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Newspaper
Ames Intelligencer
Location
Ames, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Oct 25, 1900
Page
8
A collage of testimonials and slogans from era newspapers touts various products and figures. Fotey's Henry cough medicine and DeWitt's salve are praised, while counterfeits warned. Vague editor notes critique fame seeking and moral failings.
Excerpted lines promote Foney's Honey and Tar as a guaranteed cold remedy if taken early. Quotations critique labor dynamics and honesty, while a slogan claims One Minute Cough Drops soothe children.
An advertisement states that manufacturers of Banner Salve authorize the undersigned to guarantee the product for burns cuts sores ulcers eczema and all skin diseases with a money back promise if it fails to perform as claimed by Tilden and Loughran.
Short advertisement praising DeWitts Little Early Risers claiming promptness certainty and efficiency from L M Bosworth with a Life quote about gentlemanship fading across generations.
Ferry’s Kipney Cure claims to guard against Bright's Disease and other kidney and bladder disorders if taken early. Tilden & Loughran advertise the remedy as a preventative and health product.
An advertisement extols DeWitt's Witch Hazel Salve as a quick healer for burns eczema skin diseases and wounds. It warns against counterfeit versions and urges readers to seek the authentic product.
A compact reflection notes that success depends on sustained effort and the consequences of not applying oneself. It contrasts perseverance with neglect, underscoring discipline as the key to achievement.
An old advertisement touts Fotex Henry and Tak for cough relief and healing of affected parts. It also promotes Kodol Dyspepsia Cure claiming it digests all foods and rest for the stomach. The copy ends with a provocative social remark about women and sense.
A humorous Irish memory tale recounts Jerry McCartie staying with a cousin during a planned mansion renovation. The guest’s easy temper and wit provoke the host to warn of marriage changes, prompting Jerry to quip he can endure the future wife if the painters’ smell stays.
A London Express excerpt portrays Honduras as a haven for criminals from many nations. It describes a jungle land ruled by outlaws with corrupt local protection and fears for detectives seeking to intervene.
The Kansas City Journal notes Chinese naming customs for girls and boys. Girls receive demeaning, diminutive labels while boys gain grand, honorable names like Ancestral Piety and Practical Industry. The piece contrasts family counting practices and the cultural bias in child naming.
A Yorkshire yeomanry chief offhand remark sparks a private in Wharfedale to parade with medals he says are from Otley show. The soldier insists the medals are his and replies they were won by his old cop.
Mrs Newman wakes her husband at 3 am fearing a burglar in the parlor. He answers calmly and intends to fetch his revolver, only to be reminded that the pistol is missing because it was tied with ribbons as an ornament under his father’s sword.
Dialogue notes a suitor seeking to marry a daughter and proposing a minister to perform the ceremony. The parents discuss the usual method, framing a simple, formal arrangement. The exchange reflects a practical approach to marriage in a newspaper-voice mock dialogue.
Between Tomsk and Kocznesk lie 66 000 square kilometers of coal lands in western Siberia that have never been touched, exposing vast mineral resources.
A circus balloon artist explains parachutes versus balloons noting that parachutes can be steered to avoid dangers and land softly while balloons lack steering. The descent begins after a 100 foot drop and ends with a pop as the parachute fills and guides the flyer to a safe landing, often back on the circus lot.
A timid 14 year old enters a Front Street shipping office asking to be a boss. He insists he will work hard to rise to the top, hoping to run the establishment before his side whiskers grow gray, a tale from the New York Times.
A renowned artist recalls his first academy picture admired by many visitors. The frame maker, praising the work, reveals he meant the frame and its beauty rather than the painting. The humor lies in the misinterpretation that frames outshine the artwork itself.
A country minister noted for a defective pulpit delivery sits with Miss Kennedy. He observes the tea pot spout is blocked and remarks the teapot does not run well. Miss Kennedy retorts that he is much the same with an poor delivery and a sharp reply.
A collection of quips from town papers including Mrs Moddlin remarking on her husband’s illness after a night out and Uncle Ephe noting that strong lungs do not prove intelligence. The Colorado Springs Gazette and Philadelphia Gazette items echo wit about behavior and sanity.
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