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This newspaper page contains 34 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Advance Hustler
Location
Advance, Indiana, United States of America
Date
Jan 03, 1908
Page
8
An old lady aboard a New Orleans bound steamship asks a gentleman how far the nearest land is. He replies two miles. She looks around and asks where it is. He answers straight down, leaving her puzzled aboard the gulf voyage.
Levi P. Brockway of Apoka Minnesota spent five months in a hospital before doctors declared him incurable and gave six months to live. He says his heart, lungs, sight, and kidneys were failing, but after using JoHana’s Kidney Pills his condition improved noticeably and he feels well. Sold by Foster Milburn Co Buffalo NY for 50 cents a box.
A brief quote from Harper's Weekly discusses Rowell as a poor observer and suggests he might be unaware of a fire while it burns. The exchange punningly implies neglect or ignorance of danger.
The event described as old fashioned featured a reception with surprisingly good refreshments. Attendee remarks confirm the servings were notably tasty and well received.
Mrs Eliza A Wiley reports eleven years of eczema on hands with cracked bleeding skin and a lost nail. She tried three doctors and many remedies before using Cuticura Soap Ointment and Resolvent. After one cake of Soap and half a box of Ointment the condition cured. she recommends Cuticura to sufferers. October 18 1906.
An excerpt notes Mrs Austin's Famous Pancakes as a hearty wholesome breakfast option. It cites a traveler quote about heat under the equator and a humorous remark on natives keeping hens in ice chests to prevent eggs from boiling.
An advertisement promises cure of various forms of piles in six to fourteen days with PAZO Ointment, or a full refund. The claim targets Trebing, Blind, Protruding piles and similar conditions.
A chaotic exchange erupts in the dungeon scene as a character declares anger while a gallery voice chides that paying patrons are more furious. The Catholic Standard and Times reports the heated moment.
Mrs Nupop-Paby fears a serious illness after a sleepless night while her baby shows little movement since sleeping for three hours. Her mother asks why distress persists, noting the infant’s prolonged quiet.
A humorous quip attributed to Meggendorfer Blatter notes an absent minded professor who repeatedly forgets a handkerchief and resolves the habit by tying a knot in his own. The playful line reflects lighthearted domestic wit.
A citywide police focus on knockout drops used to rob victims in bars, poker rooms, and street corners. Reports describe morphine and chloral hydrate as tools for criminals, with cases ranging from drunken losses to fatal overdoses and staged robberies by both genders across the levee district and rural towns.
A Century magazine anecdote recalls a Confederate veteran admitting regret over the failed bid for a separate nation. Another general dismissed that view as typical of a lifelong failure, highlighting enduring stubbornness and complexity in wartime loyalties.
Egotistical talk shows two buyers discussing a donkey for sale. Green pitches a dependable animal while Brown notes a recent purchase and hints at future needs. The exchange emphasizes value and timing in a casual marketplace vibe.
A Chicago Post excerpt shows Mrs. Clancy denying any trouble amid a dispute with her husband. The neighbor comments on Clancy’s steadiness, while she retorts that the real source of trouble lay with Clancy himself.
A discussion on how a wife suppresses personal emotions and outspoken opinions after marriage. The piece argues public display of wedding or home life is common, and a wife maintains harmony by self restraint. It notes compromises with husband, children, and in-law flaws, claiming lasting happiness comes from long self-effacement and balance in shared life.
A young artist shows his maiden painting to Mr. Whistler and asks if it is tolerable. Whistler replies with a wry comparison, asking what one thinks of a tolerable egg, highlighting a witty standard of judgment.
A quip contrasts advances like wireless telegraphy and smokeless powder with the lack of smokeless cigars. Mrs Fidgety notes men do not push to invent such a product, reflecting humorous social commentary of the era.
A stout Englishwoman says American climate boosts boys’ brains and quickness, citing Yorkshire and New England/Ohio births. Her husband notes American boys show more cheek and talk, but less deference to fathers, while English boys once showed pride in their father as clever and brave.
A dialog from the Philadelphia Press features a joke about opportunity as a feminine caller. The optimist notes opportunity knocks once at every door while the pessimist adds that she contacts only when you’re out, ending that chance.
A New York Press column explains that a future world champion would benefit by studying anatomy. It notes that a blow to the temples can instantly KO a fighter, while a strike to the lower jaw near the ear can be devastating due to the temporal muscle linking jaw to temple.
One hundred dollars reward offered for any catarrh case cured by Hall's Catarrh Cure. Firm F J Cheney Co Toledo and partners Wapping Kingston Marvin swear to Cheney's integrity. Cure taken internally, acts on blood and mucous surfaces. Testimonials free, 75 cents per bottle. Sold by all Druggists. Jayne Take Halts Family Pills for constipation.
In a Glasgow News item a child asks if fairy tales always start with Once upon a time. The mother replies that tales may begin with I have been detained at the office again tonight, offering a humorous urban twist.
A Detroit Free Press sermon notes financial troubles and urges readers not to overlook the plate during a tight money market. It calls brethren to faith and steady giving despite economic pressure.
An old advertisement touts Laxative Bromo Quinine as a universal cold cure in one day, priced at 25 cents, and mentions the signature of E. W. Grove. The copy claims worldwide use and single-day relief.
A short notice praises Mrs Austin's pancakes as appetizing and easy to try and notes they baked many items in one day, suggesting a bakery or breakfast endorsement in a Harper's Bazaar style. The item frames a light, promotional tone with a nod to a cook's work.
A snippet presents a riddle style query from Congreve about a prayer book and marriage counts. It notes four better four worse four richer four poorer totaling sixteen and jokes that Adam and Eve did when expelled from Eden.
Dr. Evans, a witty Melbourne Parliament figure, is teased as living in Queen Anne's era. When reminded of Queen Anne, he replies that he knew her and that the scholar is contemporary with all time.
The Circassians in the Caucasus train daughters to be sold as slaves to Turks and Persians, preferring plunder over industry, so Circassian beauties often end up in Orient harems.
A wife hammers her husband for staying out late at a literary club. He recalls reciting lines about wash and chips in a playful, nostalgic jab that echoes a Baltimore American quip.
A magistrate questions a woman connected to a street brawl about age. The woman refuses to reveal hers, noting she is five years younger than the other party involved who had her pinched. The magistrate presses for the age of the other woman.
A star protests advertisements on the scenery while the manager defends them as creating a realistic meadow setting. The exchange highlights tension between artistic illusion and commercial presentation in theatre.
A New York Sun note contrasts charity and reception in a brief quip about generosity, with a jab at a bank receiver. The playful aphorism reflects social commentary in compact, period-voiced style.
In a fable-like scene, Daniel speaks to lions at the den door, naming three toasts The Ladies Bless Them The Newspapers Damn E mad E m The King or United Israel, causing the beasts to lose their appetite. The episode, quipping on rhetoric, ends with the lions refusing supper.
A nurse brings a baby brother to a mother and asks Bobbie if she wants to meet the child. Bobbie replies she wants to see the angel rather than the newborn.
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