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Ohio Cincinnati Weekly Times Newspaper Archives Jan 21 1986, Page 1

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Cincinnati Weekly Times (Newspaper) - January 21, 1986, Cincinnati, Ohio Vol. XLIII.- TVo. 3.CI]VCi::VTV^TI, THTJRSOj^Y, jrA.7SUYItY 31, 188G. Per Year. A Little Bntnmrr All Shut liu BY ALICK H. ’Tis iweet to have, when storms begin To roam o’er the earth so wide, A little snmmer nil shut iii From the frozen warld outside; A littlesuinmer all our own. From the days w hen the robine go. To the diivs when they come from a warmer cone, And the iiansica pecu iroiu the snow. The rich may daily on dainties dine. And daily on velvet trcml. But give to my home the trailing vine, Ann the blimmlna flowers instead; A*checi fill wife in a sunny room, VV'ho isiiigs MS she flits-nlmut; What care 1, then, with the plants in blOOm, For the wintry winds without? IFow sweet toe-ome from the constant din Of life’s contending tide. To ray little summjr, all sliul In. From the frozen world oinside; To wtttcli the bright geraniums grow, From the bmi to the open flower. While the outer world lie» under the snow, Aud bound by the ice king’s power. The poet sings of the better land, ‘•Where flowers Immoilal-bhxiin,*' And so 1 can partly understand The glories bovoiid the tomb. Ilowsad and dróarvlhu earth would be. Through all of the weary hours. Had Oort not given to y ui and me The beautiful bi rds and flowers. NOTKS AND NhWS. Labouebere’s election expenses were but"39. The average age of the British peer is fifty-eight. Oi the 6 »J0 school teachers in Ncbraslta 4,000 are wuiiien. jiloodv and Sankey arc in Uontreal holdings big revival. The King's palace in Corea Is now lighted by eleutriuiiy. Ancient Bagdad has 100,000 people and not a solitary skating rink. Tho Bo.->tnu Cooking School has had six men as pupils duriug the year. The United States Government is the greatest publishing bouse in the world. }llrs. Frances Hodgson Burnett is still out of health and forcéd to refrain from woi k. The agent of the rassamaquoddy Indians, of Maine, reports their number at 631, all farmers. General Beauregard is one of the moot active inemliero of the New Orleans Cremation Society. Mr. Matthew Arnold has been spending some weeks in Berlin studying the educa-tiouai system of German/. Marble recently found in Inyo County, California, is pronounced by experta to be equal to any found in Italy, Id Farts the theatrical managers are obligt'd to keep up the free list, which takes |80U,C00 a year fr< m (he purses. The sccietv paper business Is greatly overdone iu London, and some of these publicutioits barely pay e\[>euse8. • Of the C7'i Yale graduates who died In the tell years bciwecu 1S7G and 1885, there were 271 w bo were nast seveuyt years of age. Over $6.(KK) worth of feathers have been sold fi'uin the twsuty-oiie grown ostriches at the Anaheim uslrich lanii, Los Angeles, Ciiliforuln, uuriiig the past seveu months. Paul de Saint Victor, the late famoua literary critic, bud a superstitious tauoy that be could write well only by using an ■ Inkstand-wuiob he hud purchased iu Switc-eriund. The keen eyed artlilervman who picked tho retel General Polk oti' bis horse by a eannoii shot on Pine Mountain, Georgia, iweiily-one years ago, died in Indiaua the , other day. The death is announced of Mr. Baillie, of Iledcuslle, Scotland, wno was to have acted as Beiijaniiii D.sraeli’s second, had there been a duel ociween that statesman and Daniel O'Coiiiiell. Mexico's crop of Indian corn, universally used in making tortillas, amounts to about one-iiiuih that of the United States. In some parts of the ’couulry three crops year mar be made. 13omeolthe Buprcscutatives in Congress w ho were most lavish In the use of stationery when it came free now draw nine-teuths of the $125 allowuiice iu cash at the close of each s ‘ssioii. George Bancroft at cightr-five does al-mn-it us mueh work each day as be did at thirly-tive. What with revising and'*|K>I-ishiiig" he cousiders uu average of 250 words a day fair prugress. I Krupp's famuuB works at Essen have turned out a larger Biimhcr of guns during the last three motiths than are usually produced iu a w hole year. The beaviést oe-livery was niude to Turkey, alter which came Greece and Servia. Borne ludinii arrow bends were lately showu at the Soclcte d'Antbropologie which were poisoned with curare over a century ago, hut still retained ibeir deadly po-ver. Small nnimals scmituhed with them died iu half an uuur. James Russell Lowell said fh bis recent address at Bryn Mawr College that appeals in behalf ot retaining Greek in a college curriculum conic from, roen who are '‘old enough tu have forgotten their Greek and too oiJ to find any necessity for heginuiug to study." At a race in South Australia, a few Weeks ago, the fulling oi a leading horse brought nearly the whole held tumbling over him. Two jockeys were klded out-right, halt a dozen others seriously (some fnially)injured, and several horses killed or lualiiied. Carlyle twenty ycnrs ago thought Bis-marck a niiiii as much like Cromwell as it WHS posfctbic to bo •‘iii these poor timoa." The Berlin Post now points out that the Iron Chancellor's great North Sea and Baltic canal project had its crigiii with the Iron Protector. 'J'hc food of Burmese peasants includes almost all kinds of reptiles, the grub of a ball-rolling beetle, a kind of ant which COHStnicts nests of leaves in trectops (eaten in curries). and bill rats. The last iiitmed exist in such hordes that their cou-suiuptiou is (tImoHt a necessity to preveut the ruts eating the Biinneso. A man who went hunting In the wild mtuntaluous region near Stratton, Vt., recently, was found dead after three days, w ith bis gun lodged in a crevice of the rocks, where apparently it had accidentally discharged both barrels into his body. The snow was tramped hard about tíio corpse by the efforts of his dog to arouse and comfort his master.    ' The longest pole knocks the porsiinroous, and Bigelow's Positive Cure knocks all coughs, colds, croup, hoarseness, bronchitis, asthma, influenza and consumption. Pleasant for children. Safe and speedy. 60 cents. LIFE IN A FLAT. BY EMMA A. OPrEll. Wlieu tbe llarnsons decided to move from their pretty, suburban-looking cottage In the upper part of the city into a flat downtown, because it would be nearer to Mr. Harrison’s business, several reasons why they should not have, decided were immediately discovered. Mrs. Harrison was certain that tliei-e were no ministers downtown who could comparo with Doctor Barron, and that she shouldn’t enjoy them if there were. Ollie, the elder daughter, was afraid that Charley Matson, who lived around the corner, could not continue to call five evenings Iu a week, as was his present habit; and her father was fearful that the rather small parlor of their new aboile would not take the place of tlieii pleasant little porch for smoking and ruminating on warm spring evenings. But Jessie, who was barely out of school, was eagerly enthusiastic con-rerning the flat. She was positive tiiat of all the charming places to live, a flat must he the most charming; and she could hardly wait to get into one. Had it not been for Jessie’s contagious good spirits, the Harrisons Avould have been inclined, at the end of their first week of flat-life, to move hack up town without further ado. They had begun to dpspair of ever hcconiiiig accustomed to a flat. Mr. Harrison, being lorgctful, was freshly startled every evening when the door oitcued by apparent magic in resjionsc to his ring. But Jessie, by repeated explauatíuns, couvinceil him that, so far from being a spiritual luanil'esta-lion, it was the direct result of a small brass handle attached to the kitchen wall. Ollie, whose hour of rising was not of the earliest, was disturbed every morning by the whistle of the janitoV up the dumb waiter shaft, and the consequent sending down of ashes <Jn the part of the girl. But Jessie grew eloquent over the extreme desirability of this arrangcnient. Mrs. Harrison, whose tastes were quiet, was annoyed at meeting people in the hall, and liearing them on the stairs. But Jessie defended these sights and sounds as being remarkably pleasant and sociable. She herself, however, had one cause of disturbance. She drew Ollie close to the hall door, one morning, with her finger raised. "There—listen I” she whispered. "It’s the gentleman on the floor above. It’s just the same every morning.” A quick step was coming down stairs. At their foot it paused, Avliile a feminine voice called doAvn sweetly "Good-by, Willy. Be home early— he sure.” And a manly voice responded cheerfully: ‘T’ll bo on hand. Good-by!” and the hall door closed upon the speaker. “They go through with all that every day,’’ said Jessie, disgustedly. "And once or twice I’ve heard her call him ‘dear’—yes, actually I If there’s anything I abhor, it's the public demonstration ot young married conplcsl” she concluded with a shudder. She stepped to the window hastily, closed the blinds, and peeped through the sliut crs. "Yes, he doesn’t look more than twenty-four,” she announced. "They probably haven’t been married long. But that's no excuse-not the slightest. ‘Willy’ for that immense thing!” she added, scornfully, as she Avatchcd the tall figure to the corner. That afternoon Jessie went up town to call on several of "the girls,” and returned at 4, having had the best kind of a time. She had pfone first to Mamie Duke’s, and Mamie had gone over to Cora Bradley’s with her, aud they had all gone on to Myra Sellwin’s', where Jessie had eutertaiued them with a vivid description of the flat, and amused them with a slightly exaggerated account of the doings ot the amorous couple on the second floor. She had, iu fact, represented Mr. Sanderson—Sanderson was the name in the slit over the letter box—as being iu tho habit of shouting “By-by, Toolaey Wootsey” up the stairs as he departed, and receiving the mystic response of "Nicey picey—oozy boozy goozy.”    » Blit tl'c statement had not been fully credited. She Avas smiling over the recollection of her afternoon’s jollity as she stood in the vestibule Avaiting the rcr spouse to herring. Whether the gentleman on the second floor, who ascended tho steps at the momcnr, regarded her musing half smile as intended in some degree for himself, or Avhether he was charmed out of all self-restraint by Jessie’s fresh, young face and her iretty, fall costume, Avas not clear; nit he lifted his hat hesitatingly. The motion Avas very slight and most respectful, but Jessie raised her chill and regarded the young man Avith chilling haughtiness. What business had he to bow to her? He was extremely presumptuous ; he was impertinent. If that was tho habit of iicoplo iu flats nothing could be horritier. Had she not been determinedly re garding one tan-colored kid hand, Avhere it rested on the door knob, she would have seen that Mr. Sanderson’s frank face had shown a quick distress and confusion, as he noted tho eflect of his impulsive act; but she did not look up. Some three minutes had passed by this time since she had pulled the bell and she jerked it again, impatiently. A silence of three minutes more, during Avhich Jessie’s fi*0Avn deepened. Then Mr. Sanderson, with rather a timid "I beg your pardon!” reached across her to his own bell and pulled it. Another pause. The door did not open; there was not even a demand through the speaking tube of "Who Is it ?” There was profound silence. The situation was somcAvhat embarrassing. Jessie bit her lip, and looked down at the tip of her shoe. Then she raised her eyes to find Mr. Sanderson’s fixed Ujion her. There Avas no help for it; they smiled, and rather broadly. "I have not my latch-key with me,” said Mr. Sanderson, apologetically. "It is most unfortunate. I usually carry it.” "I can’t imagine what is the matter with Nora!” said Jessie, indisrnatly. "She must have heard the bell 1” Siic gave a third emphatic jerk to the handle. "If I could attract my sister’s attention ” said the young man, stepping out and looking up at the second-story wiiidoAv. His sister! Jessie’s eyes opened Avide. The idea gave a ncAV and not unpleasant aspect to the case. ‘ • Perhaps, though, his sister was living Avith them. But, no; in that case, would he not have wished to attract ills wife’s attention rather than |his sister’s ?” Two jAennies and a lead jAencil thrown against the windoAV brought no response, however. Mr. Sanderson came back into the vestibule, hopelessly. "It’s rather a (Acculiar situation,” he said. "We're aliens aud outcasts at our own door.” Jessie laughed. "I supiAose we shall have to wait till somebody comes in Avith a key,” she said. ‘TIow dreadful I” She went out to the top step, and looked up and down the street anxiously. Mr. Sanderson folloAved her. "Oh, Ave’vo a last hope I” he said, Avith a sudden inspiration. "We can ring up the janitor.” He pulled the janitor’s bell vigorously. “What a delightful idea!” cried Jessie; aud Mr. Sanderson looked fullA' rewarded. The janitor was a good five minutes in getting to tho door. He grinned slightly as he opened it, appearing to take iu the situation. ‘That bell wire’s breke,” he ob-serA'cd, indicating the row of handles. "How long you been ringing at ’em ?” "Oil, not long,” said Mr. Sanderson, evasively, and joined iu Jessie’s laugh. He raised his hat again as he left her at the door, and ran on upstairs; but she did not appear to resent it— she even smiled in return. "He is not married, after all,” she said to her sister, as she took oft* her "things” in rtieir room. ‘•Who?” said Ollie. “Mr. Sanderson—the gentleman on tho second floor,” said Jessie, emphatically. "It is his sister Avho Ha’cs Avilh him; and he Is quite pleasant.” "Jessie Harrison,” said her sister, sternly, "what have you been doing?” She Avas not cntiroly satisfied wlieu Jessie had explained. "Did you ask him to call ?” she said, suspicbusl)'. "Yes, I see it in your eye-you did, you dreadful girl I’’ "I didn’t,” said Jessie, laughing; ‘but it’s quite prehable that I shall yet!” The Harrisons grcAV reconciled to their flat as time went on. Mr. Harrison grow accustomed to the door, and Mrs. Harrison was no longer disturbed by her occasional encounters Avitli the families upstairs, and Ollie was speedily reassured as to Charley Matson by that young gen- tleinau’s faithful a Apeara nee times a Avcek, via the horse cars. It was some three weeks after this removal that Mrs. Harrison’s cook, folloAving a favorite custom of cooks, suddenly deserted her. Ollie Avas on a tAvó days’ visit to friends just out of town. Mrs. Harrison was not as well as usual, aud the household burden fell on Jessie. That young lady Avas capable of carrying it. She was rather pleased with the novelty of having everything in her own hands, for slio would not alloAV her motlier to assist her iu the remotest degree. She made out a hill of fare for the (lay, and her mother having smiliuirly approved It, started out to market immediately. On her return, she put on her oldest dress and took down the cook book. Lobster salad was the programme for lunch, and a lobster salad of exceptional merits Avas presently produced. It was rather annoying, to ho sure, stopping every two or three minutes to ansAver tho dumb-waiter bell and call "All right!” down to grocery, meat market, fish store and hukciiy boys, hut tliat Avas a necessary result of her rather extensive marketing. She was looking over the plentiful ■ ^--- supply of eatables before her and wondering whether to have peaches for lunch and grapes and pears for dinner, or grapes and pears for lunch and peaches fur dinner, Avlicn the dumb-waitcr bell jingled again. She opened the door impatiently and looked doAvn. A red faced man stood below, star ing up with some aggressiveness. "Throw doAvn the key of your cellar, and I’ll put your Avood in,” he said, not too gently. "Wood ?” Jessie repeated, with a frown for his gruffnees. "I don’t want any wood.” "A lady ordered it on the street just now,” said the man, raising his voice. "One barrel of kindling Avood, for twenty-five cents, and cheap, too. First flat, slie said. ThroAV down your key.” "It couldn’t have been the first flat,” said Jessie, preparing to shut the door. "No lady has ordered wood for the first flat.” "I knoAV what I’m talking about,” the man retorted, loudly. "And I don’t proppsc to he cheated out of an order. Yoii can throw doAvn that key as soon as you’ve a mind to, and the monej', too.” Jessie returned his fierce gaze doubtfully. She Avas not friglitcncd, hut she Avas somewhat at a loss. How should she .get rid of him ? AVhcro Avas the janitor? "I’m awaiting for that key,” said the man, threateningly. The door above opened at the moment, and Jessie, looking up, saw two lieads appear in succession—a pleasant Irisli face surmounted by a dark cap; aud that of the second floor gentleman, in hat and overcoat. “Is there anything tho matter?” said Mr. Sanderson, meeting Jessie’s upturned gaze, Avith much concern. "Oil, dear, yes I” Jessio responded, Avith a smile of gratitude. "Tliis man is behaving very disagreeably, lie says somebody orde.red Avood for our floor, and I am sure nobody did.” "Take yourself off, then,” said the young man sharply. "I ain’t going out of this cellar till I’ve put iu that Avood,” Avas the fierce response. "I’ll settle with him,” said Mr. Sanderson, looking down at Jessie reassuringly. Before she had realized his intentions, she had heard a raiild descent of the tAvo'flights of stairs, and quick steps ill the cellar, and saw the mau below turn augrily.    • She hurried to the head of niB o«l» lar stairs and listened Avith ^«fnrtlod intentncss. There Avas a slight scuffle, and then a hasty retreat toward the basement door, with au accompaniment of sullen muttorings. Jessio ran'downstairs. Mr. Sanderson was standing near the dumb Avaiter. His hat Aias Iving on tho ground and he Avas holding one hand to his face. "He has hurt youK’ cried Jessie, distressedly. "He tried to,” said the yoiing man, picking up his hat hastily. "It’s iiotliing.” “I am so sorry I” said Jessie, eai n-eslly. “It Avas all on my account.” "There couldn’t have been a better incentive,” said Mr. Sanderson, gallantly. ‘Tt Avas so kind in you!” murmured Jessio. "I was only too glad to he of service to you,” Mr. Sanderson insisted. They had reached the ton of the stairs. A pretty j'oung lady in hat and jacket stood there. "Dear mo, Willy!” she cried; “you aren’t hurt? I just came in, and Magg.y has been telling me about it. I ordered Avood of that horrid man, and I said tiie second flat as plain as anything. You arc liiirt. Come right upstairs and get some arnica.” And, Avith a friendly nod and smile at Jessio, she dragged the second floor gentleman aAvay. It Avas not surprising, after this occurrence, that the second flat should have called on the first flat only two evenings later, that the first flat should have returned tlio call, and that the acqnaintnnco should hare grown into an intimacy. The astonishing prt Avas (hat only six months later Miss Sanderson fulfilled an engagement of long standing, and Avent off on her wedding trip, and that Jessie, trying her best to seem matronly, and failing igno-miniously, as eighteen-year-old brides generally do, became the mistress of the second flat. Certainly it Avas most iialural that she should occasionally hav# thrown her young hiishund a kiss from the top of the stairs as he took a reliictant dejiartiire ; and certainly it was most unkind in Ollie, Avlio Avitncsscd the harmless act one morning, to observe, audibly: "If there’s anything I hate it’s tlie public demonstrations of young ina»’-ried couples!” EtiiraitCftl it'Not Ktitranuin;;. [Cullfornia Paper.] "I became acquainted with the most rapturous ivomaii last night that I cA'cr met,” said a San Franciscan yesterday morning to a friend. "Where did you meet her ?” "I met her at a seancc. She’s a medium.” JAPANESE DANCING CIRLS. A poet Avriling in Lippiucott’s Magazine says, ‘‘GIa'C me the moon and I will rest contented.” A,ii evident lunatic.—[Hartford Post. Banana—lall—bad sprain, Rub—St. Jacobs Oil—kill pain. AVinter—zero—throat sore— Red Blar Cou;;h Cuic—cOii;;b no more. THE EVENING PAPER. A Welcome Visitor to the Familjr Circle. IChicHgo Mull.] Tlio power and influence of a paper does not depend on size aloqf; nor upon its profuscuess; nor upon its excellence alone; nor ii]>on the niini-bcr of its readers. It docs depend upon its character, and on the manner in Avhich it is read. The morning paper is prepared at the expense of a natural law of physiology; its matter is written and published at a time Avhen men ought to be sleeping. Any violation of law is dissipation. The tone ot tho paper catches, must atch, much of this dissipation. What it has it must give out. The morning paper reaches nineteen-twentieths of its readers and the people generally at a time when they can not read it. The Avork of the day is upon them. They mouth over the paper hastily and throw it aside. Nothing is read, only gulped doAvn. This is dissipation. It is as unhealth-ful to stuff the mind Avitli unniasti-rated food as it is tho body. The oA'ening paper is prepared at a time Avhen men ought to Avork, the time set aside by nature for Avork. All its facts arc scrutinized in the clear light of day, not by the murky blaze of the saloon lamp. It comes to its .readers Avhcn the work of tho day is done. It is carried to the home and read iu the family circle. Its coii-toiits are conned carefully and leisurely in the most favorable circumstances possible to ho attained—under the softening aud elevating influences of home. It becomes a part of the household economy to take part in the reading of the i>aper. Each member of tlic home circle takes au interest in it. The home is the center of the power that rules the Avorld. It is to tho home the evening paper goes. A prominent neivspaper man was recently asked to define hU ideal of a Their Geor$;eonK Attire—A Scone of Wiiciiory and Fascination. fYc<ldo Cor. St. Loula Globe.] Better than all else to our minds Avas the music that had been sounding through all the intervals of the feast by three maidens, who tAvanged tho koto and the samisen, and the dancing with choral accompaniment by ten maiko iu their painted crapes and gorgeous brocades. The broad sashes were tied iu the Osaka style, in long, butterfly loops that spread the golden and glistening fabric all over the hacks of their scant, clinging gowns. They were tho most beautiful obis lliat I havo seen, made of the richest brocades, doubled, and measuring a half yard in width aii(> four and a half yards in length. Some were of solid, finely At'ound and closely woven bullion thread, the patterns raised in gold thread on a gold ground, and the whole so dazzling with the hlcndcd glitter and color that one strove iu vain to foIloAV the designs. It Avas more than a picture, it was a dream, a vision, Avhen these ten lovely creatures came gliding over tiie smooth mats and began the sIoav measures of a Japanese dance. They slowly posed, beiP, SAvayed and turned Avith exquiste grace, Avaving their gold paper fans in time Avith the tinkle and wail of the musical Instruments and the plaintive burden of their song that explained the graceful pantomime. Then Avas tho moment for the artist or the lens to have fixed the scene in that room, open to the summer niglit, hung round Avith its crimson lanterns and lighted Avith the soft glow from tho tall andons. There Avere tho lines of sitting figures in their dark silk garments Aviih the white surplice folds outlining the open front of their sowns and the dark faces above lost in the reverie and dreamy poetic contemplation with Avhich they followed the mazes of the dancers iu their rain-hoAV-huod and golde'n gowns. Although the dressing of these dancers was exquisite, artistic, rich and fairly gorgeous, aud every movement anil pose grace itself, their faces were, after all, tho chief element in the Avhole scene of witchery and fascination. Tho scant crape dresses lay a tffw iache# on Ibe floor sh art and án^ tho pointed necks of tholr dresses Avere filled in and' broilghiniijfh about tho throat with inner folds ot gold embroidered crane. The hair, dressed in Avido butterfly loops of the Kioto style, Avas stiftened Avith gum, tied Avith silver cords and bits of crape and set Avith a high coronal of silver hairpins, nut no other ornaments or jewels Avcre Avorn. Tho red crai>e petticoats peeped out iioav and then in the movements ot the dance as they slowly swayed and posed through the figures, sliding their feet over the mats and scarce lifting the whole foot from tho floor once in tho entire pantomime of the dance. Tho Avcaring of red is the privilege only of unmarried girls, and they avail themseives of the monopoly to the utmost on all festal occasions, tlie geishas and rnaiko always making it tho chief point in their rich costumes. The Japanese havo a sad, true proA’erb in their “Loa’c flics Avith tlie red petticoat,” Avhich teils that tho fickleiicos of mankind has no geographical limit. jiapcr. "It is such a sheet,” he said, "as I can take to my home and lay before niy Avite and sister Avithout hesitation or blushing.” Given a pa]>er that reaches the homes of the people and mingles with the home at-mosphero (and the evening papef alone can do this)—given a pajxir with such a tone and character as drives all hesitation from the rnindof tho husband, brings no blush to the check of tho Avife—given these factors, and the paper that will live and wield ]K)AVcr is outlined. Other qualities the paper must have, of course. To he a newspapei* it must give the news; give all Hie noAvs that people Avaut to hear and ought to hear; give this succinctly and clearly. The other qualities of tho desirable paper have heeu frequently described. Bill Nye at a New York Hotel. I Chicago News. I "I told the Avaiter at my table yes terday that when he got timo I wished ho Avouhl come up to my room and Ave could have a game of old sledge. He is a nice young man and puts himself out a good deal to make me comforlahle. "I found something yesterday at the table that bothered me. It Avas a new kind of a silver dingus, with tAvo handles to it, for getting a lump of sugar into your tea. I saAV right away that it Avas for that, but Avheii I took the tAvo handles in rny hand like a nut cracker and tried to scoop up a lump of sugar with it I felt embarrassed. Several i>cople Avho were total strnn^crs to me smiled. ‘‘After dinner tlic Avaiicr brought me a little pink glass hoAvl of lemonade and a clean Avipe to dry my iroutli Avith, I reckon, after I dranlc the IcmouHdo. I did not pine for lemonade much, anyhow, hut this was specially poor. It Avas just ])!ain water, Avitha lemon rind and no sugar into it. "One rural rooster from Pittsburg shoAvcd his contempt for the blamed stuff by Avashing his hands iu it. I may he rough aud uucouth iu my style, hut I hope I will never loAver myself like tliat in com pany.” Pools on the Vices. [BalTuIo Courier.] “You know,” said he, "that New Year’s Day is a great swearing off .time., Protmbly 5,000 perioni ki Buf* iMfli ffltde ifj^ tiieir'«il&di to gtrPtip smokfflg', cBcwliig, drinking. swearing, gambling and other vices, great or small, on the first of January. Wliat most of these good-resolvo men most need is something at stake as an incentive to keep their self pledges. Now I am going to turn reformer’s assistant. Ihn going to sell pools on the different vices at 15 each. All those fellows Avho swear off on smoking, on paying me |5, can enter the smoking pool. The same Avith those who intent to stop swearing. Likewise those AVlio intend to turn teetotalers. Each list will be kept in a separate book, and a printed slip of the names furnished to anyone Avho Avants it. When good evidence is hrouglit to me that á good resolution has been broken, off goes the name from the hooks. At the end of six months the fellows avIjo have stuck it through sliall havo the money, sjiare and share alike.” ‘My Clfieks. BY B. K. a. I hare jnat half a drmtm cIockb, Wltti faces round and tniKht, And every day it puzzles me To know wluclione la right. Tnc cuckoo cooe It nine o’clock, Another says half-past; I know not which is right or wrong. Or which is slow or fast. My bedroom timepiece savsl have An Itonr in bed to dwelt. The Cook looks at the kitchen clock And rings the breakfast bell. The study clock at half-past twelve Scmds me to bod elate. Ami in a fleeting hour or two Another clock strikes eight. But that which says I’ve amule time I miss the tr.'iiu and swear; Tlie one that tii.-«ke8 me joinp and ran Troves I have time to spare, I sometimes risesnd dress in haste; Because it’s striking ten; AVhen, fliidiiiK ii’s but seven, I tiú back tu bed again. The clock by which I’m never fooled Is stnniltng in the hall, A humlred-dollar «¡ollie clock That uevor goes ut all. T(1 rather sec you standing there Besidu the oaken iloor. Tolling me all the blessed time ’Tls twenty-five of (our. O, clocks, j’ou’re never uniform. And always seem to me Perplexing more lhau doctors, when The doctors disagree. CURRENT FUN. The B'oiiderlul boil of the iVest. [Chicago Herald.] “Do Ave have any cyclones out in our country ?” echoed the passenger from the West. “A few. Two or three times a year one comes along and makes things hoAvl. We ha\’o got used to’em, though, and don’t mind ’em any more. Tito soil is so fertile that Ave are able to copper tho cyclones in great shape.” "But I can’t see Avhat the fertility of tiic soil has got to do with it Avhen tornadoes come along every once in a Avhile and carry off your buildings.” “Of course, you can’t see it. Nobody ever could see it until he went out West and looked around a little with his OAvn eyes. We hain’t got any trees in our countiy to anchor tilings to, and tlicy Avouldn’t he of any use, anyhoAV, in á regular old cyclo. Blit, stranger, right thar tho fertility of the soil comes to our assistance. Every avcH regulated house, barn, stable and granary in our neighhor-lioM is tied toH curustnlk, an’ the cyclones can’t budge ’em an inch. That’s tlie kind of a soil we have out our wav.” becking n New Pasture. [Bndgcpoi't Fanner.] (jlencral Sherman has, it is said, decided to leave St. Louis and make his future home In the East. Rciwrt accredits his decision to tho persistent attacks of a St. Louis ncAVSpaper upon him, but may it not he that the stock of kissahle girls in St. Louis is exhausted and the General seeks "fields and pastures new ?” Anglotuaiiiu Still Developing. [Boston Pilot.] Anglomaniacs now seek to give the true flaA’our aud colour by stalling sucli Avovds with the unnecessary n. It is an error Avhich no editor favours. Au English tailor in New York is believed to he the autlior of it. The “Favorite I’rt'scriptioiT’ of Dr. Pierco cures ••female weakness” and kiu-dred a flections. By druggists. The sigh of the seamstress—A-henu —[St. Paul Herald. Seriously, is the dog-star a Skyc-terrier?—[The Judge. Unensy lies the head that is nominated for oflice.—[Hamilton Spectator. How to live cheaj)—Visit your relatives and acquaintances.—[Kentucky State Journal. Those who strike for their rights should not get left.—[Ncav York Morning Journal. The man who does not pay his pciv rent has a religion of his owin*.— [Whitehall Times. "’Tls a way they have” when you don’t see the point in handling a hornet.—[California Maverick. Offensive partisanship—Coming in late and looking the door on the other fellow.^—[Hot    Nevf. The ffnlvléiídlÑf inl^ that s^lety recognizes is the one who conducts a pug with a string.—[Tho Judge. There is a difTcrciije hctAveen coal dealers.    An honest one says of another: "His Avcighs are not my Avoighs.—[Alta California. It is said that the Mikado of Japan never Avcars a garment that has been washed.    Is the Mikado a Mis sourian'?—[Pittsburg Chronicle Telegraph. 8waIloAV-talIs in the Legislature aro not so inimical to the interests of tbe people as the swalloAviiig of cocktails during the session.—[N. Y. Morning Journal. It seems that a Nevada Indian has just beaten tho chanfpion Chinese poker player quite badly. There is no doubt of it. The Indians can be civilized.—[Hartford Post, Mr. Wm. Oyster, of Washington, was recently married to Miss Sarah Markriglit. We remark right here that Sarali has made sure of her oyster hill.—[Alta California. There was an old diver of Dover AVbo niurmarcd ••Moroover! Moreover!” Bui, whcu 'twusu bliiu ler He shunted “moro under!” This lively old diver of Dover. —¡The Judi(e. Telegraph boys in New York turn out to be burglars. This is encouraging and a decided improvement on devoting four hours to carrying a message tAvonty blocks.—[Texas Siftings. A spring of black ink has been discovered in Arkansas, but as it is not intoxicating and therefore unfit to drink, the Aikansans don’t know Avhat to do with it.—[Pittsburg Gazette. A Maryland grocer, Avorth a million dollars, has just died. Ho s]>ellcd sugar "Sliugar.” He probably put four more extra letters in it—s-a-ii-d; but people neA'cr noticed it.—[California Maverick. “Cog hog to rog. Jags is not 100.” This looks funny, aud it is to expert telegraph operators. What tried to go over the wires Avas: "C«>me home to Home. James is not well.”— [Richmond Stale. In speaking of the high price of eggs, a Boston pajAcr sagoly says, "eggs arc eggs.’’ Tiiis takes a great loatl from oiir nianfy breast, for avo supjiosed all along that they Avere beans.—[Bloomington Eye. A dispatch says a sausage sixty-four feet long was turned out of a fiic-tory in Mapleton, Pa., recently. Served it right; wc should have turned it out it it had been our factory.—[Burlingtou Fi-ee Press. While a cotiilion was in progress at a Dearborn avenue residence, ouo evening last week, a hurvlar broke iu aud stole all the fitvors. He adanted them from the German, as Mr. Augustin Daly would say.—[The Rambler. If there ever was a s|>ec>flo far any on« couiplaint, tbtiu Carter’s Lillie Liver THIb are a sp^oitie for sick headache, sud ev'^ry wouiuu should kuow this. Ualy ou« pill a dose. 1 I

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