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Defending The State Of MarriageBv Jl I)V M \Wi(,TQ\ liiiilt;^1nengnis ana perogauves. quotes a woman lawyer whoCommentsays the movement backfired in our faces What women's liberation, and particularly the sexualrevolution did. was maketo bail out with a minimum ofcarnageA universal trait in the successful marriages he found is that the couples have struggled to achieve(\1(I(the things that happens whenyou write a newspapercolumn is you get a lot of freebooks from publishers in themail. Some columnists getreally good free books Mostof the free books I seem toget are about as readable asmy geology textbook was incollege. An exception hasoccurred, however, in theform of a short book thatarrived last week called ‘inDefense of Marriage, w hichI opened and found I couldn'tput dow n.The book b\ Art Carey, an• » tassociate editor of the Philadelphia Enquirer s magazine, chronicles his odvsse\ from divorce afterwsix years ot marriage, through the singles scene, and onto his decision to remarrv, which stunned hiswfriends. Said a colleague, “You really blew it. You hadweverything going for you.Why did you do 11 ? *«► •He did it. he writes.because he believes in theinstitution. My respect formarriage stems partly froma respect for tradition. Hut italso reflects mv conviction*that marriage has lasted as long as it has because, by and large, it works. For all itsmany imperfections, it is still the best arrangement people have come up with for structuring relationships, organizing family and kin and, as a married friend of mine put it. being the best you can be Writes Carey: “This is nowsong of repentance by a reformed rake. When I was single, I was single with gusto, but for me the pleasures of bachelorhood never matched the pleasures ot married life. In fact, mv%rexperiences .. only affirmed my belief in marriage and fired my longing for its quiet, subtle joys.'Carey s experiences are interspersed w ith those of his friends and acquaintances We hear the voices of men who say women don’t know what they want from menwanymore, or else they wanttoo much, and of young professional women who say they simply can't find men to love.Says one women: it’s worse than just a wasteland It's a No Man's Land.And Carey writes:From what I saw when Iwas single. I d have to agree At times, I was ashamed for my sex w hen women told me their horror stories No longer compelled to conform to the breadwinner ethic, many young mentoday have regressed. They have become boring, selfish Peter Pans, lackingcharacter, spine and a senseof responsibility Carey suspects some of what lias happened is the fault of the women’smovement which, he writes, has left men feeling stripped of their traditionalwomen more vulnerable to predatory men.Jj Men, he feels, are particularly put off by the hard -ncharging professional women, and he quotes a male friend who describes them as women who don’t want to be loved; they want to be promoted ”While more and more people are remaining single, Carey found through his experiences and those of his divorced and remarried friends, that the joys of singlehood were about as substantial as meringue In the end, Carey began w ishing for a wife, which led him to examine why some marriages flourish and others fail. One reason so many relationships and marriages founder these days is that people too often confuse love and being in love. When the newness wears off, when the passion cools, when fights occur and problems arise, they immediately assume love has died and begin plotting waystogether, so that eventually the marriage itself emerges 1 as a kind of lifetime ac- 1 complishment that they wish Ifiercely to orotect.” 1lt;Carey is a journalist, not a sociologist, so his book is free , of jargon and full of people The result is a contemporary m and provocative look at a very old question The book w ill ring true to young, single people who are living with the gnawing idea that there is more to life; to those who are struggling in marriages and wonder what they are accomplishing; to those who are working at it and succeeding There is nothing saccharine about it. It is personal, and often poignant, particularly when the men and women he has interviewed bare their pain, loneliness and frustrations.But it is a book that reaffirms what many men and women have discovered time and again across the ages: It is better to go through life with someone you love, than alone.
Newspaper Details
Herkimer Evening Telegram
Herkimer, New York, US
Wed, Jul 11, 1984
Page 4
Full Page
Clipped by
Art C.
USA 24 Feb 2022
Other Publications Near Herkimer, New York
Herkimer Democrat and Little Falls Gazette
Herkimer Democrat
Herkimer County Democrat
Herkimer County American
Herkimer Evening Telegram
