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Ohio Cincinnati Weekly Times Newspaper Archives Jan 28 1986, Page 1

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Cincinnati Weekly Times (Newspaper) - January 28, 1986, Cincinnati, Ohio Vol.     IVo.    4.CIXOIIVIVJLTI, THXJilSD^Y, J.A.]VU-YIIY 38, 1886. Per Year. Her Answer. BT K. A. “I’m roliig to b« nmrrlpd,” he softly Mid. She 1o<iKe<t np in swift surprise. The color from out of nor hrisht face «led. Tlie light grew dim in her eye*. “Ton’rc going to be marrieil?” she echoed low. Her vuicc had a kU-adr tone. “I hopo you’il bo happy where’er yon go,” A cough bid a little moan. •*I know that your iirlde will be rood and true, Yon never could love any other.” She steiidily looked in his eves, dark tdne; “I tondcr you joy, my brother.” “I’m going to be married—tiiat is, I hope To be, though I hanlly know— Dear love. sIihII 1 longer pine and mope? I tremble for fear of *no.’ ” The color that out of her face had fled ( aaie bnck with a deeper hue; “Whv, isn’t it fuiniv?” she sliyly said, «’I hat I’m to be married, too!” MOTES AMO Nh.WS. Mine. Durand-GieviUe bu written forty I novels. There are thirty thousand colored people I in New York. The total fire loss of Burlington, N. J., I last year was $40. The Anierioan colony in Paris numbers [ about 3,00;) people. Cclert. when served in style in New Yoik now, is frozen naul. A steel steamer for Siam is being buiit It Wilmington, Del. 'there are 123 American students at the University of Beilin tliis year. A Blurgeon weighing 400 pounds it on exhibition in Sacramento. Cal. BwU. Butler wears a cap and overcoat of mink, and is a very gorgeous personage. Rubiiistffiu says that, tinder all circiim* stances, be practices regularly two hours a day. The wife of an.EnaÜRh baronet odver-Uses in LouUoii papers fur tne place of com* paniuu. A Paris curloailj’-imntor has found the act of B'irgicul liistnuneiits onoe used by Babel u IS. It is proposf d in France to tax all foreign residents in that republic eighteen francs per annum. The restnnrant privile<re of the National House of liepresentatives pays a profit of $0,000 a year. Pbrsicians trace a good deal of pneumo* nia to loiv.ctit drosses worn at the opera and elsewhere. Ban Jacinto. C •!., has fifty flowing arte* slan wells. The first well was put down only a year ago. General Bangs will be seventy years old Jiinuary 80, and his frieuUs wilt celebrate the day by a dinneri London gosalp asserts that Qneen Victoria scolded Princess Beutrios reo«uUy for atlen^liiig the theater. Prince Charles of Monaco has discovered a new way to pay old debts. Ue expels his creditors from his dominion. The official records uf San Bernardino Conntv, Cui., do not show a aingle birth or def tb in ibe county during 188&. It ii said that the hair of Stanley, the African explorer, bus cbunged lately from ail iron gray to a rich dark brown. Queen .Margaret, of Italy, has chosen for her private physician the first Italian woman who took up the study of msdiolne. There is a demand from China for T60 Christian missionaries at once. Converts are multiplying in all parts of tbe empire. London had a cur ions Christmas card this season. It was composed of brown paper, and bad “Hard Timos” as Its motto. Prof. Landmark. Cbief Director of tbe Norwegian fisheries, usseris that salmon sometimes jump perpendiouiarly sixteen feet. Senator Evarts bad a family reunion recently at which nine grandchildren tried to ride his knees to “Banbury Cross” all at on CO. Mr. Parnell probably receives the largest mail and sends tbe icwest replies of any similarly conspicuous politioian in tbe world. Sarah Bernhardt |has made up with her handaome husband, Daniala, and will take him along on her tour ibrough the United States. Professor Baird says that a fair estimate of the annual product of the American fisheries would not fall short of tlOd,-• 000,000. Minister Phelps introduces to his dinner Earties oysters, terranln and game from is native laud, bis cook being desoribed as an ariisu Two hundred and two lions have bscn killed in Algeria during the last twelve years. Also 1,214 panibers, LSSi bysuus, ^7,186 jackals. “Death from exposure” was tbe verdict recently rendered by a Helena (M. T. )Jiiry on the body of a horse tidet who hud boon hanged by vigilantes. A hundred years ago ladies used muffs five or ten times us large as the little rolls of fur or pouches of plusb and laoe inclosing tbe hands nowadays. It is claimed bv Pacido coast newspapers tbat at least $00.000 worth of opium has been smuggled into the United States during the puHl lour nionihs. In Albuquerque, N. M., a company Is organizing to explore tbe ruins ol a vast ancient ctiy, w here, it is thought, $20,000,* 000 of plunder may be found. 'I’here is an associufion in Paris whose object is to belp druukurdt home at night. II the patient is ton far none to give bis address, the club cares for him till he can. Tne steady sbrlnkage of tbe glaciers of tbe Swiss Alps bus caused severe losses to many of tbe peasants by the drving up in pastures formerly watered by glacial rills. Tbe Mexico Two llepublics has discovered a Mormon agent in the Mexican capital for tbe purpose of promoting acbcnies of Mormon settlement upon a large scale in tbat country. A bank clerk in W«stfleld, Mass., has ridden 5,006 miles on his bicyole, measured by a cvctometer, during tbe past six months, and challeuges any one to produce an equ il record. The Materia Medica of China requires tbirly-eigbt huge volumes, named Pan-i’so, to describe it. It presents 11,896 formulas, and includes over 1,000 substauces of supposed medicinal value. beuator Wade Hampton’s weak point, •nvs a photographer, is his side whiskers. Though tolerably long, they are sparse and scattered, and tbe Senator se^ms jealously fond ofeaob particular hair.IN THB ÁLTMABKT. BY MARY N.. PRESCOTT. Salvation OtI, the cheapest and best pain cnre on oarth. Prios only 25 ots. a bottle. Violet had lost both her situation and her lover when- Mrs. Van Buren called. “I’ve just had a letter from my old trieud. Frau Schiliiaj^, iu Dresden,” she said. “She wants me to find her a companion iu America who can sing a little. Could anything bo more fortunate? I propose to send you, Violet” “Yon are very kind to think of me. But In order to go, I shall be obliged to use all the money 1 put aside for a rainy day.” ‘•But it Is not exactly fair weather now, is it ? Besides, it will be capital well invested. Yon will see the world, you will learn German, and you will forget Mr. Dabney, and per haps marry a German bai'on.” “I don’t want to marry a German baron, butl think I will go. Thank you.” And the next ontward-bonnd German steamer carried her to Hanibni'g. Xot knowing a syllabic of the German tongue, she engaged a young German woman who was returning home to travel with her to Dresden, wlici'e Frau Schill!H<r mot her. She found her situation no sinecure, to he sure. Frau Schilling’s English was so hi’oken as to he almost beyond repair. Once or twice Violet went out with her to afternoon tea, whci'c she sat like a sia-tue, trying with ail her might to grasp the thread of the conversat ion in vain; the loneliness of a stranger in a foreign land, unable to speak the Ians, giiage, jiossessed her. It sometime-seemed to her that she should die unless she could find somebody to whom she could rehearse her thoughts and trials in good terse English. Frau Bchilling lived in the eastern part of the city, ia a sti*cct leading out of Durcrsti'asse. Although it was remote from the ccnti*al mai-kct places and the shops, and from almost everything, it made up for this inconvenience in being cheap, but Fran Schilling convinced evei’ybody that she lived there for the pure air and the view-. Of course the tramway -ran near, on its wav to Blasewiiz, hut Fran Schilling and her companion w'alked when they went out—it was so much healthier. Violet bad been to the Royal Gallery and the Altmarkt hut once, in the convoy of Frau Schilling, when one afternoon, after she had been a fortnight in the city, it occurred to her to walk out alone, and make acquaintance with the place. It was quite late in the day, however, before slic started, and tlie sky was already a deep saffron color in the w'cst. She remembered that Frau Schilling had conducted her down Durcrstrasse, past Ilolbcinplatz, through the narrow little Zoigol-strasse, pausing to look at the old Saxon monument at the corner of the Botanical Garden, where death, with his hour<^lasB, stands like a shadow heliind the warrior. The stream ot passers scarcely observed her as she loitered Ujion the Terrace of Bruhl, and stopped to connt the spires in the Neustadt; a baud was playing in the Belvedere some homesick strain that pursued her as she went on towai-d the gilded groups of statuary that adorn the flight of steps going to the Schlossplatz. The sunset light was ui>oo cverv-thing ; a steamer was towing a fleet of barges np the rive»*; tlio hills across the Elbe looked blue and en-chaiitiug in the distance, but it alt made her feel mora alone and bereft. It was a fair, a graat world; but what did it signify to her now that John Dabney had forgotten her. She crossed tne Plate and went slowly up Schlossstrasse and into the Altmarkt; it was tlie longest way round, but it was the only way she know. She ventured into one or two shojis, and struggled to make herself understood, vaiuly; she stopped with the crowd to gaze in at the windows of a print shop at some cfiort of the modern masters, and wondered if it was wrong to think them quite as satisfactory as some of the masterpieces Frau Schilling had pointed out to her iu the Royal Gallery; the Altmarkt was thronged with jieople; carriages kasteued, who knows where; everyone seemetl gay and cheerful; she wished with all her heart that she knew a few of these pretty women, these kindly matrons; she longed to hear somebody speak her name over her shoulder, to hap-1^11 suddenly upon some familiar face. Once she passed two people speaking English, and she turned back and made believe an interest in the emhroidei'ies iu a neighboring window that she might listcu to the delicious sounds. “I was so surprised to see him,” tlie lady was saying, “lie said ho had come to Dresden on important business ; I can’t thiuk what it is.” ‘‘Perhaps he will tell you,” laughed her companion. “Oh, no; nothing of the kind; he never was sweet upon me; we are flrst cousins.” “And cousins are dangerous things. When did he leave Now York?” New York 1 Violet’s heart bounded ; here was somebody straUht from home. Perhaps she knew him. At auy rate he must kuow John Dabuey; and she found herself wondering what thU stranger’s “important business” might he; but at the thought of John her “old sorrow woke and cried.” It was such a mere trifle that liad separated them, “the little rift within the lute.” How foolish it had all been, and yet how irrevocable I How sorely she missed his kindness, his presence, the right to think of him as belonging to her I How bleak and barren the world see'Vned without him? Life was ended for her; that is, all that made life worth living had left jier; nothing signified after that. She could think of nothing that she could substitute for his love; nothing in all the world could make amends to her (or all she had ^nandered, and sho had a doubt if heaven would be heaven without him. In the distraciiou of her thoughts she had walked ou till she was tired, and now she turned hack into the Altmarkt. How the scene had changed I Tbe people, the shops, the carriages, were still there, tobe sure, and the figura of Germania in center of the square still seemed to soar into the violet heavens. It was all another world by gas light; such necromancy had been wrought that Violet could not tell which direction to take toward home; so many cross lights puzzled her. Everybody was hastening homeward; everybody had some one waiting and watching for his approach, some one thinking of of him. Only she was forlorn and alone and desolate. She forgot that “No wlml could <irive her bark astray, Or cliaii|cc the tide o( destiuy.” Of course it would be iranosslhle for Violet to lose herself to-day in Dresden. Slio laughs at the idea; hut at that time it was quite a ditrcrcut story. The Altmarkt, as everybody knows, is a square shut iu with shops, with two streets leading out of it from each of its four corners, so to speak. In a ireiizy of fear Violet chose one of these streets; if it were the Schlossstrasse through which she had come to the Altmarkt she knew it would presently bring her in view of the thoroughfare leading into the Schlossplatz, where the gilded groups on the stairway of Bnild’s Terrace tvould show her that she was all right for home. That was the only route she knew, but after walking some distance, the straet ended against a dark and forbidding building; then she retraced her weary steps and hurried iu the opposite direction, into Wildriifferstrasse, and as litis opens upon the Portplatz, she soon saw that she was wrong again; always she returned to the Altmarkt, feeling that this was Iter only guide and safety, as the straet which had brought her there must still lead out of it, unless some enchantment had been at work. In her haste and excitement she explored one street after another without hitting upon the right one, and, ill fact, following several of them more than once before recognizing her mistake. If it had been davligh't, she felt that all would he well, the adventure would have been delightful; buthere, with the clocks striking eight in the darkness, made more perplexing by the numberless lights, without a German word in her vocabulary, it was anything hut comfortable. Desperate at length,when the Schlossstrasse really seemed to vanish out of existence, sho accosted a woman and asked her way ill English. The woman smiled, and shook her head. It was of no use asking the way; nobody understood her. She was’hungry, and cold and faint. It seemed to her that she had been hunting for the Schlossstrasse for hours, and might continue iu that occupation all night if no one came to her aid. Thera were the droschkas, drawn up in long lines, waiting for passengers who never seemed to arrive, the drivers wrapped in their blankets, smoking or sleeping contentedly ; but she dare not take one, even if she could have made the driver understand whore she tvished to go. At that time slio did not know that a Dresden drosclika is as safe as one’s roof tree. At last she paused in her mad and despairing haste to beg hclpof agcntlomau with his w'ifo upon his arm. They stopped and listened, regarding her compassionately. They answered her in broad German, and she replied in effusive English. It seemed to her that the woman began to regal'd lier with suspicion, to question if she were a beggar, or what. The man opened his purse. Violet shook her head, and the tears sprang into her eyes. “1 have lost my way,” sho iMirsisted. “If I could find the Terraco I should be all right. I know the way well from there.” While she spoke somebody else stopped ana listened, arrested by her voice. “Violet! Violet!” somebody said, close at her elbow; and Violet au-ewered: “Oh, Join»*! John, is it you ?” “Yes, it is I. I four.vl I couldn’t live without you.” And Violet was in his arms, safe and happy, and the German gentleman and his wife smiled at each other and at Violet, who no longer saw anybody iu the crowded square but Juliu Dabney.— [HarpeWs Bazar. The Cause of Miss Bayard’s Death. [Waiainyton Cor. N. Y. Graphic.] "What caused Miss Bayard’s death ? Physicians may pronounce it heart disease, but we who have seen her habits know that sho was the victim of low necked dresses. That will not deter any other gay young girl from following her fate, but none the less should a moral be pointed. On the Wednesday preceding her death she “received” with her mother at the nsual reception of the wife of the Cabinet officer. It was a bitterly cold day; the air penetrated the thickest wrappings. The pleasant parlors of Mrs. Bayard were filled with groups of visitors coming and going incessantly. Wc shivered in our sealskins, near the open Are, for the constantly opened outer door gave a blast of air fresh from Boreal regions. Never was Miss Bayard lovelier or more considerate of others, a fact which was remarked by all visitors. She wora a creara-colorad brocade with a glint of ashes of loses, cut square iu front, thus exposing the delicate anatomy of throat and lungs to the inclement season. The very night preceding her death she was occupied with a party of triends till midnight. She then wore a decollete dress, and stood a long time iu the hall to “wePome the coming or speed the parting guest.” A friend begged her to don a wrap, as sho was already sufFeriug from a cold. Accordingly she threw something about her shoulders when the door opened, and threw it off when the door was closed.    , Shortly after sho retired, giving directions not to he called till ufteniooii of the next day. When her sister entered the room at the appointed hour her spirit had flown. The Hraveiily Map. [All the Year Ronml.] Astrologers divide the heavens into twelve equal parts, called ’‘houses.” This is done by dividing the vertical circle—or circle passing through the zenith and the east and west points ot the horizon—into six parts of thirty degrees each, and six corresponding divisions lie below the horizon. In regard to these “houses” Lilly says that ‘‘the exact knowledge of them is so requisite that he who learns the nature of the planets without exact judgment of the houses is like an iin-pruvidcutman that furnishes himself with a variety of household stufl', having no place wherein to bestow them.” To each of these “houses” is ascribed a particular siguificance. For instance, the first house refers to the statura, health and life of man, or it stands in state astrology for the common ]-)eople; the second house refers to wealth generally; the third to hrathren, to letters and to messengers, etc., and so of the other h<RÑe«i. Tbe seventh house is singularly heterogeneous in its sigiiificatioii, as it rafers to lovers and husbands, animals strayed, thieves and things stolen ; so that if a young lady were to inquire after her absent lover, or an elderly ladv after her favorite cat, the astrologer would look to “the seventh house and planets therein and aspecting.” The next things of importance in astrology are the zodiacal signs. Aries, the firat sign, is described as being fiery, choleric, bestial, luxurious, intem|>erato and violent ; and besides, it “rules” gumboils, toothache, baldness, places uf rctuge for thieves, and, among other countries, England. Campanella says that “Aries makes people ferocious, stub-horn, fierce, bold, presumptive and crafty, like the Enarlisli.” We ought to foci complimented. Tamils signifies people given to pleasures, like Neapolitans. Virgo signifies the host mathematicians, astronomers, learned and ingenious men, etc. Libra pointe to those given to the delights of ni usic, and so on. Poor Anna Dickinaon. [New York Letter to Chicago Now».] Anna Dickinson is iu need. I don’t say that she is wretchedly poor, but she soon will be unless her friends come s{)eedily to her relief. The other day a member of the Borosia Society said toiino: “Our folks are thinking of getting up a benefit for Anna Dickinson. She’s l>oor now, you know.” But 1 didn’t know it. “Oh, yes,” continued the dear little sister; “Anna is in need of ready money, and she is so proud you know, that the task of meeting her necessities without giving oflenso is something more than delicate.” Anna Dickinson never learned the value of a dollar and never seemed to think that the proverbial rainy day would come to her, hut it has. People with memories longonongh to reach hack to the Lincoln-McCIellan campaign of 1864 will hear witness to the fact that Anna Dickinson did more for the safety of the Union with her tongue than an army corps could have done with rifles. There are certainly enough Republicans left who will Join in the opinion that Anna Dickinson should be enjoying a war pension to this very day. _ _    _ A Half Ounce of Prevention. [St. IxinU Ulobe-Deniocrat.l The newspapers arc full of prescriptions for the cure of hydrophobia. What we consider the best prescription of all has not yet been published. It is this: Cold lead, oz. Directions—Apply internally to the dog’s head. m.AINE‘S ICC YACHT. Why don’t you try Cariei’» Little Liver PilU? They are a poaitivo cure for tick L'eadauhe, and all tbe ills produced by dU-ordered liver. Ouly one pill a dose. The Swift Spurt 'Which the Great Statesman Indnlces In. ['New York Morning Journal.] The speed of some of the ioe yachts in use upon the Kennebec is almost marvelous. Some of them have been known to sail faster than a mile a minute, and It requires the constant cflfort of the pretty passengers to hold on their back hair while the yacht is coursing over the ice surface. The tracks of the Maine Central Railroad run alonsr the river bank A)i* some miles, and racing between the Boston express and some of the fast ice yachts are a daily occurrence. In most cases the train is quickly left behind, although running at the rate of forty-five miles an hour. The residence of James G. Blaine is only 100 prds from the river bank, aiiit the Maine statesman is one of the most pcraistent of ice-yachters. Clad in a big fur overcoat and a fur cap, ho always insists upon steering the yacht himself, and his ice-boat, the Kciineheckcr, is one of the fleetest craits oil the river. •Collisions are of frequent occurrence, and the force with which the boats crash together sometimes splits them'into kindling wootl. Serious injuries to the passengers are infrequent, however, as exiMjrience has shown them how to slip over the sides of the yacht before the unavoidable smash-up takes place. The interest in the sport is so general iu Augusta that the City Council annually appropriates a considerable sum for flie purpose ot keeping the ice clear of snow. Viramia E)t>qucneu. [From a Sjiecch by lloa. .M. Uohanou.] The gentleman from Craig has said that he came from a county where the lofty peaks kiss the morning rays of the sun and the tinkling of the cowbells is heard along the silent streams whose crystal waters meander through beautiful valleys. I will ask him where did I come from ? 1 came from a district where the noble Chesapeake rolls her glossy waves from the oyster beds of Virginia to meet the solid billows of the stormy Atlantic, where the majestic York River runs its murmuring music, that echoes along the ]>ebhly banks ot Old Point Cointort Í rapresent not a section, but the State of Virginia, from center to cir-cumferancc;froin where the morning rays of the golden sun gild the eastern shore to where the evening rays linger behind her western hills, and the jackar* mournfbl cry arouses the «lumbering woodlman, and, moving eastward, greets the orb of day and wakes the echoes of the Dismal Swamp. A Uitiveraal Prevttiitive. [rhiladelphia Star ] If, as the experiments of Pasteur woiild seem to demonstrate, hydrophobia can be made harmless by vaccination, just as smallpox is, and if the vaccination principle is good for anything in these diseases, why would it uot be equally valuable in the whole range of diseases of which they are but types? Who knows hut that in the therapeutics of the future, instead of inoculating patients with a 8]>ecial virus for this disease or that, the patient’s licallli will be protected by one comprehensive inoculation, in which the various forms of virus will be compounded in one active principle? Farcical as the idea may seem to the conservative, it will hai'dly be pronounced impossible in view 'of what has already been achieved by Pasteur. Texas Bill Wiped Out. [Las Vesaa Gazette.] During the progress of a dance in Latny Saturday night a well known des[)erado known as Texas Bill oii> tered and began to flourish a revolver at the guests, creating a general dii-tnrbance. Edward l^ng, the Deputy Sheriff, and also a merchant in the place, was called in to see to the ruffian and prevent him ft'ora doing harm. Mr» Long told him to behave himself and lie might remain in the place. But Texas Bill would have blood, and so drew a monster bowie knife on Mr. Long, who, in self-defense, was compelled to dispatch the ruffian by a bullet through the head. If the victim really is Texas Bill, his fate is g blessing to the community. Every Inch a Kiug. iChicazoNear».) The King of Bavaria is not a man to bo fooled with by«crcditors. Having run himself in debt over his cars, he simply leans back and asks his creditors what they intend to do about it, and, having learned that they are taking measures to levy on the goods of the royal household, he sets the royal General of his army on them and has them forbidden to lay hands on anvtliing. The King of Bavaria would bo a good hand to edit a Democratic paper in Vermont. •‘Poeltlon of the Colonfel.” [Oonrer Tribanc-Bepiiblican.] It used to be told of certain Army of the Potomac Colonels that when they were displeased with one of their subordinate officers they sent him before the Examining Board. This waa very likely to prove the last of the officer. The examinations were very rigid. One Colonel caught a Tartar in this manner. He duly §ent the officer before the board. One of the first questions was: “Your regiment in line of battle. Position of tho Colonel ?” “In Washington,” was the prompt answer. This was in the days when many Colonels prcforrad the solace of Capital streets to the tronhlosome tented field. The oflHoer retained his posi-tion. ______ THE EVENING PAPER. Always Read, and Always Read Thor-outfhly. [Philadelphia Call.] Tliero are indications that the drift of public favor in the newspaper line is toward evening papers. The morning pat>er was first in the field, and thus has an advantage among conservative people, but tho evening pa])er is rapidly supplanting it. There are many reasons why tho reading public prefer an evening paper. For the man of leisure who can leisurely read the news over his breakfast cup it matters little, but the great bulk of readers have no such leisure time. In this country the live men and women who read the pa])ei’s are those who earn tlieir daily bread. They are obliged In the inajorilyofcases to be at their place of business as early as seven in the morning. They have no time to read a morning pa|>er, and iu many cases do not even see it until they return from their work in the evening. By tiiat time the news is stale and uninteresting. With rare exceptions the morning pajicrs arc merely skimmed. A hasty glance at the headlines, one or two telegraphic or local items read and the pa])er is thrown aside. Unless in search of something s|>ecial the advertisements are ignored entirely. The evening paper stands on a different footing. It is prepared and printed on the day when the events which it chronicles are transpiring. Insica«l of being a record of yesterday it is an epitome of to-<lay. It is not only bright and readable, but, what is of more importance, there is time to read it. Instead of being thrown aside after a hurried glance it is spread out in the family circle and read by all. It comes in as a restful pleasure after a day of toil. After supper there is plenty of time to read the news, the family selections, the choice hit of poetry and tho stories for the little ones. There is even time to read the advertisements, and it is a fact that it is only during leisure hours tbat ailvertisemento^wa read. uses his eyes «ay. see these statements verified every day. Every second passenger in the street cars after working hours is reading an evening paper. And it is read from the first page to tbe last Advertisers are beginning to appreciate the advantage of evening papers as the best mediums for making their wants known to the reading public. The inorniiig paper will always exist, but the evening paper will soon surpass it in ))opiilar favor among read crs and advertisers alike. ion. His 1 ■rc. 8. in bw bMt h« went lo the ruik, (The Indy sit» at her lattice, alone*, C.'iURiD.; the hearu of each maid to sink, (Oh, snrly doa that innnches a bone!) Daahlns atiout thrn.igh the reckless throag, (Tbe oyster in the drowsy stew !> He sinas to hlni-eU a saral>oiier sonic. (To life the cliim biddcth a fond adiea!) “1 am boundOo aiake an impresaloa.’’ The best laid plans of men and mice— (Oh, woe to lilni who bclieres belief!) Will oonie to nanght on the treacitcrons ies^ (’Tis arnica brings ns surest relief.) My hero fell from hit hiah estate— (The p.'iinter's irt. fair Natnre mars!) Joined totrether were h.st and skate, (Could the heavens hold som.'iny starsf) And I tbluk he mude an impression. CURRENT FUR. A Loiif-licadetl Car Driver, I Chicago News.] “Ha, hal” laughed a driver of a North side street car as he stopped for a passenger near the company’s offices on North Clark street last evening and jerked his thumb towai-d a horse whiuh stood shivering in front of tho building. “That’s a great trick, but all the boys are dead on.” “What is tho trick?” inquired a passenger. “Why that’s the Superintendent’s horse and buggy. He puts ’em in front of tho offices and thinks the k*y8 will supiioso he is in the office. Wo know better. Whenever that rig is there the old man is down the street watching as. You bet we are all on time when that buggy stands at the door.” A l*(M»rCuUeoiion. [Boston Post.] It was in this same office one Monday morning. The worthy occupant came in with grip in hand. He bml been out into the country over Sunday 'to preach iu a small church a begging sermon in the interests of the society which he represented. “There,” said’ho, as he sat down at hisdesk,“that was a fruitless errand.” “Dulii’t you get much?” inquired his assistant. “Piescious little,” was the response. “Tho collection did not amount to quite enough to pay my expenses and iny charge for the sermon. “I’ll have to take it ail, and the society won’t get anything.” And that is the way ho settled it. The Finit anUUnly Hit. [Milwaukee Journal. I It is estimated that the government has published 75,000 distinct works since its organization. But tho government has never made a hit in its literary efforts since it issued the constitution. Up in Maine the other day the pistol wouldn’t go off, but they buried the boy all the same.—[Palmer Jour* nal. Though Vanderbilt was worth hii millions and owned the finest house in America, a Garrett held him when he died.—[The Merchant Traveler. The Boston girl doesn’t say, “Let’s leap the gutter.” She remarks, “Let us suddenly overleap the marginal depression of the public thoroughfare.” -[The Wasp. Things have come to a pretty pass when a policeman n ho works a regular beat can not get beer in liis district without ho has his uniform ou.— [New Orleans Picayune. It is time now to hear from the goose that Andrew Johnson usc«l when he W(M*ked at tailoring. Evei*y» thing else has spoken on the imj>each« mcnt subject.—[Picayune. One hundred different kinds of cheese are made in Franco. They are obliged to have a strong Government in order to keep abreast of the tastes of the people.—[Spriiigfield Union. Cupid is a cunning little fellow who goes around the country trading off a peck of trouble in a Russiaa-loather valise for a pint of hupniness iu an old market basket.—[California Maverick. A census of Dorwich at the pressed tibe would show that ahou ted per-sods out of every nide are sufl'cring from a biscrahle code id tlie head. Sneezy thig to catch, a code is.—[Norwich (Conn.) Bulletin. No, George Henry, tho expression “filing the will” docs not refer to the -•«Uinf -down ©f-'i4o-beque«t». It it •imply a polite way of iutimatbig that the lawyers have come into possession.—[Tlie Albanian. Puritanism has so permeated soine of our rural communities that a gentleman was recently invited to leave a town ou the Manitoba road on account ot his “winning ways.” Ue was a gambler.-[St. Paul Herald. There may be sermons in stone, ai Sliakspearc says, and there may not bcj hut jndging from some big salaries paid some big ))reachers there is no doubt about there being ‘‘rock” in sermons.—[The Merchant Traveler. Spiritualistic medium: “Yon now behold the spirit of Algernon Snob-hius. Do you recognize him ? Visitor: “Ido.” Spiritualistic medium: “He does not seem to recoguize you.” “Visitor: “Oh, that’s because I failed in business recently.”—[The Rambler. Teacher (in natural history)—Tommy, where is the hippopotamus to be found ? Tommy—Africa. Teacher—Yes. And what is the chief characteristic of this wonderful animal ? Tommy (who has seen the circus pictures)—He allcrs has his raoutb wide open.—[Harper’s Bazar. Wasn’t Afraid of t'iKcrs. intuburg Chroulcie.] “That young gentleman I got acquainted with at Fiteiicrcy'i party is a real hero,” confided Ethalinda De Wiggs to her bosom friend. ‘•Indeed ?” “Yes, he’s boon » great hunter, and he’s not afraid of the fiercest animals.” “Did he tell yon about it?” “No, but I heard him tell Brother Fred, about bucking the tiger, and when 1 am better acquainted with him I’ll got him to tell mo all his ad-ventures.” He Did. [Burlington Free Press.] “Keep it dark I” as a Burlington girl remarked when her lover turned down the gas and kissed her. One word: oue siei* uiay laiike or mar oiiu’s wliole tuture. Dr. Joiiea’ Bed CUver Tonic is the proper move when you have drapepsia, bad breath, piles,' pimples, ague, malaria, low spirits, lieadauhe, or any stooiacb or liver troubles 50 cents. A Fltirlit uf r niiuy. [Detroit Free Proi».] “Want your sidewalk cleared off?” he asked of a citizen of Woodward avenue. “Just got a «an.” “Have auy badges on ?’’ “I beBcve he has five or six.” “Then let him keep the job. I’m i tramp and hatxl up, out them roller-skating champions have got to earn a living somehow, and I’m not the man to stand iu their way. They are en< titled to public sympathy aiid assist ance.” _ An Unenviable Uiaiiuution. [N. T.Tlmes.J Our cHmato is entitled to tho dis« Unction of being the most variable !■ the world._ • • • • lAoicuio i^.b^..a:)S, affecting male or remale, however induced, speedily and permanently cureil. lIlusiratcÑd booá for 10 cents in stamps. World's Dis|>eusar| MfKlloal Associatico, 063 Mala sueet ButTalo, N. Y,

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