Winnipeg Free Press Newspaper Archives May 16 2015, Page 2

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Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - May 16, 2015, Winnipeg, Manitoba C M Y K PAGE A2 964 REGENT AVE. W. SPECIAL SALES HOTLINE 1- 800- 616- 6551 OPEN 24 HOURS www . vickarchevrolet. ca ( Including Winnipeg) 204- 661- 8383 HOURS MON TUES 8: 30AM - 9: 00PM WED - SAT 8: 30AM - 6: 00PM FOR ADDITIONAL SAVINGS OVER AND ABOVE WHAT YOU SEE! “ LIKE” US ON & FOLLOW US ON VOLU M E DEALER IN C A NAD A # 1 2 01 2 - 2 0 1 3 - 2 01 4 OPEN TODAY! 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Don’t miss your chance to take advantage of this incredible offer. # FT3208 WIFI ENABLED VEHICLE itoba’ L est Eq $ 79 / BW* Lease Me Loaded LT Model 48 Mth WIFI ENABLED VEHICLE WIFI ENABLED VEHICLE $ 13,998 ** $ 109 ** / BW ans nce $ 19,998* D 0 % Available iFi. 0 % $ At This Price 0 % At This Price 9 9 7 * 0 % Available y 0 % Available $ 1 ors, 0 % Available 2 str muc $ 48,988* $ 299 / BW* WINNIPEG FREE PRESS 1355 Mountain Avenue Winnipeg, Manitoba, R2X 3B6 Privacy policy and questions www. winnipegfreepress. com/ privacy. html CIRCULATION INQUIRIES MISSING OR INCOMPLETE PAPER? Call or email before 11 a. m. weekdays or noon Saturday City / 204- 697- 7001 Outside Winnipeg / 1- 800- 542- 8900 press 1 6: 30 a. m. - 5 p. m. M- F. 7 a. m. - noon Saturday Closed Sunday fpcirc@ freepress. mb. ca TO SUBSCRIBE — 204- 697- 7001 Out of Winnipeg — 1- 800- 542- 8900 ADVERTISING Classified ( M- F) — 204- 697- 7100 wfpclass@ freepress. mb. ca Obituaries ( Sun- Fri) — 204- 697- 7384 Display Advertising — 204- 697- 7122 FP. Advertising@ freepress. mb. ca EDITORIAL Newsroom 204- 697- 7301 News tip 204- 697- 7292 Fax 204- 697- 7412 Photo desk 204- 697- 7304 Sports desk 204- 697- 7285 Business news 204- 697- 7301 PHOTO REPRINTS — 204- 697- 7063 City desk / City. desk@ freepress. mb. ca Letters to the editor / Letters@ freepress. mb. ca WATCH: In the Key of Bart: Old Stan . TODAY ON WINNIPEGFREEPRESS. COM READER SERVICE / GENERAL INQUIRIES 204- 697- 7000 ¥ A 2 SATURDAY, MAY 16, 2015 winnipegfreepress. com R EMEMBER the dopey 1984 science- fiction thriller movie Firestarter , the one based on a creepy Stephen King novel wherein a young girl portrayed by Drew Barrymore has the terrifying ability to start fires with her mind? It has just occurred to me that if they decide to do a remake, they should consider casting my buddy Bob in the starring role, because he has a supernatural gift for spontaneous combustion. I say that with a lot of love in my heart, because along with being my best buddy, Bob is also my boss, which means, if I managed to displease him with my “ lighthearted” attempt at “ jocularity,” he could have me exiled to Siberia. You need to know Bob is a legend when it comes to setting things on fire. For instance, way back in the 1980s when we were young reporters with steely eyes and naturally curly hair, some of us newspaper types were sitting in a local watering hole when Bob, who was in the middle of telling an elaborate story that involved sweeping arm gestures, knocked over a flaming beverage ( fiery drinks were big back in the ’ 80s) and sent a river of burning alcohol streaming down the bar, much to the horror of three innocent flight attendants who were in the path of the inferno. More recently, there was a gala dinner where something magical was in the air, by which I mean vast quantities of smoke. What happened was “ someone” at our table — I do not wish to point fingers, but his name is spelled the same way backwards and forwards — mistakenly put a basket of buns on top of a burning candle, which caused the bread to literally burst into flames in the middle of what was, until that moment, a tedious speech. I don’t wish to flog a burning horse, but a few Christmases back, Bob and his family joined us for a big turkey dinner, the highlight of which came when Bob ignited some serious excitement by accidentally setting his napkin on fire, then tried to extinguish the blaze by blowing on the flames, which only made things worse, so he bravely flung the fiery napkin with all his might across the dinner table, causing it to whiz like Halley’s comet past the ear of a visiting Chinese exchange student before bouncing off my wife and landing in a flaming heap at her feet, where I heroically saved the day by dropping a large box of chocolates on top of the napkin to douse the inferno. Which somehow brings us to the latest smouldering incident, which occurred earlier this week when my overheated buddy was invited to a fancy gathering at the home of Lloyd Axworthy to meet Evelyne Guindon, the new CEO of CUSO International. What you need to know is that Bob, who takes pride in his appearance, was wearing a new sports jacket, a stunning purplish- plaid Italian number that had been tailored for him at Uomo Casuale. Anyway, minutes into Guindon’s speech, Bob’s journalistic spider senses began tingling when he detected the distinct aroma of something burning. “ Sniff, sniff,” Bob thought. “ What can that be?” The odour quickly became more intense, which is when Bob realized the smell was coming from directly behind him, so he glanced backwards and that’s when he discovered — you will think I am making this up, but I swear it is true — the back of his brand new sports jacket was going up in flames, because my buddy had accidentally backed into a pair of burning candles on the table behind him. Now some people in this situation, assuming they were me, would have flung themselves on the floor and begun shrieking like a wounded jungle creature. But my buddy Bob is not “ some people.” Here, in his own words, is how Bob bravely handled the crisis: “ I did not want to interrupt things or make a scene. So I slapped the back of the jacket to put out the flames and stepped out of the room. I removed the jacket to make sure the fire was really out, then tossed it into the front foyer of the house.” What with being a dignified newspaper executive, Bob is not the sort to let a minor sartorial blaze throw him off stride, so he casually retrieved the singed coat, bid a polite adieu, then hot- footed it home with the smoking garment. The good news is the fire was confined to a single panel of Bob’s chic purplish jacket, and his tailors have been able to locate the same stylish fabric from the manufacturer in Montreal, so they are going to replace the burnt panel and the jacket will be ready for my pal’s next four- alarm adventure. In conclusion, I’d like to remind everyone within the sound of my voice to be extra careful over the holiday weekend. Because where there’s smoke, there’s Bob! doug. speirs@ freepress. mb. ca Goodness gracious, great Bob of fire In the Doug House Doug Speirs Arts & Life E 1 Business B 6 Books D 21 Careers B 14 Classified C 14 Comics E 9, F 9 Diversions D 18,19 Editorial A 14 49.8 D 1 Horoscope E 4 Homes G 1 Jumble C 15 Letters to the Editor A 14 Miss Lonelyhearts E 4 Movies E 8 Sports C 1 Travel F 1 TV C 17 Weather C 17 . OBITUARIES A 30 The Free Press will not publish Monday, Victoria Day. The circulation and display advertising departments will be closed. Classified advertising will be closed Sunday but open Monday 12: 30 p. m. to 3 p. m. for obituary notices only at 204- 697- 7384. Regular office hours in all departments resume Tuesday. The Free Press and its employees wish you a safe and happy holiday. In the event of a discrepancy between this list and the official winning numbers, the latter shall prevail. LOTTO MAX Winning numbers Friday were 16, 23, 24, 25, 40, 46 and 47. The bonus number was 17. NO PAPER MONDAY INSIDE UNIVERSAL Drew Barrymore played a cute firestarter in the movies. My buddy Bob is an older, real- life firestarter. LOTTERIES A_ 02_ May- 16- 15_ FP_ 01. indd A2 5/ 15/ 15 11: 21: 59 PM

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