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Newspaper
Ames Intelligencer
Location
Ames, Iowa, United States of America
Date
Apr 01, 1886
Page
1
A jumble of playful lines and wordplay runs through a garbled verse about common sayings and silly comparisons. It features ditsy phrases on topics from cows and horses to ink and skating rinks, ending with a stream of nonsense syllables.
Miss Latour narrates a lively Christmas party with twelve children including John Benton who arrives in secret attire. The night turns tense when a burglar enters via the window but Benton is revealed as one of the thieves pursued by Will and their father. Stella’s singing lightens the danger as Benton suffers a hand injury and declares his affection with a playful proposal at the end.
A horticultural note advises selecting lilies before full expansion for indoor display to avoid pollen and damage. For local use, choose buds beginning to open. for long distances, harvest buds fully grown but unopened, cut with long stalks, and place in water or wrap damp moss to preserve condition en route.
Al Sproule, a well known Chicago entertainer, visited a tiny Michigan town for a dance. He invited the shy girl who had waited all evening, asked to dance in the next set, and the pair danced together for the rest of the night, as described by the Merchant Traveler.
A University of Texas student finds no watch pocket in a tailor made vest after a pattern vest with a pawn ticket. The cobbler replies he kept the pawn ticket and saw no use for a pocket. In Cobb County a preacher makes each member repay his salary by labor when funds run short. The man who lost heavily in the election quips Bets and I are out.
A Kentucky Belle on love and silence contrasts with Julian Hawthorne on women's rights. The tale shows three maidens loving a King. the silent one loves most, yet is unspoken. In other items a gas meter joke and prom night quarrel add humor and local bite.
Excerpts from Julian Hawthorne’s latest novel satire a proposal that Woman's Rights would ruin love and marriage. The dialogue mocks gender equality by contrasting a café exchange with his speculated stance on home life and female influence.
A lady correspondent offers dated hints on proposing. She warns against proposing to a woman with recent suitors or engagements and suggests timing matters. The piece cites advice that evening declarations have better odds, while homes and afternoons are deemed unsuitable.
The Indianapolis Sentinel discusses love's joys and dangers, then shifts to race and lineage, arguing Pelasgic roots for Italian and Celtic and Norsk traits in Greece, Europe, and North Africa. It traces how conquering peoples blend with natives, noting American settlement alters indigenous stocks.
A narrator argues love making is an art and success depends on cultivation. He urges clean linen clean teeth proper dress and persuasive talk as keys to winning a woman. He cites a Cleveland girl who valued hand squeezing and notes jealousy as proof of true love.
A seaside country church quarrel arose when an inebriated old man raised a blue cotton umbrella as rain fell. The pastor replied with humor, ordering the man outside but leaving the umbrella inside for the sisters to use, as reported by Reidsville Weekly.
Prof Lyon Playfair cites the shift from tinder boxes to lucifer matches as a prime example of science boosting national wealth. He traces fire making from ancient devices through Bechtel and Brandt to modern safety matches, quantifying time saved and yearly cost reductions.
A long critique of the proverb about having many irons in the fire. It praises energetic, busy workers who take on diverse tasks and warns against narrow prudence. Examples include a woodpecker caching acorns and Red Jacket’s retort on time, reflecting on foresight and industriousness.
The Boston post office uses a cancel with horizontal bars resembling music lines. A writer explains this format cancels many stamps at once to return rejected manuscripts, a clever device praised as practical and inventive.
A French instrument named the cylindrograph now takes panoramic photos for military surveys. It uses a semi circular cylinder with a central lens on a movable axis and a flexible dark slide. The lens shifts across the landscape to capture wide views.
In New York some of the young women of means and leisure are taking fencing lessons. The art, Molire’s remark aside, emphasizes touch and avoidance of being touched as a skill.
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