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Ohio Cincinnati Weekly Times Newspaper Archives Mar 18 1986, Page 1

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Cincinnati Weekly Times (Newspaper) - March 18, 1986, Cincinnati, Ohio Vol. XLIII. TVo. 11.OIIVOIIViV^TI, THrJKi^l>^Y, 3rxncil 18, 1886. Per Year. Winter’s Secret*. BT H. 8. M0RKI8. Winter, tliou and I art boon; With ihu wind anU frozen moon, AiKt ilie thaw and foresl drip, I bold Bocret fellowshin! When iho ‘.reos atan.l bleak arOW— Summer Hkeletom»—Í jto Down iheir broken arcbcs singing SonKB of snow and tem.«.CBt wringtng; Or I Bland u|»oii a rise Vndernciith the husbcd skies, So to feel the lucauin;; clear Of thy voiceleii» alra.ispber*. Is thy tneBsaco of a birth Bnbbim;: at tlie bnin of earth— Held like beaded ¡ílass by thee That it mantle BteaitilyV Wartiap, Winur. it is thon Alakest roses bud and blow; ' ülakest Icafiipc and all shades In the aiudeutcliebtmit glades; Makest laughter on our lipB And the dew at crocus lips, llarhap spring and summer go Like the glacier streams wliich flow Down the ice to osier green Forth from thcj that art unseen— Yet art like a god who give» Letting no|Ue know where he Uvea. Of old each earthly thing of price (.lustei-ed was in Paradise. Svhence the green flowed o’er the earth Like a vernai billow birth; And the tender. rouiidc¿ frulta Kollod awav from leafy shoots; So. engirt wltli bastmued snows, Venlure out of Winter flows; So in Winter's spirit lie Potcucics of Biin ami sky. NOTES AND NkWS. Miss Muloch le said to be writing a play for Mary Aiiiiertun. Queeii Natrtlieof Servia will visit the I»le of Wight next siiniiiier. Secretary Wliltney i« a nephew of the inventor of the cotton giu. General Butler declines to be retained for the Pan Electric |»eople. James Bucliunan and Zachary Taylor are members of the present Congress. General Hancock u««d tasay that Sheri* dan was "u whirlwind with spurs.” Professor Gcldwin Smith, who is going to England, will return to Canada in the autumn. The sale of Hawthorne’s “Scarlet IjCt-teP* is reported to have reached 150,000 copies. Senator and ]Mrs. L gnn use a dining table once owned by Charles Carroil, “of Carroltoa.” From Stuttgart has just been shipped the bronxé statue ot Sctiiiler, to be put up at Chicago. Dr. Bliss, who attended President Gar* field, is again reported to be in seriously failing benlth. Bismarck is so fond of his own fireside that he never leaves it to enjoy the hospitality of others,    ^ Charles Pratt, of astral oil fame, has given 1100,000 to the Adelpbi Academy, Brooklyn, N. Y. Queen Yiolnria insisis on reading and correcting, persoiially, the proot-slips of the Court Circular. Mrs. W. H. Vanderbilt has lately paid out |36) to supply seven buys.iu New York with artificial legs. John W. Oliver, the founder of the Order ot Sons ot Temperance, is uow editor of ths Yonkers Statesman. In Indianapolis there is concern because the Hendricks’ Mnuiim nt Fuud is but 13,000 and has stopped growing. President, Eliot’s recent visit to Princeton, where he was theguestofDr. McCosb, was the first in thirty-tiu'ee years. Pope Leo XI11. intends to bold at the Vatican an exhibition of all the presents be has received since liis accession. Forty-three Tolnuies represent the mass of romance wliich Mrs. E. D. E. N. South-worth has written, and sue is still at it. Mrs. Lnngtry has gradually been adding to her iiivestiiienU in mortgages in New York until sbc now holds over |150,000. Dr. Storrsand Henry Ward Beecher, who broke an old time fiiendsbip when the great scandal was first bruited, uever even bow. Proreesor Boyeseii is about to give a course of free lecfurea at Columbia College on the tendeucies of contemporary literature. Joal Chandler Hnrrls (Uncle Bemv.s), of the Atlanta Constiliition, will soon wed 3liss Curoline Miiggs, a niece of General Stonewall Jackson. General Sheridan was flfly-flve years of age Sutiirday. With the exception of General Miles he is the youngest geuerul officer ill the regular army. Mrs. Mary Grant Cramer, sister of General Grant,, is lectiii ing in Massachusetts under the auspices of the Womeu’s Christian Tempenince Union. The will of John B. Gough, filed at Worcester, Mass., gives $20,000 to various relatives aiiU $1,000 each to six religious and cbarituble associatiuiis. Captain Boycott, whoseexperieace origi. nated the teim boycotting, has been appointed agent for the Flixton Hall estates of Lord Waveney, in Sputtblk, Eng. Hugh SlcCiilloch, ox-Secretary of the Treasury, has deeded to the City oi Fort Wayne a ten acre lor, which it to be improved and known as McCulloch Park. Wm. Ü. Howells receives from $60 to $100 a page for his work in the Century and in Hnrpei’s, and his ostiiunted income from his writings this year wilt be about $20,000. It is proposed to place on Gettysburg bat-llcflelti a gran te bowlder on which shall be inscribed the fact that there, on the 3j day of July, ISGC, (jeiieral iiaucook was wounded. George IV. Childs and Anthony J. Drexel heitd all ilio public snbscription lists in Piiiladelphia for moiuiiiieuts, charities, and benevolent purposes with Ubcral couuibu-tious of $1,000 each. George H. Corliss, the engine builder of Providenee, R, I., has received from the King 01 Belgium ttie cross of the Order of J.copo)d. Ill recogniilon of his services in mcchanica! euziiieeying. All “Piaycd Ont.” “Don’t know what ails me lately. Can’t *at well—can’t sleep well. Can’t work, and don’t onjoy doing anything. Aiu’t really sick, and I really ain't well. Feel all kind o’ played out, some way.” That is what scores of men say every day. 1^ Hiey would lake Dr, rie,-ce»B “Goiden Medical Discovery” they would soon have no occasiou to say it. It nunties the blood, tones up the system ami fortifies it against disease, it is a great auli-billious remedy as well. A NOVELTY IN PROPOSALS. BY M. C. T. When I first declared to Miss Laura Marvin the infiammatory state of my feelings toward her that young ladj' eyed me from head to knees with an air of mingled pity and amusement, and then exclaimed; “How conventional!” Being wholly nnpreparcd for this piece of criticism, I was not a little confused by it. I had gone over the performance several times in my room before the looking glass until flattered myself that I could do it very neatly indeed. I'wonld' go down on my knees (first spreading out a handkerchief on the fioor) and, clasping my bands over the left breast pocket of uiy Prince Albert, exclaim to an empty rocking chair; “Miss Marvin—Laura —I—I love you. I have loved you with a passion whish mocks tlie feeble power of words. I can not live an hour longer without you. Will you be mine T At this point she was to fall into my arms with a sob and reply iii-articulalely: “Oh, Henry I”—or words to tliateflect. When, tiie'rcfore, instead of carrying out her part of the programme, she flung the wet blanket of her scorn on the hoi flume of mv aflection, I felt, as I have said, confused; and not only confused, but hurt; and not only hurt, but actually rescnti'ul. It seemed to me as (hough I could live a whole century without licr. “Well,”said I, soinowliat sullenly, as I got up and dusted off my knees with my pocket haiidkcnchief, “that's tlieoulj' style of proposal I’m dealing in just at present. I can get you samples in other Hues if you insist on it.” Miss Marvin laughed. She looked prettier when she was laughing than any other way, and there is reason to bfciicvo that she was aware of the fact. “I like you better now,” said she. “When you men aren’t witty or cynical you are geiicrallv silly.” “tlniike women,” I snappotJ. “Wlio are always silly, you mían,” she went on. “I accept that as a com-dimcnt, for it shows that you are try-ng to please me by a fleeting the cynic. Come, be sensible. I like you well enough. Only don’t try to propose to me in that ridiculously old fashioned manner,” With that she went down on her knees and prettily mimicked my little IMjrforniance with exaggerated gestures and the most absurd grimaces. Then she laiigheti heartih% I think I* have said she was pretty when she laughed. “You can’t imagine how tired I get of such gymnastic exhibitions,” she ran on, when I had helped lier to licr feet, retaining her hand as long as I dared. “Why can’t you men devise something new? 8uch a dearth of originality I never saw. I declare I am ready to throw myself into tlie arms of the first young man who invenís a really novel method of proposing.” “You might as -well talk about‘a novel method ot eating,” I replied. “If you were really in love, Miss Marvin, yon wouldn’t speak in that coldblooded way about so sacred a matter.” “But I’m not in love, yon see,” sbc replied, with a bewitching little shrug of her shoulders, “so what’s the use of proposing to me any w’ay ?” “At any rate,” she went on, relenting a little perhaps at sight of my wobcgone expression, “whether I airi in love or not, I shan’t accept anv man under the sun unless he has some entirely original way of offering himself.” ’riien she laughed again, and looked at me with such an irresistibly roguish cxiiression that I came very near spoiling everything by kissing her right then and there. “I don’t see exactly what yoiw mean,'’ said I. “Am I to uuderstanfl that I would be more acceptable If 1 liung from the chandelier by my toes and proposed in that attitude? Or shall I woo you with a peascod, like Touchstone ?” “I’m not going to tell you,” she replied. “That’s for you to fliitl out. I’m not sure myself that I know, but it must be something nnexpected, unhackneyed, spontaneous and deliciously novel, with a tinge of romance about it; not something you have been practicing all day with a dummy.” I colored guiltily at tliis, and slie shook her little head at me and laughed. “1 believe you could fiddle ovci burning Komo,” I broke out. “Don’t get angry,” she said. “Bo good. Put yourself in my pluce. I shall probably have but one opportunity in my life to accept a proposal. Am I wrong in wishing that itshould be an experience worth remembering —that it should not be coiifinon-place? Do you suppose that I didn’t know as soon as you entered the room this evening that you inteaded to make a jumping-jack of j’ourself?” I rose to my feet, “Tnat’s onougli, Miss Marvin,” said I. “The mere fact tliat you can treat the subject so lightly shows that you do not care a snap of your linger for mo and never will.” So saying I stroilc from tlio room, snatched my hat and overcoat sav agely from the rack in the hall and rushed out of the house. My feelings as I stalked away from the Marvin house that night were decidedly mixed. “She had no right to treat me in that way,” was my first reflection. It was humiliating. It was unkind. “But then,” I continued to myself, turning the question the other side up, “no doubt I was very awkward and stilted about iny proposal, and as for Laura, she is just bubbling over with fun. llow her eyes danced in spite of Jierself as she rolled them solemnly up at me and said, 'I can not live an hour longer without you.’ “Still,’’I went on, “how absurd for her to talk about being tired, of proposals. She spoke of them as cal inly as though they were so many invitations to tea. I’ll wager she never had one before in her life. No; I take that back. I’m sure Will. Harden proposed to her, and Hank Burton-and Lester Herbert, too, if his elongated face meant anything when I met him coming cut of the huuso last Sutil rtlay evening. Suppose she gave them all the—” I stopped stock-still In the middle of the sidewalk at the thoiiglit. “Suppose she gave thein all tlic same answer she gave me I She was ready, she said, to fall into the arms of the first man that invented some novel method of proposing.” Distressing thought! Whabif one of my precursors should even now be springing his invention upon Iicr! The mental picture of Miss Marvin fulling into the arms of either Will. Harden or llank Burton was excruciating, while the thought of Lester Herbert, who lisped and wore bangs, was fairly maddening. I was seized with an insan^onging to return and waylay any one ot the trio who might be prowling around with his original method concealed about his person. Although it was a very ridiculous thing to do, I immediately turned about and slowly walked back. ’Thcre was a liglit in Laura’s room which glared at me indignantly for a inoincnt and then shrank to‘a tiny speck of flame, as though it had retreated behind a door and were watching me suspiciously through the keyhole. As I stood on the sidewalk looking across at'the house a thick-xet man with a slouch hat pulled over his eyes materialized from the shadow of a tree not far away and approached me. “Oh, it’s you, is it ?” said he in a low tone. Yes, I—I think so,” I replied, somewhat doubtfully. ’The thick-set man gave a low whistle, and two other men slouched out of the shadow and came up. “All right; it’s Preston,” said the one who l^ad addressed me. I knew then that they had mistaken mo for a servant of judge Marvin, who had been discharged the week before on account of some petty theft. Unquestionably some precious piece of villainy was on foot. A sudden ambition to “foil the villains” rose within me, followed bv another am-bitiou to take to my heels. As the fence was behind me and the three, men in front,! gaVc ambition number one ail the encouragement possible. “You’re sure it’s Preston ?” said one of the men. “Of course it’s Preston,” I replied, in an injured tone. “Suppose I don’t know niy own name ?” “Wo thought from your second let-ttn* that you were going to weaken,” said the tliick-sei man. “Oil, that letter was a blind,” I replied, not knowing what else to saj-. “Well, see that you don’t weaken,” said first speaker, “unless you want the roof of your head biown off.” This was reassuring. I hastily resolved not to weaken, and said as much. The thick-set man thon leading the way, we crossed the street, climbed the fence at one corner of tho lot, and lay down in the grape-arbor. I was given a long, black mask, which I put on. 'The others masked likewise. From the coiiversatiou whicli ensued I learned that I—in the person of Preston—had arrangea the catch on the shutter of one of the windows so that it could be operated from tho outside. My emotions, when I discovered that I had been tam])ering with the shutter of Miss Marvin’s own room, can better bo imagined than put oil paper. Wc lay in the arbor for something over an hour. It was very still. I could distinguish five separate snores ill the adjoiuiug house. Once a little child turned over in tlie cradle, wet its lips, gave vent to a plaintive cry of “Mamma,” and slept again. A policeman sauntered down the sidewalk within three feet of ns, looked at iiis watch under tlie lamplight, and passed on. As soon as he was out of sight the leader of the party arose and led the way to the porch ill front of the house. It was getting very pokerish for me. ’The men seemed to suspect that I >vas “weakening” and formed u hollow triangle with mein the center. “Yon climb this porch right after me,” said tho leader. I managed to do so, though my hands were rather unsteady. The porch was an openwork affaii'—a 'leinptation to any sneak thief. “Open that shutter,’’said tho leader, when wo two stood on the roof of the porch. Now this was the point at which I had intended to be heroic. But, very much to my surprise, I was not. I proceeded very quietly and expeditiously to open that’ shutter. The window proved to be up, leaving a a space of about twelve inches between sash and sill. Through this aperture I crawled into tlie room in obedience to a suggestion ou the part of my “pal.” I trust I shall never again in my life feel so sneaking, low-lived, and contemptible as I did when I stood in tliat room. It scorned to me that I was profaning a temple. A star of the smallest magnitude burned at the tip of the gas jet, and by its dim light I could see that Miss ^larviu had lain down on the bed without undressing and had fallen asleep so. “Help me in,” said the other thief. Ho had thrust his head through the open place and was reaching out one hand to grasp some means of support. AYitli sudden determination I raised one foot and planted square in bis face a kick in which I managed to concentrate and give expression to all iny loathing lor the man as well as my self-contempt and‘disgust at my own situation. 'The result was grati-fviiig. With a muflled cry of pain tho burglar rolled off tlio porch and went plunging to the ground. The noise awoké Miss Marvin, who rubbed her eyes sleepily, turned over, and thon sat up, looking at me, at first wondcringly and then terrified. I had turned the gas up, knowing that this would frighten away ithe thieves as effectually as a discharge ot grape-shot. “Miss Marvin,”said I, “please do not scream. Please don’t.” When I said this, I assumed an expression of tiie most tender devotion, which could not fall, I thought, to soothe and reassure her. “Who are you?” she whispered, tremulously. “Don't you know me?” I said, throwing still more tenderness into my expression. Then I laughed, for, accidentally putiing my hand to my face as I spoke, I discovered that I still wore the black mask which my “pal” had given me. No wonder my facial contortions had been ineffectual. This incident at once restored my equanimity, and brought with it a snduen flush of something like jocularitv. For a moment I felt that I could enjoy tho situation and even take advantage of it. “Miss Marvin,” I said, “I beg of you not to be frightened. I dropped in partly to do a little thieving and partly to ask you a very importdiit question. As I lay concealed under the sofa ill the parlor this evening I heard yon remark that you were ready to marry any man who would conceive of some original method of popping the question. Don’t you, think this situation has the charm} of novelty about it ? Can you lay your hand on your heart and say there is nothing unexpected, unhackneyed, spontaneous or romantic about this form of proposal ? Will you. Oh, will yon be mine ?” Miss Marvin looketl at me with a mixture of expressions which it would be hopeless to attempt to analyze. “Wliat is your name?” she gasped. “I am your servaht Preston,” said I, with a low bow. “Preston!” exclaimed Miss Marvin. “Are yon Preston ?” Then, to my great astonishment, Miss Marvin arose from tho bed. calmly walked up to where 1 stood, took me by the ear and led me to the window. “You great, eavesdropping booby!” said she. “If I ever catch you inside this house again I’ll scratch your eyes out. Now crawl through that hole.” I crawled. I was impersonating Preston, and I am sure he would have crawled had he been there.♦ ♦ • , * I told my wife the last 'half of the story yesterday—she was already acquainted with tho first half—-anti her only remark was that if she had suspected thff identity of the pseudo-Prestoii tho night of thchousc-break-iiig she would have retained the catas a memento of his impudence. The energy with which she said tliis caused me to postpone some rather pointed remarks about novelties in proposing, with which I had intended to conclude my story, and tho reader will have to draw the moral for himself. Milleiiiiiul. BT KEEN E. RGXPORD. Of Faitli I question what shall be. Of lafe I question what hdi been. Ami luuK tho iiiillcnml ilawaio Hee. That lets tuu Uolcluu A;(o oouie in. Oh thousand vears of perfect pcnco, Ve mav be far aiui far aw»r, But at your coiniiig tcai-s slnil cease. And all our sorrows end for aye. A thousand years tho earth will inovo In sunward cycles of tiod’s plan, A man wiii live and iiiau will luvc. In perfect iellowship with man. Oh Golden Ajre, by seers foretold, Wlio glanced adown the advancing years, Give me tlie faith they held of old, To cry: -Tlic golden future iioars.” I cnn not look so far aw.ir. Or else tlio mist: of doubt and sin II ive fallen iiight-like round ibe tiay. Thus uarrowiug all my viilou in. Oh thomand years, when love’s will bo The unlvorsiil law, well kept. Dawn grandly, for we long to soo The time for which the prophets wept. Couiiierfeitiiifi «■ A Fine Art. IN. Y. Ilerala.] “The counterfeiter is going to work on a business basts,” said Chief Brooks, of tiio Secret Service. “He has become an economist and is operating on a narrow margin of profit.” “Believes in smaller profits and saicr returns?” “Yes, that’s It. Here is a new finger post of danger,” continued Chief Brooks, and ho passed tiie alnrni signal over to the writer. This is it : Five dollar gold piece, coinage of 1881, composed of: Gold—Fineness, 70S; vuluc...............14    13 Silver..................................... 01.3 IMatmum.................................. 03.2 Copper..................................... Oa.l Value....................................H*7}4 This particular post was discovered by A. J. Ila.stings, Acting Assistant Treasurer at Boston. Chief Brooks was at onco notified. “I can’t tell yet,” he continued, “how this coin was made. It may have been struck ft-oin an alloy planchcttc; it may have been cast in a pla.ster mold ; it may have been split and filled. But the fact of its introduction is most significant. If an operation ot this kind is attempted upon a 10 per cent margin of gold value, wiiy not upon a 21 per cent margtn of silver value ? The relative profit is greater and tiie chance of detection far less. For the counterfeiter could use tho exact nro-porlions of the Government stamfard dollar alloy and make a large manufacturers’ profit.” “Would the coumcrfeiters In this country as a class be content with this margin ?” “I doirt think they would,” he replied. “They arc not educated up to that point yet. But tliough they are the scum of tlie eartli morally, tiiey are not slow to learn liow to make money successfully. If the hint lias not yet been given to them directly from abroad I am inclined to think It scon will be.” Gough’s binall Pajr. rPhilaflclpbla Times.] In one of the first towns in which I spoke outside of Worcester I labored for three evenings and was told by the committee at the conclusion of iny last address that tliey had no funds in the treasury and did not like to take up a collection, but that if I would come again and give three more lectures I would be liberally paid, consented and shortly afterward began my other course of three lectures. At the termination of tne second one a gentleman arose and said that as Mr. Gough Iiad not been paid on tho occasion of his previous visit to that town lic strggmrtcd that a collection be taken up for the purpose of romuucr-ating him. “I obiect to collections.” said anotli-er gentleman ; “but if we must liavc one let it be to-morrow night, when wc will all come prepared.’’ The third evening was very rainy and a collection aitionnting to $I 80 was taken up. A gentleman near the table remarked when the money was counted: “The amount is very small. I do not mind making it up to two dollars out of my own pocket, for the laborer is worth y of his hire,” and he very empliaticaliy laid down two silver dimes. I refused tó take $2 for six days’ work, during which my personal expenses had been $5, anil departed. The next day I received from three liquor-sellers a $5 bill enclosed in a letter, in which they said they thought I hud worked hard enough to bo better paid. Once after lecturing at considerable personal expense in a town some distance from Worcester, where I expected a remuneration at least suffi*-cient to reimburse me, I was merely tendered a vote of thanks. I arose and requested that the vote should be put ill writing, as perhaps tlie conductor on tlie train would accept it for my fare. The committee took the hint and a liberal collection was then taken up for me. The value oi' thou;¿ht cau uot bo told. Just 80 with the best of everytliiiisr. Take Dr. Biiielow’s i’osilive Cura for all throat anil luuir troubles, it you appreciate a speedy and tborouflh Cure. Tleaaaut take. 50 cents aud $1. to The chestnut about the allefred innoceuce of the Ashlaud murderers it ueiug revived. Helena. lI'itlsburK Dispatch.I James Gregory, of Devousliire, Englamt, a sailor, who has spent the last ten years in Southern seas, is stopping with a friend in Pittsburg. In speaking ol his wanderings yesterday, he said: “Two years ago I visited St. Helena, tlic little island where Napoleon was imprisoned and burled. The remains, you know, were long since taken buck to France, bul, his giave is still there, guarded day and night by a soldier, 'riioiisands oi people visit it yearly. Tho island,' which is peopled only by u few humlrod residents, is a liHth, rocky point in the sea, and produces little grain or vegetables. A few sheep arc raised, bnt the 300 or 400 people who live there are either in the employ of the Government at tho ship supply station or wcaltliy and live on the island through preference. I suppose that there are tons of pieces of rocks, bits of wood, leaves and grass, etc., taken From the island yearly as mementoes of tourists.” his watch and discovered that it was not quite 12 o’clock, tho hour fixed for the execution. Turning to the prisoner, he said: “You have ten minutes yet to live; is thcre anything you desire to say in the meantime?” The prisoner sullenly replied that thcre was not. At this instant Blackburn sprang from his scat, and, advancing to the edge of tho scaffold, said: “Ifthe gentleman will allow nio his remaining ten minntcs, I will be glad to announce myself a candidate for your s-affragcs. If elected to Congress”— At this point the prisoner interjected: “Mr. Sheriff, I won’t stand on a few minutes when it’s death or listening to one of Joe Blackburn’s speeches. Flip tho trap and let mo go.” Tho good-natured Sheriff obligingly “flipped the trap,” and the next instant the desperado swung into eternity. Goii;;ii’8 Massachuaeita Horae. [Worcester Letter in Boston Herald.] Mr. Gough, when not away on lecturing tours, lived quietly at Hillside, his beautiful country home, grandly situated about five miles north of the Worcester City Ilall, on the highland dividing tho valleys of the Nashua and Blackstone Ilivcrs. The house is a square, wooden, roomy structure, setting well back from the road, the tiriveways thickly lined with shade trees and flowering shrubs. Tho house is furnished luxuriously and is adorned with countless costly, rare and interesting articles, picked up by Mr. Gough in his travels. The library is exceptionally fine, and is especially rich in the works ot George Crnikshank, the English artist, who was a personal friend of Mr. Gough. The farm at Hillside consists of about twenty-six acres of naturally rather poor soil, but it has been finely andexpciisively cultivated by Mr. Gough. It is surrounded by a massive stone wail, which is the pride of the towik Mr. Gough was exceedingly hospitable and charitable. There was always a welcome at Hillside for evdry caller, no matter what liis condition or station in life, and no poor person was ever sent away from his door cold or hungry. Mr. Gough was never ostentatious in Ills gifts, but his private charities were almost innumerable. For years he supiiorted tho widow and family of his poor old friend Stratton, who induced him to take the pledge and encouraged him to keep it., and he has educated and supported many of bis relatives. Mr. Gough was a member of the Mount Vernon Street Church at Bostou, but was a regular attendant at Piedmont Congregational Church in this city. The Male’s L«aienC. ■T L. B. B. The male wm lafclr hnppr; Hie hrenat waa full ot tong. He thought that tho iiiilioiiutia Halt pul an end to wroug; BeeauM within a stable He itUKMl tile winter through. And dreamed he was a uabob, W 1th oot a thing te flck But now the spring is blooming And tho Jemima8al Is floating, full o( brickbats, L pon the thawed e.mai; An*i out upon tne tow-path Reluctant walks the mule. Annexed nnto the hawser And stormed with ridicnie. What carea he (or the daisies That whiten at theiield What cares he for the bliiebinla That nainrc’scliorns swell? He’d rather in bleak winter Contented whisk his tail, Than in the songliil springtime Be hammered with a rail. “Get ap. you wall-eyed critterl Ho, iliere, getap. go long! Who.i, Jiniiiarr, d.ash, dash.’*’ • And langu.age mucii moro stronir Is heaped u|m>ii me daily; And life to me’il be sweet The sunny hour I gather The driver with my feet. I’ll make them keep their distanet Wliile I am hauling coal. They’ll put on me my liariieM At long range with a pule. Conic b.‘ick, O snowy winter. And let me loaf a nit. And meantime ccntle springtime. Ethereal mildness, gitl -(Puck. CURRENT FUN. Couldn’t 8iand Oratory. [San Francisco Argonaut.] ■\Vlieii Blackbui'u was first running for CongresB he happened to be present one (lay at an execution in Owen-toii, Kj’. After the preliminaries had been arranged the Sheriff consulted A Hrorj About Pietlge*. General Hu8ted»,jrboMiloniiuation as tho licpublican candidate for Speaker of the New York Assembly was made unanimous by tho withdrawal of Mr. Erwlu after lie saw himself beaten, told a story the other day which finds a fitting sequel in his own interview with Erwin when the latter siirroiidercd. Tiio story was about old Judge Martin Grover and a candidate for the Assembly named Todd. Todd had been a suncrvisor and his reputation partly clouded, and old Martin Grover was as plain spoken as a soldier, 'rodd asked him for a letter to somebody of importance. “I can’t give it,’^aid Judge Grover, “because I think you area scouudrol.” “Tliat’s pretty hard language,” said Todd. “I hardly think I deserve it. I wish you would write the letter.” Tho old judge pondered. “Well,” said he, “I think you arc a grand rascal, but I will give yon the tetter if you premise you won’t steal while you arc in the Assembly.” Mr. Todd did not hesitate an Instant. “No, sir,” said he, “I won’t do it. I am going to Albany unpledged.” The Gi-oi‘t;ia Joint Biiuke. [Atlanta Constitution j J. W. Marshall says that years ago, in Alabama, a neighbor brought to his home a joint snake in a pan, and there for the first time ho witnessed the operation of the disjointing and rejoining of his suakcship. Upon being touched or struck lightly a joint snake will separate into pieces about four inches long. H now these pieces are placed in projier order for readjustment, tho snake will assume his natural form and be ail right, but if a section b^ misplaced, that is, if a section from the tail end be placed touching the section to wliich the bead is attaclied, the pieces will not unite. So, too, if the section is reversed no union takes place. Tho front end of a section has four projections, which lit in depressions or holes in the rear end of the section in front. Just Cause for Regret. [St. Jumes Gazette.] There is an irreverent story which was once current In books of “American Humor.” It is about an incautious traveler ivho explored certain parts of Polynesia. ’Tlio natives, not bftlng acquainted with white men, killed, cooked and ate hirn—not for cruelly, but to see what kind of an animal he vtas. “I don’t mind his being killed,” said the friend of bis bosom, commenting on the incident, “but I hate to hear of his being fooled away over a darned experiment.” For heudach», toothacbe, earaclie, and backacUu dtilvaliou Oil u u ceruiu cure. 200. ' A long tramp—A «ix-foot vagrant.— [liartforcl Times. Always comes out on top—Your hair.— [Boston Traveller.    y The oarsman now cnUivntes a row-buat physique.-[I’itwbiirg Chronicle. Coiiffress bus come to be a sort of dlaseot-itiK roam for, deud issues.-[VVaabiuetoa Critic. The President will surrender onir hia comic valeutiue to tbe Senate.—[Post Dia-patch. A short lobster is protected by law, hut • man wbo it sbort bus no resource.—[Boston 'Danscrlpt. A New York girl selected a socialist to marry because be loved Herr Most.—[New Orleans Picayune. In some places business is afraid to revive for fear of being bit with a strike.— [New Orleans Pioayiine. Contented and willing labor is worth ten per cent more than dissatisfi-d aud perfunctory workers.—[Bostou Herald. Jefferson Davit it described as lazr. Once, at least, it rumor is correct, be was in a bustle.—[Pbiladeipbis North Ameri-icsu. Cleveland has aevelo|ied a aew Presidential attribute: thi power to do nfficial business iu a private oapuoiiy.—[Syracuse Standard. General Butler reads only tlie Bible and the Evening PosU Butler never talla to look on both sidaa of a question .—[.Vlaoofl Telegraph} William Teoumsoh Sherman la not tbn first man wbo wrote whut b« wrote instead ot what he abuuld have written.—[Phiia* delpbia Times. The strike of the celebrated Studebaker wagoiiiiinkers. in Indinua, muy be difficult to arranire. There are so many spokeo-meii among them.—[I’hlludelpbia'News. “1 never kuow what to do wltu mr feet when I’m in a puriur,” said tUeeuibarraseed man. “Did it ever suggest itselt to you tbiityou miirbt steer them toward the door f’ —[IV ashiiigton llutchet. Attorney General Garland will take advantage of the Preuiduiu’u lust message and will hereafter coiiiider his certificate* of Pan Electric 'I'elephone stock as private papers.—[Post D.sputoh. It was time for a cbai!.;e in Burmah. When tue clocka in .ManUHlay struck noon there were uublio officers wbo orieJ from the housetops: “By favor of His Majesty, the King, Ills 12 c*’olook.”—[Sun Frauoisoo Alta. A temperance lecturer asked a railroad magnate to sign tbe pledge. “Excuse me, sir,” replied tbe magnate, “I draw tbe lino there. I am willing to introduce water into ever system but my owu.“—[LoweU Citizen. Builob is the name of the battle in which both armies euiiibiiated each other aud all the survivors have written descriptions ot it. This is tbe orly way tbe disaster* can be exi>ressed without maps and diagrams.—[Racoa 'i'elegr tph. So 'suocussíiii in many localities hav& been tbe efforts ol the advocates of temperance that Northern persons interested ill the tcuiperuucc crusade, wUsu visitiug tbe B.mtb, have expressed their astouish-loent that, us many thought, in the practical realtz atou of tiie temperance i<ieal the Souta left no siqieriority for the North t» boastot.-[Mempbis Appeal. Tho total illUeracy of the States la not a scientific basis for the dis rioution of * F'derul educational fuml. Under the Blair Dill as it stauds, Masiuchusetts would receive in eight years $1,114 000 lor her common scliooi fund. New York $'2,623,0J(\ Illinois $1.140,000 and Peiinsylvaata $'J,7J0,-000, though all of these and the oiuer Northern States are abuiidantly able to educate their own cliiKtreii. Tho rt.'al pur-i>ose ul the bill is to educate the colored ehildreu ot the South. It it cuu not bo uou* tilled to this o’ij'jct, it should bo dropped.— [Bostou lieraUl. Gold Lillies are very iincertaia property; for every paying mine a btindred exist that do not pay. But if you write to Uallett A Co., Portland, Mnlue, you will receive, free, full particulars about their new business, and lesrn how some have made over $50 in a single day nt it. Ynu can live at home, and earn from |5 to $26 and upwards per day. Both sexus; all ages. CapiUt not. required; you are started free. Send along your address, aud all will be proved to you. An Important feature of the bill in tb* Bell telephone suit is the claim that Bell was anticipated in the discovery by several others, one of whom Is either entitled to tbe patent or the discovery is free to be used by the people ot tbe United States. During a melee in K ivcrall’s saloon, at Washington, Ind., last S.iturd.iy nigbt, Et, Auberry was hit ou the head with a beet glass, and died irom his Injuries Tueisdaj,

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