New Braunfels Herald Zeitung (Newspaper) - March 19, 1993, New Braunfels, Texas
Friday, March 19,1993
Quote of the day
“Histoiy is principally the inaccurate narration of events which ought not to have happened.” — Ernest Albert Hooten, American anthropologist (1887-1964).
EditorialsWho pays?Clinton may be remembered for putting ‘Eek’ in economics
Candidate Bill Clinton promised to hit millionaires with a IO percent surcharge, which after his election was stretched to cover anyone making over $250,000 a year.
Now it is less affluent' citizens* turn to be misled.
Families whose gross pay totals under $30,000 a year have been told by the president that they will suffer no net tax increase under the Clinton economic plan. That’s true — but only because Clinton uses an esoteric Treasury Department standard of wealth called Family Economic Income.
Here’s how it works. Family Economic Income, according to Treasury technocrats, includes not just salary, wages and stock dividends — what most people think of as income when filling out their tax forms.
It also takes in employer contributions to insurance premiums and pension plans and appreciation in real property.
When Clinton talks about $30,000 being the point at which taxes start to bite, families making $25,000 suppose they will escape, t
But many of these families have income above $30,000 by the FEI definition and will actually pay more.
So early in his administration, ifs hazardous to predict how history will remember President Clinton.
If his clever massaging of the tax code is any guide, he may go down as the man who put the “Eek!” in economics.
Tbday's editorial was contributed by the El Paso Herald-Post.
• • •
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The New Braunfels HeraJd-Zetung
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New Braunfels, Texas 78131-1328
Editor and Publisher, David Stillest
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DWI reaches beyondjhe driver
A lot of hoopla has been made about the dangers of drinking and driving; and rightfully so. I
But can we really believe that people hilly understand the severity of the problem? Hardly.
Quite possibly, we should begin teaching death instead of danger; permanent disability instead of broken bones, and vogetative states instead of just severe injuries.
Maybe everyone should talk to a survivor of a drunk driving incident Liston to their story, their loss and their pain.
Let them tell you that no flashing lights, no emergency crew heroics, no explanations can reverse the devastating effect that death by DWI has on their lives.
People only need to see a few body begs, go to a few funerals, or look at a fow family albums shattered by a moment of indiscretion to begin to understand.
Arguably, DWI is one of the worst crimes of irresponsibility and negligence perpetrated by supposedly responsible adults upon other, usually innocent, undeserving victims.
Nothing is worse than poor judgment; except perhaps poor judgment, coupled with dulled reflexes, behind the wheel of two tons of metal hurtling down the road at 75 miles per hour. v
Alcohol dulls the reflexes — this is a proven fact You drink too much, you get drunk; you get drunk and your senses are dull, your judg-Gary P. Carroll
ment is impaired and you operate a motor vehicle with false confidence, and just maybe a little guarded optimism. Then, you kill people.
"But I drive fine after IVe had a couple of beers," you may say. I can understand that You got lucky, and maybe you continue to get lucky — but let me tell you, that luck WILL (not may) run out
Ifs like playing Russian Roulette; you may get lucky once, twice or even five times; but eventually all six barrels will be empty. You will lose.
But don’t take my word for it, ask a firefighter or paramedic who has pulled a very sober and very dead child from the twisted wreckage of an automobile struck by a drunk
Ask the parents of that child — ask the drunk driver. Or ask me.
Just two days after my cousin’s college graduation, during his final move from Huntsville
to Houston, just days before he was to begin his new job, a drunk truck driver took his Ufa from him; and from us.
Ho drove over my cousin’s car from behind, crushing my cousin to death. A sober 22-year-old crushed to death.
Happy graduation, Andy.
A lot of people dont seem to understand that DWI could just as easily stand for "death with indignity" as it does for driving while intoxicated.
Besides being illegal, it just isn’t fair to willfUlly endanger other people’s lives. It isnt fair to you, to other innocent people; or to my cousin Andy.
It was head for me to witness the DWI drill at the high school Tuesday, it brought back a lot of pain and deep-seated feelings of anger.
It hurt even more to see people watching who couldnt seem to understand the reality of death and destruction associated with DWI, or the message that New Braunfels police and firefighters were trying to communicate.
I mise my two friends and my cousin terribly. If you’re ever in Houston, ITI give you directions to their places.
You too may lay flowers quietly on their doorsteps, and tip-toe around the grass-covered earth they now call home. They didn’t deserve to die.
Gary P. Carroll is a reporter for the New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung.
tick tick jim Tick tick tick TickCat care advances with new administration
TODAYS ANIMAL TOPIC IS: Cat Care
Over the years, many cat-lovers have asked me: "Dave, how come you never writs about cats?
Is it because you don’t LIKE cats? Is it because cats are vicious, unprincipled household parasites that will stroll up to tbs person who has fed them for 17 years and, without provocation, claw this person’s shin flesh into lasagna?
Is it because they are lazy, ungrateful, hair-ball-spewing ... HEY! These aren’t cat-lover quotations! You're making these quotations up!"
OK, so I do not harbor a great fondness for cats. But I intend to change my ways, because I sincerely, in my heart, want to cash in on the wave of Cat Mania that is sweeping the nation.
The causa of this wave is, of course, the Clinton family cst, Socks Rodham Clinton, who was recently confirmed aa Official White House Pet following lengthy Senate hearings in which it was determined that he had never knowingly employed illegal aliens. (Socks did, in his youth, experiment with catnip but he did not inhale.)
So today I’m going to report some exciting developments in cst care. I’m not making these developments up; they were all brought to my attention by alert, cat-loving readers such as Sharon Bolts, who sent ms a newspaper advertisement for: the Cat Tub.
This is a cat-washing device, and ifs about time somebody invented one, because if you have ever attempted to wash a cat by hand, you are dumber than you look.
The Cat Tub sd has a photograph of a cat sitting inside a wire basket; the cafs head and front paws are sticking out the top, through a loose collar.
The basket has been submerged, up to the cafs neck, in a clear plastic cylinder filled with water. There’s a hoe# attached to a kitchen faucet so that water circulates around the eat, like a washing machine.
You just KNOW how much the cat is enjoying this. The cat is staring at the camera, clearly thinking. "Somehow, someday, I am going to evolve to the point where I cen order a handgun by mail and GET EVEN with theDave Barry
person who invented this.”
I called up this person, a San Diego architectural draftsman named Brad Davis, who told me that he invented the Cat Tub five years ago for his cat, Juan, when ha (Juan) developed a flea problem.
T had to bathe him a lot, and it was VERY difficult," he said. "Cats go ballistic when you put them in water. And they have claws."
(I just want to note for tho record that dogs NEVER scratch you when you wash them. They just become very sad and try to figure out what they did wrong.)
Davis said that the Cat Tub restrains the cat "very humanely,” so that it has no choice but to sit there and get clean and hate you. Although Davis claims that most cats seem to adjust
"OK, they don’t LOVE it," ho said. " But they TOLERATE it
Anyway, I think this is a terrific sanitation concept, which might someday be adapted for use with larger hard-to-bathe species such as cows, horses and my son.
The Cat Tub retails for $69.95; for more information, write to 2446 Juan St, San Diego, Calif. 92110. Operators, in tho form of Brad Davis, are standing bv.
Another new wrinkle in cat hygiene was brought to my attention by Patricia Southward, who mailed me a newspaper article concerning a senior-citisen talent show in Sanford, Fla.
The show featured an act by a woman named Harriett Boyd, hor cat "Streaky," and her small dog. Tho article, by Mark Barfield, states:
“The little dog ran around tho stage while Boyd held the eat draped over her shoulder, made it sit and stay on a stand while she
walked away and vacuumed it "Yes, she vacuumed the cat to its obvious pleasure. She nibbed the roaring attachment over the cafs back while it stretched in luxurious appreciation.”
Needless to say, this act won the silver talent medal.
I would not be surprised to see your big international stars such as Michael Jackson vacuuming cats on stage while a little dog (played by Marky Mark) runs around Anyway, lef s say you have washed and vacuumed your cat and now you’d like to give it a nice meal.
But left say, for one reason or another, yqur cat has no tooth.
In this case you will want to purchase a product featured in an advertisement sen tin by Ellen Feehan. The advertisement has a picture of a scientificlooking device, next to which is the following headline, which I swear I am not making up:
"Only the Polytron reduces an entire mouse to a soup-like homogenate in 30 seconds. *• Like most people, I have always yearned for such a capability, so I called tho manufacturer, Brinkmann Instruments, and spoke with a customer-service representative named Jeanette.
She told mo that tho Polytron is used for laboratory-sample preparation by the scientific community, which is constantly striving to achieve important breakthroughs in mankind’s ability to do stuff to mice.
"Ifs kind of like a veiy strong food processor," she said
I asked her if any eatrowners had bought Polygons so they could provide their pets with nutritious Liquid Mouse Treats, and she said she didn’t think so, because the basic modal costs over $4,000.
TTiis is a lot of money for the average civilian, but your more affluent cat-loving individuals and institutions could easily affords
I understand that the White House has ordered six.
Dave Ba Tribune Mi
irry is a syndicated columnist ftp 'edia Service.