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THE STAR: SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 10. 19H5A-5 SS ★ »Rape counselorJohn Deitche says it himself: He’s a feministBy MARY DEHNERJohn Deitche rides a motorcycle. His face is weather-roughened and pockmarked. He wouldn't say how big he is, but when he rises from his chair, massive is a word that comes to mind.John Deitche is a feminist.At a Christmas party he told some bikers that rape is a male problem and it’s up to men to change it. This month he will run a counseling group for the victims of rape. He is angry about what women must go through. He is angry that women must fear nightfall and men do not.“I DON’T LIKE the idea that women are imprisioned in our society. It’s unjust that women have to put up with this oppression, he said.And when he tells these things to macho types, like bikers, they listen. “One nice thing about being big is I can say a lot of things to men and they won’t shut me off,” Deitche said.It’s a curious distinction, he admitted, as he snuffed out a low-tar cigarette. He rejects the competitive, ulcer-producing culture that represses men’s emotions and keeps women in fear of attack.The “might-makes-right” society repels him, yet he said his size gives him an advantage when he tries to get his message across to men.AND A BIG part of his message is that it’s time for the husbands, boyfriends and fathers of rape victims to stop compounding the rape victim's problems by blaming her for the attack.He first came in contact with rape victims and their families through his work as a counselor with the Or-land Park police department. What he saw was anger that went deep.“I never saw that kind of anger before. It blew some doors open,” he said.It was not only the victim’s anger, but the families’ reactions that struck him. He found they needed a safe atmosphere to vent their frustration for their own peace of mind and the victim’s recovery as well.WITHOUT counseling the family or partner would sometimes succumb to what Deitche termed the “cave man mentality of getting the guy and beating him up.“It’s best not to prod and push,” Deitche advised. “Wait for the victim to talk about the rape at her comfort level. Don’t push for information. Don’t threaten to get the offender.”Recovering from rape takes time. Through counseling the victim’s partner learns to be patient. She may not want to have sexual relations for several months, a state of affairs men may not understand, Deitche pointed out.“It gets kind of difficult because not many men have ever been told to be patient about their needs being met. The answer is your needs willbe met later You have to help her resolve the problem, then she will be available,” Deitche said.IN ONE CASE the parent of an 18-year-old girl blamed his daughter for being attacked because the father knew and liked the young man involved. He said she deserved to be raped because she allowed the young man to come into her apartment“I confronted him and said she did not deserve it. At any point in a sexual relationship a woman has the right to say no. It's her body. She has a right to have control over it.”Deitche came to his conclusions on the plight of women in society slowly. An understanding began when he was counseling married couples and found himself telling wives to be nurturing and men to be strong.He said single mothers led him to see things differently because they often provide their children with both feminine and masculine role models.FEMINIST counselors he worked with helped him see that men are trapped in confining roles, too.“I saw that women don’t have to be a certain way. I started putting it together and as I opened my eyes I saw more and more. I saw women fighting those roles at home and at work.”Since he started seeing women differently, Deitche said he has begun to change in subtle ways. He is sickened by raoe jokes.“I’ve been accused of being too serious about this. But I think it’s so serious that I can’t even joke about it.BEGINNING this month Deitche will conduct counseling sessions for the families of rape victims through the YW CARES program sponsored by the South Suburban Area YWCA.The sessions will be open to the families or friends of rape victims. It doesn’t matter whether the attack was recent or happened 10 years agoThe goal is to help the victim’s partner and family get control over their feelings so that they can help the victim.More information is available at the YWCA 748-5672.Features like this one regularly appear in the pages of the Dimensions section of every Star newspaper.Varied careersOur jobs in the 21st century probably will take much less of our time John Naisbitt, author of the book “Megatrends, says: “In the last 100 years we cut our number of working hours in half, and I think we'll do that again m half the time.Few workers will hold one job for life in the next century, he feels, for changing technologies will force a series of career changes and mid-career training sabbaticals.I 24 Hour Emergency26 years of Heating andIA* /f -Service 891-0343Air Conditioning Experience ||££ * * v \Jr//John Deitche
Newspaper Details
Chicago Heights Star Super Saver
Chicago Heights, Illinois, US
Sun, Feb 10, 1985
Page 33
Full Page
Clipped by
Dr J.
USA 29 Oct 2024
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