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Newspaper
Pas Herald
Location
The Pas, Manitoba, Canada
Date
May 28, 1914
Page
3
Fictional dialogue cited by the Boston Transcript features Mrs. Rawler and Mrs. Blanderly discussing Mrs. Jones and misfortune, using metaphor about wearing someone else’s shoes and wealth of Creosote. It appears as a clipped quotation rather than a full report.
A tale recounts Mark Twain remarking on a thin girl and a sturdy baby, with the mother replying in dialect that both children are girls. The scene emphasizes humorous misperceptions and Twain's wit in casual street banter.
A family tale from Zebulon Vance shows a mother's hope for a Presbyterian son, only to have him reject becoming a minister. He confesses doubt about being good enough, and jokes that perhaps he could be a Unitarian minister instead, as noted in Pacific Unitarian.
The Judson Bay railroad would shorten the travel distance from Minnesota and western Canada to northern Europe by about 1,000 miles, linking ports in Saskatche wan and Manitoba to Europe. Viewed as second only to the Panama Canal for its era, the four month shortcut would ease food distribution and reduce costs, per the Philadelphia Record.
A Washington Star quote defines a jingo as a man who spends his time devising chances for others to go out and be shot at. The remark frames jingoism as advocacy for war through organized participation.
An ad extols Miller's Worm Powders as thorough and painless for removing stomachic and intestinal worms while strengthening the infant stomach. A crowded bus anecdote follows where a boy responds to a haughty lady's question about lending a handkerchief with a witty refusal.
An old man at the station worries his train will be late until a clerk notices the bulletin board tampering. The board now announces all trains on time for Sept. 1, sparking relief as the old man fears his train.
A young man at a party refused a whiskey, claiming teetotal abstinence. His red nose betrayed him and an old Scots wag quipped that he should "tak' doon yer sign" to let others know he is tee total, prompting a humorous moment.
A wealthy man with many relatives asks his lawyer to draft a strong will. After completion he inquires who among his kin is best suited to inherit, prompting a candid, friend to friend moment about succession. The exchange underscores tensions between grasping relatives and legal guardians of the estate.
The royal gardens at Hampton Court Palace hold over a million bulbs this season, weighing between two and three tons. There are 140 beds averaging around 3,000 bulbs per bed, and a 10 foot border from the river to the Hampton Court road surpasses the combined beds in size and weight.
At a social gathering a distinguished man of letters stood apart, considered taciturn by a guest. The hostess smiled and explained he fit the event because he can only talk sense, not nonsense.
Mrs. Fred Tinkham of South Canaan Nova Scotia writes praising Baby's Own Tablets as the best medicine for little ones. The note claims they cure minor childhood ills and are guaranteed safe, offered by Dr. Williams' Medicine Co. Brockville Ontario at 25 cents a box.
A brief Brooklyn Life quip shows Miss Supheride vowing to save and obey a man while Miss Pertly teases the notion with a sharp reply. The exchange captures witty social banter of the era.
Flindnes notes that deafness is more common in men than women, with rates of one in 1,316 males and one in 1,424 females, though the reverse is true for overall hearing impairments according to census data.
Pain remedy Nerviline is advertised as the strongest treatment for sciatic pain and other ailments. A testimonial from James EB Edwards claims dramatic relief after a single rub and notes his family uses a 50 cent bottle and relies on Nerviline for external pain, coughs, colds, and earache.
In a gentleman's outfitting shop a customer tests many hats until a brown felt bowler is praised as stylish. The salesman touts it as in fashion and fitting well, but the customer declines to buy, choosing to keep his old hat.
A Chesshire correspondent recalls a moodily fishing boy with an improved rod and sook. he aims to fish for snigs though he has yet to catch any. The boy shows dogged persistence but sadness as he ignores the observer and continues to fish in muddy waters.
An American girl traveling with a Liverpool girl jokes about fighting Sandy Hook this afternoon as they near home. Her friend agrees, saying she can spot a Scotsman in a crowd without being told which one, adding a playful edge to the exchange.
A passenger on a St Lawrence steamer pressed the captain about rock locations. The captain replied that he does not know every rock but he does know where the safe channel lies. This reflects navigation hazards and reliance on skilled mariners.
A Scottish farmer buys a horse at a fair. On the way home he offers water, which the horse refuses, then corn, which also fails to tempt it. He mutters that if the horse proves to be a good worker, it will be “the verza horse” for him.
Harper's Weekly quotes claim that only the life of the mind can lift a man from destructive circumstances. It argues philosophy religion and ethics aim to reconcile spirit to reality, pride to misfortunes, and work to its tentative outcomes.
A terse courtroom exchange recalls a man slipping on ice while hanging pictures and toppling dictionaries. The judge quips that words failed him.
A playful quip about clocks and time with puns on stealing a calendar and beating time. It frames a joke where the thief gets 12 months and a singing master wins because time files and beats time.
Mr Viljaimur Stefansson, famed Arctic explorer, recalls telling Eskimo stories of literal meanings in food. He cites a sermon misinterpreted as Do not follow in the foot steps of the wicked, noting Eskimos once avoided following his trail behind him.
A proprietor recalls two young women demanding to see the store directory and insisting their names should appear. They asked if a first class drug store exists nearby to consult its directory, prompting a tense exchange.
In reply to a parliamentary inquiry on how many Britons earn $750,000 or more and are assessed for super tax the secretary for the treasury states that he cannot classify incomes above $500,000 in separate divisions. The latest figures show the aggregate number of persons with incomes over $500,000 assessed for super tax is sixty six.
The article promotes Parmelee's Vegetable Pills as the best remedy for indigestion and dyspepsia. It claims these pills rectify stomach action, restore healthy function, and have long been a standard trusted treatment.
The artist should humbly and lovingly emit the best within, ignoring contemporary criticism. The enduring idea, echoed by Lanier, is that true art proceeds without bitterness toward opposition and remains directed by inner excellence.
A humorous gossip note mentions Mrs Jinks in a scented scandal joke about a demure posture at a social occasion. The line centers on a flirtatious mischief with a wry, early 20th century tone.
A narrator explains he always leaves business at the office when going home at night. He notes his wife inherits their money and that explaining it to her forms the principal part of his concern.
Humorous exchange cited from the Chicago Record Herald about dandruff cures and a joking marriage quarrel. The piece highlights a neat comeback line about taking advice from a mother and regretting marrying the wrong person.
Druggists refund money if PAZO OINTMENT fails to cure itchings, bleeding, prolapsed piles. First application gives relief. 60 cents.
A five year old in a Sydney classroom declares tomorrow as his birthday. The teacher notes it is her birthday too. The pair puzzled, the boy asks how she grew so much bigger than him.
A fragment from a gossip item describes a woman who chased her husband from their home with a stove item and then cried because he departed without a good-bye kiss, illustrating sensational domestic dispute dialogue.
In a brief scene from Fanny's First Play characters exchange lines about appetite and departure. He remarks the play offers ground for reflection after the second act. She implies the exit is to fetch a drink to wash it down.
Pluto urges Sisyphus to begin an endless journey with a car that breaks down every ten minutes. The plan aims to surpass the stone at uphill labor in severity and duration.
A quip about an angelic choir defines the preacher’s line as depicting a chorus without jealousies. The remark frames a contrast between heavenly harmony and earthly discord.
A fragment notes Mrs Brown displaying kleptomania behavior with unclear context. The dialogue suggests she takes items she finds appealing, but no names, dates, or locations are provided to clarify the event.
The Cincinnati Enquirer quotes Willie Paw saying an altruist is a man satisfied with how the government is run and how the ball team is managed. He adds the remark to his son.
An exchange at a meat market leaves a proprietor doubting meat quality while a customer suspects spoilage. The dispute centers on meat from a prize lamb and concerns over proper handling.
Secretary Daniels orders abolition of wine lists aboard the navy ships with effect from July 1. The move surprised officers and White House officials who say the president was not consulted. The action follows Surgeon General Braisted’s report condemning the wine mess and recommending its end.
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