New Braunfels Herald Zeitung (Newspaper) - June 25, 1993, New Braunfels, Texas
Page 4 Herald-Zeitung Friday, June 25,1993.
Q IJ I A H
"lf a little knowledge Ie dangerous, where is the man who has so much as to be out of danger?"
• Thornes Henry Huxley English biologist, 1877
EDITORIALS‘A tip of the hat9Area has much to be proud of after battle to preserve springs
A group of concerned citizens, including the Lone Star Chapter of the Sierra Club, the Guadalupe-Bianco River Authority and Doug Miller representing the interests of Comal County, the City of New Braunfels and New Braunfels Utilities, joined and led a fight to help save the Edwards Aquifer.
Their cause was to protect the natural water source and the wildlife which relics on ii It didn't take long for many other citizens and organizations to join in the fight to protect them.
And despite having to battle the powerful interests of San Antonio and the Farm Bureau, their cause won out, due to the persistence of these concerned citizens.
And all are to be commended for their efforts, their persistence, their dedication. It was a long, hard fight.
A regulatory commission has been established to monitor the springs, and the wildlife it supports. The Edwards Aquifer Authority, as it is now called, will keep watch to make sure proper, controlled amounts of water are being taken from the Aquifer. They will make suit the proper levels of water are flowing from the springs. They will make sure the the natural wonder is not abused.
However, the battle may have been won, yet die war is not over. There will be other dangers to the Aquifer down the road, but there will be a governing body to answer to for those who abuse the Aquifer.
San Antonio will surely have to seek a surface-water source to supply their city with water. That alone may have been worth the effort.
The Herald-Zeitung salutes those who stood up for something that could not stand up for itself.
CToday's editorial was written by Mark Lyon, Managing Editor of the Herald-Zeitung.)
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The New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung welcomes letters on any public issue. The editor reserves the right to correct spelling, style, punctuation and known factual errors. Letters should be kept to 250 words. We publish only original mail addressed to The New Braunfels Herald-Zeitung bearing the writer's signature. Also, an address and a telephone number, which are not for publication, must be included.
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Editor and Publisher..........................................David Sullena
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Here’s a blockbuster legal thriller!
Like most people, I can always use an extra 7 or 8 million dollars, which is why today I have decided to write a blockbuster legal thriller.
Americans buy legal thrillers by the ton. I was in many airports over the past few months, and I got the impression that aviation authorities were making this announcement over the public-address system: ‘’FEDERAL REGULATIONS PROHIBIT YOU FROM BOARDING A PLANE UNLESS YOU ARE CARRYING ‘THE CLIENT’ BY JOHN GRISHAM.”
I mean, EVERYBODY had this book. (“This is the captain speaking. We’ll be landing in Seattle instead of Detroit because I want to finish ‘The Client ’ “) The ironic thing is that best-selling legal thrillers generally are written by lawyers, who are not famous for written communication. I cite as Exhibit A my own attorney, Joseph DiGiacinto, who is constantly providing me with shrewd, well-reasoned advice that I cannot understand because Joe has taken legal precaution of translating it into Martian. Consider his faxes.
Usually, when people send you a fax, they send a cover page on top of it, which conveys the following information: ‘’Here’s a fax for (your name).” But Joe’s cover page features a statement approximately the length of the U.S. Constitution, worded so legally that I can’t look directly at it without squinting. It says something like: ’’WARNING:
The following document and all appurtenances thereto and therein are the sole and exclusionary property of the aforementioned (hereinafter ‘The Mortgagee’) and may not be read, touched, spin-died, fondled or rebroadcast without the expressively written consent of Major League Baseball, subject to severe legal penalties (hereinafter ‘The Blowtorch Noogie’) this means YOU.” And that’s just Joe’s COVER PAGE.
Nobody has ever dared to read one of his actual faxes, for fear of being immediately thrown into prison. This is typical of U.S. legal correspondence,Dave Barry
the primary purpose of which is to scare everybody who comes into contact with it into immediately hiring a lawyer.
Nevertheless, some lawyers are hugely successful writers, and I intend to cash in on this. I am not, technically, a lawyer, but I did watch numerous episodes of ‘’Perry Mason,” and on one occasion, when I got a traffic ticket, I represented myself in court, successfully pleading ’’nolo contendere” (Latin, meaning ‘’Can I pay by check?”). So I felt well-qualified to write the following blockbuster legal thriller and possible movie screenplay: CHAPTER ONE The woman walked into my office, and I instantly recognized her as Clarissa Fromage, charged with murdering her late husband, wealthy industrial polluter A. Cranston ‘’Bud” Fromage, whose death was originally reported as a heart attack, but later ruled a homicide when sophisticated laboratory tests showed that his head had been cut off.
4 ’So,” she said, and I could tell by the way she spoke the word that it had quotation marks around it. *’You’re a young Southern lawyer resembling a John Grisham protagonist as much as possible without violating the copyright laws.” “That’s right,” I replied. “Perhaps we can have sex.” “Not in the first chapter,” she said.
“Ohhhhhhh,” she cried out “OOOHMIGOD.” “I’m sorry,’’ I said, “but that’s my standard hourly fee.”
The courtroom tension was so palpable that you could feel it
“ Detective Dungman,” said the district attorney, “please tell the jury exactly what you found inside the defendant’s purse on the night of the murder. “ “Tic-Tacs, “ said Dungman. “Was there anything else? “ “No, I can’t think of... Wait a minute. Now that you mention it there was something. “ “What was it?” “A chain saw.” A murmur ran through the courtroom and, before the bailiff could grab it jumped up and bit Judge Webster M. Tuberhonker on the nose. ’’That’s going to hurt, “ I told my client
With time running out on the case, we returned to my office for a scene involving full frontal nudity. CHAPTER FIVE A hush fell over the courtroom, injuring six, as I approached the witness. "Dr. Feldspar,” I said. “You are an expert, are you not?” "Yes, “ he answered. "And you are familiar with the facts of this case, are you not? “Yes.” "And you are aware that, as a trained attorney, I can turn statements into questions by ending them with ‘are you not,’ are You not?” “And is it not possible that, by obtaining genetic material from fossils, scientists could clone NEW dinosaurs?” ‘’OBJECTION!” thundered the district attorney. “He’s introducing the plot from the blockbuster science fiction thriller and motion picture ‘Jurassic Park’!” The judge frowned at me over his spectacles. "In the movie,” he said, "whom do you see playing the defendant in Chapter Four?” "Sharon Stone,” I answered. ‘Til allow it,” he said.
“And so, ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” I said, “only ONE PERSON could iiave committed this murder, and that person Is...” The guilty party suddenly jumped up, causing the courtroom to nearly spit out its chewing gum. “THATS RIGHT!” the guilty party shouted. “I DID IT, AND I’M GLAD!”
It was Amy Fisher.
Republicans launch last-gasp attack on tax
By ALAN FRAM A—oclated Press Writer
WASHINGTON (AP) — Republicans are waging a last-gasp attack on the proposed new gasoline tax, but Senate Democrats and their deficit-reduction package emerged triumphant over a GOP plan with no new taxes.
The Democratic plan is aimed at paring $516 billion from federal deficits by 1998.
The GOP alternative was dispatched on a near party-line 55-43 vote.
The Democratic bill largely follows President Clinton's economic plan and leaders of both parties anticipated passage today.Analysis
The House approved a similar bill in May, but a compromise will have to be written before it can become law.
Republicans said their alternative and its spending limits on Medicare and other programs would have driven budget deficits even lower than the Democratic measure.
“Unless we get a grip on the (benefits programs) ... of this United States, in the year 2030 your grandchildren will be picking grit with the chickens,” warned Senate Whip Alan Simpson, R-Wyo.
They also said the $249 billion in new taxes in the Democratic bill would do little more than hinder the economy and cost jobs.
“The employees of small businesses are going tq suffer the most,” said Senate Minority Leader Bob Dole, R-Kan.
Democrats chided Republicans for offering a pack-’ age dial would have killed one of the keystones of Clinton's deficit-reduction plan: higher taxes on the best-off Americans and on business.
“Those who make more than $200,000 a year — we wish them the best, they’re great Americans, I they’ve done well, they've succeeded, they should; participate in sharing the burden," said Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell, D-Maine.
Today in History
By Th# Associated Press
Today ia Friday, June 25, the 176th day of 1993. There are 189 day* left in the year.
Today'* Highlight in Hi*tory:
On June 25,1876, Ll Col. George A. Custer and hi* 7th Cavalry were wiped out by Sioux and Cheyenne Indian* in the Battle of Little Big Bom in Montana.
On this dale:
la 1788, Virginia ratified the LLS Constitution In 1868, Florida, Alabama, Louisiana, Georgia, North Carolina and South Carolina woe readmitted to the Union.
Is 18881 the Republican National Convention, meeting in Chicago, nominated Benjamin Harrison for the presidency. Harrison went on to win the election, defeating Grover Cleveland.
la 1906, a love triangle came lo a violent end alop New York'* Madison Square Garden as wchitect Stanford White, the building’s designer, was shot to death by Harry Thaw, the jealous husband of Evelyn Nesbit
la 1942, about 1,000 British Royal Air Force bombers raided Bremen, Germany, during World War
la 1950, forces from communist North Korea invaded South Korea. The UN. Security Council issued a ceasefire call that went unheeded.
la 1951, the first commercial color telecast took place as CBS transmitted a one-hour special from New York to four other cities.
la 1962, the U.S. Supreme Court ruled the use of ut unofficial, non-denominational prayer in New York State public schools was unconstitutional.
la 1973, former White House Counsel John W. Dean began testifying before the Senate Watergate Committee.
la 1981, the U.S. Supreme Court held that male-only draff registration is constitutional.
Tea years ago: In Krefeld, West Germany, hundreds of masked youth* battled riot police and hurled debris at Vice President George Bush’s motorcade during ceremonies saluting German-American friendship. Secretary
of Stale George P. Shultz wived in Manila on the first stop of a four-nation Asian lour.
Five years ago: Amenean bom Mildred Gillers, better known during World War ll as Axis Sally for her Nazi propaganda broadcasts, died in Columbus, Ohio, at aga 87. Gillers had served 12 years in prison for treason.
Oat year ago: Both houses of Congress rushed to pass a beck-lo-work onhr ending • national rail strike President Bush it in the early hours of June 26. The space shuttle Columbia, carrying seven astronauts, blasted off on a two-weak mission.
Today'* Birthdays: Broadway producer George Abbott is 106. Movie director Sidney Lumet is 69. Actress June Lockhart is 68. Basketball hall off amar Willis Reed is SI. Singer Cady Simon is 48. TV personality Phyllis Georga is 44. Rock singer Gaorgs Michael -is 30.
Thought for Today: “The press, like fire, is an excellent servant, but a terrible master.”—James ■ Fenimore Cooper, American author (1789-1851). '