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This newspaper page contains 44 articles. Subscribers can read the full text of each article.
Newspaper
Pas Herald
Location
The Pas, Manitoba, Canada
Date
Feb 19, 1914
Page
3
Dick and Jimmy stay with Grandma who spoils them. Jimmy prays loudly for Christmas gifts, provoking his brother. Dick complains that the Lord is not deaf, only Grandma is, and Jimmy whispers the joke about the grandmother’s ears.
Jane and Bobby debate whether Mr. Julius took umbrellas from the rack last night. Bobby recalls hearing a remark about stealing one, while Jane questions the motive and denies involvement.
A publisher asserts rheumatism stems from blood impurities due to liver and kidney dysfunction. The ad claims arterial acid taints blood and causes joint pain, and promotes Parmelee's Vegetable Pills as a remedy with numerous reported cures and a strong recommendation for trial.
On a hot day a fat drummer reached a yard gate at twelve twenty one and pursued a Pennsylvania train. A weary man explained he was not trying to catch it but simply chasing it out of the yard as a porter relieved his grip.
During a Caesar and Cleopatra performance George Bernard Shaw and a companion faced a stranger who pressed his head over Shaw’s shoulder from the crowded aisle. Shaw drew his handkerchief and wiped the man’s nose in a brisk, comic retort, then apologized and explained it was mistaken for his own.
An old advertisement promotes Murine Eye Remedy for red weak watery eyes and granulated eyelids. It touts liquid forms priced 25 and 50 cents, Murine Eye Salve in aseptic tubes, free eye nooks by mail, and Chicago based Murine Eye Remedy Co. All or portions read as promotional copy for general eye care products.
Saskatchewan moves to appoint a provincial commission to oversee municipal borrowings. F J James outlines aims to widen Western Canadian debentures market while avoiding undue burdens on municipalities. He notes existing Department of Municipal Affairs remains, and cautions against broad government guarantees.
A story recalls Elihu Root correcting his office boy’s rude request for time off. Root seats the boy, teaches proper phrasing, then quietly asks to leave for a ball game. The boy responds with courtesy and a tip to gain permission.
A traveller notices a farmer’s horse that starts then slows and stops. The farmer cannot get it going. The visitor asks if the horse is ill or balky. The farmer says the horse only stops because he fears being told when to whoa and listens for commands.
A minister stops a quarrel among boys arguing over a dog. They dispute who told the biggest lie to win the dog. The minister corrects them on lying and assigns the dog to the boy who held it.
A rural audience hears a quack doctor boast of twenty five years selling pills with no complaints. A voice retorts dead men tell no tales, undercutting the speaker's credibility.
A noted authority on economies quips that in some areas more men than women exist and suggests women emigrate. A young lady in the back rises in protest and leaves loudly as the lecturer clarifies the remark was not intended as hurried emigration.
A young boy tells his mother, before Christmas, that he has written a letter asking for several gifts. He explains he asked for two toy shops and a candy store, believing a broad request covers all he desires.
During the recent legislative session in a Western state a man named John Cass sought permission to rename himself. When asked why, he replied that everyone calls him Jack, a simple and convincing reason.
A comedian jokes but fails to land with the crowd while a witty remark shifts the mood. The exchange shows the performer and audience testing bounds of humor and timing in a late night set.
A playful dialogue about why Daniel was sent to the lion's den. The Bright Pupil quips that Daniel would have spoiled a film if he hadn’t obeyed, while the teacher posits a moral test of faith.
An advertisement extols Dr. Morse's Indian Root Pills as a universal bowel remedy and blood purifier. It claims effectiveness for constipation, colds, biliousness, indigestion, headaches, and rheumatism, asserting the pills cure many common ailments.
An old-fashioned advertisement touts Nerviline as a universal cure for back pain lumbago sciatica rheumatism and other aches. It claims deep penetration rapid relief without blistering and advertises 50c family and 25c small bottles from dealers.
A mother corrects her daughter as a girl struggles with the letters dd in a document. The witness notes the defendant saying I’ll make you suffer for this I’ll be doctor of divinity if I don’t, raising questions about the meaning of the abbreviation.
The exchange mentioning waste paper and a landlady notes a lack of writings from Mr Scribbler in his room. The fragment hints at a domestic scene with a hint of omission and idle curiosity.
A visiting man watches a city fire station respond to an alarm. Firemen sprint from the hall as doors open and horse-drawn equipment rushes into the street, prompting the visitor to praise the town for its readiness to help strangers.
An enthusiastic church member praised a minister for a well timed fire sermon while a neighbor mocked the event. Slully half the congregation reportedly had their watches out, signaling a humorous dispute over punctuality.
An advertisement in a Connecticut country paper seeks a steady respectful young man to tend a garden and care for a cow noted for rare accomplishments and a good singing voice in the choir. The item presents a humorous, old time rural employment notice with emphasis on the cow's talents.
A dinner table quip frames actor Francis Wilson declaring his single ambition is to throw a cag into an electric fan. The humorous exchange features a bemused lady and Wilson’s sardonic reply.
The dialogue shows Hen warning Mariar to move a benzine can from a fire amid a tense exchange. Mariar questions the warning with a quip about superstition, highlighting a rural or folkloric setting and perilous care with flammable materials.
An old man thanks his granddaughter for slippers and corrects her formality. The six year old answers she hopes to be a ma’am someday and get used to the phrase. The exchange highlights family warmth and early social habits.
A group of country youths toured the British Museum and studied a mummy with a card reading B.C. 87. One boy, Sam, misinterprets it as a motor number, joking that it “killed him,” revealing playful confusion over ancient inscriptions.
The famed singer entered a drug store to buy toilet powder when she needed it. Asked if she wanted a scent, she replied crisply that she would take it with her, in her characteristic precise English.
A dialogue shows a character dodging a request to name which Ripley twin he is engaged to. The exchange relies on recognition and humor rather than facts, highlighting twin ambiguity and social pressure.
An advertisement touts Dr J D Kellogg's Asthma Remedy as a safe true specific set to prevent attacks. It urges readers to obtain the preparation today and learn their level of protection.
A mother sends a school note excusing Johnny to act as timekeeper for his father. The letter includes a math problem and jabs at work, mentions the father and husband, and asks for a future problem about ladies. The note explains they left early and may return late tonight.
In a revival at a color Baptist church fervor rose as attendees urged toward salvation. A backslider confessed baptism in another church, prompting the minister to admonish him that he was “dry-cleaned” rather than truly baptized.
In Hartford Mark Twain complimented Dr Doane on a sermon and asked for a book containing every word. The rector declined but Twain persisted and agreed to take a dictionary instead. The exchange highlighted Twain’s wit and affection for books.
A teacher pleads against laziness and idleness addressing pupils. He paints a harsh picture of the habitual loafer who begs for all he gets. He asks John to name the miserable person who takes clothes and food yet gives nothing in return. John answers with a grin, the baby.
An intelligent Frenchman studying English notes oddities in word meanings. He recalls how quick tied and frugally spent can all imply fast, and how not eating is to fast. When he encounters a sentence that yields a prize he is tempted to quit learning.
A physician tells a distinguished poet he is not in good shape and must forbid brain work. The poet begs permission to write verses, and the doctor replies that writing is allowed.
An insurance agent questions a applicant about a past surgery asking if it was appendicitis. The applicant replies I was operated on but am not sure if it was appendicitis or professional curiosity.
A Dartmouth reader praises Minard's Liniment, stating 25 years of use and occasional others, claiming it cures a cold in bed within 24 hours and treats bruises and sprains. The letter urges others to try the product and is signed by J. G. Leslie.
The president of a small college visits his former town and speaks to his neighbors. He avoids formal address, saying I won't call you ladies and gentlemen I know you too well to say that.
A patent medicine ad claims Dr Chase's Kidney Liver Pills cure chronic illness from headaches to limb pains by harmonizing liver kidneys and bowels. Priced at 25 cents a box, the copy asserts many have been cured and encourages readers to try the treatment for healthier living.
A dialogue between Mrs Newy.ed and a cook shows the husband’s exacting tastes. The cook shares how most men are hard to please and that she never cooks to satisfy him.
A concise quip compares virtue and misuse of power, noting that proper deeds carry justification while wrongful acts are tied to law enforcement. The line underscores accountability and the role of police in enforcing warrants for bad actions.
Miss Gibson is rich at two million and Tom Hanna is poor. He asks Helen to marry, she declines, and she reveals she wanted to see how a man feels when he loses two million. The exchange centers on wealth and love.
An advertisement touts Catarrhozone inhaler as a permanent cure for catarrh affecting head, ears, and throat. It promises quick relief from headaches, ear buzzing, coughing, and blocked nose with a piney vapor, citing a user testimonial and offering a $1 outfit or cheaper samples.
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