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This newspaper page contains 13 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Russell Banner
Location
Russell, Manitoba, Canada
Date
Oct 31, 1912
Page
3
In a Washington tale from the era of Roosevelt primaries Colonel Hoosevelt reaches heaven’s gates and is greeted by St Peter. A batch of singers is planned with fifty thousand tenors and contraltos plus sopranos, then Roosevelt jokes about singing bass.
An Army officer recalls a witty exchange with a military secretary in Government House Bombay. The young subaltern humorously comments that the governor grants him three, not two, fingers to shake. The piece also touts Holloway's Corn Cure for corn and wart relief.
Frank H. Hitchcock the postmaster general visits a railway mail service car at Union Station Washington and is ousted by a burly clerk who says orders require keeping strangers out of these cars. The incident highlights security rules protecting mail handling procedures.
The exchange explores human nature and sympathy for the underdog. Muggins argues sympathy is natural, while Buggins agrees noting hope for the underdog to prevail.
A man credits Grape-Nuts with relieving dyspepsia and nervous symptoms after years of poor breakfast habits. He reports weight gain, restored appetite, absence of heaviness after meals, and elimination of morning sickness, noting he avoided coffee for five weeks. The claim cites Canadian Postum Co. Windsor, Ont. and references The Road to Wellville.
A royal dialogue reveals a chef asked to cook game in Ireland. The king’s inquiry about serving a mew leads to a claim that Ireland uses a soup of a boy as a common expression, prompting surprise at the notion.
A jumbled OCR passage advertises Cheney and Co. Toledo druggists and a testimonial claim, mentions asthma remedy from Dr J D Kellogg with reader letters praising results, and includes a village anecdote about a man and a woman with the shouted punch line Got her.
A letter from Mrs Walsh of Pictou Nova Scotia describes kidney back pain dropsy and paralysis prior to Dr Chase's Kidney Liver Pills. After two boxes she could sit up then with three more boxes regained health and does housework. Husband Mr Thos Walsh endorses the remedy and cites price one pill a dose twenty five cents per box at Edmanson Bates Co Limited Toronto dealers.
An Ohio father borrows scales to weigh his newborn son as a rag dealer overhears shouting for items. The nurse says six pounds, while the father suspects ten pounds. A separate note mentions Mr Touche of North Islington setting a wordy House of Commons record on college training for head teachers. Sea water and copper sheathing relate to silver content. Artists may sell copies of gallery pictures.
A dazed young man, sweating and fidgeting, stumbles through a speech while seated beside Joseph G. Cannon. He erupts with grand ideas before being interrupted by Uncle Joe who chides him to sit down. The moment ends abruptly as the speech collapses into a digression.
A collection of courtroom and military anecdotes featuring George Clarke the minstrel answering sharp questions with wit. A lawyer’s trap backfires as Clarke reveals his father was a lawyer, provoking laughter and a soldier’s drill turns into a comic misunderstanding with Private Murphy.
A British imperial trade assessment notes that more than three quarters of empire commerce is with foreign markets, leaving the remainder for inter imperial exchanges. This underscores the empire's global economic orientation and reliance on external partners.
An inquiry into a breach of promise suit reveals the plaintiff recalling the defendant's marriage proposal as not serious and made in the wash house, with the scene described amid laughter and the counsel's confusion over sincerity.
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