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New Mexican (Newspaper) - October 2, 2005, Santa Fe, New Mexico D8 THE NEW MEXICAN Sunday October 2 2O05 TIME OUT Horoscope JACQUELINE BlGAR Stars HAPPY BIRTHDAY for Sunday Oct 2 2OO5 Your creativity comes to the forefront this year You seem like a fountain of ideas that never stop and keep flowing An innate talent could bring more money or acceptance If you are single others find you to be magnetic and want to be with you The biggest problem is whom to choose if you are attached remember that a relationship is a twoway street Leo can annoy you The Stars Show the Kind of Day Youll Have 5Dynamic 4Positive 3Average 2Soso 1Difficult ARIES March 21Apri 19 In some way you could feel oddly uncom fortable around someone you usually can hang loose with Accept an invitation that pulls you away from the here and now Tonight Others seek you out TAURUS April 20May 20 You might not want to change your plans Honestly you do need a day of rest and relax ation Let go of pressure and tension and just indulge yourself A friend or loved one could be acting weird Tonight Easy is the only way GEMINI May 21June 2O When you get in that frisky adventurous mood no one can hold you back Today is an example First though complete a favor or an errand Someone is counting on you to come through Tonight You are starting your weekend CANCER June 21JuEy 22 You might want to invite others over You love to entertain at home so why not do just that Not every gettogether needs to be planned Spontaneity works well A child or loved one wants more time Tonight Wind down LEO July 23Aug 22 Be aware of others requests People often ask a lot of you because you make everything look so easy You might incur someones wrath Tonight At a favorite spot VIRGO Aug 23Sept 22 You might be forced to think about the costs of some frivolous behavior you have been indulging in Tonight Gather your bills LIBRA Sept 23Oct 22 The Moon in your sign makes you the leader of the gang You might indulge a little too much or spend more money on a loved one or on having a good time than you intended Tonight The world is your oyster SCORPIO Oct 23Nov 21 Kick back and indulge in a quiet day out or at home You dont always need a gang of friends around In fact a timeout will remind you how much you like your downtime Tonight Be mys terious SAGITTARIUS Nov 22Dec 21 Friends overwhelm you with requests or just plain happiness at being around you You have to make a decision that involves a person you keep a low profile with Tonight So what if tomorrow is Monday CAPRICORN Dec 22Jan 19 You are pleased to be in control once more You add a lot to a friendship gettogethers or what ever you touch Tonight Could be late AQUARIUS Jan 20Feb 18 If you want to take off do so If you dont you could be grumbling for quite a while You are a sign that needs its freedom Tonight Come home when you want PISCES Feb 19March 20 Though you have an extremely social streak it is time to settle down and share some quality time with a friend or loved one Be sensitive to this person Tonight A feeling talk Todays answers New York Times Sunday Crossword ALL IN BY MATT SKOCZEN EDITED BY WILL SHORTZ ACROSS 1 Dogs owner 7 Cril condition areas 21 Go for 4 Famed Chicago hotel 19 Station number 20 Injured in away 22 Like an apartment with new tenants 23 Dislodging boats thai have run aground 25 Runs for no purpose 26 Long itretch 27 Go for the gold 28 Actress Mac Dowel 2 Beehives 30One calling at peak times 33 Salon worker Hears 37 Advice to a tiusband seeker singer Boz 45 Photo ID philosopher Chu 47 Respecting 4K Goddess of agriculture 49 Warn i wool Furany Ihrvc ansucis cull fmm a ocvhlnnj phoiK1 iniruirc 01 with a ciLilil rail lSOO8145554 52 Presidential monogram 55 Karaoke caller 62 Get 64 Stairstep measure 65 Spots 67 Dart 69 Medical worker in a billfold picmre 74Mex miss 75 Glass component 77 It may follow a def 78 WB competitor 80 One of the Exv ings on Dallas 81 Selective Service System once 86 Be bombastic 88 Hellenic vowel 89 Shows homage 90 First airline will commercial transpacific passenger nights 91 Lee foe 95 Football linemen Abbr 98Melbourneto Brisbane dir cant 100 Procrastinaiors pickup line 105 Like venison 106 Annual Sunday night event with the 107 Insignia 111 Bruce who appeared in Suspicion 113 Travis who sang Heres a Quarter Call Someone Who 115 Comfy footwear 116 Shade of green 117 We Help Heal sloganeer 118 Where to store extra chandeliers 122Teachers note on a lest 123Suhject to change in size as a picture on a screen 124lamouslndy500 family 125Neil Armstrongs middle name 126 Halifax hrs 127 Crosswalk users for short 128Shirley who sang Goldfinger DOWN 1 Walk leisurely 2Blessing precedcr 3 Lose a lap 4 1960s chess champ Mikhail 5 Blowup Abbr 6 Goes back into business 7 Library cataloging datum briefly 8 PC brain 9Minor 10 Helene for one 11 Markofa ruler 12Money replaced by euros 13QB stats 14 Icicle feature 15 19S4 Patrick Swayze film the first movie released with a PC13 rating 16Tlldotliar t7OriginalClarabell the Clown player 18 Brief strangers 21 Its national anthem isJanaGana Mann 24 Imperfection 29Modem address 31 Beats out 32 Accesses the Web 34 Hebrew name meaning He is my God 36Can province 38Kindofskirt 39Kitchen item Abbr 40 Perfume imlder 41 They make people raise their hands 42 Gobbles up 43 Historical novelist Holland 44Iellini orGodard work 49Acronymicpop group name 50 Teamster 51 Tennis score S3 Expensive 56BigTeninits 57 Poetic preposition 58 VCR speed mcas 59Absolule bliss 60 Turn dark 63 Look toward 66R J Reynolds pack 68 Bow 70 Rustic setting inferiors 72 Flemish painter Jan van 73 Dines 76 Anglers basket as pie 82Granl and others 83TV comic who wrote If Roast Beef Could Fly 84 Lorgnette piece 85 1997 Peter Fonda role 87 Humanitarian Wallenberg 91 Foreign flier 92 Common temple name 93 In high repute 94HaJfofadoublc fieader maybe 96Certs competitor 97 Menace 99 Place to work out 101 Joke response 102 Diner feature 103 Womans shoe style 104 Fairhiring grp 108 Some blades distance llOSmart 112 Place ofbliss expected 115 Fr ladies tnCivilWarinits 118 Troop grp 119 Outmoded 120whim 121 Sound of a leak One thief can disrupt a peaceful office community Dear Olive All my cowork ers read your column and we love to talk about it on Mondays Thats why we decided to write you for help We have a lounge with a community refrigerator Everyone brings their lunches or snacks labels them and leaves them there for their convenience Several months ago items started disappearing Maybe this is not that important but its causing frustration and tension among our group We work closely together and try to maintain group spirit and teamwork Theres only one person who doesnt seem to share our feelings and hes made things difficult by ridiculing anyone who gets upset when they find some thing missing even though hes had stufftaken too We cant figure out who might be doing this except perhaps the night clean up crew as theyre only people who have access to this lounge besides us Last week the thief took something not intended for them Our super visor brings treats in her lunch bag for her Yorkie that she often brings to work and keeps in her office She found the container missing along with her sandwich We all got a good laugh out of it wondering if the thief ate it but even though the laughter helped were all still pretty upset about this Isnt this stealing just like any other kind of theft Or are we overreacting by being this upset What can we do about it and is there a way to solve the problem Is there some way to find out if the night people are tak ing our food Well appreciate any input you can give to us FD Dear Thanks so much for writing because your questions and the issues they raise focus once again on a troublesome uni versal dilemma that comes up a lot and always seems to incite the same concerns and frustrations To start it would be helpful if you all would hold hands and take one slow collective deep breath and exhale The tension in your mes sage could be cut with a knife I admit I couldnt help but giggle when I read about Fidos treats being taken I wish I could have OLIVE GALLAGHIiR 7Ve Inner Bottom Line been a fly on the wall to see the perpetrators face when they bit into that lovely treat Talk about just desserts Sometimes there are punishments that even the most motivated victims couldnt dream up But as amusing as that image might be this is not a laughing matter It appears were living at a timein our culture that seems to be governed and I use that word very very loosely by the premise that anythings OK as long as you dont get While dozens of corporate captains have lived and gained by those words theyre not acceptable on The Inner Bottom Line Theft is theft is theft Just like one cant be a little bit pregnant one cant be a little bit honest If you take something anything which doesnt belong to you then youre a thief Period Theres no slicing or dicing the defini tion Whether its a cartridge for your home printer from the office closet or a thousand dollars from someone elses bank account its stealing Embezzlement Robbery And the end result no matter how trivial or significant the act leaves the victim feeling invaded raw and suspicious So lets deal with this turkey in your group before moving on to more important components of this complex issue This blowhole that spouted off how ridiculous the rest of you were for allowing the theft of a sandwich to upset you doesnt deserve to be a member of your group While he or she might possibly be acting defensively with ahuge dose of false bravado in a pathetic effort to keep a distorted sense of being perceived by every one as a man who doesnt sweat the small his behavior was neither respectful nor helpful Its therefore perfectly normal to want to tell him to put a sock in it Politely of course Perhaps the greatest casualty of any theft is the loss of safety and trust As I have said many times without respect there can be no trust and without trust there can be no love no affection and no camaraderie Once our sense of safety is eroded we tend to look at or hear everyone and everything differently and from there its not a big leap to fullblown paranoia and panic Another more insidious effect of theft is that it plants seeds of mis trust and suspicion Its extremely important and helpful not to jump to conclusions that merely amount to them vs Even though the cleaning crews may have access to the food it would be regretful to point a finger at them and make accusations based on assump tion instead of solid proof that if it isnt one of it must be one of Such finger pointing and mindless bias have tainted too many innocent lives You do have other options You could put a discreet video cam era in the lounge and try to catch the thief in the act You could put a lock on the refrigerator and monitor access to the keys Or you might consider starting by hold ing a group meeting that could take place in the evening so that the cleaning crew can be invited to attend You could position this meeting as a were in this together kind of gathering to solve the problem Its rather amazing to observe the shift in group dynamics when a problem is placed openly on the table in front of everyone involved including the possible perpetra tor Sometimes finding out that people are on to the jig and will be watching is enough to deter further stealth activities Sometimes not But its a benign way to open up the issue Even though it might just be food thats being taken a lot more than that is being stolen One can not put a price on the presence of trust comfort and safety within the dynamics of any group Along with our mutual vulnerability we all have a shared responsibility to protect sustain and repair that bond whenever or however it is breached or damaged Since it doesnt appear that this person is taking food because they are desperately hungry which sadly is sometimes the basis for actions like these Im hopeful that whomever is committing this pointless theft will get the message quickly and decide to just stop It might however not be that simple and while the perpetrator might be using food as their current weapon their behavior might reflect a tendency to be cruel and abusive which over time could escalate to be more destructive if they dont get the satisfaction or attention they crave Whichever case it turns out to be it is not trivial and should not be overlooked or ignored For your partjt will take patience and a continuing sense of humor and compassion along with an unwill ingness to let anyone criticize or trivialize your emotions or con cerns However you are able to get this needy or angry behavior to stop there are a lot of useful lessons to be learned from this situation regarding trust safety speaking up for yourself and demanding that all of your boundaries be respected big or small Bravo for having the courage to do so Olive Send questions to personalbest The Inner Bot tom Line trademark is a syndicated column on personal chokes and ethical dilemmas Gal lagher who lives in Santa Fe has a private practice and gives keynote speeches corporate retreats and seminars nationally Shes the author of the newly released book The Nude Ethicist A Simple Path to The Good Copyright Olive Gallagher 20O5 All rights reserved ANNIES MAILBOX Most guys prefer girls who dont look madeup Dear Annie I am a 14yearold girl and I have a question My parents have always told me a guy finds a girl more attractive if shes not wearing a bunch of makeup But to me the only way I can look good is if I put on a fair amount So whats the truth Do guys really like it better if a girl is wearing little or no makeup Want To Look Pretty Dear Pretty The truth is most guys prefer girls whodont look madeup That means keep things to a minimum At your age a little tinted lip gloss and mascara goes a long way If you overdo it you look cheap and guys think you are trying too hard You can add to your makeup as you get older if you need to The most important thing is to take good aMlvi care of your skin We know it doesnt seem that crucial now but trust us a clean healthy com plexion is always attractive arid in a few years youll be glad you paid attention to it Dear Annie My exhusband and I have been divorced for five years We have two young children who divide their week between us Our children have wonderful close and loving relationships with both of us in no small part because my ex and I are friendly and support ive of one another and we are welcoming to each others significant others For the past four years weve spent holidays together as a big extended family and include whatever members of his family and mine are in town along with our current boyfriends girlfriends and members of their families We cohost birthday parties for the children and include each other in special events We do it for our children but also because we under stand how it feels to miss out on something Weve recently encountered a handful of people who are unabashedly intent on making us stop sharing events It somehow offends them I am stunned we need to defend our selves for creating a healthy environment for our children in spite of the failure of our mar riage What can we say to them Stunned and Struggling in Florida Dear Stunned You reply enthusiastically Im so grateful we are able to put our childrens needs first Its a shame so many parents wont ;