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Oakland Tribune Newspaper Archives May 3 1977, Page 21

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Oakland Tribune (Newspaper) - May 3, 1977, Oakland, California Bringing Home a weekend guest la the Good old Days when your daughter said she was bringing Home a Friend for the weekend it meant she was bringing Home a when your son said bringing Home a Friend for the. Weekend it was a boy. This is not the Case anymore and it is causing tremendous House guest problems throughout the country. Since there is never any mention of Tow. Sex of the Friend on the phone most parents Don t know what to expect or How to handle it. I was Over at Ripley s House the other evening when his daughter Joan arrived Home for the weekend with her tall strapping fellow named Mickey. Mrs. Ripley was very flustered and Aid Well. Mickey. I guess you want to put your things put them in my Joan said. Mickey can sleep in the mrs. Ripley said nervously. Can t he sleep in my Joan asked. Or. Ripley blew up. Because 1 know he d rather sleep in the at room is Fine with Mickey said. It in t Fine with or Ripley snarled. Mickey do you mind if we talk to Joan alone there s a Beer in the icebox. Make yourself at As soon As Mickey left the room. Joan said How could you humiliate me in front of my did we humiliate Ripley wanted to know. By asking Mickey to sleep in when you know perfectly there Are two Beds in my room it s not a question of the num Ber of or. Ripley puffed. There s a certain propriety about people sharing rooms when they re not what Joan wanted to know. Mrs. Ripley said i know we re old fashioned and out of Date but your father and i get very nervous when we know two unmarried peo ple of the opposite sex Are in the same room under our but Mickey and i Aren t Stran Joan protested. Where do you think we live in i Don t want to know where you live in Cambridge. You re not in Cambridge this weekend you re in our or. Ripley yelled. I thought it was my House Joan said. It is your House it s not Mickey s House. After All. It would seem to me you would enjoy one weekend sleeping alone in your own mrs. Ripley said. If i d known this was going to be such a big Joan said. I would t have come it s not a big said or. Ripley. It s a simple question of moral standards. Ours seem to be different from yours. They May not be better but they Are and that s Why you want to ruin our Joan asked. We re not trying to ruin your weekend mrs. Ripley said. What we re offering you Are Sepa rate but equal accommodations. That s All the supreme court asks of any of that s very Joan said. But All the Way Down in the car Mickey was counting on sleeping in my room. He would t have come if he had known he had to sleep in the or. Ripley said. Hell sleep in your room Over my dead i decided to intercede. I have a suggestion. Since Mickey was counting on sleeping in Joan s room Why Don t you let him sleep there and have Joan sleep in the All three looked at me. Then or. Ripley said wait a minute. Suppose Joan decides to come Down from the attic in the Middle of the it s i said. Make Mickey Promise to lock his the mathematician As great Lover Bear Ann i am 36, my wife is 33. Jse Are both healthy. We have thrs3tids aged nine eight and six. My Safe had her tubes tied to make sure we will have no More children. Suje considers sex a hardship. Frost August 1, 1975, to december 31, we made love 89 times on Lucjan average of 5.235 times a month i consider this not enough. She3fiinks it is too much. Am i too demanding is she Normal please faithful so far dear faithful if you were As Good at Romance As Yon Are at Matt Myra would have no problem. Let it suffice to say for a couple Yter age Yoa Are not breaking any records for frequency try to put some Romance and into your love making. A Light ii a Mel or Motel cat do wonders. Boy her an outrageous or a bottle of great Bubble Bath and enjoy it together. Yoi heart me you re i a rat Bab Aid the Only difference Between a rat and a grave Are the dimensions. 000 Abb i m a citizen. Forthe past ten years i have taken responsibility for the household duties and the care of two elderly parents. Both have been very Domi Neering. Dad passed away in no vember of 1974. Mother a person who Only thinks of herself is an invalid who walks with a Walker uses a Bedpan at night and must Hare whatever she thinks of at once. Talks on the same subject for and drives me out of my min d. I m a nervous wreck find it Hart Flo breathe at times and cry for no reason at All. Tin tired of living and i have no friends. If i dare go to a senior club Small society by Ann Landers for. A few hours when i get Home i am lectured for hours. I have a brother who does t care to share anything. He says i have my own family problems. Please Don t Tell me your i be gotten to the Point where i hate everyone. Tell me what to do i can t put my Mother in a Home. I promised my father that As Long As she lived i would take care of her and i m reminded of it daily. This is my Home by the Way and i pay for everything. Some joke try and pay for everything on social Security that comes to s246 a month. It hurts to hate dear Friend there has got to be a solution to your problem bit i confess i Don t know what it is. Everybody knows better than anybody. Please readers give me a hand with this Oie. I m stamped. 000 dear Abu i know you Don t write a cooking column but people seem to Lay All sorts of things on you so Here s my pet Gripe. I have a Lovely neighbor who brings Over huge boxes of tomatoes that Aren t Ripe yet. I hate to be ungracious but what can i do with them thanks Friend. Overloaded dear 0. Place the wipe Toma toes ii a plastic bag with a very Ripe Apple. Puch a few holes ii the bag. A temperature of about 71 degrees is Best for ripening or they la Ripen More slowly to the fridge. I got this suggestion from my Good Friend Dorsey conors who writes a Lively cola i for the Chi Cago us limes. By Brick Mon Etta inf my ii duna0m 21 would t it by Nice once to to to told that Cost of living has earn Grin and Bear it by Limity Wagner your engine has been recalled by general motors one your transmission has been recalled by Ford a word to the wide by Joey Adams it s easy to stick to a diet these Days just eat what you can afford. She More than kept her girlish figure she doubled it. A word to the wide is sufficient if you cheat on a diet you gain in the end. How s your wife getting along on her great last night she disappeared Irving bumped into his Friend Charlie and hardly recognized him you look thin drawn bags under your eyes your clothing is hanging on you what happened have you been he replied no my wife is on a have you noticed that when you go on a strict diet the first thing you lose is your temper Dean Martin went on that drinking Man s diet and he says it s great. He lost eight pounds in three weekends the two Guys were talking at the bar. One asked when a person loses 10 pounds where does it the other said knowingly i guess it just evaporates into the first one said just think at this moment there May be 10 pounds of Sophia Loren floating above so eat. Drink and be merry for tomorrow be diet. One store owner was complaining Busi Ness is so the shoplifters have stopped the sales clerk bellowed sir this Price on the tag refers to City state and Federal taxes the Price of this merchandise is or. Adams this is just a the Boss said you Don t have to do it unless you want to keep your the clerk finally got up enough courage to ask for a raise. And Why should i give you a the Boss asked sarcastically. Because there Are three companies after he answered. And who May they the Boss wanted to know. The Gas company the phone company and the finance he replied. The woman went into the gun department of the store and asked the clerk for a revolver. It s for my she explained. Did he Tell you what kind to asked the helpful clerk. I should say she replied. He does t even know i m going to shoot him jogging gets you going in . If there is anyone More sanctimonious than a person who jogs i Don t know who he is. They All act like they be just run from Garden City l.i., to Innsbruck with a Torch in their hand. My husband has been jogging for five years now and i m sick of it. Every morning he comes into the Kitchen after his run. A Towel around the neck of his warm up suit and grins. Look at these Muscles. And i m not even breathing heavy Don t give me i said. You almost sucked up the morning paper in your you should try it you he said. It firms up your Muscles gets you going in the mornings and besides it gives you so does a War but i Don t want to run to i ran two Miles morning. How Long did it take an hour and a you re let me put it this Way. If you were running after a Beautiful girl from a Centrefold by the time you caught her you would t remember Why you were chasing that s pretty much what i d expect from a woman who organized a car Pool to the garbage that did it. The next morning i decided to join him. Let me Tell you i have never had More respect for my husband than i did from the moment i stepped into the streets. A 71 Mustang with a bumper sticker Reading i found god brushed by my body making an instant convert out of me. From out of nowhere a pack of dogs nipped at my heels forcing me to set a record for Broad jump i did t know existed. There were crowds of people everywhere milkmen paperboy joggers muggers insomniacs All milling around the streets. I expected any moment to see Ben Grauer with a microphone standing under a big. Silver Ball. Finally i yelled to my husband. I have to Stop a Are you he asked. I forced a laugh. Tired i just to tie my shoestring. I keep tripping Over that s your he said. Of my there s nothing wrong with jog Ging. I guess that a car Pool could t fix. Marcy Bachmann is typing up a storm to fill this space thursday. Mark Russell first the administration wanted to Send a plan Load of clothing to Zaire. Then a plan Load of food. And now 10 Tensie Weenie m-6u Battle tanks. Too can a tiny division of advisers be far behind too Jimmy in t exactly a Hawk but do i see claws growing on the Dove friends of the animals is a worthy cause but 1 wonder How they feel about Ham and Turkey sandwiches too those Little piggies Don l exactly die of old age you know. O o o o when you buy a tank who pays the Gas guzzler tax this could save Detroit mount cannons on Lincoln Continentals and sell them to emerging nations. The . Is raising the Tariff on imported television sets most of which come from Japan. The Japa Nese had a three word response tora tora our our reply was Calm Down. Wait till we get to the Motorc Whirlpool Home Al ask dances s dais Sec Iris store wide specials for a special lady on her special Day. 4 Days Only Antone s appliance 533-4443 2920 four teak Avo. Oakland m i Ftp Elm of Dlf Kcf r Jint off 510

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