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Students discuss homophobia at Monmouthby Lisa Cullinanand Allison Ritscher staff reporterThere is a widely known statistic which states that ten percent of the population is homosexual, and it should follow that this ten percent of the population also exists at Monmouth College. However, on this campus this ten per-' cent is certainly a very silent, nearly invisible minority. Why?The'follpyving interviews were conducted by the Oracle with three Monmouth College students, one lesbian, one gay, and one bisexual, who volunteered to discuss their stories with the reporter. The Oracle has agreed to withhold the names of the individuals involved, but has verified each of the accounts.Do you classify yourself as a lesbian?I thinkso,yeah,but! don'tiike those types of stringent labels. I've always had feelings for other women, even back in , junior high, but i didn't know what a lesbian was.I thoughtall women felt this - way about other women; it was not until 1 was 17 or 18 that! understood what it was.At that time 1 also came to the tinder-standing that it was a socially unacceptable thing. I got really scared and depressed about the whole thing.At that point, I tried to force myself into being interested in men and when 1 .'/Jskaine sexually active with men, I became veiy promiscuous because I was 'gearchingfOrarightfeelingthat I wasn't • , getting, This beha.vior led. me further ’ into a state of unhappiness and deprcs-sion.My feelings for women were always there; I'would dream all the time about women 1 was close to or good friends with; I just tried to push those feelings . out of consciousness. 1 stopped going to church because Ifeit so guilty. I felt like an unnatural freak of nature. It's only been during the past few years that I've really tried to accept my feelings for women and like who I am.Did you come out at this point?No, 1 never made a conscious decision to 'come out'. I started reading lesbian literature and going places with other gay people. I surrounded myself with other people from the gay community, thereby finding an environment where 1 could fit in, where I could shine as myself.Are you out to your friends and family? V-riu ■ -*...The people I have chosen to tell nciw like me and; find me more likeable than . before. They notice that I am a lot more peaceful and content; 1 guess that makes me more pleasant to be around. However, one of my biggest fears is that heterosexual women who were friends of mine before they knew I am a lesbian will now feel uncomfortable or fearful around me. If.these people don't under- . stand or have questions, I wish they would just come and talk to me about it, and deal with itlike an adult, instead of talking about meor going around afraid I am going to hit on them.What about your family?Well, I am sure my mom has some idea; we've talked about homosexuality before. I think she's afraid to ask me because she's afraid of what she'd hear, I wouldn't mind telling her, but 1 don't feel theneed to. She'd probably be upset because of her religious ideas. She'd tell me I should know better, because I was brought up with her same kind of Christian values. Also; as far as the church teaching oh homosexuality, I now finally realize that il'anol wrong. If s who I am and it is spiritually right for me. Fora long time before, I let those kind of church teachings make me really fearful and depressed and 1 allowed it to suppress my true feelings and push them into dormancy.Have you been the victim of homophobia here?Yeah, there've been all kinds of stories abdut me and my apparent lovers. Once when I was at a frat-party, it was interpreted that a friend and I were lovers and as we walked by an unknown voice wliispered 'fucking dykes.'5 also get whispered about a lot and people ask my friends about me (i.e. Does she like women?). 1 feel paranoid because people seem to be overly interpeople; I would like to encourage any closet victims to persevere and keep in rriind that the homophobic individuals here wjll only affect 1/10 of your life. There is a growing gay. community par-. ticularly in larger cities and even in Galesburg that is.ready to welcome you-with open arms when you chose, .to come. jDo you classify yourself as a gay man?'Teah, 1 am. gay, .but to a straight person, I am straight. I can fit into the role pretty easily; 1 think it helps that 1 am athletic and 1 play sports -1 don't fit the 'queen1 role.How do you feel about playing theiested and aware of sexuality; this upsets me because it's probably none of their business and if they really want tokriow they should ask ME.There is a common misunderstanding that homosexuality is about.sex and it is not. Homosexual relationships are just like heterosexual relationships/arid probably with the same amount of variety. However, for me and a lot of other homosexual relationships 1 know of, the spiritual bonding can go much deeper.Another misconception is that homosexuality is a choice and it's not I personally feel that a homosexual or a bisexualalwayshas homosexual feelings and these feeling6 are not chosen or created anymore, than. someone chooses their skin color, ., .Qut fclroicej. cpmes in deciding if end when wech oo se.tofulfillourselves, when we choose, to ;love freely .^ncj,openly. However difficult this-choke’rriay.be in this homophobic society, 1 have found that in my life it was the right thing to do and 1 amfjlied with feelings of love, joy and .contentment that I had never experienced previously.How do you feel about living in the Monmouth environment?Now, even though I know who I am and I'm proud .and happy, 1 feel confined because of the conservative atmosphere here.! am fearful of the students' knowledge of my lesbianism becauseof criticism, misunderstanding, and other persecutions,. It saddens me that this campus is so ' small and so homophobic. It saadens nte that we can't or don't have a support groupenablingustocomeoutorexplore who weareorbecomeapolitical force to demand a place and an end to the homophobic prejudice on this campus. We don't even have any gay magazines and literature which are a source of strength and encouragement to the gaycommunity.We are here and we are wonderfulstraight role? /' I'll tellyoii the three Ihirigs that come to mind; I feel lonely, trapped and Kurt, very hurt. People will never accept me for who lam; most people are tooclosed-minded to even come close to understanding, or evert wanting to understand who I am. ’When did you know you were gay?■ Eversincel wasalittle boy I've been attracted to men; I got crushes on boys, not girls. When I was a junior in high school I went, out with a girl. It was the most terrible and empty tiling. 1 tried to sleep with her once and afterwards I went home and cried for hours because I didn't feel anything at all. I ended it with-her by .telling -her . my ..parents wouldn't lettme date- ./ ‘. 1 knewi was gay-but Uried to repress it; 1 told myself if l.jugt-found.the right girl everything would be different. My freshman year in high school I spent a lot of time in the library reading.Of course, that included stuff about gays and homosexuals. Finally 1 could identify myself; finally I had a name for what I was feeling.. It felt great to know that what I was feeling was real and other people in the world felt the way I did. I came out tomyself that year (at 15), but I never told a soul.! didn't have my fist experience with a man until the summer before 1 came to college.Do your parents know?My mom knows, but my father, doesn't. 1 think he'd still love me and try ■' to. understand if he knew, but it would Be a difficult thing for him, he wouldn't want to-accept it. So right now I just don't want to deal with it, it's not the . right time. I told my room when I wasl5;;■ I remember hergomg into her room and crying for three hours.Then she came out and told me I was ‘Satan's child' and that I was going to go 1 to hell. 1. was brought up in a vary. Roman Catholic family, 1 told her! wasgoing to move out because I couldn't bear to face her knowing how she felt; I . told herbecausel waslookingfor under- . standing; I got the opposite. She came around a little bit later on; .she put her arms around me and told me she didn't want me to leave because I'm her baby. However, it is still a .difficult thing to deal-.with,pecause I'know, she still struggles with those religious notions.Do your brothers and sisters know?No, they don't. I haven't told them because I think it would spoil their image of me as a football star or whatever•Do your friends know?. Nobody at school knows, only close friends, childhood friends know. (f you grow up with someone, they're with you your whole life and they see that your life is normal, just like theirs. They see that I'm not a freak, that I have values and morals, l.don't 'sleep around/I care a lot about myself and my body. People think being gay is just about haying sex with other men aud it's not; it’s just like heterosexual relationships.Why aren’t you out here?Because. 1 don't want people to be afraid to be friend. Thisisa verystraight-. Jacedcampus-Allmyfriendsarestraight; if they knew they’d probably thinkl'd be lusting after them in the locker roam or they'd automatically think I knew a lot about clothes and.art (People always think that gay means effeminateOShit, 1 am pretty ignorant about that stuff.How do you feel about the Monmouth environment?People here, faculty and admini stra-tion included, are.going to have to wake up. This, is not,a disease,;this is not:a psychological 'problem, this, is not -a spiritual problem..it's a natural part, of.. me; it feels right. How can something tbatfeeisrightand natural inevcry sense be wrong?Do you classify yourself as bisexual?'Tes, definitely, and thissimply means that I can experience strong emotional, physical and spiritual attachments and attractions for both women and men.When didyou knowyou were bisexual?The concept of bisexuality is something you hear about even less than homosexuality, so I had no name or reference for my feelings for a long time,* although those • feelings were always tiierefdcdidnti'cQtnei'to call myself bi-saOTal.untililityasHS;'..I've always -£adstt:oog feelings for other, women; and,! dO'think that my lesbian feelings arrived first; however, this does not mean that I am really a lesbian who is just half in the closet. I have had very strong relationships with men arid I am not going to give up or deny my feelings for men just to (it into the lesbian role, I remember during my early leeri years all my friends were ■starting to go out with boys and Ididn't know what to do, because although I liked boys too, I didn’t want, to leave my •; attraction to girls.I started to feel very guilty and con-, fused because I would get big romantic crushes on my girlfriends and then I would get jealous of their boyfriends.continued on page 7Join AWS and Fulton Hail for an informal, informational program on homophobia at 11:30 on Decernber 111n the ,'Highlander Room.
Newspaper Details
Monmouth College Newspaper Oracle
Monmouth, Illinois, US
Mon, Dec 09, 1991
Page 3
Full Page
Clipped by
Anonymous
USA 29 May 2024
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