to discuss with settlers being helped by IPHAE. But Oliveira believes that the seeds planted today couldIt is not easy to persuade the fanners to use these meth- eventually help save the Amazon forest from devastation. 'Buck / ‘Never been normal... never fit in’Continued from page Altapes of what he thought were “satan-ic meetings” and music, which he tried to play backwards.“They all had some influence in (the murder), but they didn’t force me to (kill the boy). But you could say it was a contributing factor,” Buck said.Buck said he was-seduced by the occult because he was always looking for something more, somewhere to fit in. He doesn't consider himself insane, but says, ‘‘I’ve never been normal. I’ve never fit in anywhere, I don’t understand myself anymore. I never have.”Buck has used a defense of insanity throughout his one-week, non-jury trial.During the trial that ended May 26, Buck did not testify in his own defense. His interview with the Courier Wednesday was the first time he has spoken publicly about the murder. His version of the events sometimes differed from trial testimony.Testimony indicated Buck was watching Gerdemann’s three children while Trenia went to the store. Darren apparently misbehaved, and Buck threatened to — and then did — shoot the boy with a pellet gun if he didn’t go to his room.Buck’s description of his actions differed from trial testimony. He said he doesn’t remember any of the children misbehaving, and he woke from a nap and found himself shooting the boy and then slashing the boy’s throat to put him out of his misery. He said the boy died within seconds — not minutes, as a medical examiner testified.Buck wrapped the body in two garbage bags and stuffed it in a picnic cooler in the basement of the home. When Gerdemann relumed home, he told her Darren had been angry and ran away. The boy was reported missing, and about two hours later, police found the body during a search.“I wanted them to find him, but I didn’t want Trenia to get hurt,” Buck said. “I didn’t want Trenia to know he was dead.”It was brought up at the trial that Buck told police he hated Gerdemann’s kids, but he said that wasn’t true.“I love little kids. I liked her kids. They needed some discipline, but I liked them,” Buck said.Gerdemann said last week she thought perhaps Buck was jealous of Darren, but Buck disagrees.“I think I cared more about Darren than I did the rest of the kids. He was most like me at that age,” Buck said.In an interview last week, Gerdemann said she hated Buck for killing her son.“I can understand her hating me, but for her own sake, I hope she can forgive me. It’s not good to hate anyone, and Darren will have the chance to live again,” Buck said.Buck believes in reincarnation and believes Darren will live again. Buck believes he himself also may have had an earlier life, saying, for instance, that he may have been responsible for the elimination of the ancient Mayan civilization in South America.“I still feel like I’m responsible for some things happening,” Buck said.He said that last week he was upset and thought about a fire in Cedar Falls. Then, the next night. Standard Golf Co. in Cedar Falls burned.I’m scared that it might be myself that’s doing it,” Buck said, though he denied that he has any “powers.”“I was just upset about what’s going on, and wanted to give them a taste of what I could do.”Asked if he thought he was the devil himself, Buck said, “I thought about that, but I hope not.”“Sometimes I feel like I have no control over what I’m doing,”□But for a while, when he met Gerdemann, he felt in control. Buck and Gerdemann met last fall while they both worked at IBP inc. They began dating, and after about a month, Buck, Gerdemann and her tiiree children moved in together.He felt as if he’d finally found someone who cared for him, after always dating girls under 18 who would use him to buy cigarettes forthem or drive them around.“It was totally different from what I was used to,” Buck said. “I was used to living alone.”After a bit, Buck got restless and thought about ending the relationship with Gerdemann,.but didn’t know how to do it without hurting her.“I couldn’t see living like that. The house was always a mess, and I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I didn’t have any freedom, and I felt like I was never going to get out,” Buck said.He said he also knew the relationship “wasn’t right” because Gerdemann was still married to William Gerdemann, 38, who is in prison on a burglary charge.At the same time, Buck had also been attending school at the American Institute of Commerce in Cedar Falls for seven weeks, but dropped out.“The kids ripped up my homework, and it was the last straw,” Buck said. “I just wanted to give up on life, Nothing I ever tried ever turned out. From the day 1 graduated (from high school in La Porte City in 1989), everything went downhill.”Buck had a short stint in the U.S. Army that ended in early 1991. He said he found himself either having bad dreams or staying up all night sharpening knives while stationed in Germany.Testimony at the trial indicated Buck said he “played crazy” to be discharged from the Army, but Buck said Wednesday that it was legitimate. He said he went on a hunger strike and couldn’t handle the loss of freedom.Gerdemann last week said Buck had told her he had dressed like a woman and shaved his legs in order to get out of the Army, but Buck said that was not true.Buck accepts his upcoming lifetime prison sentence. He will be sentenced June 26. But he doesn’t think he’ll last more than a month in prison, relying on the rumor that prisoners are tough on convicts vvho’ve killed children.“But it seems like my whole life’s been a prison in one form or another,” Buck said.