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5m~TIic Charleston Gazette Sunday, Sept. 21. 1952Old Monster-Watcher Scoffs at Reports Of Green Visitor with Red Face, TailStwj Ttrm: Boys Spot Appalling Creature near J'latw nods; Nf*s Item: Braxton Monster Left Skid Tra-cks: Mor.sLcr reported in Mnrsanlown; Monster hi WhrelinK; Mon* tar may have touched Beck lev, BiucCitUl. Clarksburg, Martins-burr and Elkins In all-sUtc circle lour. Hull Holds Monster Rally In Ripley « . .By Jiin (Monstrous) Dent(Sicfj Writer jor The Gazette)Xitnev S. Freebie, the man who has never seen a flying saucer and doesn't wan; to see one, was furious when he stalked into The Gazette editorial oftices yesterday.••Monsters! he snorted, when asked what was troubling him. “These people up here who saw a monster—one measly little monster—and they get all excited. Why, man and boy I've seen more monsters than any four people. I've seen monsters all over the Ycw-Nited States and part of Canady. I've seen some that'd make your hair curl and some that didn't amount to nothin stall.He seated himself comfortably and switched his chew for easier talking.“I never saw so much fuss and to do over nothin’,1’ he exclaimed, rapping a copy boy over the head sharply with his cane.Monster in San FranciscoThen he began to tell his story, as if anything could stop him:“First 'monster I ever saw was in 1892, he said. “I was walking along a street in San Francisco. Just'left a let tie bar up the street and I was having a bit of trouble because the sidewalk kept jumping up and down in front of me. a later come to discover they was havin’ an earthquake and I was the only thing in town that didn’t fall dowrJ Two lampposts stooped right out. in the middle of the road in ft cnt of me and there leaning on one of them was thismonster.•'He was about 12 feet tall, neara? I could calculate, and was sort of an orangey color with pink spots. Breathing fire, he was. anda long tail. He had horns. All self respecting munsters have horns, son, and big bulgy eyeballs. Well. I’m a polite man and I spoke to him. He never said a word—just breathed more fire. J walked past him and on up the si reel and when I turned around, he was gone.Monster in Pasture“Next one I run into was quite some time later. I was crossing a pasture going home and all at once this monster got up right in front of me. Like to scaled me to death. This one was walking on all fours. Had horns and big bulgy eyeballs. Bellered a lot.Freebie paused and pointed to the back of his neck.“Run into another one the same night.” he continued. 'T went into the house by the back, door and all the lights was off. I opened the door and went in. About halfway across the kitchen, I heard something stirrir/. I narrowed my eyes and looked around.” Freebie suited his words to action by narrowing his eyes and looking around, frightening the woman’s page editor into hysterics. He ignored her screams and the voices of several reporters as they tried to cairn her.“I slinked across the floor and suddenly I put my foot down on somethin’ soft. There was the most ferocious belter you ever heard in your life and this monster jumped up scream in* and spitUn1. This was a pretty small monster and didn't have any horns. Had big bulgy eyeballs though.Well. sir. I lit out across that pasture and didn't even Iqok back. I could tell he was a’comin’ after me though. Felt his breath on the back of my neck.” Heresand. Nuther time, they stretched a rope across my front door and when I came out I near to cut my head off. Oh, they’re mean ones, they are. Big bulgy eyeballs, too.“Now the worst lookin’ monster X ever saw was one night up in Monongalia County. I had just bought some medicine from a man back in the hills—made it himself, he did—to cure a leetle cold I had.” He coughed expectantly but nothing'happened. He sighed.“Well, sir. I took the first dose right then and there and started back to town. I hadn’t gone move than about a quarter of a mile when all of a sudden this monster jumps up in front of me. He was disguised in a fur coat, rac-* ccon I think it was, but the big bulgy eyeballs give him away, X jumped up and said, 'Whut's thet?' 'Gamma, Gamma, Gamma,’ the monster said. 'Begone/ says I. 'Beta, Beta, Beta/ he yells, and flaps his raccoon coat and takes off. B’gosfc, if I weren't scared, but I followed him. He runs back 10 where a lot more of these monsters is standing and speaks to 'em in his own language.“Then I saw the gol derndest thing ever. They picks him, up and throws him down and begins belaying him with big long sticks wood. Prob’ly punishing him not bringin’ me back.‘Know how 1 know so much about monsters?” he asked suddenly, poking the sports editor in the 'stomach with his cane. ‘Til tell you. I read all them science fiction books and lots o’ comic books, too. I saw one of the most fee-roclous lookin’ animals X ever did see in one of them comic books. He was real lookin' with big teeth. Horns“They’s also some monsters lives near me that are disguised as children. 1 know they're d i s ** guised because no human being could make that much noise or do the things they do. They know' I know they’re reallymonsters, too, and bulgy eyeballs o’course and and they try to he was chewin' on an elephant, torture rne. JusU..::--—yesterday, one|: of 'em slipped up while I ivas takin1 a nap and hit me over the head with a sock full of“Well, sir, do you know that the immediate next night I was out, I seen the same thing? Just as big as life. Course he wasn't chewin' on an elephant. They ain’t no elephants around where I live. . But he was hongry lookin’ and droolin' at the mouth. Looked right at me/* He paused in his narrative acid looked around the office.City Room Monsters“Ain’t got no spittons, eh?n heasked. He opened the bottom drawer of a nearby dpsk.Wal, X gotta go, now, son,” he said. ‘TH tell you same- more about monsters later. Them people and their one measly monster.”Mutter and chuckling to himself. Freebie started to leave the office bumping into the city editor. Freebie stopped, blinked his eyes and grabbed the city editor by the front of the shirt. “Great balls of fire, I caught one,” he yelled. “Look at them bulgy eyeballs/*Picked her up like she was nuthin', be did. _____ . .____. .... ......... .. .. ..... ..... .1,.MM.i........wMMVwA.V.WWWAW...WA,AVA,.V.V.V.WAVA7.V.’.WA,fffi®:of for
Newspaper Details
Charleston Gazette
Charleston, West Virginia, US
Sun, Sep 21, 1952
Page 49
Full Page
Clipped by
Jeff H.
NA, 07 Jul 2023
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