Hide Article Text (OCR)
TRIBUTION OF MANPOWER?Nemo’s Terrible Life of CrimeHow He'Nearly Stole the Mona Lisa| T -vas reported in last week’s Sunday Times that a cat burglar, who has all the qualities of Raffles, is at large in London and is believed to be responsible for thfe theft of jewels amounting to the value of £30,000. Excellent though this haul may be, as a eat burglar I am not at all impressed (with the man, for on three occasions he was very nearly caught, which essentially stamps him as nothing better than a aecond-slnrey worker. An amateur, in act.My next stpp was to hide all my purchases under my bed until the time came for mo. to go about my business of lifting the diamond. Unfortunately the stopper came out of the jar of chloroform and anaesthetised me while I was asleep, and when I came round again I found that some dastard had forestalled me by stealing the jewel, I was so cross that I went and let all the air out of the front tyre of a policeman's bicycle.IcWhen 1 embarked on a life! of crime there was none of this j nearly-caught stuff about myj methods; everything 3 did ’ivnsj carefully planned and thn- j ■ roughly executed. jj If 1 saw any chance of being jI detected I just discarded theMy next exploit was to a r ran pi to steal the Mona Lisa from the Paris Louvre. Using much filename tactics, / carefully made my plans, only this time } substituted ether for (he. chloroform laiih ic hid i to over potter flu night watchman.Would von credit it, when 1 seti| job T had in mind and act about {out lvmn my lodgings for the | planning another. j Louvre the eontents bills of allj Mv first crime. I remember, J the evening newspapers an-j was when I was going to school, i11011 need that some villain hadI had to travel on the old Metro-jpolitnn Railway, and, despite the urgcnL notices in every carriage about throwing things out of the window. I once threw a homo-made bun T was Inking for my lunch at a platelayer, thereby seriously injuring him when he tried to rat it.sneaked into the art gallery andmade off with the Mona Lisa? I was that, mad that. I went and let nil the aii’ out of tin* rear tyre of a policeman’s bicycle. No, wait a moment, tins lime it was a postman’s.By now I was so depraved that, one night I actually found myselfFrom this, as may be well!sitting in the front row of the imagined, it. was but a short, step j Foliea Berg^re. Right in the to thinking about pulling the [front rov; I was; as bold as brass, communication cord ifine £n ion And two nights later 1 went tothe Moulin Rouge. No wonder it I went and got burnt down.improper use),! -Sfi or'king Revt'lotionsThen came the Great War, And after that came the end of the Great War.1 nipenitent to the hiut! Steeped to the backbone though ! I am in the blackest crimes in -the calendar, 5 am thankful to ; say I only thought about this ‘niece of villainy. But don’t let' But although I lived right that put you off reading th.ss.1 through the last peace, I was not !Terrible revelations are to come. ' purified. No; I continued in my In Ifloa W. Bullock grabbed the, wicked ways \mtil even London Derby on Slgnorinetta. Natur- was not big enough to hide me, ! ally I made a book on the race • so I came to South Africa va.lol-jat school, and when the winner; ing bulls in a cattle ship hound i rolled home at 100 to 1, what do-for Australia.| you think T did to celebrate? Oh.; When I arrived at dupe | lor. I went and stole one of my: Tfm n ( tn|(, jhlt;, immigration] father’s cigars find smoked it in i the fowl run. It didn't have anytill effect on me, I'm sorry to any,but three of the neighbour’s fowls;that we were minding until t.he, jowners got tired of searching for; i them went and died. {people a big story—* said I was Bernard Shaw in disguise. They said I call 1(1 land if that was the case, but I would have to leave my bulls oil board.What did I rare? I just nunc*' Four years later, at the earnest ‘straight ashore and _ nrve» oven . ' n ... , -r caul niind.hvp In a sinEflo bull.! request of the headmaster, I left;*** glt;«»d-lye In a single bull - ‘ ■ ■ • r*. _ _.;From Cape I own I cfime toschool and went to work in Paris.I hadn't been there more than six {Johannesburg, determined tomonths when a famous society woman arrived, complete with the Hope diamond.No sooner rlid I got to hear about this than I made up my mind to steal the jewel.show’ some of the Smart Alecshere just what time o' day it was. None nf them wanted to know; they all said they had watches of their own.In desperation I determined In marrv a rich widow and then I bought myself one of the\ isr;n hPt- unfortunately for mo best jemmies that Pans could J c‘hoH£l a iafjy who got in first produce, a rope ladder, a largei j ' |qonrlt;1 mo for the sake of jar of chloroform and a 7e.n-\ jns,nance money. But a fat knife that had one of those tvi- )oJ of 0.ood u (Ud her. She per-ptements in it for extracting! fQrmelt;f ^ ^eiient dance in stones from horses' hooves. imid-*ir. There was no encore.I intended to prise the diamond Every year si net* then I makeout of its setting and throw the latter away so as to be sure of being rid of any incriminating evidence in case the diamond wasa point of going out to my grave and laying n bunch of radishes on it. Except, of course, when 1 take some col cry.
Newspaper Details
Sunday Times
Johannesburg, Gauteng, ZA
Sun, Dec 02, 1945
Page 9
Full Page
Clipped by
Pascalle J.
ZA 22 May 2025
Other Publications Near Johannesburg, Gauteng
Sunday Times
