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Ohio Cincinnati Weekly Times Newspaper Archives Mar 25 1986, Page 1

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Cincinnati Weekly Times (Newspaper) - March 25, 1986, Cincinnati, Ohio Vol. XLIII. TVo. IS.CIVCIIVIVXTI, THXJHSD.A.Y, MXHCII S5, 1886. #1 Per Year. M'ait for Mo. BT C. C. BINGRAU. Seaward rune the litile eiroam Where the wagoner coole hie team; Where, between the hanks of moss, Stand the steppinc'atoneH tocrca* O’er them comes a little maid, LaUgliing, not a hit afraid: Mother, there u|Kin the shore. Cro86c<l them safely jiint before. This Uie little lassie’s plea— Wait for me, wait for me Ah, so swift the waters run— One false step, ’iwas nil undone; Little heart begins to heat, Fearing for the tittle feet, Soon her fear will all be lost. When the sterping-stoncs are crossed. Three more yet on wnich to stand— Two more—one more—then on land! ’Tie the little 'aseie’s t>lea-Wait for me, wait forme! %h, for YOU, mv Innghing lass, ^hcn the vears have come to pasB, Miiv One >^till lie near to guide While you cross life’s river wide. W'hcn no Itclpmg linnd Is near— None, if you sliould c.ili, to hear— Tlilnk. iiowover far away. Mother still knows ail you say: E'en in lieavcu I'ccits your plea— Wait for me, w'ltlt for me! NOTES ANT) NtWS, Jeff. Davis is to lecture. Emp'-ror Wiliiaru has temporarily lost the use of his voice. Twenty-twn States in the Union have Democratic Ooveriiors. A Piiiladeiphiii b.'lle has been paralyzed by the use o! cosmetics. The Grant lucmimout fund at New York now amounts to $118,810. 0-icar Wilde and liis wife are coming to America soon, hut he will not lecture. Bnnnat, the French pmtralt painter, i« estimated to make $100,00J a year with his brusnes. Ex-S( nator Cliafl' c died worth $1.000,000, which his onlv child, the wife of Ulysses 6. Grant, will inherit, Rudolph Albrecht’s uulTcrslty at Vienna 1b the largest In Euroim. It has 285 professors and 5,221 sluiienis. The Arkansas coloreil people have “progressed” so far as to form a State Agricultural S<K!iety of their own. The Masonic apron worn by Robert Burns is now in the possession o! John Reid, Of Almonte, Ontario. John Bussell Young. ex-Minister to China, sailed lor Eiii'lund Saturday, accompanied by John Vi\ Mackay. A Flowery Hranch, Ga., man, has discovered a plan by which he can make good whisky in an ordinary cotíce pot. W. D. Uowelts is accused of studying Washington life with a view to a new novel which will relate to the Capital. Rose Terry Cooke has nearly readv a volume of her stories entitled “The Sphinx’s Children, and Other People’s.” A famine is (tistresiing the people of Eabrauor, where the starving inhabitants have been obliged to kill their dogs foi food. Jennie Lind Goldschmidt confesses that she bns Kept her vocal organs in tune for twenty-fire years by sinking to her children. The Harlem River Bridge Commissioners have decided ui>on the Giociion of an iron and steel bridge at a cost of not more than 11,600,000. The Virginia Legislature has voted dow'n a proposition luukiiig tiie giving of railway passes to members oi the State Qovernineul a misdemeanor. Lydia Thompson’s late husband, Alexander lienderHon, left her £20,000 In hts will, notwithstanding they had not lived together for many years. General G. A. Sheridan will lecture on “The Ltle uiid Public Sei rices of General Gruul” at New York March 18, for tU« benefit of the Grant monument fund. European society is shocked by the bankru|dcy ot a noble lady, Priiioess Helene Ypsilanti. She and her late husband spent over $20,000,000 in ten years. Eliza ilarvey, an o'd pensioner o! Trinity Church, Pittsburg, who died lately, was supposed to be peiinikss, hut it was found that she had $1,000 in the Dollar Savings Bank. The fastest time of a sntling vessel between New York and Queenstown, according to the Sun, was innde by the ship Dreadnaught in nine days and seventeen hours. The Young Men’s Christian Association at Atlanta iii fitting up a plot of four acres SB u play ground for foot ball, base ball, cricket, luwu tenuis and other boyish •ports. Some Japaaese military officials have invented hemp boats, each of which is capable of carrying eight men, and can be folded up for transportation so as to occupy very liitlo space. A Buffalo woman has brought suit against ii bair dresser of that city, claiming $2 500 damages for failure to bleach her hair and m ike her a blonde. The work WHS not perfectly done and the bair had to be cut oil. Among the latest inventtons Is that of a match which may be used over again an Indefinite number of times, the wood being, it is claimed, soaked with a peculiar chemical solution which makes such re-use pructicahle. A post.morl*m examination in Trov, N. Y., recently revealed that a lady had died from tbe effects of an uccuraulution of silk fiber in her stoniuuh, directly resuUant from biting off tho ends of silk thread and chewing them. The son of General Robert E. Lee, General W. H. F. Lee, likely to succeed the lion. John S. B.iibour in the House, is n man over fifty years of age, a farmer in comlurtublo circumsluiices. He heart a Btiong personal resemblance to bis lather. One year ago Tim. Cajien, a farmer of B.irriuglon, N. H., clo|ied with Mrs. Wilbur Frceiiiuii, the wile of a ueighboring larmer. The parlies returned after some weeks’ absence. Freeman sued Oapen for $1,000 damages. Referee Prav, of Dover, to Whom the suit was referred, awarded Freeman $75. A young colored woman called upon a LinooInton(Ga.) Judgerecentiv,and asked for a marriage license. When tbe Judge asked tor the name of her Inteiuled husband she said she hadn’t decided yet. but thought it would be a good thing toi have u license in case some man should oú'er him-, self, bhe didn’t gel it. It is by copying alter nature that man 5ets best results. Dr. Jones’ Red Clover oiiic is nature’s own remedy, is purely vegetable, can be taken by the most Ueli-Cate. Cures all stomach, kidney and liver Irouhlei. 50 cents. THE LIVINtt OP SLOPTON WOLD. BY K. L. M. I am aware that my great success in life has been a matter of surprise to many of my acquaintances, who, judging me fi:om the fact that I took merely a poll degree at Cambridge, and knowing that I possessed neither influence nor exceptional abilities, deem that my fortunes have far exceeded my desserts. I am not ignorant that there are some, even among my warmest friends, who hint that the means by which I obtained my advancement and happiness were not altogether creditable to me. It is in order to refute these imputations and clear away any mystery that surrounds the matter, that I have resolved to relate the following narrative. For the benefit of those not acquainted with me, I may here state tiiat I am in possession of one of the richest livings in England, and also of a wife of very great attractiveness, and without fear respecting their decision, I shall leave all candid readers to determine whether I employed any dishonorable means in order to obtain either of those—it were idle to disguise the fact—good things. Wheu I became curate to the Rev. ilcrbcrt Jones, vicar of Cloverfield, tliongh still young, 1 had lost almost all hope of preferment. It was my third curacy; but mv ambition, which for some time had lain dormant, was again aroused by the vicar’s lovely and amiable daughter. Fanny was an only child, and when I tirst saw her had just reached her twentietli year. I fell in love; but the noblest lady in tlie land could scarcely have seemed further removed from me. As 1 have said, I had no prospects, and llic vicar, though not wealthy, mingled on terms of equality with the surrounding county families, among whom, with good reason, both he and his wife exjiccted a suitable match tor their charming daughter. Though she could not fail to”be conscious of the sentiments I entertained toward her, for I confess I made them manifest, Fanny did not in any way encourage my advances, nd, indeed, encouragement on her part would only have been cruel coquetry or follv, as she understood as vvell as myself the seemingly impassable gulf that divided us. The unvarying amiability ot her conduct toward me, hotvcver, kcjit alive the passion I cherished, and fed my hopes scarcely less than actual professions ot love. I had been two years in Cloverfield when tho rector of the neighboring parish of Shcppington died. The living was in the gift of the bishop, and though it was a poor one, it would have amply satisfied my ambition, could I but have spent* the remainder of my days in the quiet parsonage with her I loved. At the same time, not far from us, another living Avas vacant, of a very different kind, that of fcjloidou Wold, one of the richest in the country. The patron was our Squire, Sir Peter Snrlyinau. Sir Peter was a hard riding, hard drinking country gentleman, but he was a sound churchman, a regular church goer, a good authority on ecclesiastical matters, and, stranger still, a lover ot eloquent preaching, and an admirable critic of a sermon. Now .our bishop, as is well known, had the reputation of being one of the most eloquent living pulpit orators, aud being desirous of obtaining the living of Slopton Wold for his brother, a country rector with a moderate income and a large family, he had made an arrangement with Mr. Jones that he should preach in Cloverfield, Avhilo Sir Peter was at home, and dine with the baronet afterward at the vicarage, when he intended to urge his brother’s claims. Though no actual negotiations had yet passed between them, the persons chiefly concerned understood the matter perfectly. Sir Peter knew Avhy the Bishop was coming to Cloverfield; he gi*eatly admired his eloquence, aud Avas Avilling to accede to his Avishes, as there Avas no one upon Avhom he specially wished to confer his valuable patronage. That the sequel may bo better understood, I must here make a short digressiou on the subject of my oavu sermons. Among the slanders already referred to is the report, which has reached my ears, that I do not Avritemyown sermons; it has even been said by some that I buy them— statements, I need hardly say, Avhich are false. I do not, hoAvever, claim entire originality for my sermons. I have an extensive theological library filled Avith the works of many of our greatest divines, and I am accustomed to draw freely upon their thoughts and even their language; but the selection, arrangement, combination aud many illustrations are entirely my own. My sermons are carefully written out by me, and I consider my claim to them is at least as strong as that of the authors of mucii of our original literature to their produc-lions. I may add that I posses considerable elocutionary powers, Avhich I have carefully cultivated, and Mtat I Avas thought by many to bo second to the gentleman Avho obtained the reading prize in chapel at my college in Cambridge. The day of the bishop’s sermon arrived, and Sir Peter had accepted tiie invitation to meet him at dinner at the vicarage. The bishop was to preach in the morning, and as the A’icurhada coldl was to conduct the services in the afternoon. I had spent more than usual care iu the constniction of my sermon, for if I impressed the bishop, might he not rcAvard me with 6heppington? Tho church Avas crowded, and the red face of Sir Peter Surlynian AA’as conspicuous in the foremost pcAV. Almost immediately after the bishop entered the pulpit, I noticed that he Avas discommoded. The majority of the congregation did not, 1 dare say, observe that anything was Avrong; but I could plainly see that he Avas disconcerted, and more; experience taught me from his movements that he had lost his sermon I Now tne bishop could not, any more than myself, preach Avilhout his MS. Certain glances began to be exchanged among the people owing to the delay. The audience sat expectant while the prelate fumbled. As iii all probability he liad brought only one sermon, the gravity of the dilemma could scarcely be overestimated. I was sitting close by him in the choir stalls and suddenly resolved to give him at least the opportunity of extricating himself from his difficulty. Stooping forward as if to lift something from the bottom of the pulpit stairs, I rose Avith my OAvn sermon in my hand and passed it to him. As I alterward discovered, the paper I used Avas identical Avitli his own, aud I saw that lie was tinder the impression that the missing MS. had been restored to him, for spreading it out leisurely, he looked calmly round the congregation with a certain degree of impressment, as if nothing unusual had happened, lie spoke the first few Avords extempore, and then had recourse to the MS. He started on seeing the hand-wriling, but it was too late uow to recede, so after giving me a glance of surprise, he began to read. The sermon Avas filled with passages Avhich I had carefully sclectcc^or their beauty aud tliese he frequently delivered with true eloquence. Sir Peter Avas attentive aud critical, and iu common Avith everyone else plainly considered the sermon to be an excellent one. After the conclusion of the morning services the bishop sought an oppcr-tuiiity of speaking to me. ‘•You relieved me,” he said, “from a most awkward predica'ment, though I greatly deplore the means you usea. It Avould not do, of course, for the matter to pass beyond ourselves, and I think I can best requite your service by presenting you with the living of Sheppingtou.” I was so overcome by surprise and gratitude that I could scarcely murmur my thanks. I soon contrived in an agitated whisper to convey the intelligence to Fanny, but her sad smile told me tnatshe did not think my good fortune great enough to alter the attitude of her parents tOAvard us. I was nevertheless much elateti, and I Avas so absorbed by other thoughts that, when I found myself in the pulpit ill the afternoon, remembered for the first time that I liad given the bishop my sermon, and had not taken care to provide myself with anotlicr. The church Avas again croAvded; tho bishop and Sir Peter Surlyinan Avere present, aud every one seemed to me to be conscious ot my mishap. I reflected that if I left the pulpit the bishop might think I Avas rendering iny behavior iu the morning eqniA’ooal Avhcn I had handed him the M^., and he might therefore cancel his presentation. My dilemma Avas greater far than his, as my Avholo futuro life seemed to bo tremblinw in the balance. While thus distracted, my eyes fell on a paper lying iu the bottom of the pulpit, and almost concealed by a footstool. I stooped to lift it, fcrvoutly hoping that it might prove to be some old sermon Avhicli had’ providentially found its Avay there. Thank goodness, it Avas a sermon; and I had begun to read ere I realized the truth. It was the bishop’s OAvn sermon, Avhich he must hav’c dropped 1 Providence seemed to have extricated mo from my difficulty, and there Avas no time to reflect on the propriety of my conduct; so Avithout any hesitation I began to preach. I soon entered into the spirit of the magnificent discourse, and did as much jnstice as I could to the eloquent perfods. Sometimes the AVords flowed smoothly oiiAvard in a mellifluous stream, and anoii they would rise into the thunder of harsh denunciation. Once when raising my hand in ail oratorical gesture, while I delivered an aiiatliema against worldlincss and self-esteem, I caught the bishop’s eye, and quailed before the angry expression of his pale statuesque countenance. I Avas too much absorbed with my subject, however, to be affected by anything else then ; I was carrying niy audience aAvay with me, and could not relinquish mv hold. Almost immediately after I left the church I met the bishop. “Sir,” he said in a low voice of suppressed anger, “you Avill please consider the presentation I m.ido this morning as revoked; and I greatly regret that I haA'e no other means of cxprcssiiijjiny sciiscof your unworthy behavior.’’ Now to this day I can not SCO Avhy he should have been so greatly offended Avitli me. He must have been aware that the course I had taken Avas unpremeditated and iiivuluutary. Besides, as he had preached niy sermon, it Avas surely no less thaii just that I should preach his. I Avas present at tho dinner at tho vicarage, and in his conversation Avitli Uic Bishop Sir Peter did not seem at all tractable—a cliild might have told tho squire Avas not in a mood for grautiug favors—aud 1 iMtik the bishop knew it. I was miserable enough myself; the ray of sunshine that had shone upon my fortune in the morning Avas gone, and again all Avas dark. After dinner, as soon as Ave reached the drawing room, Sir Peter Surlymau accosted me and entered into conversation. When Ave had talked fora little, “Young ma-an,” he said, with a strong nasal tAvang he had, “that was a stunning good sermon you gave us this afternoon ; it knocked the bishop’s into cocked ha-at I mean you to be tho vicar of Slopton Wold, and I’ll come sometimes to hear you preach!” And then to ratify his choice he proclaimed it to the bishop and vicar, both of Avhom seemed as astounded as myself. I could scarcely credit my ffood fortune till I had actually read it in the neAVspapors. No sordid obstacle noAV blocked my path to happiness. Fanny’s parents, hoAV-ever, had so often and so unmistakably manifested their objection to any attentions which I paid their daughter, that it was no easy matter for cither them or me— possessing, as I trust we did, a sufficient measure of self-respect—to approach each other on a new footing, so that it seemed probable I must leave Cloverfield AA’ithoiif arriving at tho understanding which I greatly desired. Several evenings betorc niy departure I Avas-standing talking to the vicar by the fire, Avhilc Fanny .and her mother were seated at an occa-sioral table engaged Avith some fancy work. Ten was the hour at Avhicíi Fanny usually retired and it Avas now a quarter pasUthat hour. “Fanny,” said her mother, looking at the mantel clock, “do you sec the time ?’' “There is no need for her to go yet,” said the rector; and she remained for another half hour. Love is quick in discernment, and from this trivial incident I concluded I was an accepted suitor. Henceforth our engagement seemed to be an accepted fact by all concerned. Indeed, a fcAV days aiterAvard the vicar drove over with me to Slopton Wold, and Avith a certain degree of authority suggested iiiiprovemeuts iu the parsonage and garden. This is the true account ot my good fortune, and I trust I shall hear no more surmises or innuendoes.-[Belgravia. A Birthday. BT JENNY P. BIOILOW. 0 birthday of the loog ago, The Jot that fllied my boaoin then But iiiakc8 the<larker seem the woe AA ith which the days now orerflow. Like bird in safely ilieltered nest, A child within iny arms whs iiresimd. And 8i;*pcd llle’n bloisomsat my brciist. The bird to safer ihelter IIowti, The nest is empty, a id alons 1 make my broken-hearted moan. —lUarijer’s for April. Colunel Snort’s Benevoleuoe. [Texas SifttnKS.] Bill Snort, editor of the Crosby County Clarion, is one of the kindest hearted men in the world. He has a large family of fourteen children. His income, of course, is very small aud uncertain, but this docs not prc-A'ent him from being charitable. One cold dav last week, while he was out Avalkiiigto keep hinisolf warm, there being no fire in the office, on account of tho uiiAvilliugiiess of his readers to sAA'op off cordwood for subscriptions, he came across a ragged little boy Avho Avas ci A ing bitterly. Taking the little boy by the hand. Bill Snort said : “Come home Avith me, little fellow ; I’ll provide for your future existence.” On arriving at his house Colonel Snort said to his Avifc: ‘•Here is a poor little orphau boy I’ve brought home to you.” “Bill, have you lost your senses? He is our oAvn'little Tqiiiiny.” Neetllesa Alarm. [Brooklyn Eagle.] “What’s that ?” asked Bibo, as the doctor brought out a peculiar looking iiistrumeut. “That’s a laryngoscope.” ‘What’s it for?” “To look down tho patient’s throat Avith.” “Are you going to try it on mo?” asked Bibo anxiously. “Nonsense,” said Mrs. Bibo, the doctor doesn’t use a laryngoscope to look into a distillery.” And Bibo turned away his head, breathing sloAvly and softiy in the direction of the fireplace. As Clever as We H.ive. [Harper’s Batar.J Mr. KnoAvnauglit, who has lieard young Ultradudo get off the same speech-lloAV very fortunate I am in finding this chair 1—as he seats himself next to Mrs. Societe—I do so enjoy talking Avitliclever people! Mrs. Societe—You must enjoy soliloquy, then. Mr.* KuoAvnaught—Indeed I do. His writings strike me as being really quite as clever as anything avc have. An Ancient 8eat of Learning. Professor T. Waraker, LL.D., intercollegiate law lecturer at Cambridge University, England, writes that from well authenticated cures wbicti came within his personal knowledge he became convinced that St. Jacobs Oil cured all bodily pains. He used it iu bis lamily for rheuniatism and neuralgia with marvelously efiective reoults, and recoin me ndeii it to his friends, who Avere also cured h” U,SOUTHERNISMS. Examples of Quaint Sayings in Georgia and Soutli Carolina. (Dixie. I Some years ago Richard Grant White wrote a delightfully interesting book on Americanisms. He might well have divided the subject into tAvo parts—Yankceisnis aud Soutlicrnisms. Absolute correctness ill pronunciation or in tho formation of sentences, is a most difficult accomplishment, aud few there bo, either North or South, who have reached such a clcgrco of perfection that no exception can lie taken by “carping critics” to their utterances. In the matter of prciiunclation the times are changing, and one can scarcely keep pace Avith the innovations being introduced by the leading orthoeplsts. The purpose of this paper is, hoAV-ever, to present, in a succinct way, a few of the quaintnesscs of pronunciation and construction held by the Southern people as a class. Among tliese the first that, conies to mind is tho custom of omitting tho lest tAvo letters of sucli words as “more,” “store,” ‘’iour”—Avliich are ])ro-nonnced “mo,” “sto,” “fo.” “What o’clock is it?’ j’ou ask the Carolinian, and ten to one he tells you it’s “half ms’ fo’,” if that happens to bo the lour. Another oonimon Southernisin is the use of “like as if,” or “like” for tho words “as if.” “She looked like she kncAV me,” is a common expression, or “eho looked like as if she’d die.’ This is common in Washington, and in the States south of Mason and Dixon’s line. The word “funny” is frequently used, instead of strange, and sometimes with startling efiects. A young Southern girl Avas visiting us once, and a caller was telling of the death of her mother through swallowing a fish bone. “Oh, wasn’t it funny?” exclaimed our visitor at the close of the narrative. “I think you mean strange,” said the caller, as soon as she recovered from her astonisliment. Oiir girl friend has never used the Avoid “funny” since. If you happen to hear anybody say “rye cheer,” you may know it is intended to mean “right here.” For instance, a South Carolinian will say, “Where was heat last night?” and his fellow citizen will say, “He stood rye cheer with mo.” lijear— pronounced in one syllable—is not a Russian Avord as might be supposed ; it means “Do you hear?” and is addressed to gci'A'ants in this form: “You, Jiinl Bring in that wood, djear?” “To get to j^o” is essentially a Georgia expression. They say, “Do, don’t fail to come to-night,” and the reply is, “I’ve tried fo get to 2:0 three Avecks noAV, so I reckon I’ll be there t’night.” The expression “Do don’t” is heard in Georgia and South Carolina, blit rarely elscAA’herc. One of the most laughable things you ever heard is the peculiar pronunciation of tho Avord “about.” It is impossible to express the South Carolinian pronunciation, phonetically. It sounds like abaoiit—pronounced very quickly in three syllables. “Qnáre” for “queer,” is another word. Tho use of “reckon” for “presume” is said to have been derived from the Yankees, as was the expression “right smart” for the word “inucli.” In imitation of English, pcrhajis, is the custom of saying “I’ve got it,” for ‘•I have it,” and the general use of the Avord “got” where it is quite unnecessary. Also English is the use of “obliged,” as “I’m obliged to do it,” for “I must do it;” “ho is obliged to go,” for “he must go.” Ambiguity of expression is too prevalent i 11 Dixie, and too many people sacrifice sense to sound. Low-oountry people and the residents of middle South Carolina say “gee-arden” for “garden,” “gcc-yard” for “guard”—Avith tho hard sound ot “g«” So, too, Avith such Avords as “card,” “car,” aud “cart,” into which is introduced the sound of “kce,” to take tlie place of the first consonant, thus: “kee-ard,” “kee-ar,” “kce-art.” The use of delightful for delicious in such a sentence as “The ice cream is delightful,” is very common. “Pretty” is a word very often misused, for instance: “Isn’t this a pretty day ?”— and this error is a very general one. North Carolinians say the scenery is “pretty”—meaning picturesque; the day is “pretty”—meaning fine, and that a person’s maiiiicrs are “pretty,” meaning wcli bred. “Yon all,” or, as it is abbreviated, “y’all,” is one of the most ridiculous of all the Southernisms I can call to mind. It usually means tAvo or more persons, but is at all times used Aviicn only one person is meant For instance, a caller on departing says, “Y’all must come to see us.” She means the lady upon Avhom she is calling, and her husband may call. The Yankees have quite as many ridiculous figures of speech as those I have mentioned as peculiarly Southern, and it will be reserved for another paper to present tho oddities ot Yankee conversation. In the nieau-tiino every true-licartcd Soulheriier Avho reads these lines will declare that he never used any of these Southernisms, aud will be just as honest iu his belief as the Charlestonian when he vows that ho never says “dis-a- Avay” for “this way,” aud “d.it-a-way” for “that way.” THE CAPTURE OP NEW ORLEANS. In Admiral Porter’s forthcoming volume, “The Naval History of the Civil War,” in the chapter on tho capture of Forts Jackson and St. Philip and the surrender ot New Orleans, the tollowing passages occur, following a detailed account of the six days and nights fierce bombardment of the forts. “No grander or moro beautiful sight could have been realized than the scenes of that night. From silencc,dis-turbcdnoAV aud then onlybv the slow fires of tlie mortars—the phantom-like movements of the vessels giving no sound—an increased roar of heavy gnus began, while tho mortars burst forth into rapid bombardment, as the fleet drew near the enemy’s works. Vessel after vessel added her guns to those already at Avork, until the very earth seemed to shake from their reverberations. A burning raft added its lurid glare to tho scene, and tlie fiery tracks of the mortar shells as they ]mssed through the darkness aloft, and sometimes burst ill mid air, gave the impression that heaven itself had joined in the general strife. Tho succeeding silence Avas almost as sudden. From tho Aveighing of tho anchors, one hour aud ten minutes saAV the vessels by the forts aifd Farragiit on his way to Now Orleans, the prize staked iiiwii the fierce game of Avar just ended. “The rising sun, tho moriiiug after the fight, shone 011 smiling faces, even among the wounded. Farragut received the congratulations of his officers, as he had conducted tho great fight, with imperturbability. “He Avasted no time iu vain regrets over the saddening features of his victory, but making the signal 'Push ou to New Orleans,’ seemed to forget tho imperishable fame he had avoii, Avhile in thought he Avas following up his groat victory to the end.” The prelimiiiarv bombardincut of Forts Jackson and St. Philip by Porter’s mortar fleet having recently been severely criticised, the effort being made to belittle the effect of the fire of tho fleet, the Confederate account, as cited in Porter’s book, is liereAvith ap^icndcd. The account, dated April i, 1872, is that of Colonel EdAvard Higgins, the commander at Fort Jackson during the bombardment. It is a grand battle picture: “Y'our mortar boats were placed in imsiiloii oil tho aftoruoou of the 17vk of April, 1862, and opened fire at once upon Fort Jackson, where my headquarters were established. Tho practice Avas excellent from tho com* iiieiicemcut of the fire to tbe cud, and continued without intermission until the morning of the 24th ot April, Aviien tho fleet passed at about 4 o’clock. “Nearly every shell of the many tliousarul fired at the fort lodged inside of the works. “Oil the first night of the attack the citadel and all buildings in rear of the tho fort were fired by bursting shell, and also the saiul-bag walls that had been throAVii around tho magazine doors. “The fire, as you are aware, raged Avitli great fury, and 110 eftbrt of ours could subdue it. At this time, and nearly all this night, Fort Jackson Avas helpless; its magazines Avere inaccessible, and Ave could have offered no resistance to a passing fleet. “The next morning a ble scene of destruction sentod itself. Tho Avood of the citadel being all stroycd, and tho crumbling Avails being knocked about the fort by the bursting spells, made matters still Avorsc tor the garrison. The work of destruction from now until the morning ot the 2itii, Avlicu the fleet passed, Avas incessant. “I Avas obliged to confine the men most rigidly to the casemates, or Ave should liavo lost tho best part of the garrison. A shell, striking the parapet over one of the magazines, tho wall of which Avas seven feet thick, )encti'alcd five feet and failed to jurst. If that shell had exploded your AVork Avould have cudcd. “Another burst near tho magazine door, opening the earth and burying the sentinel and auothcr man five feet ill the same grave. “The parapet and interior of the fort Avero completely honey combed, and the large number of sand bags Avith which Ave Avcre supplied, alone saved us from being bloAvii to pieces a hundred times, our magazine doors being much exposed. “Oil the morning of the 24t¿, when the licet passed, the terrible jirccisiou Avith Avhicli your furiiiidablo vessels hailed doAvn their tons of bursting shell upon the devoted fort made it iinpoRsiblo for us to obtain cither rapidity or accuracy of fire, and thus rendered tho passage comparatively easy. “There was not very considerable damage done to our batteries, but tew of the guns being dismounted by your fire; ercrything else in and around the fort Avas destroyed.” tcrri- nre- Avork de- The Canadian Government lias adopted for its teleüraph Hues ou tbe Nnrtuwestern prairies a pole composed of iiialleable ^aU vanized iron. It is in diameter at tbe top and i]i inches in diamoter ai tbe bottom and weighs less than fitly pounds. And tbey do say tnut Dr. Riili’s Comrh Svrup is one remedy witbout a rival. I’rice 250. A BMlielor’v Gtfet>l. BT X. 9. r. I’m s Jolly old bachelor, bliths snd loeose; I’m SI happT as June days are lonj. w ^    Benodicts.    dull    and    morose. Whs can see now just where you went wroBgl I’ve had uarrow escapes, too, mrseir in my Uaa. And my grhtltude now I express In sincerity, II not in artistic rhyme, Tc the dear girls who wouldn’t say “Yes.” There was Kate now, tho beauty who flrst woa my heart. If she’d bad me where would I be now?— ProTldinjt for seven four year¿ from the start And hnyinir ‘*the milk of one cow.” Then Jennie, who Jilted me next, wbatof herf-She’s an invalid now, thin and pale. And her husband has ruined hinuelf, they aver. Buying tonics and Basa’ pale ale. Then Mollie, and LilHc, and Gertrude, and Belle. And Fanny, and Florence, and May, And Jessie, aud Josle, and Ilallie, aud Sell?—. All wrinkled and faded to-day, AA’hilo I am lu Jolly and young as a boy; Aud my thanks once again 1 e* press To the scornful young maidens, proud, haughty, and coy— To the dear girls who wouldn’t say ‘•Yes” —['‘onierville Journal, CUlinENT FUN. A steady light-Israelite.—[St. Louii AVhlp. U udressed kids—C upids.—[ Norrlsto wn Herald. A tenement house mystorv—the cheaj cigar.—[Ruck. Cream risos on milk when dalrf pumpi are frozeu.--[N. V. Journal. Engaged in the bop business—Toe dano-ing master.—[Boston Traveller. March oaoie iu like a lawyer. It will n out llko a client.—[8pringiiuld Union. The first woman to wear a bustle stoli tne Mea from a camel.—Lowell Citizen. Because a baby is a little yeller it’s n« sign hs is a Cbinumiin.—[Palmer Journal. Men who are fast do not keep fast 01 the regular fast days.—[New Orleans Fica^ yuiie. Warm weather generally increases ths number ot smelt fl^h used iu restiiuraiits. -[Post-Dispatch. Who says tho green grocer is not an intellectual nersonf Is hj not a mau of lettuce.—[Yonkers Statesmnu. Heury James has fiiiisued “The Bos-touiaus.” Henry, by tho way, stauds alone in this respect. NohoUy else has finished it.—[Puck. “lias your wife one of the new collapsing haUf’’ “No, but she has one cf tne old-fashioned collapsingjpocket-bcoks ’’—[Boston Budget. Progressive euchre has lately been denounced by tbe clergymen. All gorxl card players denounced it long ago.—[Boston transcript. Paper is being used as a substitute foi wood. It is also being used as a substi lute for railroads aud mluing companies.— [New Haven News. Washington society lidies are Terr much nodressed this season. Like public Erieyanoes, ttiey should bo redressed.— fPiushurg Commercial. A lady once said sbe could always knovi when she had taken too much wine at dinner—her husbaud’s Jokes began to geem funny.—[Piusburg D.spatcb. “Hello! Charley, what are you doing )wr» ••Nothing. You see we had a lire down at our store.” “Did you?” “Yes, 1 was üreü.”—[New Haven News. There are two things which a man is bound to take on faith—his wife’s private opinion of him and what sausages are made from.-[Fail River Adranoe. Evangelist Small has discovered that whenever he talks about Jack Poit the Chicago people are on to him. He is a a well known character.—[St. Paul Globe. Some of the newer styles of bonnets are said to be trimmed 'with asses' ears. Some men’s bats have this style of decoration—when thuy are Avoru.—[New York Tribune. “D d you ever ask any one elso to be your wife?” she queried in muou doubt. '“No, darling,” be answered tenderly. “I assure you this is my maiden eft'jfl.”—[Indianapolis Herald. A countryman goes to tbe railroad depot: “Give me a ticket.” “For what idacj? ’ “That’s nine of your business I”— [French Paiier. The published assessment of property in Chicago indicates such destitution that Sam Jones may have 10 take port of his nay in cord wood and turnips.—[St. Louis I’ost-Dispaton. There is a young lady in town who keeps a book of all the ihings she uu;'ht to buy but can not ultbrd to wear. We presume this book is her ougnt-io-buy-ograpby.-[Georgetown (G«.) Erho. “If spring poets were hens,” says an exchange, “even .an editor could uff jrd to eat eggs.” Doubtful. It spring poois were hens, they weuld net send their Urt to the cdiio».—[Norristown Herald. There really seems to be no limit to the poaeibilfties of science. The L mdon Times, lor lustauce, M its birth notices, an- nounoes: “To Lady , .a daugntcr; hr cable.” What next?—[Raleigh Nows. A California statute forbids the sale of liquor within one mile of tne State University grounds. The Legislature oridenily realizes the value of walking as an exercise for etudious young men.—[Bistua Poet. The innate modcstv of newspaper men ie sborwn by tLe fact that a I'exas editor killud three men th3 other day, and in lillu.ling 10 the.Incident afterward acknowledged that be enly ilied to kill one.—[Njw Haven Nevre. Tbe plain untitled citizen can slide along in lile wilbont receiving innch criticism and abuse; but wbon he has u handle to his name he must expect > verybOily to take hold and shake hiui up.—[New Orleaus Picayuue. Scientists are now bunting up reasons lor tha recent b'.i/.z ird whioa has adf.-cted this section. AVe mention it fur their in-formation that recently a womou’s con-venituu was held in Chicago with open doors.—[I, well Citizen. Tin weil-Kuowu fact that the «vorage Deiiiocrat is a phonetic spoiler is s;.ffijii:nk to explain tbe party opposition to Mr. Kaough as Puetmaster at Fo. t AV.iyne. K-u-u-u-g.h really isn’t a nice way to spell •‘cow.”—fIndianH|>oIis Journal. Rbcnraatism had complete ooiitrol of me, and I was quite broken down. 1 began with a teaspoonful of Athiopboroe three tiinee daily and immediately oomineaued 10 feel hetter, 1 used oae bottle and it cured aie. .Mrs. Magill, 217 West Park street, aantlusky V

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