New Braunfels Herald Zeitung (Newspaper) - July 2, 1985, New Braunfels, Texas
New Braunfels Herald-Ze/funy
Tuesday, July 2,1985
Royko finds more War Wimps'
Dave Kramer, General Manager Hobart Johaaoa, EditorMike RoykoWar wimps, Part 2: Reagan doesn't qualify
Many people have chided me for omitting a few names they say belong on any list of war wimps — those hawkish public figures who talk tough now, but found ways to avoid getting involved w hen they had a chance to fight in a way of their own.
Most of them mentioned Ronald Reagan, who spent World War II making training and propaganda films in Hollywood
"How could you leave the Hollywood hero off a war wimp list?" asked a veteran of Iwo Jima.
! left him off because, technically, Reagan doesn’t really qualify as a war wimp. Although he had remarkably soft military duty, he was in the Army. And that could be said about many men w ho spent the war in the States sorting out bed sheets or sticking needles into recruits' behinds.
As I understand the expression — w hich was originated by Rep Andrew Jacobs of Indiana, a combat Marine in Korea — a war wimp is someone who promotes waging war or building up the tools of war. but hid behind a college deferment or suddenly came up lame when the draft board whistled.
Among those I overlooked, according to readers, was David Stockman. Reagan's budget director.
Stockman, they point out. was eligible for the Vietnam War but was a divinity student.
True, but Stockman isn't really one for hawkish views. If anything, he has tried to cut the military budget. So I’m not sure if he's a war w imp.
Ah. but then we have Robert Dornan, one of the toughest-taking, chest-thumping, fist-waving, liberal-baiting congressmen in all the Land.
How could I haveever left him off a war wimp list? An oversight, but I will make amends here and now.
Doman is a former right-wing talk-show host who got himself elected to Congress from — where else? — Orange County. Calif.
He has made a practice of referring to some Democratic congressmen as "jelly-kneed, draft-dodging wimps.”
To demonstrate his macho, he even created a stir by grabbing a liberal congressmen by the tie and calling him a wimp.
But then. Dornan could do such things because he had
military career of which he could be proud.
Reading the biographies put out by his staff, one finds that he was an Air Force pilot during the Korean War. and that he flew combat missions in Southeast Asia As Doman said with a sneer about congressmen who weren’t eager to give the Pentagon everything it wants: "Those of you who have no military record are the most offensive ones of all.”
The trouble is. Doman's record is. basically, a phony True, he did serve in the Air Force as a pilot. But w hen some snoops took a close look at his record. the\ found that it didn't jibe with his publicity material They found that when Dornan became eligible fur the draft during the Korean War. he entered college and got a deferment.
And safely in college he stayed until the war just about over. Only then did he drop out of college and enlist in the Air Force. Since he already knew how ti. fly. he went to pilot school and got his wings But by then, there was nobody to shoot at Doman's publicity people have said that lie couldn't have become a pilot during the war anyway because
pilots had to have two years of college.
False The Air Force was so desperately short of pilots that they dropped the requirement to a high school
Doman's various biographies also mention his being in Southeast Asia during the Vietnam War. One of his aides even said he flew combat missions and was shot at.
It turns out that when he was in Southeast Asia, it was as a journalist of sorts, working for a TV station owned by Gene Autry.
Unfortunately , the Pentagon does not keep records as to the combat heroics of Gene Autry's TV reporters. And Vietnam veterans I’ve spoken to say they don’t remember ever fighting shoulder to shoulder with
any body of such description
So I think Doman. despite his belated service in the peacetime Air Force, qualifies as a war wimp.
He had a war and his chance to Lake part He took deferment instead But maybe he had his reasons Those MiG pilots in Korea didn’t wear ties he could pull
I WE IT TH' BOOK'S GONE. A UTILE FWf, HENK* ?
Cancer recovery takes more than a good attitude
Over the past several years. I have learned about something called The Cancer Personality According to my reading, there are certain kinds of people who are most likely to get this disease The fault lies not in their cells but in their psyches.
The Big C types, say the theorists. are passive, emotionless, hopeless, and helpless They don’t have the chemical grit, as it were. to get up there and fight the cancer before it spreads They sort of roll over and play dead This does not, of course, explain John Wayne's death, but you get the idea.
The Cancer Personality profile was drawn by an advanced corps of the mind-bod) connectors: These are the researchers who spend their days linking mental health to physical health Some of their work shows that people who arc happy and work and in their relationships are more likely to be healthy On the other hand, people who are grief-stricken, isolated, or generally miserable are more likely to die young This finding has undoubtedly c heered the grief-
Sound-alike words can drive writers crazy
Among the many problems that bedevil a writer is the problem of the homophone — the sound-alike words that cause such embarrassing trouble
In Portland, Ore Sears ran an ad that raised all kinds of intriguing speculations "^-Position Vice, was 129.99, now $15.”
In Birmingham, Ala., a staff writer for the News provided a vivid picture
of a prisoner in Lebanon who "tied three blankets together and used the makeshift rope to shimmy down the side of a building.”
In Augusta, Ga., the Chronicle reported that an 18-year-old Martinez man had been charged with "running stop signs, speeding in excess of 85 mph, and attempting to allude police.”
In Pennsylvania, the state Public-
Utility Commission recommended that local utilities "proceed to devise educational programs aimed al inletting more productive conservation efforts by consumers."
Well, Sears was selling a vise, not vice; the hostage didn’t shimmy, he shinnied; those dressers-for-success were dyed-in-the-wool — and strangling in cliches as well. The young man in Georgia was trying to
elude police, and the advice to local utilities was to elicit efforts The only advice I can offer is to cultivate a strong sense of orthographic uncertainty. If a writer has any doubt about whether the wanted word is peak or peek, pole or poll, role or roll, winch or wench, look it up!
The mail brings a couple of splendid mangles. In New York, The Associated Press provided a feature
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YOU GOTTA TANNING. HELP US, ZON*
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BUT BUT IM UNDER ZONKER, I A LOT OF PRESSURE CHECKER RIM FROM MTY STUDIES HERE' YOUR PEAN. WHERE AM I GOING SCHOOLS BUN
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SAY* I COULD HAYE A CREW HERE BY TOMORROW
story on drug-sniffing dogs at Kennedy Airport: "Beagles, naturally friendly to humans with powerful noses, seemed perfect for the job.”
A woman inquired of fashion consultant John T Molloy about a new way she was doing her hair. "Without having seen exactly what you’ve done,” said Molloy, "you’re probably doing it right ” ...From Plattsburgh, NY, the AP reported that a 14-year-old doctor’s son was found guilty of second-degree murder Tuesday afternoon.” ...In Danville. 111., a staff writer for the Commercia 1-N’ew s covered an apparent murder-suicide case: "Death is believed to have been some time before the bodies were found.”
The mail brings a batch of nonunations for the Most .Annoying Misuse of language. In Cleveland, a gentlewoman is irked by "I am hopeful that.” What’s wrong, she asks, with a simple "I hope?”...In Owensboro, Ky., a gentleman submits the newly devised word "cremams,” for what is left after cremation; he calls it a "ghastly vulgarization of the language.” ...in Columbus, N C., a follower of politics wants to do away with the word "congressman,” and to replace it with the more definitive "senator” and ‘representative.” ...In Bloomington, Ind., a gentleman detests "OK,” and offers nine alternatives to this "trivial, puny, and contemptible expression.” ... Iii Rochester, NY., a reader is "becoming more and more dismayed at the loss of distinction between the words bring’ arid take.’ ”
stricken, isolated, and generally miserable nght out of their old blue
In all probability, the Big C personality type w as a logical heir to the Type A executive. Type A, you may remember, charged full speed ahead into the cardiovascular unit. Together. Big C and Type A atter the average citizen a terrific set of options We can choose between being a depressed cancer candidate or an anxiety heart-attack prospect The cancer research, however, has gone a bit further. Today, when people talk about "shrinking'' the cancer patient, we don't know if they're getting ready to call the radiologist or the psychiatrist Some believers in mind over malignancy have gone so far as to promise cures to those who visualize good cells eating bad cells — the Pac-man approach.
It s gotten to the point that anyone who gets a cancer diagnosis better feel terrific about it lf they don’t have the power of positive thinking, they're writing their own negative prognosis.
But now at last there is some balance back at the tower of psychobabble. The cancer profile hasn t been debunked exactly, but it’s been downgraded In the current Ae* England Journal of Medicine, it is reported that a positive mental attitude, good social contacts, and a happj life aren't enough to help advanced cancer patients survive longer or prevent relapses Mind you, I don’t really regard this as good news As someone with "a positive mental attitude, good social contacts, a happy life” and a perfectly dreadful family cancer history, I rather thought the psychological oddsmakers were on my team.
But the side-effects of mental treatment for the physically ill were dreadful The research managed to convince a number of patients that they were, somehow or other, responsible for their own cancer. Not by smoking, but by living alone or being depressed or not watching enough Marx brothers movies I suppose it is easy to blame the victim when we cannot cure him. And maybe that is at the core of the personality research. At tunes, standard cancer treatment can be as sophisticated as Sherman’s march to the sea. There is no penicillin, no Salk vaccine for the diseases we lump together under the heading "cancer.”
But it is amazing how quickly myths disappear when there are cures. I am sure there are many links between mind and body, between psyche and cells. But we know less about the way they work than about the way a cell metastasises. A study like this one puts a check on glibness and maybe even on cruelty.
The next time someone offers to paint a Cancer Profile for you, tell them you are a perfect Type S. The S is for skeptical.