Winnipeg Free Press Newspaper Archives Jul 23 2015, Page 24

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Winnipeg Free Press (Newspaper) - July 23, 2015, Winnipeg, Manitoba C M Y K PAGE C2 ARIES .. MARCH 21 .. APRIL 19 .. œ There’s a time bomb in This haiku and only Vin Diesel can stop it TAURUS .. APRIL 20 .. MAY 20 .. œ Vin Diesel says that He wants $ 20 million to Learn what haikus are GEMINI .. MAY 21 .. JUNE 20 .. œ I don’t know how you Can raise $ 20 million but You’d better just start CANCER .. JUNE 21 .. JULY 22 .. œ Between donations And selling your body you Have made 18 cents LEO .. JULY 23 .. AUG. 22 .. Theft is perhaps your Only option now — maybe Just rob Vin Diesel? VIRGO .. AUG. 23 .. SEPT. 22 .. œ Oddly, Diesel is Easy to rob, and accepts His money as pay LIBRA .. SEPT. 23 .. OCT. 22 .. œ So now Vin Diesel Knows what haikus are but is Not interested SCORPIO .. OCT. 23 .. NOV. 21 .. œ OK, you have lost 20 million dollars but Look at it this way: SAGITTARIUS .. NOV. 22 .. DEC. 21 .. œ I didn’t just run Out of syllables, I can Not think of good news CAPRICORN .. DEC. 22 .. JAN. 19 .. œ The bomb is about To go off so you should just Go update your will AQUARIUS .. JAN. 20 .. FEB. 18 .. œ It was nice knowing You, I’m glad that we had this Time we could connect PISCES .. FEB. 19 .. MARCH 20 .. œ The bomb went off! … Bad News, the afterlife is just Like your lousy life Swimmer can’t get over being groped at beach DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got groped at the beach. I was standing in the water in my bikini with a lot of other people around and this guy came up behind me, cupped both my cheeks, squeezed them and then dived under the water and swam underwater until he was 20 feet away. I pointed and yelled out, “ That sleaze groped me!” but he dived under again and swam farther away, and nobody really heard me. I don’t know what he looked like because I only caught a flash of him between dives. I get so mad every day thinking about it. If I ever found him, I’d belt him in the face. — Violated by Groper, Wolseley Dear Violated: This creep would be so pleased to know you are reliving the groping experience and getting shocked and angry all over again on a daily basis. He thought he would only get to do it once, so take back your power now. See a counsellor for a debriefing session and work through this so it’s no longer of any importance in your life. Klinic has free walk- in counselling at 545 Broadway most days of the week. Call 204- 784- 4067 for hours. Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a big pain in the butt that happens to be human: it’s my newly widowed father- in- law, who has come to live with us. He’s trying his best to take over as the head of our household. Today he said majestically from the big, ugly recliner he brought with him: “ I think we’ll have roast beef and Yorkshire pudding for dinner this Sunday,” and then added with a big smile that he was going to buy the roast that minute. My husband and I had planned a picnic, so I piped up and told him he didn’t need to do that because we already had plans to go to the beach on Sunday as a family for a picnic. He said loudly, “ Well, I’m going to stay home and cook a roast for the family and you can have some when you get back.” I said “ Fine, do what you like!” and he said, “ Fine!” Then my husband came home and his father said, “ Throw me the keys. I’m going out to buy this family some real food!” That took the cake, because I’m the vegetarian in the family. I said, “ Don’t give him those damn keys,” and the fight was on. I want my father- in- law out, and my husband doesn’t have the guts to tell him to get his own place and drive his own car. He’s got pots of money but he’s cheap, and he doesn’t have to pay rent here. — Want “ Dad” Out, Elmwood Dear Want Dad Out: You need to be the “ heavy” in this situation. If your husband kicks his own father out, there could be irreparable painful and permanent damage between them, so you have to insist his dad gets his own place and his own vehicle. There’s no love lost between you two now, so he’ll just be mad at you, and later, relieved. Actually, your carnivorous father- in- law could be quite happy to get away from the bossy vegetarian cook, and he’ll be able to date ladies in privacy when he’s ready. miss lonelyhearts haiku horoscopes up town WINNIPEG FREE PRESS œ THURSDAY, JULY 23, 2015 2 ¥ EDITOR: Jill Wilson jill. wilson@ freepress. mb. ca 204- 697- 7018 LISTINGS: Linda Mertin linda. mertin@ freepress. mb. ca Published by the Winnipeg Free Press, a Division of FP Canadian Newspapers Limited Partnership1355 Mountain Avenue, Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 the buzz WE PICK THE BEST OF THE WEEK up town MAUREEN SCURFIELD lovecoach@ hotmail. com TOP 10 By Jonathan Ball, Registered Fraud haikuhoroscopes. com Ant- Man Scott Bagshaw Weekend box office 1. Ant- Man, $ 57.2 million 2. Minions, $ 49.2 million 3. Trainwreck, $ 30 million 4. Inside Out, $ 11.5 million 5. Jurassic World, $ 11.4 million 6. Terminator Genisys, $ 5.4 million 7. Magic Mike XXL, $ 4.4 million 8. Gallows, $ 4 million 9. Bajrangi Bhaijaan, $ 2.6 million 10. Ted 2, $ 2.6 million — Rentrak, week ending July 12 iTunes Canada albums 1. Just the Hits 2015, Various artists 2. Kill the Lights, Luke Bryan 3. Now: 25 Top Hits of the 1990s, various artists 4. Sadnecessary, Milky Chance 5. X, Ed Sheeran 6. 30 Stars of the ’ 80s, Various artists 7. Angels and Alcohol, Alan Jackson 8. 1989, Taylor Swift 9. Legend, Bob Marley & the Whalers 10. Love Stuff, Elle King — iTunes, week ending July 21 CKUW albums 1. Circles and Lines, Basic Nature 2. Lucky Stars, Leaf Rapids 3. Black Dots, Absent Sound 4. Circle of Death, Surprise Party 5. Living Hour, Living Hour 6. Some Kind of Family, Les Jupes 7. Launch, Tyler Hornby 8. Exiles Pt. 1: Trista, the English Wraith 9. Cakewalk, Voodoo Walters 10. Success, KEN Mode — CKUW 95.9 FM, week ending July 19 UMFM albums 1. T. Nautilus, T. Nautilus 2. Sound & Color, Alabama Shakes 3. Vestige, Yes We Mystic 4. Success, KEN Mode 5. Vestiges & Claws, Jose Gonzalez 6. Circles & Lines, Basic Nature 7. Look Closer, Saun & Starr 8. Living Hour, Living Hour 9. OK Night, Michah Visser 10. Waiting Room Baby, Sc Mira — UMFM 101.5 FM, week ending July 20 BRAD OSWALD / TV Caitlyn Jenner turns her new life into reality TV fare By now, you’re probably either endlessly fascinated or completely fed up with ongoing coverage of Caitlyn ( formerly Bruce) Jenner’s journey from long- ago Olympic star to transgender woman. If you’re in the former category, this week’s première of the E! network series I Am Cait ( Sunday, July 26, at 8 p. m.) will likely find a spot on your must- see list. In keeping with the tradition of Keeping Up With the Kardashians and other series featuring the American family most famous for being famous, Jenner’s new eight- part series will follow her daily life and all the complications being transgender, and by- extension Kardashian, can bring. RANDALL KING / MOVIES Great war yields great film Montana’s own Andy Smetanka isn’t exactly a local filmmaker, but he gets honorary status as the guy who provided the animated sequences of Guy Maddin’s My Winnipeg , and thus deserves attention for his animated feature documentary of the First World War, And We Were Young, at the Gimli Film Festival, July 24 and 25 at the Gimli Unitarian Church Aspire Theatre. Both screenings are at 10 a. m. BEN MacPHEE- SIGURDSON / FOOD Local chef readying new resto Chef/ restaurateur Scott Bagshaw, who runs Deseo Bistro in Fort Rouge and Enoteca in River Heights, has a Crescentwood project coming down the pipe. Bagshaw plans to open Maque, an Asian- influenced small- plates bistro, at Stafford Street and Dorchester Avenue as soon as next month. Enoteca’s Instagram account posted a picture of a menu in progress for the new space, listed as “ Coming August 2015,” with a couple of bao — open- faced steamed buns — as appetizers. The Asian take is a departure for Bagshaw, who riffs off Spanish and Italian cuisine at this other two spots. ANTHONY AUGUSTINE / MUSIC Remixing Rihanna Even before he was dropping festival- ready remixes with maverick producer Diplo, Montreal’s Grandtheft was part of the celebrated Team Canada mashup crew. While he has moved on from mashups, his skills in the studio are still put to good use on this recent reworking, with Diplo, of Rihanna’s Bitch Better Have My Money. Grandtheft will make his triumphant return to the city at Bastid’s BBQ at the Union Sound Hall parking lot on July 25. Tickets are $ 15 in advance at the Urban Bakery or Music Trader. Visit bit. ly/ grandtheft_ remix to hear Diplo and Grandtheft’s drum- heavy workout. KEVIN PROKOSH / THEATRE Holy late night show, Batman The première of One Man Dark Knight is set for 11: 30 p. m. Friday, July 24, at the West End Cultural Centre. Charlie Ross, the Victoria talent behind fringe festival sellouts One Man Star Wars Trilogy and One Man Lord of the Rings , has been working on completing his trilogy of trilogies and for the first time will present his latest in its entirety in Winnipeg. It is based on Batman Begins, The Dark Knight and The Dark Knight Rises . There is a pay- what- you- can admission, with all the proceeds going to Winnipeg Harvest. Grandtheft C_ 02_ Jul- 23- 15_ FP_ 01. indd C2 7/ 22/ 15 4: 39: 20 PM

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