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Ohio Cincinnati Weekly Times Newspaper Archives May 27 1986, Page 1

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Cincinnati Weekly Times (Newspaper) - May 27, 1986, Cincinnati, Ohio Vol. XLIXI.——TVo. ai.CIIVOI1VjV.A.TI, THXJRSr>Jl^Y, M^Y 87, 1886. $1 I*er Year, Never Mind. ■Y p. w. J. NeTCr mind if your clollilug is thrcadli&re and worn. And tho colors beeinnins to fade. 8uch trifles are easier by I*r to be borne Than the thought of .n bill to be p,-)!!]; For debt is a muster releutlcMand grim. He grants ;ou no rest or repose, If ouio you are sold Into bondage to him No pencil can pieturo your woes. Mcfer mind if your neighbors wonder and guess, Orer things you don’t choose to make known. Your mot ves ünd actions would trouble them leas If they would attend to their own. There's naught to rcquu-e oue to make bis affaira, Of neighborhood gossip the theme; ll a man breaks no laws, what be eats, drinks and wears, Is his own special business ’twould seem. Never mind, let the world move along as It will, Life’s changes are certain wo know; And the man that’s to-day at the top of the hill, May soon grope In tho valley below. Live rightlv, and slnnddr and gossip will fall To harm vou. and soon vou will And Tiiat the very best armor whene’er thev assail Is to SUV from the heart, “Never mind.” NOTES AND NEWS. Fred. IXiuglae lectures on “John Brown,” in Boston, Maj 20. Neal Dow isprepariug to bring out a his* torj of Probibitiuu.. Urn. Oliiibant will write a biography of the late Principal Tnltocfa. Kute Field thinks the skies Of Washington lay over those of Italy. Ex-President Arthur, says a friend, does not weigh over 100 pounds. It is said that Jlichael Davitt will oe the next Ijord Mayor of Dublin. The Harvard College orerseers have made Greek or Latin voluntary lor entrance. A Freiicbmaa baa written a book aliew-iu« bow to cook eggs in two hundred dif-lerent ways. Aiargaret Fuller’s old heme and tebool house in Cambridge, Maas., are to be pulled down. An Indiana man baa sent tbirtyriye eenta to tho Uuited States Treaannr eon* science fund. The tolls on the big SU Louis bridge •mounts to a net income of five par oant on $17,000.000. The IViliiams family, deaeendanta of Roger William*, will hold a rennion in Providence, J une ti It is now reported that the President's bridal trip will embrace Buffalo, Canada and the White Mounuius. The veteran aoter, William I^vldge, will celebrate June 20, the fiftieth anniversary of his servio# on tbe stage. The scissors grinder who sued aman in ' Napa, Cal., for twenty-five cents for eer* Ticee wen his suit. The coste were $17. Boa. £. B. Waaiibnrne baa aaeepted the Preaioenoy of the American exhiblMoa to be held in London beginning May 2,1687. The quadrennal conference of the Meth* odiet Church, South, in seseion ’ at Richmond, will elect four new Biabops to-morrow. A lecture delivered by Joseph Howard. Jr., last Sunday evening netted $8,800 for tbe cemetery fund of the New York Press Club. President Porter, of Ysle, says be thinke well of President Cleveland, adding that he ie altogether preferable to Jefferson Davis. Everybody has heard of Oscar Wilde, but not everybody knows hit full name. It is Oscar Fingall O’Flabertie Wills Wilde. It la remarked that since hfs wife died Mr. George Bancroft baa been loaing inter* eat in all be does, and even in hia beloved rose garden. The popular notion that there are acaroaly any forests in Europe is erroneons. Tbe proportion of land covered there by trees la 29 percent. John Raab, of Trenton, Penn., while at work wee taken with a fit sod fell in a ditcb, face downwara and drowned In an inpn of water. Mias Foliom, the President's fiancee, la one of the American ladiee who will be presented to (¿ueeu Victoria «t tbe next drawing room. Several tooa of mud lately arrived at Allentown, Pa., consigned to farmers to tbe vicinity, who bad paid for it at the rate of $16 36 a ton to a guano agent. Tbe paid base bull players throughout the country, the W'ashington Star states, number over 1,000, and draw annually ,eal-ariee aggregating about $900,000, Tbe dispute between Henry Ariimel, of St. Louis, and bis mother-in-law, which ended fatally for the latter, was over the poftsesstoD of a $2 motto, “God Bless Our Home.” St Peter’s Cutbedral, just flnishgd at Moscow, has five oupotaa, and 800 pounds of gold were used in overlaying them. Tbe doors of the templo cost $310,000, and tbe marble floors $1.600,000. The biggest trees in the world are tbe mammoth trees of California. One of a grove in Tulare County, according to meaBuremeniB made by members of tbe St.ile Geological Sm vcy, was ibown to be 270 feet in height, 108 feet In oircnmfer-enco at base, uud TO feet ut a point 12 feet above ground. Some of tbe treee ire 870 feet high and 84 feet in diameter. Somo of tbe largest that have been felled indicate an ngc of from 2,000 to 2.600 yeare. Iteauliful Women are made pailld and unattractive by funo tional irregulai'itlea which Dr. Plerue'a “Favorite Proeoriniion” will infallibly cure. Tiiousanda of testimoníale. By druggieis UDY UlfiLEH BAL POUDRL BY MERCER. Lady Langley prided herself on being a woman of fashion. By a ju* dicious horticultural process, her visiting list contained only the names of well known people; and she was not only anxious to get into the smartest set in London, hut was in a fair way to do so before long. Using her Iricnds as stepping stones across the river of social advancement, she had “dropped” them as carelessly as other womcu discard their last season's gowns or their troublesome admirers. To know Lady Langley oue season, to be at her smallest dinners or most select dances, was no guarantee that one wonld be admitted to her social circio six months heneo. It must be owned that the people she “dropped” did not appreciate the process. Perhaps they were unaware that Lady Langley was only fulfilling the law of social evolution. “The survival of the fittest” expressed the whole of her worldly creed. Time was, when Sir Samuel was plain Mr. Levy and the family mansion had been in the vicinity of Bays-water, when to sec a City knight at her dinner table, or a Minister from Peru at her balls, had been the summit of this lady's ambition. But times had changed. The husband had made a big coup oa tbe Slock Exchange, changed his Hebrew patronymic, entered Parliament and voted with his party so obediently that be had been rewarded with a baronetcy by an out going Tory Cabi net. The wife, a good looking wo man, now set up for a beauty, a wit and a woman of fashion. She was not ob)i'ctionabIy pushing, nor did she exhibit the mingled shyness and pride which is so often seen in the women of her race. Her dinners, well served, well composed and not too long, were ti'iumpha of their kind, and the company was often admirably selected. The mansion in Park Lane was well adapted for balls.; and it was not Lady Lauglcy’f fault if these latter entertainments were semMinics a trifle mixed. Of her own Choice she admitted only the best péople within her doors; the rest sh*<j[uietJy and |K>litcly ignored.    • But do what she would, tbore was one woman who refused to be discarded, who called pertinaciously At all hours of the day iu Park Lai%, and inundated the Langleys with invitations, and lhat was her eld<w sister, Rebecca Abrahams. Mrs. Morris Abrahams was tho wife of an opulent money lender who ^lived iu Berkeley Square. They gave suppers, at which certain young sprigs of the nobility were glad to appease their bost by putting in an appearance, and where a few dramatic and literary lions were sometim^ to be seen. For the last few years, indeed, Mr. Abrahams, in wooing Tcspectability, had avoided shady transactions, and had even been known to leml money at twenty-five per cent on good security ; a piece of self-denial which raised him, in his own eyes, to the positiou of a philanthroxdit and a benefactor to society. Now, Lady Langley’s bouse was the only one of any social status into which tho money lender and his spouse had the entry, and they were heroically determined never to give up the right which their near tela-tionship implied. Lady Langley was, however, equally determined to be rid of this last connection of her former and less brilliant days. Rebecca must be made to feel that her society was no longer acceptable. Mrs. Morris Abrahams waa a large, overdressed woman, with snjÁli bbek eyes, and a Rose of the moft unaqiiivocal tyM; a woman whom it was impossible to cut, because she seemed impervious to the moat deliberate snubbing. So Lady Langley determined to hasten the crisis by leaving her sister out of her bal pordre. This dance was to be tho event of the pi-e-Lenten season. Somehow or other Lady Langley’s party had become the topic of the hour. It was known on good authority that a certain Royal Personage would probably look in for an hour, and the ingredients ot this soiree intime had been carefully chosen. It was to be quite a small dance; but all the women, if possible, were to be noted beauties, and the smartest young men in town had bcou beaten up for the occasion. There was to be a cotiiion, lasting ihrec-quartersof an hour,about wliicli tho most extraordinary rumors were rife; aud it was known that a marvellous supper was to served, at small tables for two, exactly at 1 o’clock. Tho women would all ap{)car iu eighteenth - century gowus, with powdei*ed locks; the men were to take their choice ot Court dress, with white hair, or a correct last century costume. Nota single Israelite had been iuvited, and Lady Langley was delermiued that her rooms should not be “spoiled” by the compromising nasal organ aiid overdone toilet of her sister. No, the dance waste be nothing if not smart she had made it a vital question. She would stand or fall ou the success of her bnl poudre. A week before the dance Mrs. Morris Abrahams called on her sister in Park Lane. Lady Langley was smilingly blaud; Mrs. Abrahams was overwhelmingly. afTectionatc, but she angled for an invitation in vain. “Merely a little dance ^ot up for one or two of my pretty girl friends— quite a juvenile party! But I have taken a world of trouble to get the best people together. There’s that new American, you know ; the Prince wouldn’t come unless she was asked.” “It seems an odd thing, Maria, that you consider your own sister not good enough for your ball,” blurted out Mrs. Morris, with rising wrath. “My dear, don’t put thiugs in that brutal way. You must know what I feel. Y'oii can’t come to the dance without Morris, and Morris is—well, he isn’t exactly iuour set!” “No, thank Heaven I we aren’t in your set, ^Maria. I sincerely hope your ball will be a success!” and Mrs. Morris Abrahams swept to the door aud rustled her long skirts for the last time over her sisteFs threshold. Tlie money lender’s spouse was livid with rage and mortification as she drove back to Berkeley Square. Of one thing she was resolved, it should bo war to the knife henceforward between her younger sister and herself. For some days she nursed various schemes of vengeance, and at last hit upon a plan. Having a small supper party arranged for tho night before the famous powdered ball, she wrote a little note to a certain Mr. Jerniim-ham, a young journalist, aud bade him make one of her party. After supper, when the others had sat down to roulette, the lady cautiously iu-voigled the man of pens and ink on to the topic of Lady Langley’s ball. Of course Freddy Jcrnin'gli'am was going : was he not to chronicle its sue cess iu at least two weekly papers ? Mr. Jerningham was an elaborately dressed young man, who went everywhere and knew everybody, and could tell you all about your neighbor’s business. He knew a hundred droll stories, and useii to spend his evenings whispering to elderly dowagers behind their fans. Mrs. Morris Abraliams did not think it necessary to mention that she was not Invited to her sister’s ball; but out of pure curiosity she would like to have a list of the beauties who were to be present Did Mr. J«rn-ingham know exactly who was going? Ofourse he knew, even down to the youngest debutante who was to make her first curtsy to-morrow night Why, he had a complete list of the guests in his pocket, sent him by Lady Langley to assist him in his paiAgraphs. Yes, he could lend it to Mrs. Abrahams. Decidedly the dance was to be the social event of the day. Mrs. Abrahams looked thoroughly pleased with herself when she went up to bed that night She carried in her hand a Blue Book for 1886 and the famous list of her sister’s guests. The eventful night arrived. Lady Langley, a trifle nervous, but looking wonderfully handsome in lier powder and patches, her brocades and diamonds, stood on the lauding to receive her guests. The band was tuning up, the house was fairly ablaze with flowers and electric lights, and Sir Samuel was surveying the last arrangements in his usual pompous way, when tho name of the first arrival was bawled on tbe stairs. It was a timid young Guardsman in pale blue and silver, who was obviously terrified at finding himself alone with his hostess at the door of the empty ball room, with its shining floor and bare walls. He was followed by a dapiior young man from the Foreign Office, who looked more at ease in his court dress and white wig; and then by Lord Cecil Fitzroy, a hopeful youth who was fast ruining himself on the turf. By 11 o’clock the hostess was surrounded by at least thirty daiioiiig men, but uot a lady was to be seen in the room. Lady I.<angl6i|'’B pretty smile began to grow hard aud mechaiiicaL Horrible forebodings seized her. What could it mean r Where were all the lovely girls and dancing matrons she had bidden to the ball ? “Dooeid rum sort of show. Don’t she know any women ?” lisped Lord Cecil to the Guardsman. '*Can’t stand any more ot this! Won’t some of you sportsmen come round to my diggings, and have a b.-and-s. ? I’m off.” With this his lordship slipped down stairs, and was rejoined by other ornamental youths. It was only half-past 11 and some of tho men were going! As she stood at her post on the landing, Lady Langley could hear her guests asking for their coats, and the footmen whistling shrilly for hansoms. Presently her hopes revived as she heard the rustle of feuilnine skirts, and behold some elaborately dressou heads ascending tho staircase. Hurrying forward with eager politeness, she confronted old Lady Frumpton and her two scraggy daughters. Good Heavens t were these acid young virgins, with their aiigniar shoulders and freckles, to be tlie only specimens of female charm at the much discussed beauty show I AVlierowas the lovely Lady Hilda Graham, and where were tho two Tyrrell girls—tho twins who had inado such a seusation last season? Above all, whore was the new American, tho sylph-like Mamie P. Mappin, who had, indeed, been the bait eiuployca to lure Royalty to Park I^anc. And still more young mo** ¿^1110 dribbling in, castio" poiuo' gia„ce rouuii tl“*    looms, aud then re tiring into distant coruers to discuss the curious situation. At 12 o’clock, when Royalty arrived. all that Lady Langley had to offer in the w«ay of feminine charm consisted ot Lady Frumpton and her two angular olive branches, three or four cqnallv uniuteresfing girls, and a somewhat “done up’'dancing matron of uncertain age who ai-rived very late, aud brought two men with her. One or two melancholy valses were danced, iu which the few available women figured, with an audieime consisting of old Lady Frumpton and a small crowd of dejected looking young men with while wigs, who stood about the doors and staircase, waiting for the women to come. But 110 powdered and travestied beauties found their w’ay up the stairs. Such a night of horror Lady Langley haa never passed. Tho dance was a ghastly failure. Where, in Heaven’s name, were all her lady guests? She knew it would be the talk of the town—that odious Freddy Jerningham was al-already composing flippant para* graphs in which to chronicle her disgrace in tho weekly journals. With all her assurance. Lady Langley had at heart the diffidence of the paryenu, who is never quite sure of her position. Why, her bal poudre would make a “good story” (with variations) for every dinner table for tho next week! It was impossible to have the cotillion. So, in despair. Lady Langley opened her supper room doors, and let her young men teed, if they could uot dance. Next day the unfortunate hostess was prostrate on her sofa. A card was brought up, and she glanced at the bit of pasteboard iu a bewildered way. “Lady Hilda Graham. With kind inquiries.” » What did it mean ? A few minutes more and another card was brought up. “Mre. Bevlngton Tyrrell. The Misses Tyrrell. To inquire.” Were the peopie all mad ? These were her truant guests of last uight! Why, lu Heaven 8 name, should they couie next day “with kind inquiries?” Lady Langley was still more bewildered when a little note was banded to her. “Dear Lady Langley” (it ran), “I was real mad when I got your wire yesterday to say you had scarlet fever ill your house, and that your dance was put oflT. I had ordered my gowu from Pingat, and I expected to h%ve a lovely time! Hoping the illness is uot serious, believe me very sincerely yours,    Mamir    P.    Mappin.” Lady Langley sprang to her feet The whole thing was a plot. Some malicious person must have sent telegrams to all her principal lady guests! It was some hours before she sns-)€cted what hand had dealt her this flow in the dark, and it was uot until after a long and-cautious cross-examination of Freddy Jerningham that the injured hostess arrived at a clew. Procuring one of the telegrams, she drove to the office from which it was sent, an oflflcc in a remote part of Broinptou. There she learned that a lady, stout, dark aud thickly veiled, had come iu a four wheeled cab the day before, and had sent over fifty telegrams. It was Rebecca I—Rebecca, whom Lady Langley bad learod would “símil” her smart party, and who h|d spoiled her party Indeed.—[The London World. Quner Old lj«we of (Jonneoiicat. The original statutes against blasphemy remain almost unchanged. Some years ago, however, when a Federal Marshal endeavored to enforce the fugitive slave law in one of our Hartford County towns, which gave him and his mission a very cold reception, the irate Marshal became excited and used words which recently attracted attention on the deck of the Pinafore. To his surprise aud his very distinctly-expressed disgust he was brought before a magistrate, tinder the old law of blasphemy of 1642, and to get out of the town cost him $17. Ill 1726 a fine of 6d. "was Imposed on members who sincflted in the ball of Represeiilatives. Ill 1729 it was ordered by the Gov* eriior, Council and Representatives Iii General Court assembled, “That tha Governor, Deputy Governor, asso» ciatcs and Represe uta lives, Judges of Superior Courts and Justices of the inferior courts, shall have free ferriage when traveling ou public business.” The preamble recites that“tno ferries bad grown profitable aud were not taxed.” This is the oiigiii of our free paso legislation. It is currently reported that free transportation is not ofiensive to the modern legislator, although tho IransiKn'tation companies are no longer exempt from the duty of paving taxes. In 1771 Ezekiel Williams, Esq., exhibited his account of “sundries for preparing cake, cyder and cheese, etc., for election, attending the Assembly, etc., amounting to £23 and Is lawfiil money,” which was allowed. Ills itemized bill shows that “the great election cake cost about ¿3, and Mrs. Lcdiie received £2 5d for making it other items arc; Sixteen dozcu pipes, lOd 8d; tobacco aud candles, £l 10s; two barrels cider and portcr-«g''.    4s, and a man to draw the sanie, 3s; 18 pounds cheese, 7s 6J. GREAT MEN’S AUTOGRAPHS. Tho Collectioo Made by tbe Late William H. Ferris. New York ciiy is Amcric I's metropolis; bur pride is Dr. Bull’s Cougb Syrup at 25c. fN. Y. Times.l One of the most valuable collections of autographs in America was gath ered by Mr. William H. Ferris, Cash ierof the United States Sub-Treasury, now deceased. Mr. Ferns was a gentleman of culture and refined literary tastes, aud ill tho fifties he formed the purpose to obtaiu the autographs of men who were prominent in the walks of life by reason of their mental and artistic gifts and personal qualities, but of none who w’cre con spicuous merely from their wealth. The result was an imposing array of names to every one of whom at taches some inteilectual interest and of whom it can uot be said that any are insignificant. But this notable collection was not accumulated in day or a month, but only after the labor of years. It had to be a labor of love and of patience, too, for in these days of autograph huutiug one of the penalties of greatness is to be besieged with requests of this char actor, which are not always good natnredly complied with by tho recipients. It BO happened in several instances that Mr. Ferris obtained some greatly coveted signatures which are not often seen in autograph albums by the exercise of tact, diplomacy, and a little judicious flattery. He was more fortuiiate than the average autograph hunter in that he never was refused. Tho messenger always returned with the desired signature, or if the album was forwarded by express to distant partsoftlie couulry, as it was many times, it always came back with one or two names added to the interesting number. Some of the notables in the generosity of their hearts added souti-inonts, or opinions that happened to be on the ends of their pens at the time, which, ot conree, contributed to the satisfactiou ot the collector. This autograph album,aa intiiiiated, has traveled hundreds of miles under a financial guarantee against loss 011 the part of the express company, al though money could hardly replace it with Mr. Ferris. In his large and costly library there was 110 volume he prized so highly. Án examinatioo of the album will at ouce disclose its treasures. The first autograph that meets .the eye, although by no means the first in the order of collection, is that of 'TJ. S. Grant, Lieutenant General Uuiteii States Army.” It was written in Washington on March 25,1866, when the war was over, and just four months later. Congress having created the grade of General of the Army, hitherto unknown in the Army ot the Uuited States, Grant was commissioned General the same day, and Major General Sherman was promoted to be Lieutenant General. Tho following nineteen years of General Grant’s lite did not make much difference with his autograph. The book was sent to Washington, and in the White House, on March 20, 1862, President Lincoln added his name at the request of a mutual frieud. He wrote; “Below is my autograpli for j'our frieud, as you request. Yonrs, truly, “A. Lincoln.” President Lincoln wrote “ato-graph,” but corrected it by adding the “u.’’ Mrs. Lincoln was present at the time and remarked: “1 supimse the gentleman wants my name, too,” and 60 she tollowed her husband’s signature with “Yours, truly, Mary Lincoln,” in a clear, firm hand. The autographs of William JI. Seward, Auburn, and Gideon Welles are found on the same page, and then comes the perpendicular pciiinaiisltip of Edwin M. Stanton, Secretary of War. Edward Everett wrote his autograph in Boston after this sentiment: “Washington was the greatest of good men and the best of great nieii.” Under this is “Ditto to Mr. Burke,” and signed T. W. Parsons. Oliver Wcudell Homes, the “Poet at the Breakfast Table,” contributes tins, verse: “Our whitest pearl we nerer flnU; Our ni»e»t fruit wenurer reuch; The flowerine momenuof the niiod Drup ball tooir poUl» lii onr tpeeuh.” And James Russell Lowell writes: “The three hardest words to learn iu any language arc—I am mistaken.” Richanl H. Dana, Jr., author of “Two Ycara Before tlio Mast,” says in a large, bold hand:    “I am tiapjiy to comply with your compliiiientary request.” Richard H. Dana, his father, laboriously and tremulously penned: “It is with great pleasure that I comply with your request. With eateein, your ob’d’t serv’t,” The graceful autograph of llciiry W. Longfellow was given at Cambridge, and so was the very legible but roiiah-cilgod autograph of Jared Spark.s, the historian, aud the sketchy signature of Louis Agassiz, tiie naturalist. Joliu Neal, aiiilior aud poet, wrote facetiously at Portland, Mo., on January 11,1863: “Mv Dear Sir—I have ruu over tho names to bo found in your collection with singular pleasure, aud add my own without hesitation or remorse. Yours, with respect.” Thurlow Weed spreads his slgna-turo from oue side of a page to the oilier, and Rcar-Adiniral Farragut displays his love of flourishes. Major General George B. AlcCJellan’s' auto graph was given in 1862, and to was that of Congressman N. P. Banks, who was eminent as a presiding otflcer. The sprawling autograph of E. P. Whipple, the essayist, is near the somewhat obscure hand-writing of Ralph Waldo Emerson. Then follows the delicate signature ot Nathaniel Hawthorne, written at “The Wayside,” Concord, Ma.ss. In a flowing hand John G. Whittier writes at Amcsbui-y', Mass.: “Icheerfully comply with thy request, and am, very truly, thy frieud.” Au iiiterestiug part of the Ferris collection of autographs is the contribution of John Ericsson, the iuvoiilor, who applied the “Monitor” system to the construction of vessels of war—that is, placing the armament of tho vessel in a revolving turret, impregnable to shot and capable of threwing fire in every direction. Mr. Ericsson delivered himself of this opinion in tho autograph book: “Reflect deeply and )’ou will find that it is tho mechanician who rules the world. Ill peace or war he is equally iiidispousablo. The universo is but a vast mechanical contrivance. Man himself is but a machine-the 110 plus ultra of mechanical combination.” Those sentiments were not approved of by John Pierpont, clergyman and poet, who, when the rebellion broke out, went, at the ago of 76, into the field as Chaplaiu of a regi mcnt, although he was soon employed ill the Trea.sury Department at Washington. Under what Ericsson A FemlBin* flolktoqay. IT 8.0. i. Why is the world so fair to-dayf Why <10 1 feel so blithe and say, tbrougli the thro.ig 1 pick my way? I’re got a new spring suitl See how tbe other women stare As I so by with J.nunty air; Jnitbear them whisper. “I deiflare, Sbe’a got a new spring SBitl'* See how the men, as they pass by, I«OK At me with sMmirina eye. To-uar all rivals I defy    * in my brand-new spring snit. Why is my hesband’s face so ginmf I’ll tell yon wliy—but keep it mam !— He’s thinking that next week will come The bill for my new spring salt. Well, I mnst go. Qood-by! Oh, cay. If you see MoUie West to-day, Just tell her in a quiet way J're got a new spring suit. —fSomervilIc Journal. CURRENT FUN. had written, Mr. Pici'iiont wrote: “A corpse is all that, Friend Ericsson : The ne plus nltra of mechaui-nal combination.’ But the mechanism does not set and keep the machine a-going, does it ? If not, can it be truly said that ‘man is but a machine ?* ” A County as llunnd an • Dollar. iChicago Herald. I “Here is the queerest shaped county I ever saw,” said a passenger in the smoking car, holding up a red and blue railway map; “It's Warren County, Tennessee, aud as rouud as a dollar. I wonder how in tliuiider it got to be that shape?” ‘•Warren County, Tennessee,” inquired a passenger with a white slouch hat; “did you say Warren County, Tennessee? I know all about that county. Yean ago Ihcro wa’n’t no Warren County. There waa a little town called McMlnn-vHte. !«• "‘tfitr town three or four men from Ohio settled, bought land, started stores and became promi nent citizens. But McMinnville wasn’t a county seat. It lay in one corner of a county, and the country around it was the corners and ends of other cooiitios. Under these circumstances MuMiniiviile didn’t grow very fast, and Uiore was no politics there, and men living iu McMinnville stood no allow in county politics, anyhow. These Ohio men tried to rise in the olitical world, out it wai alow work, 'iiially they got mad aud wont to scheming. Before anybody kpew what they were at they bad lobbied a bill through the Legislature creating a new county, Warren by name, with McMinnville as the comity seat When the surveyors came to run tlie new county lines they found that the law directed them to go west twelve miles from McMinnville, drive a stake; go east twelve iiriles from McMinnville and drive another stake; and north twelve and south twelve two more stakes, andihcn run a circular line coiiuect-iug those stakes. Tho result, of course, was a circle, and so Warren County appeared on the map as round as a dollar, and with McMiiiuvillc right in the center. Then tho Ohio men were happy. They started right iu, run the politics of the uew county, filled most of the offices aud got rich on the rise in value of their real estate.” A Way Out of the UifllculCy. iTror !TQlegraph.J Old Dr. Hewsoii was distinguished for philanthropy. On one oceasion the Doctor had a case of malignant typhoid fever. Ho prescribed rest and iiourishinont fur his patient. “Give Dan plenty of chicken. He must have more of nourishment.” “Shall I kill a chicken ?” “Yes, you’d better kill a youug rooster; broil it well, and add plenty of blitter. Patients with typhoid fever like plenty of gravy.” Dan’s wife killed,dressed aud cooked a fine chicken. “That’s about right,” said the Doctor, who was suporliitcnding the job, as he enviously eyed the chicken. “Dan, how’re you feeling?” “First rate, Doctor, first rate.” “Let me feel your pulse?” Dan. extended his arm and hand. “You are more feverish than usual. I lust ordered your wife to broil a chicken, but you cau’t eat it; you’re too feverish.” “What shall wo do, Doctor ?” iu-qnired tho wife. “1 see 110 way out of tho difflcultv blit to cat tho chicken ourselves. 1 once suffered from typhoid fever my-solf, madam 1” Every day add* lo tba zreat amount of evidence ae to tbe cnralive powers ot li'iOd’o Saraaparilla. Letter* are continu. ally beiog reueivcd from ull *6011008 of the oounlry,    of    bem    file derived from Ihi* great meUlolne. It 1* unequaled for seneial dobilltv, and a* a b!oo<l purifier, oxpulliiig eviTjr trace o( aviofiila or otbor impurity. Now te tbo time to take it. rrcparcd by C. I. Hood & Co., Lowell, Maes, bold by all druggitts. Tbe interests of the butcbers are alwayi at *teak.—[Orange Observer. Adam and Eve were tried in tbe apple-ab court.—[Newman Independent The Greek war cloud eeemc te havf been only a log.—[Boston Traveller. We hear of a young lady In thia city whe Is an Anna-kisaed.—[Lowell Courier. A Western eoaipo*itor has been trying te let a ben to muele.—[Tonkere Siateuiaa. Ilerr Most eays be knew* hie own mind. He may, and know next to nothing.— [North American. Tbe World wants a new war cry. How would “tbe Untariffled Demoersey” dof-[Waibington Post Ae a cure tor Socialism and NibiUsnx wine of oolohlenm g<^ right to the spotv* [Norrietowa Herald. Tha wide.eycd victim of Ineomnia elghi for the earlvHsloeinr mevement—[Boetei Commeroial Bulletin. The hlffbeet eemplim?nt that one ean pay to Irving's Mephietopbelee Ie that be looks like the devil In it.—[Lite. It is the know-somethlng party this time that says the foreign disturber nnet go.-[PblIa<Ielphle Ledger. The hare is bunted by the hoande, hut the Welsh rerebit le followed by the nlgit* mare.—[Commeroial Bulletin. Noah Parent Is e shoo dealer in Lewetl. We pity hie children. They have Noah PerentYather.-^U$o*tOH Poet. Tbe finding of tbe great Anarchist un* der a bed has set baok the eanse of an-erohy twenty rears.—(Lawrence Eagle. Proeident Cleveland is very much wasted at tbe Harvard commeaoement, to gel bis LLD. and other hoaere.—[Boston Beacon. Boston te suffering fren a cent famiae, and Dianr church member* and the oontrl-bution box do not speak ae they pass hr.— [Puck. Here is the truth of centuries: A máa who would throw a bomb at tbe Czar would throw it at George Washington.—[Chicago Current Ir tbe eleotiona next fall are to turn aim ply and purely on the civil service then the Demócrata will be defeated.—[Courier Journal. Tbe most lively ef our thoughts have as relation to any words.—[Cinoinnati Com-mercial-Gazette. Apparently not-[Beaton Globe. It ie worthy of note thnt In comparatively few of the divorce caee^ before the oourts both of tbe parties are teetotalers.-[Boston Traveller. Tbe mugwump eheete insist that Mr. Blaine it dead and buried. It so hie epook teems to bother them a great deal.—[Bint-eapolit Tribune. or all tbe labor agitations the most severe it that observed in tbe tramp when someone asks him to >saw a few atieks ol wood.—[Boeton Post. It ie coiieidered the height of ill breeding to ask the milk dealer what watering place be lutends to patroaizj the eoiaing earn-laor.—[Boeton Transcript. Tbe great movement for labor reform does not yet, to far ae we see, make any do mand for belter wagea or fewer hours foi women.—[Woman's Journal. There is oue place at Icait where persons of Sooialistio tendeaciei can realist theit dresm e( equality end equal distrlbutioi —the State prison.—[IVoy Telegram. Wheat coil of lead pipe iu frout of a hardware etore begiue to wiggle and etiok out its forked tongue a Dakoia man knows it is time lo swear off.—[Esteiliiie Bdl. A niatbematloal oaloulution has shown that if the masóles of a man were reiativa-ly as strong aa that ol u fl >a he oculd throw It book agent two miles.—[Richmond State. A new name has been Invented for the professional workii<gmen who have'0(t,deIL cute haude and cnlloiis spots on their tongues. It is "j-iw-smilho”—]UurIÍDgton Gaictte. It is uow positively stated that .VllssFo'-soni is a Democrat. IVetre glad of ihla. It is au encouraging sisu to see a iXiuo-orat put iu office now aud then.-[llaooa relegrttpb. It it au auspicious sign ot National ooe-cord to find tho States of tho lute Southern Confederacy hospltablv entertaining the fugitive members of the Ouio Símate.— [Poit'Dlspatcb. Clean Yuur Face. BALTi.Moax, Ud., 1S86.—Six inonths Ih.id liver disorder. Caused grtat indisposition, and yellow blotcbee on my face. Doctor*’ remedies did loe no pood. After using Warner's safe «ure 1 have not one ■vmutom of liver trouhle. or a blotch on my face.—¿. D. Til AYER, 663 L?auigtoa street.

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