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j Homophobia, continued froi Eventually, 1 suppressed and denied my tv feelings for women. I have a vivid ». memory of this when I heard someone ; vety close to me talking about the dyke£” on t. v.; I remember hirh'saying something /. about sicknes.andgoing against Gods’ law, 'fhis upsei me^and'confesed me very much and 1 remember Making* a vow to myself that I’d never, let my feelings for women out, or tell anyone about them. - Throughout_r„'. my teen years, 1 had overtly, romantic relationships with just men aiul most of ’;. these were deep and loving; however, j something was missing, a side of me lay dormant and unfulfilled-my love for women. When 1 was 18, I began a journey of self-discovery and self-heal-, ing and this included cbming into hiy own bisexuality and it was during this time tihat I had my first relationship with —' a woman Are you owf to yonx family?Well; my mom and one * of my siblings know; the rest of thefam-’ . fly pitiably has some idea, but I don't * ■ -feel any real rierf;tox»me out and dis-f cuss it witti them. How did they react? ; : Fortunatrfy; most of my family has a great capacity for understanding diver-. sity. My mother wasaccepting but also rather fearful; she warnedmatiriy Hfo would be more difficult, (shenventiofted : V gay-bashing e.tc.). ■ However,/sfere-V spects who l am and she is supportive.m page 7My sister said, you have to do whatever makes you happy.What about your friends? .?IA good deal'of my straight . 'friends know hhd ^y accept it; however, this‘! hasn't an -easy road. Obviousiy^most people, have not been exposed to bisexuality and they have a.. difficult time really understanding it. With women, you always run into the thing where they thinkyou want to sleep with them. Here, even straight women who I don’t even know, convey this fear to me; they need to get1 a grip. Most of my friends however, are matureenough . to talk to me about these fears.Have you been the victim of homophobia here? '. /Oh yes, from the subtle to the very blatant. I was at a party on campus aiidl was talking to a women friend. We were being silly and she put her arim. around me 0 think to escape from an ftisistentpereuer), we were just standing there tike that talking and people hadtheireyesncarlyfallingoutoftoeirheads staiTing,,itwassofunny! (I find biphobic : episodes much easier to deal with since Fve learned to bug^h about it).Later, I walked dbwnstairs and some guy said, go nm after your girlfriend bitch, in thisreally hostile tone. Gosh, she waan’tmy girlfriend arid why am la bitch because he thought she was, (frag?ile masculinity?). Other people just talk or whisper about me and some people just stare at me in certain situations that involve homosexuality (checking my reaction): ’ All of 'this is- iincofafOrtable because it's usually judgemental’and if'S inSt generally invading. If people'would like td^dw^hfelhing in an effort to understand, they should ask me and I’ll try to answer; if they want to give me a. lessonmpeudckhristiarirhpral^lOl withthe special bonus about hell, no thanks.How do you feel about this kind of atmosphere?• Many people have a conception that bisexuality is just a decadent sexual fancy; they refuse to confront the true emotional, spiritual and yes, even physical value of this expansive kind of ' love because it threatens them. None of us are exempt from the conditioning of our society which tells us that this is uiaccep table-My bisexuality makespeoplequestion the validity of certain core beliefs; about the sacredness of our society s’ interpretaion, of certain sections of Gods' law (keepingGods1 ”favor);the family unit and their own unquestioned, compulsive heterosexuality.1 think a lot of people fear that if this kindofdiversity isuniversally accepted, these traditional foundations will be lost and theycan’lsee a better aJfemative. Soby many people Tm seen, m varyingdegrees depending on the person, as a threat, (as evil or sick or just decadent). This perception is difficult and annoying to deal with;'however, the more people are made to confront these issues, the moxe wc wiii be able to dispel these confining fears and misconceptions, which I feel are confining not just for homosexuals and bisexuals, but for everyone.I think there is a lot of power in embracing the potential held in this kind of expansive love, (platonically or otherwise). However, not being able to see the positive value in it, is too bad; but, it does not give anyone the right to stop me from experiencing it.Moiimouth college is a pathetically homophobic environment. The • phobia I've experienced here forced me to confront and push past my own internalized (bi) homophobia; I had to find out why their, phobia bothered me so much and then 1 had to find enough strength and love for who I am to deal with it.The Monmouth college community also needs to confront its' homophobia; Homophobia means constraint for everyone; it causes those who are not heterosexual great pain and confusion, it locks the phobic into a closed fearfulness and hatefulness* It denies for all of us,the valueof our freedom to think, to explore and to live in a truly open manner.
Newspaper Details
Monmouth College Newspaper Oracle
Monmouth, Illinois, US
Mon, Dec 09, 1991
Page 8
Full Page
Clipped by
Anonymous
USA 29 May 2024
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