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Newspaper
Alpine Avalanche
Location
Alpine, Texas, United States of America
Date
Jun 24, 1904
Page
3
A Manchester preacher laments Britain's expenditure of 3,000,000 pounds yearly on diamonds. He argues the stone is tied to crime and vice in many classes. A French correspondent notes Credit Lyonnais first to hire women and now employs 1,000 lady clerks.
A collage of brief items includes medical testimonials for Mrs Winslow's soothing syrup, notes on burial funding in Swiss cantons, a claim of Piso Cure rating for throat and lung ailments, a London court fine for wearing a crest, Defiance Starch marketing, licorice root trade in Smyrna, a marriage beneficiary order, a quip about premier salaries, and aphorisms on bed rest, judgment, and good intentions.
In a Stray Stories vignette a man nicknamed Charlie Pinchback gives a ring to Tilda Rickrack that proves too small. He suggests she diet to fit the band, prompting gossip about their engagement and the couple’s reaction.
In a terse exchange, a distressed girl pleads with grandma to replace their mother with another. The dialogue implies a swap for a lookalike, while a rescuer boasts of being able to run for help and save a life. The text blends eerie parental absence with a sudden dash of urgency.
A master plumber, now rich, sails abroad for health. A whale sighting delights him as he mutters with glee. Passengers wonder at his happiness and the captain hints he sees each spout as a water pipe to be fixed at his former rates.
Mrs Smithers wonders at Bryant's lyric melancholy. She notes that in Bryant's era women did fall housecleaning, implying seasonal mood tied to autumn tasks and changing days.
In a restrained exchange, Miss Spooner's father informs a young man that he closes the house and turns out the lights by ten. Jack Nervy volunteers to handle the closing tonight, offering to take care of the task.
A fragment shows Miss Q. Ery-Who and Willie B. Oston in a dialogue about tea requests and parental intent. The exchange frames a self evident truth about being a victim of a mother's good intentions, with a playful confrontational tone.
A councilman engages in a humorous exchange with a reporter about printing his remarks. The reporter confirms only parts of the speech will be published, not the full text, prompting light banter on coverage.
Witty remark from a man named Henry about his next house lacking woodwork. He jokes the reason for building with no wood is to avoid messy cooking disputes at home as his wife laments time spent washing woodwork after poor dinners.
A compilation of varied statements: U S paper usage in New York and national production, Dr Reich on the scarcity of distinguished American women in art and letters versus Europe, medieval sea serpent lore by Olaus Magnus, and a German professor’s note on inconsistent magnetic deflection across central Russia.
Delos Hutchins of Sonoma Michigan describes severe rheumatism from Union service in Louisiana. After twenty five years of misery a pharmacist recommended Dodd's Kidney Pills. He reports partial relief after two boxes, full improvement after using more, and asserts the pills cured his rheumatism.
Treasure hunting becomes the Islanders principal occupation as they dig among Mont Pelee ruins day and night seeking gold and valuables after the eruption.
An old advertisement touts Haejis Catarrh Cure as a universal remedy, claiming internal action on blood and mucous surfaces to address catarrh and strengthen constitution. It offers a $100 reward for any case it cannot cure and invites testimonials from users.
Advertising copy asserts Defiance Starch gives more lasting stiffness and better bread results than competing brands. It promises one third more value for the money and urges consumers to choose Defiance Starch for longer lasting quality.
A quoted remark compares vanity and ability across genders, suggesting flattery works for men by praising their genius in business. The line implies social norms that praise intellect over appearance and uses a sharp, concise witticism about recognition in commerce.
Opinion on Defiance Cold Water Starch offers 16 oz for 10 cents, surpassing 12 oz rivals. Mentions Sycamore wood from Gizeh statue aged nearly 6,000 years. Also notes pedigreed Poland China hogs at 12.50 each. Includes observations on Mediterranean depth, River Tinto hardening sands, and fish in its waters.
The item mentions Dickey's Eye-water for sore eyes and notes green flowers are rare in nature. It cites the ixia plant with many varieties and its discovery by Schomberg in South Africa. Includes a notice for Shannon Biow Pipe and Tank Factory in Houston offering sheet metal work and pricing, and a speculative claim about Australia's capacity to support 100,000,000 inhabitants.
A brief editorial notes the masculine ideal of an intellectual woman as thin as a match and wearing glasses, critiquing fashioning intellect into a stereotype within society.
Grocers report they do not stock Defiance Starch in 12 oz. they hold 16 oz packages for current customers who have previously bought the larger size. They refuse to sell the smaller pack to those who already use the 16 oz and may be unwilling to switch.
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