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$TTNDAY TTMF3. TnTTANMFSBT^O, TRANSProblems For TheSoldier-FatherFrom DR. DAVID MACELONDON, Saturday.—I wrote about the home-coming huiband latt week. Tkat’a all very well, says Sergeant X. But he reminds us that he is a father as well as a husband. In fact, that’s his real headache.“How am I to tackle the children?” he says. They don’t know me and when I have a short leave, they don t seem to like me.” ,This is going to be the real difficulty and must be handled tactfully* Dr. Crichton Miller calls it the problem of the “intruding father.’’Sergeant X has had a few shortThis article has been specially written for the “ Sunday Times” by Dr. David Mace, secretary of the Marriayc Guidance Council, which was launched under the joint presidency of Die Archbishop of Canterbury, Dr. Fisher, and Lord Harder. Dr, Mace's work on the council lias nivcn him a unique in siyht into marriage difficult ex. His'first article, published in the “.Sunday Times” last week, dealt with marriayc. readjustment.leaves to break the ice. He is lucky. Tilers must be thousands of youngsters of anything up to five who have never seen their fathers at all-A missionary once told me how. returning home after a long spell out east, he passed his own children In the street. Many fathers to-day could not pick -out their own sons and daughters in an identification parade.For these youngsters life has revolved round the mother. The father has been a detached, misty being represented by a photo on the mantlepiece. The life of the tome has seemed to the child mind complete enough without the tan-Tible presence of the father.Then one clay he walks In. He sweeps mother into his arms.INTRUSIONgo all out for a place ox their own, l's it unreasonable that he should stick out for this?It is the old question of “Inlaws.” How far is it just a stale music hall joke and how far a real problem?The answer is that it is emphatically a real problem. An experienced probation officer once told me that he ranked “in-laws with sex and money as the three great causes of domestic trouble. In Japan . the divorce rate slumped when, at the end of tne last century, it became no longer necessary for a bride to go and live in her mother-in-law’s home, I have seen many marriages break under this strain.INTERFERENCEAnd now I. notice someone has started, of nil things u M Society for the Suppression of Family Interference.Don't misunderstand me. I have known young couples live with their “In-laws in the most sereia1 harmony. There must be lens of thousands of cases w ho re this is true. H is a tribute in theHe unloads his baggage in her bedroom. He is made a great fuss of and goes around with a confident air of proprietorship. Is itany wonder that Johnny resents ... . ,this intrusion mu! is incUKmnt to ««**»» mu lt;!'slt;-roliou of those find out that ho lias « rival who rmu'vinon. But t hat clop, nut altor threatens to oust him? |«* fact lhls klm1 w «*»•“Tactless handling of this situa-j------------------------------- -tion may lead to serious compiica-j 1 m 1 In“ 1tions. Distressed fathers have told I me how their children would | scream and fly into a “ paddy ,1 at i every attempt to approach them.,What is Sergeant X to do? Let \I him get his objectives clear. First, he must carefully avoid anything \ which would give the child a feelhold can often be tense with sup pressed conflict.The nature of this conflict J clearly understood by the psycho logist. It is something very res and tangible.Therefore I would support Air craftman Bill. He isn't bejin unrespectful to Betty’s people t harbouring dark and un worth suspicions about their friend lines; He is simply facing honestly a age-old problem in human rclu tlonships and asking that the ris of unnecessary tension be twee him and Betty should bo avoide if possible.If she is wise, she will see th) and they will try to get a place c t.heir own.By all menus let it be close a hand so that she can pop roun any time and see the old folks un they can drop in now and then an see her and Bill.But. let it be their own establish men I. I’m sum they will be liajj pier so Bill’s problem is going b be a very common one while th housing shortage remains neuU What a wise thing It. would bo i some enterprising social a gone, started a scheme Uj organise a .’.nr of “general ])osi so that youn couples migliL stay with otlir people’s in-laws instead of Uiri own.SUNDA Y;ing that he is a rival claimant to [the mother’s love. No extravagant demonstrations of affection in Johnny’s presence which might make she little chap feel he is left ,oul in ihc cold.That will threaten his security and make him madly Jealous.The second objective is for Ser-. grant X and Johnny to become ;real pals. Tins is best done when :the mother is busy elsewhere and it he two are alone together.A .few .wisely .chosen .peace oflcrinps will pave the way. The child will soon warm to anyone who is really tnterealetl in1 his little world. A father who will play with him will soon become in Johnny's eyes, not a rival of whom to beware, but st new acquisition of which to be proud.! The intruding father will have j become a prized possession. If Sergeant and Mrs. X will give a :little careful thought unci tactful ■planning to this side of family reunion, they will bo richly rewarded for their trouble.NEW PROBLEMNow I turn to another question.1 ; Bill is in the Air Force and expects ;Lo get home before the year is out. j fe and Betty, his wife, were mar-i ried after he went into the Air1 Force. She stayed at home with her mother. With a bit of aPicture: Book at this picture for;few seconds. Don't count them1 but estimate how many matches are shown. Then turn to Page 13.;1. If yeti know your way about j Hangover Ball, you have probably mot MTSnchit, lie* dusky rook, of! “Passing Show. ' But do you know I his first name7 !2. Who was it wished “to draw his last, breath through n. pip*’ mid exhale ! it In a pun V3. Thiee f these wmals are wrongly spelled: Dm -riorut loll, paruxv-in. pul* ino n e ry 111 e■ rm i na l d n * -s.--. ' I y s p* ■ p in.puiHllhininuni . Which three?•t. Kvcn If you never nved in l.on-don. you will know who tin- “old Lady r.f Thread needle .Street is;i and vuu may also he able to Identify “The Thunderer.-' ir. The Uand of iOs'ewhon. the land:used at one time. It means a inn who: la a hit of a dandy; is unklt;-mpi keep?; aloof from parl.v pi.dillr. prefers miloijr pursuits to ouidclt;aporlM.7. lie was a slave trade j nnd ran of Scottish Mock. Be became a Amentum naval captain and lab commanded the Russian fleet. An ft his is your beet elm-) lie had ■ Inno; named after him. Who w; this man7 s. Ui-momli- r \ lie film Dnnrorm ■M lt;n mi 11 u lit “ and flit; How Innd Warsaw I’onterlu. Who wen: li two leading male and female player* I*. Thy word ' hurt sir mid I familiar In rrrlafn parts of Amit Africa. ](. menus; A rulhmry mtxtui like curry; dehydrated vi-gMahle: something la tin with diamonds, pa of A radio r cm denserl(i. Recently Ihe Bolden Bind
Newspaper Details
Sunday Times
Johannesburg, Gauteng, ZA
Sun, Jul 01, 1945
Page 12
Full Page
Clipped by
Pascalle J.
ZA 20 May 2025
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Sunday Times
