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This newspaper page contains 43 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Russell Banner
Location
Russell, Manitoba, Canada
Date
Sep 18, 1913
Page
11
A famed mathematician staying in a small English town hotel encounters a prank by doctors claiming they will kidnap him for his brain. He replies that he will go on without brains, just as the doctors do when judging intellect, turning the joke on them.
Describes relief from asthma using Dr J D Kelloggs Asthma Remedy. Highlights that sufferers face unpredictable attacks and that the remedy provides immediate help, enabling a return to normal life.
A pedestrian waits at a busy intersection as a car, a motorcycle, a drerry, and a taxicab converge. A runaway aeroplane descends overhead. He grabs a manhole cover and drops into a tunnel, only to be struck by an oncoming tube train.
A boy who whistles the Lovesick Sparrow Waltz impresses onlookers with perfect memory for tunes. Locals predict he will become a renowned comic opera composer and eventually fortune.
In a comic domestic moment Bessie tells Mabel she has quarreled with Harry and must send back his ring but cannot recall which one is his. The pair discuss the awkward dilemma and the misplaced memory.
W H Rowley president of the E B Eddy Company with 25 plus Canadian branches reports stronger business in 1913 than 1912. Sales rise due to higher consumption though profits shrink from higher material costs and wages. Demand now steady as wholesalers stock levels recover, with orders marked rush and swift delivery expected to push prices higher later. Toronto World.
A spring repaint of a shop prompts the old shopkeeper to spare a corner for courting youths. The painter argues fresh paint smells, but the shopkeeper replies that lovers know wet paint smells like violets and roses.
Captain F. R. Desjardin of the vessel Storke at Kamouraska endorses Minard's Liniment, stating it is unequal for everyday ills and accidents and would be carried on voyages even at a high price.
On his dying bed a man asks his son for the latest score. The boy replies the home team muffed a fly, and the old man bids him tell no more, then dies.
A young colored man applied for work at a country livery stable and was hired to grease buggy axles. After claiming to finish swiftly, he reveals he only greased the two front wheels while the rear wheels remained untouched, arguing the front wheels being fine meant the back would naturally follow.
An American tourist touring England is guided aboard the battleship Victory by an English sailor at a brass tablet marking where Lord Nelson fell. The American quips that he nearly tripped over the "darned thing" himself, adding a light note to the historic site visit.
A humorous exchange shows a professor returning from his club with an umbrella held up to his wife. He insists he forgot his umbrella, while she points out he left it at Lome, implying a misplaced item and domestic banter.
A Lady Visitor comments on a new girl who appears very quiet and unobtrusive. The Mistress confirms the impression noting she does not disturb the dust while cleaning the room.
A grandfather scolds his grandson in a letter urging better results next term after a poor exam record. The boy retorts that he was never last, claiming he topped time tests, illustrating a humorous exchange about academics and pride.
Readable passages describe arenas with deep water assets and mills capable of freighting, a twenty year cutting period with two more for construction, price adjustments at five year marks for lumber shifts, and a US survey of Palawan’s navigable river tunnel with large stalactite chambers. Paris hosts a thriving Chinese settlement with a hotel housing fifty three Chinese in five rooms, where men court and women and children sell goods across the city.
Dominion poultry farms inspector Fred E. Elford urged farmers to expand poultry in prairie provinces. He noted government experimental farms planned, winter hardiness of chickens, cotton frontage sufficient in cold Saskatchewan, and American cross breeds with Plymouth Rock and Red Wyandotte as best suited. Turkeys raised artificially had no losses, and collie dogs can deter prairie wolves.
A mother retrieves her daughter from a planned festival after the girl’s naughtiness. The mother asks if the hostess was told of the misbehavior. The daughter replies she simply said the girl had gone to a better party, avoiding details.
Patsy and Tom were near a beehive and an onion bed when Tom was stung on the wrist. Patsy claimed to always tell him to suck a sting and rub onion juice in. A bee then crawled to Patsy’s neck and Tom urged him to suck it and apply onion juice after a cry of pain.
A historical list shows varying lifespans across animals. Crocodile and carp reach about 300 years, elephants and whales around 200, falcons 159, parrots and eagles about 100, lions and rhinoceroses 60, geese pikes pelicans 59, hart and vulture 40, ass bulls camels 30, horse 25, peacock 24–25, pig bears cows pigeons cats dogs deer wolves freshwater lobsters 20, ducks nightingales larks foxes pheasants 15, canaries crickets, 10, rabbits 10, and hares and squirrels 7 years.
A fragmentary verse scene presents The Maiden's Prayer and a male plea for aid as a kiss is snatched. A footstep on the stairs prompts a pained cry The Lord help you The maiden sighs.
A boastful guest bets he can stay in a corner while a quiet man urges him out. The challenger resists, but five minutes pass and the quiet man calmly asserts influence and seats himself comfortably. After a week’s wait, the clever man finally concedes and steps out.
An ad touts Dr Thomas Eclectric Oil as a faithful remedy for all men including soldiers fishermen lumbermen and outdoorsmen. It claims to ease pain relieve colds dress wounds subdue lumbago and overcome rheumatism making it a staple for home medicine and travel.
An only child Ralph, amused by guests, tries to recreate a joke from the previous night. He asks dad what the other smart remark was, seizing on a moment of attention at the family gathering.
Dialogue shows a domestic scene with a mistress and cook debating guilt. The dustmen are accused humorously of finding thray knolves in the dustbin, suggesting a comical misunderstanding of theft or lost items and a light, period tone.
An acquaintance asks a young man why he is sad after his aunt dies. He reveals he caused her to be placed in a lunatic asylum for the last five years of her life. Now he must prove she was of sound mind to claim her money.
Miss Verner laments missing the first act as her mother delays, while Mr Slowman snaps at the delay. George is startled by her blushing reply and the moment tightens the social tension in the scene.
Willie replies to the teacher that sufficient and enough differ by perspective. He says sufficient means mama thinks he has eaten enough pie, while enough is when he believes he has eaten sufficient.
A teacher notes that some adjectives are formed from nouns as danger becoming dangerous and hazard becoming hazardous. A student named as the fat pie at the end of the form responds with pious, full of pie, illustrating another example.
In a comic moment the groom asks his father for help after admitting he changed clothes in haste and left money in his other pants. He whispers that he is a plumber and will fix the gas meter to show only forty percent, aiming to avoid higher charges.
A young man who escorted a debutante to dinner discusses etchings while she playfully resists his romance, suggesting a jelly instead as the clock signals lateness. Her frank glance and gentle refusals set a cautious mood for their budding attraction.
Brown questions his wife about coming home late. Jones replies she said nothing and sits to play the hymn Tell me the Old Old Story on the piano.
A jab about a worker’s tool becomes a call for self reliance as a suggestion to attach a motor and perform the task alone. The remark implies a hands on approach and independence in completing a job.
Mark Twain sits beside two boastful youths in a restaurant. One orders and tells the waiter to tell the cook whom it is for, while the other adds to whisper his name. Twain loudly asks for a dozen oysters and to whisper his name to each.
The remark distinguishes utility from active deployment, noting that something may be capable yet not applied. It suggests scrutiny of motive and context determines value, urging practical use over mere potential.
At a breakfast, the chairman offered a silk hat to any member who could truthfully claim never to have kissed another woman in marriage. No one stood, and George confessed he would have but he looks terrible in a silk hat.
A chaotic household scene unfolds as a tray of crockery shatters down the dining-room stairs. The husband and wife stare, then the mistress rushes out calling for Jane who calmly explains the mess is only the dinner things, noting she hadn’t washed them yet.
A chaotic backstage scene unfolds as actors rush about amid alarm and shouting. The manager orders the curtain raised to mask a backstage fire and preserve the audience illusion of an opening chorus.
Richard Mansfield, noted for his sparse hair, endures a teasing remark from a friend who jokes about his thinning. The actor replies with a wry, humorous deflection, saying his daily prayer is that the thinning will continue.
A lawyer boasts about acquitting himself in a trial while a friend laments that his client did not receive similar effort. The exchange hints at professional pride and perceived advocacy gaps without additional context.
The wry remark notes couples who wed quickly then soon regret, echoing the proverb that haste makes waste. It hints at impulsive unions ending in swift reconsideration and renewed caution.
A terse hotel exchange reveals a summer romance behind the station, with a joking acknowledgment that a prior flirtation involved a bus driver during arrival. The pair momentarily share a playful banter about who has loved whom first this season.
A narrator recalls a tense chase as wolves closed in on the group. The person describes the howling piercing to the marrow and the fear of being overtaken by the ravenous pack. The moment ends with the woman's sigh of relief as the wolves remained at muzzles’ distance.
A brief note observes that some individuals are anxious yet cheered by others, making it hard to discourage the habit. The tone suggests reluctant pity toward those who hesitate to change despite encouragement.
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