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January 14, 1939 A English paper sug gested last week that, In the event of Fascist hostility, there was a pro posal to shift the Vatican to Australia. This is the sort of high-class job which comes to furniture removalists in a vision after eating hashish. I asked Beard of Beard, Watson's (he's the one with the whiskers) what he thought of it, and he said it was a fine idea, but he doubted whether any of their vans was big enough. “Though, of course,” he added enthusiastically, “you can al ways lash a few things on the roof.” Shifting Britain to Australia has been one of “Smith's Weekly's pet Suggestions for years; but, some how, when we first thought of it, we didn't get down to the really tactical details, such as wrapping Cleopatra’s Needle up in brown aper, or putting the dome of St Paul's into a packing-case. Now that the Vatican is being talked about, of course, there's no reason why the shifting idea should stop there. Judging by the way things are blowing up in Europe these days, it looks as if most of the scenery is due to be shifted anyway, especially by gun powder, ELL, that's all right by me. Let 'em bring the whole lot out to the comparatively eerie calm of Australia, and I will save all the expense of a world tour. The Leaning Tower of Pisa, for instance, would be a benter start. Most of the leaning in Australia goes on against the Post Office in Martin Place, so if they leant the tower up against the side of the Commonwealth Bank, most people would think it was only the head office of the War Service Homes Department, cipping the loan out in good condition is important, of course. You could get it out in diagonal crates, and have it unloaded by cock-eyed wharf-laborers, but no doubt the experts don't need to be told this. If I know anything about removalists, the loan will be improved by about 45 degrees by the time they get the tower an -wrapped. Another pretty idea which oc curs to me is that they might ship a few of the Canals of Venice out. This would mean bottling and tanking a whole lot of water, of course, but it would positively transform the sordid surroundings of Collins Street or Pitt Street, for example. If you can imagine a fleet of gon dola trams, rounding a traffic-ad miral on a buoy at the corner of Swanston Street, with bells ringing, guitars twanging and tram-guards paddling at the side, with rings in their ears, you'll see what I mean. RINGING out the Taj Mahal for an afternoon tea kiosk in the Botanic Gardens has also been suggested, but I think this would be rather far-fetched in both senses of the word, par ticularly as the present kiosks probably contain more bat tered marble on the tops of the tables than the Taj Mahal itself. A scheme that appeals to me, however, is to shift Fujiyama out to the back of the Blue Mountains, where it would give a valuable fillip to the postcard trade, and would be just like a breath of home when the Japanese Army de cides to walk in. Less aesthetic, but a lot more useful, is the proposal to shift the Kiama Blowhole to the middle of the Nullarbor Plains, where it would not merely solve the irriga tion problem, but would save South Coast tourists a lot of standing around Wailing for nothing to be o pen. T’S a wonder no body has thought of shifting a few mountains before. If the top of Everest were shifted down to Bombay, for instance, it would make things a lot simpler for all those Empire heroes and in trepid undergraduates who believe that you can solve the problems of present-day science by putting a Union Jack on the summit. While they're about it, they might toy with the idea of taking the Rock of Gibraltar out of harm’s way by towing it out to Port Jack son, and swapping it for Pinchgut The present inhabitant of Pinch t is not keenly in favor of this dea, because, as he points out, who wants to know the time in Gibraltar? On the other hand, if they fired one of the Gibraltar guns off every one o'clock, people could set their watches by it in the suburbs of Bourke, THER very reason able proposals which have been submitted to WATS 7 PUMP CIN Ha'a Gents Me SNA Couto Ow JP On ST Hie Cone u bhy TE LIFT! on THE HANGING GARDENS OF DARLINGHURST can show a few points to the imitation affair of Babylon. EXIT PINCHGUT—towing it out to swap with Gibral tar.
Newspaper Details
Sydney Smiths Weekly
Sydney, New South Wales, AU
Sat, Jan 14, 1939
Page 27
Full Page
Clipped by
Veronica B.
