting captured the usurper and brought him in. Depew cites War Alger on duty and discipline. A Chattanooga Powder plant explosion killed two men and wounded several others, burning the facility.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Madrid
Philippines
Germany
Russia
France
America
Manila
San Francisco
Otis
Guam
Ladrone Islands
Whiting
Monadnock
Chauncey M. Depew
New York City
Alger
Chattanooga
Tenn
Chattanooga Powder Company
Lucius R. Rakin
Horton Mortchke
Czar Urges European Powers to Confer on Armament
The Russian czar, through Emperor Nicholas I’s foreign minister, dispatched a note from St Petersburg urging an international conference to secure peace and curb armaments. He claims the moment is favorable to inaugurate such a movement and invites rulers to participate to ensure lasting disarmament progress.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Czar
St. Petensiune
Nicholas
Conavieff
St. Petersburg
Armanent
It Wrong Ending a Finan Be 8
A fragment from a historical page shows unclear wording and incomplete phrases. The readable items reference financial matters or dated events but lack full context, making precise interpretation difficult.
Merritt to Attend Peace Conference in Philippines Visit
General Merritt will sail on the China to attend the peace conference session in the Philippines. No agreement has been reached with Aquinas faction. rumors persist of an eventual settlement among involved parties.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Philippines
Mantaa
United States
Olympia
Raleigh
Hong Kong
Dewey
Baltimore
Merritt
China
Aquinas
Muin
Situation Critical in Ladrone Islands Amid War Dispatches
August reports indicate a critical situation around the Ladrone islands as negotiations require permission for Span to extend control. Acting Secretary of State confirms state department holds information but officials refuse to disclose details while war department receives advices via Associated Press dispatches.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Ladrow
Washit
Ladrone Islands
Ladrone
Wasnixeton
State Department
Associated Press
Sixteen Sailors Drowned In Fog Near New York
A valla steamer Norge arrived reporting a French fishing schooner Coquefo urday in fog on the Grand The captain and eight men were taken aboard. Sixteen sailors drowned in the incident near New York on August 26.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
New York
South Portland Arrives From St Michael's With Passengers
The South Portland reached port after sailing from St Michael's with passengers aboard. The purser estimated the steamer's total dust value at about $150,000.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
SeaTrie
St. Michael's
Sampson Retains Command at Atlantic Station
The report states Admiral Sampson remains in command of the Atlantic station despite his departure from Wasnmnetrox and August 29. The change is said to be not affecting his authority or duties.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
Sampson
Iowa Patent Office notes and varied items
Report items include patents allowed for J W Newbro and C M Dale on tools and ch holder. copyright granted for abstract of title. insurance plans for London plays. remarks on Krag origin rifle performance. Cochin rooster attack fatal to child in Kratsville Indiana.
MENTIONED IN THIS ARTICLE
United States
Thomas G. Orwie
London
Aly
Kragorgenson
Albert Hani Kratsville
Ind
Also Mentioned on This Page
The
Ames Times
AMES
Long. Hardin, Pub
Forgiveness
Chauncey Depew
Owa
Daily News Enlarged
Farmer
Warren Beckwith
Father
Baga
Wim
Cabinet
Arecibo
Suez Canal
Brazil
South America
Armenia
Gen. Merritt
Fundini
Behi
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