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ALTON PLAYS GOLF.Dun Lincoln Tells a Story AppropriateTo The Game.Alton has a golf club !There ! we have told the secret, andwe’re sure a whole lot of the bestnatured gentlemen and ladies in townare mad. Almost as mad as whenthey go down in Lieb’s pasture andtrv to knock a little white hard ball * }into a little obscure hole,- wav off' */over the railroad track. As mad as they were when Dan Lincoln told them what golf reminded him of. The story is something like the following, minus the aroma which Dan throws around every story he tells :“A man meandered down the muddy banks of a very muddy stream near Independence, where the insane asylum is situated. He had a fish pole, a line, a cork—no, two corks, a hook, small box of bait and a large bottle filled with a liquid that resembled cold coffee. He finally found a seat beside the stream and in the shade of the asylum. ’Twas early in the morning, but not too early to attract the attention of an inmate who occupied a first floor room next to the roof. This man whose mind was filled with chaos, watched the man as he fished and fished and fished from morn till noon and from noon till night. At last he hailed him : “ ‘Hello, what are you doing?’ ”“ ‘Fishing,’ ” said the cold coffee man.“ ‘How long have you fished?’ ”“ ‘All day.’ ”“ ‘Catch anything?’ ’’ inquired the lunatic.“ ‘Nope,’ ” said the man.“ ‘Come up here then,’ ” said the crazy man.“Now that fisher man reminds one4of these golf players,” said Dau. “They go out in that pasture and knock a measley little ball up towards Orange City two miles and across the railroad grade a dozen times and then knock it zigzag back home and trampat least six miles and what darn fun«is there in that, say?”But since Dan told that story the club has been revenged; They coaxed Dan out and he played a game, and now he isn’t happy unless he’s playing golf and the insane story doesn’t seem a bit funny to him anymore.id i\%n rv tis-vrvnrvrcome for. In case you forget some-' one will probably remind you that it wasn’t to stand in liis way. He will sometimes tell you this by word of mouth and sometimes by meeting your neck in the downward sweep of his club. Both are impulsive movements, and you will always remember if you live.Don’t be discouraged at hitting only the atmosphere the first seven times you make a drive with your weapon, your toe the next Id times and the seat of a bystander’s knickerbockers the next time after that, but continue to persevere. In a month or two you will be able to hit the ball and land it into some bystander’s mouth, and then, oh, joy!Never pick up your ball in your hand, drop it in a hole when nobody is looking and then shout, “By Jove, just look at this beautiful shot of mine!” It is generally regarded as cheating.It is considered very bad form for a player or spectator to talk, move or breathe within forty miles of the ball when a stroke is being made. It is generally understood that the earth stops spinning 011 its axis when a game of golf is going 011 for fear of jogging the player.Players should not appear 011 the grounds with golf stockings previously worn while bicycle riding. Thiswould be ail outrage to the dignity ofthe game. A new pair of stockings, with a different plaid pattern, should be donned by every player after each stroke at the ball. This does not apply to the lady players.Turf cut, or knocked up in the air by a blow that misses the ball should be instantly replaced, so as not to spoil the appearance of the links. Teeth of spectators knocked out or skin damaged by wild blows do not matter very much—unless they belong to members of the same club as yourself.If a ball falls into that little pond alongside the railroad track, the player who made the stroke must immediately dive for it without removing his golf costume, and must stay under water until the ball is found. The fine against this violation of good taste is forbidding the violator to turn down the tops of his golf stockings more than half an inch. This punishment is seldom enforced, however, as it causes the offender untold
Newspaper Details
Alton Democrat
Alton, Iowa, US
Sat, Nov 13, 1897
Page 1
Full Page
Clipped by
Rick B.
USA 25 Sep 2018
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