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Newspaper
Pas Herald
Location
The Pas, Manitoba, Canada
Date
Mar 26, 1914
Page
3
A Cleveland Plain Dealer reader recalls visiting a friend proud of his self sufficient life. In dinner talk the host reveals the pork and produce came from town. The wife quips about the baby, implying the man’s self sufficiency claim was exaggerated.
Harold compliments a young woman on her parrot. He compares it to a bird at Smith's that imitates a kiss. Mabel insists parrots imitate sounds they hear. Polly then whispers a plea to remove the wretched bird from the room.
In a Puck-credited vignette, a weary commuter awakes to a dreaded warning ring. He ignores it at first yet the ear ringing persists, and he springs from bed to shut off the alarm clock and dress for the 7:10 train.
A child explains she prepared the shaving kit for her father as he plans to shave, gathering a razor mug shaving brush and court plaster. The exchange reflects domestic humor in a Philadelphia Ledger item.
Ernst Beckford reports nails dropped and pain from lead poisoning like symptoms. After three months of treatment nails grew back then fell again. Using Cuticura Soap and Ointment with gloves, his nails strengthened and pain ended after about three months. Free samples offered by Potter Drug & Chem. Chips Dept. Boston.
A humorous reminiscence from the Cleveland Plain Dealer about a young man slow to propose and an aunt who kept a supposed engagement for twenty years. The tale contrasts a slow suitor with an anecdote of persistent devotion.
A poor suitor declares true love for the millionaire’s daughter, asking the father to decide which of his daughters should marry him, stressing love over wealth and social convenience. The old man shows interest and offers to choose.
The acrobat leaps into the air and performs three twists to loud audience approval. A front row couple praises the display with a humorous remark about how the average man twists a griddlecake. Judge.
A woman visits a friend as the husband contemplates moving to the country. The friend muses on settling for a small place if she alone could own an automobile, highlighting practicality over location.
In Chicago News a magistrate rebukes a prisoner who celebrates too boldly and admits the lapse when pressed by a policeman. The exchange underscores the court’s intolerance for repeat appearances.
Cartoon caption from the San Francisco Chronicle depicts a girl shopper provoking a salesman to clear shelves and a second Ditto character framing a petty retaliation. A man in a car yesterday is blamed for not offering a seat to the speaker.
A passerby asserts that population density is greatest at the speaker’s location, prompting confusion from the listener and a quiet departure as the urban query ends. The exchange appears in the Kansas City Journal as a brief, quizzical street remark.
A fragment from Puck notes Diogenes telling his wife he will go out to find an honest man after the first act. The line captures a wry joke about honesty amid a tragedy and stage life.
A Baltimore American report notes a mysterious trunk found at the railroad station after a baggage mishap. The crate survived the incident with no visible damage, and only the owner can reveal its contents.
A rambly verse tells of a goose that hides grain while a frantic man saves and spends seven dollars nightly. The narrator notes the odd tale carries no clear moral and ends by asking if such a foolish goose is known anywhere.
In 1896 a western congressman relates the public hanging of a Wyoming horse thief with a crowd gathered. The thief refuses to speak and requests silence as a young candidate interrupts to urge the crowd to hear about free silver.
A reverend canon of the Anglican church recalls marrying his footman to his cook. The footman repeatedly touched his forehead during the service, and the canon whispered for him to speak after the words. He answered with After you, sir, prompting laughter from the gathering.
The renowned French detective Calchas, a famed shadower, vowed vengeance on prefect Lepine after a dispute over administrative matters. He produced a detailed day by day dossier of Lepine’s actions, revealing a chilling plan and promising not to reveal it to the world.
The Dominion era movement begins in Saskatchewan with plans to form nine cooperative egg marketing branches led from Regina. Associations already established at Lloydminster and planned for Redvers Milestone Tugaske Forget Graham Hill Penzance Elfros and Wilcox aim to raise output without increasing consumer prices, potentially lowering them.
A peculiar aroma from the Platana region in Turkey is attributed to the use of bamst a small fish as fertilizer for tobacco crops. The note highlights a local farming practice linking aquatic byproducts to improved tobacco flavor.
A fragment notes belief someone was guilty yet unworthy of impeachment amid public remarks about virtue and a red car on upper Broadway. The line hints at political commentary with unclear attribution and context.
A fragmented inquiry ponders the first umbrella and who may have stolen it, with the speaker admitting uncertainty and curiosity about the origins and a missing item.
A Canadian reader recalls severe indigestion from irregular meals and overwork. She credits Grape-Nuts with improving appetite, restoring health, and becoming a main stay in her diet, noting she can eat anything now. The letter ends with a plug for Postum and a call to read "The Road to Wellville."
The CPR pays out over 6 million dollars monthly to about 120 000 cheques across the system. Treasurer H E B Suckling notes the fixed monthly schedule avoids extra cost, while branches near work sites ease cashing. The pay day touches roughly 500 000 directly and over 1 000 000 people indirectly through the company’s payroll web.
A country ball tale centers on a farmer who plans to dance with a coquette but a gallant captain wins her. The farmer sits to cut cards while the captain seeks a new partner. The girl hints it is time to take places as the old farmer preserves his current position at the table.
Jenkins wakes to his wife crying and learns of a street shop offering "Husbands for sale" with prices from 25 cents to 5000 dollars. The gag exposes comic chaos as wife explains the absurd display and Jenkins questions the sale of lookalikes.
Dialogue features a ruthless commander with austere habits, a exchange on rations, and a cheeky Bridegroom and Best Man quip. The scene hints at social satire within a military or ceremonial setting.
The question suggests a general social motive for girls to study violin rather than a specific talent. It notes that many girls take lessons on something, implying conformity or tradition rather than exceptional aptitude. The tone reflects casual commentary on parental expectations.
A terse exchange notes that repair work pays better than selling new machines. The automobile man asserts higher earnings in repairs and the doctor concedes the same, revealing a pragmatic shift in business attitudes.
An article notes that enduring wedding anniversaries are trending out of fashion. It discusses shifting social norms and evolving ways couples mark milestones.
The phrase suggests high spending may influence public opinion or status, implying that money can buy visibility, charm, or social approval rather than genuine merit. The remark reflects skepticism about transactional admiration.
A holidaying gentleman asks a golf caddie about winter carrying. The caddie explains in brisk Scots fashion that if it’s not snowing it’s frost, if not frost it’s snow, if neither snow nor frost it’s rain, if no rain it’s wind, and if it’s a fine day it’s Sunday.
Holloway's Corn Cure claims to treat corns by targeting the root, stopping growth and curing the condition effectively. The product asserts rapid relief and a permanent solution by destroying the corn at its source.
A brief playful exchange shows Mrs Blank praising her husband’s head as the clearest, while Mrs Franks replies that her husband agrees there is nothing in it. The light humor reflects domestic banter of the era.
A fragment recalls Mary receiving a substantial sum of cash her relative left behind. The verse hints at speculation over the generosity and manners of the benefactor and Mary herself.
A campus tenor tells the hostess he is hoarse and cannot sing. She responds with disappointment and asks if he can do something else. The exchange captures a light humorous moment at a local gathering.
The King of Corn Removers is Putnam's Corn Extractor. Forty years of success across many lanes proves its superiority over other remedies. Safe and painless. it cuts in to remove corns promptly. Sold by druggists for 25 cents.
A village youth in Dublin seeks his fortune and enters a restaurant. He stares at the formal spread around his plate for half an hour, then begs the waiter to bring his dinner or he will eat the samples. The tale captures hunger and culture clash in urban dining.
A 1910s style advertisement offers one hundred dollar reward for incurable catarrh and promotes Hall’s Catarrh Cure. It includes testimonials from F J Cheney owner of Cheney Co Toledo and the National Bank of Commerce endorsing the remedy, plus other product pitches and a note about Wal l’s Catarrh Cure and Bali’s Family Pills.
A tongue in cheek note declares that many aigrets are not the birds but horsehair and that aigret is used as a fancy nom de plume.
Fragmentary dialogue features a soldier declaring aid to England in the Boer War and questioning allegiance, reflecting wartime identity and perspective. The exchange centers on loyalty and historical conflict.
Humorous quip scene features Mrs Pester doubting women’s patience and Mr Pester mocking her, while a card game solitaire unfolds. The exchange satirizes gender expectations and social banter in a domestic setting.
A brief comic exchange shows a mother noting two apples and one remaining. Tommy explains the darkness hid the second apple, delivering a lighthearted domestic gag.
A salesman argues the phonograph simply speaks for itself and deserves a reintroduction. The pitch presents the device as self explanatory and ready for renewed attention.
A quoted athlete asserts that regular moderate football activity keeps him healthy and fully alive, emphasizing vitality and ongoing participation in the sport.
A mother’s warning proves futile when a 6 year old reports germs on her kitten. The girl insists she saw one hop, prompting the mother’s gentle rebuke that no germs exist, revealing the child’s vivid imagination.
An advertisement touts Baby's Own Tablets as a universal remedy for infant stomach trouble vomiting and constipation. A testimonial from Mrs. John G. Crockett of Glenberrie Nova Scotia praises their effectiveness and notes they are sold by medicine dealers or by mail for 25 cents per box from The Dr Williams' Medicine Co. Brockville Ontario.
A clerk shows forty gingham patterns to a man and his wife. The wife declines, and the clerk quips that what the man really needs is a divorce, ending with the last piece returned to the shelf.
An old advertisement extols Parmelee's Vegetable Pills as the best remedy for liver trouble and bile imbalance. It claims the pills quickly correct the sour stomach and distress from bile overproduction, presenting a strong endorsement of efficacy.
A child’s history exam reveals a humorous yet flawed claim about General Braddock. The note states he was killed in the Revolutionary War and that three horses were shot under him with a fourth through his clothes, illustrating a mix of fact and fanciful detail often encountered in early education articles.
Freddy argues he could endure the same drought like a camel if his mother allowed it. The exchange showcases a humorous classroom moment highlighting childhood antics.
Crabehaw recalls a man clinging to a lamppost and shuffling his feet. He suggests the behavior might be deliberate dancing rather than drunkenness.
The fragment shows a conversational exchange where one speaker recalls missing the other multiple times last year. The other person responds that they are now a better shot, implying improved aim or skill. No specific names or places are provided.
A dialogue shows Mr Dorman explaining to Bre'r Johnsicg that the ticket is not transferable and admission requires the holder to come in person.
A fragmentary exchange questions the origin of a rumored sex related venture described as a modern play. The speakers speculate it may trace to a Florodora era revue, noting ambiguity about who initiated the project.
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