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Newspaper
Alpine Avalanche
Location
Alpine, Texas, United States of America
Date
Aug 26, 1904
Page
3
A collection of wry quips and moral observations on life, language, and human folly. The snippets jest about editors, assistants, advertising, superstition, and everyday conduct with a satirical tone. It lampoons vanity, ignorance, and social foibles through brief aphorisms.
A description of towering cumulus clouds eight miles high with flat dark bases and sunlit summits. The piece explains the drastic temperature changes inside these clouds, their frozen belts, and how hailstones form by repeatedly passing through successive cloud strata before reaching the earth.
A Normal Illinois stock dealer recounts years of kidney pain that kept him from sleep or riding, then credits three boxes of Dean's Kidney Pills with curing him. The ad promotes Foster Milburn Co. as the trial offer source, and notes Defiance Cold Water Starch claims and a jab at overhyped greatness.
A whimsical natural history portrait calls the skate a bottom fish flat as a flounder. It notes a triangular body with an apex at the snout, a tail with spines, two eyes behind the snout, holes through the body near the eyes, and a mouth on the underside functioning like an automatic trap when the jaw moves.
Rev H H Hatch of Friarpoint Mississippi reports 26 years of bladder and kidney trouble cured by Dodd's Kidney Pills. He claims no other remedy helped until using the pills and says they banished pain and restored health. He asserts the pills always cure kidney related issues and Bright's Disease.
London city population analysis shows one in 2000 homeless according to a London county council medical officer report cited by a New York Medical Record writer. A census of those unable to pay for lodging found many slept outdoors or in open doorways and tenement recesses. that night 6,000 lodging beds were vacant.
A compact reflective line stating that making creation more fruitful and humanity wiser is godlike work. The message envisions elevating hearts toward happiness blessing people and reducing curse through constructive effort.
The French consul at Catayla rhapsodizes bamboo as an ideal scaffold material boasting strong resistance and rot resistance. He notes bamboo improves with age and hints at reforming trusts by forming inner circles.
A Houston trunk factory advertises durable trunks and valises with an illustrated catalogue. It lists women's white canvas oxfords for $1.60 postage paid and promotes satisfaction guaranteed. An address at 504 Main St Houston is provided.
A collage of 19th century ad copy and moral slogans quotes various products and sayings. Notes mention Lightning Oil as a cure for injuries and aches, Defiance Starch advertising its superiority, Mrs. Winslow's Soothing Syrup for teething, and Dickey's Fye-water for eyes. Also included are unrelated lines about identification casts for prisoners and moral maxims.
English workhouse receives new rat traps using two mirrors to lure rodents toward water and drown themselves, a curious device described in the report. The item highlights peculiar pest control methods used in poorhouse settings.
The column surveys varied topics from consumer brands and starch to rodent control with peppermint oil. It notes steel replacing hemp for ships ropes and compares hygiene education in Japan to Prussia. It mentions Milan cathedral’s facade renovation planned after Napoleon’s rushed 1818 completion.
A Houston based agency proclaims the largest force of competent detectives in the South and invites calls. A wry note references marital strain as the bride begins to question. The third line notes the Moorish origin of the first genuine mechanism, the clock.
A reader from Jonesville Louisiana sends a money order for one dollar asking to exchange its value for Simmons Liver Purifier in tin boxes. The note cites thirty years of use and requests delivery. price listed as 25 cents per box.
Advertises Mother Gray a nurse at a New York Children’s Home claiming to cure Summer Complaint Feverishness Headache Stomach Troubles Teething Disorders and destroy worms. Sold by druggists for 25c with sample mailed to Allen S Olmsted Le Roy New York. Oven the weather man must admit he has seen better days.
Milwaukee reader Mrs. M Brickner reports headaches back pain and dizziness improved after Peruna. The ad asserts female catarrh is caused by catarrh of any organ and urges writing Dr Hartman for free advice from The Hartman Sanitarium Columbus U S.
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