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Newspaper
Advance Hustler
Location
Advance, Indiana, United States of America
Date
Mar 21, 1912
Page
2
A satirical survey cites fashion trends for spring in Indiana and jokes about fowl numbers, sea fireproofing, box office seats, and gullible dictatorships. It riffs on Krupp guns, dollar life, Ecuadorian lynchings, weather accuracy, aviator records, and New York’s changing face. It riffs on diamonds, trusts, duke of Connaught, wordless theatre, a 15 year old father, royal dances, and wireless checkers.
A Chicago girl sues for breach of promise seeking 50000 after her swain asks her fifty times to marry. Justice Gerard notes lawyers jailed, not escaped. Various satirical items about suffrage, jailbreaks, leaded turkeys, and Greek and Latin linguistic quirks surface in this lively column.
Dialogue shows Mr Naggitt remarking it was lucky Jonah had no wife as Mrs Naggitt questions why she would not accept his long absence as an excuse. The exchange highlights a humorous domestic misunderstanding.
New York Mayor Gaynor reiterates opposition to woman suffrage saying women have their place and men theirs. He cites a Lady Holland anecdote about cabinet posts, noting the idea of a man whose wife opens all his letters would prevent him from joining a cabinet.
Advertises Murine Eye Remedy as a quick relief for red weak and watery eyes with a claim of oculist compounding and use in medical practice. Sold by druggists at 26 cents, Marine Eye Salve packaged in aseptic tubs from Marine Eye Remedy Co Chicago.
In Chicago the late A. Tennyson Dickens denounces the Tripoli conflict. He rails against slavery’s abolition while accusing powers of exploiting a people by colonizing and taxing them to near servitude.
Advertises Cole’s Carbolisal salve claiming rapid healing of burns and wounds with no scarring. Priced at 25 cents and tracks to druggists. Free sample offered by J. W. Cole & Co. of Black River Falls Wisconsin.
His View describes Spain with a mix of romance and rough spots. The motorist notes dramatic mountain routes but says the roads are generally passable for travelers.
The ad promotes Bromo Quinine Laxative as a universal cold cure used worldwide. It urges readers to seek BE. W. Grove’s signature and highlights a 25 cent price for the product.
A choppy snippet blends a moral maxim by F. W. Robertson with an 19th century patent medicine pitch for Dr. Pierce's Pellets claiming to regulate stomach liver and bowels. The text contrasts discomfort in dry goods stores and tobacco shops.
An advertisement extols Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna as a safe, gentle, cleansing laxative for ladies and children. It highlights its health benefits, warns of impostors, and urges buyers to ensure the full company name California Fig Syrup Co on packaging. Sold by major druggists at 50 cents per bottle.
James Wilson known as Jimmy hosts a volatile gathering at his wife Bella Knowles home as Aunt Selina arrives for a visit. A smallpox quarantine is declared after a rash appears and a card on the door signals a lockdown. Harbison confronts Kit and Bella amid preparations and rumors while Aunt Selina’s presence worsens tensions.
A fragmented scene shows Liberty as a towering bronze figure mocked by a crowd. Poking at the protest, speakers denounce license and demand respect for decorum. A separate urban anecdote mocks paternalism in New York groceries and household budgets.
In a tense scene on a roof, Miss Caruthers confesses the truth about the alleged Mrs Wilson. Jim Harbison confronts the deception, questions the affair, and leaves in silence. The revelation unsettles the group and unsettles Jim, who seeks quiet after the confrontation.
Leila Mercer finds a forgotten box of bonbons and shares them with Aunt Selina and others. Mr. Harbison tests the telephone in the tower hall while Bella makes a timid downstairs entrance, drawing quiet attention from the group. Max sits with the narrator on the stairs.
During late summer screens gather dust. Do not store dusty screens or wash them wet. dry carefully to prevent rust. Use kerosene with a paint brush to clean screens and protect against rust more effectively than water.
Life advice line urges focus on small savings to secure larger wealth. Quoted line emphasizes steady budgeting as a path to financial stability and future inheritance.
An advertisement offers a free kidney remedy recipe from Dr. A. E. Robinson in Detroit Michigan. It claims to relieve urinary and kidney troubles, backache, and swelling within weeks and invites readers to request a copy by mail. The pitch emphasizes ease of use and home treatment with “pure, harmless” ingredients and no cost.
In a heated exchange, Bessie claims her husband pinched by his wife whenever money is demanded. Bert counters that many men have faced similar pinches for money, downplaying his friend’s role.
An advertisement mocks bluing practices and water adulteration while promoting Red Cross Ball Blue sold in glass bottles. It notes a 5 cent large package and ends with a vaudeville quip. A child teething remedy by Mrs Winslow is pitched at 25 cents a bottle.
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