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Problems For TheSoldier-FatherFrom DR. DAVID MACELONDON, Saturday.—I wrote about the home-coming huiband iait week. Tkat’a all very well, says Sergeant X. But he reminds us that he is a father as well as a husband. In fact, that’s his real headache.“How am I to tackle the children?” he says. They don’t know me and when I have a short leave, they don t seem to like me.” _This is going to be the real difficulty and must be handled tactfully. Dr. Crichton Miller calls it the problem of the “intruding father.'’Sergeant X has had i\ few shortThis article has been specially written for the “ Sunday Times by Dr. David Mace, secretary of the Marriayc Guidance Council, which was launched under the joint presidency of t.?te Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Fisher, and Lord Harder. Dr, Mace's work, on the council lias fliven him a unique, insiyht into marriage difficult ex. His first article, published in the “.Sunday Times last week, dealt with marriayc. readjustment.loaves to break the ice. lie is lucky. Tilers must be thousands of youngsters of anything up to five who have never seen their fathers at all-A missionary once told me how. returning home after a long spell out east, he passed his own children In the street. Many fathers to-day could not pick -out their own sons and daughters in an Identification parade.For these youngsters life has revolved round the mother. The father has been a detached, misty being represented by a photo on the mantlepiece. The life of the lome has seemed to the child mind complete enough without the tan-Tible presence of the father.Then one day he walks In. He sweepy mother Into his arms.INTRUSIONgo all out for a place ot their own. Is it unreasonable that he should stick out for this?It is the old question of inlaws How far is it just a stale music hall joke and how far a real problem?The answer is that it is emphatically a real problem. An experienced probation officer once told me that he ranked “in-laws with sex and money as the three great causes of domestic trouble. In Japan , the divorce rate slumped when, at the end of tne last century, it became no longer necessary for a bride to go and live in her mother-in-law’s home. I have seen many marriages break under this strain.INTERFERENCEAnd now I not Ire someone has started, of all things a M Society for the Suppression of Family Interference.**Don’t misunderstand me. I have known young couples live with their “in-laws in the most serem? harmony. There must be lens of thousands of cases whore this is true. H is a tribute to theHe unloads his baggage in herbedroom. He is made a great fussof and goes around with a confident air of proprietorship. Is itany wonder that Johnny resents ... . ,this intrusion unci is Indignant to wisdom unc ot thosefind out that ho tuts a rival Who rancet.neti. Jut that clues nut alterthreatens to oust him? fnct “'»lt;■ «W» klllrl « «W»c*Tactless handling of this situa-j------------------------------- -tion may lead to serious compiica-j 1 m 1 In“ 1lions. Distressed fathers have tohil me how their children would | scream and fly into a “ paddy ,1 al j every attempt to approach them.,What is Sergeant X to do? Let \I him get his objectives clear. First, he must carefully avoid anything \ which would give the child a feelhold can often be tense with suppressed conflict.The nature of this conflict is clearly understood by the psychologist. It is something very real and tangible.Therefore I would support Aircraftman Bill. He isn’t bejing unrespcclful to Betty’s people or harbouring dark and unworthy suspicions about their friendliness. He is simply facing honestly an age-old problem in human relationships and asking that the risk of unnecessary tension between him and Betty should be avoided if possible.If she is wise, she will see this and they will try to get a place of t.heir own.By all menus let it be close at hand so that she can pop round any time and see the old folks un.1 they can drop in now and then and see her and Bill.But. let iL be their own establishment. I’m sure they will be happier so Bill’s problem is going to be a very common one while the housing shortage remains aciUe. What a wise thing it. would be if some enterprising social agency' started a .scheme to organise a snri. of “general jjosi” so that young couples might stay with other people’s in-laws Instead of their own.SUNDA Y TEASERS; nig that he is a rival claimant to [the mother’s love. No extravagant demonstrations of affection in Johnny’s presence which might make she little chap feel he is left ,0Ul in lhe cold.Thai wilt threaten his security and make him madly Jealous.The second objective is for Ser-. grant X and Johnny to become ircul pals. Bus is best done when :the mother is busy elsewhere and it lie two are alone together.V .few .wisely .chosen .pence oflerinps will pave the way. The child will soon warm to anyone who is really interested in1 his little world. A father who will play with him will soon become In .Johnny's eyes, not a rival of whom to beware, but a new acquisition of which to be proud.! The intruding father will have j become a prized possession. If Sergeant and Mrs. X will give a :little careful thought and tactful ’planning to this side of family reunion, they will bo richly rewarded for their trouble.NEW PROBLEMNow I turn to another question.. ; Bill is in the Air Force and expects ;Lo get home before the year in out. ; le and Betty, his wife, were mariner! after he went into the Air : Force. She stayed at home with | her mother. With a bit of h : squeeze a couple of rooms can bo | put nt their disposal. Betty, of :course, would like to stay at home.3ili has his doubts and wants toPicture: Book at this picture for a few seconds. Don't count, them but estimate how many matches are shown. Then turn to Page 13.1. If you kiHUV your way about Ilngovf.r Ball, you luivc probably mot MTinchii. Ur* dusky cook, of ! Passing Show. ' But do ymi know| his first name'.'2. Who was it wished to draw his last, breath through il pipe and exhale it In a |hiii| 3. Thirm f these words are wronglyI spelled: L'vl -r torn! mn, paruxy-in. pnl* I mo n e ry 111 . ■ nu i »u h I n * -s.--. d y s p* ■ j i .--i a. 1 ptii.sljItinlnioil . Which three?I •{. Even if you never nved in London. you will ku’uw who tin- old tLady of Thread noodle .Strew is; hind vuu may also lie able io Idontlfy The Thunderer.I f. The Lund of SOrewhun. the land j Of nowhere. was desi-riIjc-tJ in books I written bv ; UussoJI. Huller, Cheste/--1 ton. Wells?I 6. It's not i if Pm used now, but a I mugwump was a onuitoii termused at one time. It means a man* who: Is a hit of a dandy; is indo-mpi ; . keep* aloof fnnu parly poll 11'-.:. . prefers mdoi.ir pursuits to outdoor1spurls7. Jio was a sJave trade j rind rani** if Scottish stock. He became an Amur icon naval captain and laP-r commanded tin- Russian flew. And I'tiiis is your best rim-) lie itad a ■ In no; named after him. Who was Mils man?s. Ufinoml !- ilm film DnnL-rTi.ii' Atooii11ylit and the Mow Inui'ms Warsaw l ’oliterl.u. Who wen: lit.'I wo leading male and female player.--;I*. Tim word ‘ hurt should he familiar In rerlafn purls of .South Africa. H. means; A nilhmry mixture like curry; dehydrated vegetables; something to dr will) diamonds. pari, of a radio eon denser V- j10. Recently ihe rsold*Mi Bind! put to son again al'ler six vears in t dock lu Plymouth Harbour. The i Hind was n model nf 11\, fnniniiM sh p which 11ni'R rarrlerl ------- about jI be world?
Newspaper Details
Sunday Times
Johannesburg, Gauteng, ZA
Sun, Jul 01, 1945
Page 12
Full Page
Clipped by
Pascalle J.
ZA 20 May 2025
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