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New Braunfels Herald Zeitung (Newspaper) - December 20, 1985, New Braunfels, Texas Page 4A Herald-Ze/fung, New Braunfels, Texas    Friday,    December    20,1985 Tom Loeffler says children are our greatest resource, see below The basis of our political system is the right of the people to make and to alter their constitution of government. George Washington [ Herald-Zettung inions Dave Kramer, Editor and General Manager Saeaa Halre, Managing Editor Andy RooneyRoyalty doesn't stand the test of intelligent inspection The visit of Prince Charles ana Princess Diana was nice, I thought, but if the royal party had driven past my window I was reading the newspaper, I wouldn’t have gotten up to look out. I liked what I read and saw of them. They were perfect. She was beautiful, well-dressed and charming. He was handsome, athletic and witty. They just didn’t interest me much. Royalty is an idea that doesn’t stand the test of intelligent inspection but that’s true of a lot of the ceremony of our lives. I’m surprised that the British still keep a queen. It seems to hold them together as a nation when nothing else does. The royal family is the one thing they all share. Ifs the ultimate soap opera and they all watch whenever it’s on. Socrates said that until a philosopher became king or until all F" RONNIE.Mike Royko kings had the brains of a philosopher, no country with a king would ever be free of evil. Being a philosopher himself, Socrates gave philosophers more credit for brains than I would but what Socrates didn’t foresee was that kings would get to be nothing but ceremonial figureheads. Kings don’t say “Off with his head!” anymore. You don’t hear Queen Elizabeth saying about the coal miners, “Let them eat cake.” The British saved their royalty by taking away all royal power and leaving them nothing but pomp and circumstance just for fun. We have to admit a coronation is a better show than a presidential inauguration. “God save our Gracious queen, Long live our noble queen God save the queen.” There are two ways royalty might disappear from England. First, they could get themselves a bad royal apple. Charles is a prince of a fellow but the time will come when the Windsor family will get themselves a bad one. Was there ever a family that didn’t have one? Why should the royal family be any different? This Is when the British will decide it would be more profitable for the Empire to convert Buckingham Palace into an annex for Harrod’s department store. The other possibility for the demise of the royal family seems more likely. I can imagine it happening with the cast of characters they have now. Charles and Diana are home, sitting around their royal living room and Charles says, “You know, honey, I; rn getting awfully fed up with being prince. We don’t have any privacy. Everywhere we go ifs a mob scene.” “Listen Charles, you said it. Don’t blame me. Ifs your family.” At that point Charles turns to the butler and says, “Get me the phone and dial number two.” The butler dials. “Sir, this is Charles, Prince of Wales. I don’t want to hurt you or my mother, the Queen, or her mother, the beloved Queen Mother, my grandmother, the one with the funny hats, but frankly, I’m sick and tired of being a prince. If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to be a person. We just came back from the United States and I didn’t get to see anything but the White House and the back ends of a lot of Palm Beach dowagers and polo ponies. DI counldn’t even take a few rays in her two-piece suit without cameramen hovering overhead in a helicopter and that isn’t her best angle.” “Let me talk to him,” Diana says. “I want to tell him about John Travolta.” “Quiet dear,” Charles says to DI. “Son,” Philip says, “all these years I’ve been going along with this so you could be king. I hate it myself. I thought you wanted to be king. I’m going in and talk to your mother, the Queen, if I can get past the guards. Call me back on number two in IO minutes... unless yo^wnnt to call her directly on number one.” That’s the way it’s going to happen one of these years. Being prince or king is such a terrible job, no one’s going to want to do it.Giving up smoking can be hazardous to your health too I was walking down the street when I saw an old friend. I called out his name and he stopped and stared at me. ■ Then he said: “Were you speaking to to me?” “Of course," I said “How have you been?” A look of puzzlement came over his face. “I’m sorry,” he said, “but do I know you?” I asked him if he was trying to be funny. We had lunch together only two weeks ago His expression changed to astonishment. Then horror. He stepped back and said: “Good grief, what's happen to you? I can’t believe this, is it really you9” Of course ifs me. “But this is amazing It’s been only two weeks, but you have become ... I don't know how to put it ... but you don’t look like the same person. What have you done?” Well, I quit smoking about a week ago "Ah. that’s it. Then what they say about people who quit smoking is really true.” What’s that. “That they tend to eat more. They snack to compensate for the loss of the oral gratification of cigarettes.” That is true. “So you have become a big, fat, grotesque, obese whale of a creature How much weight have you gained?” When I quit smoking six days ago, I weighed 195 pounds, which is almost acceptable for my height, which is 5 feet II. “And what do you wiegh now?” I now weigh 307 pounds The same as William Perry "That is incredible. You have gained 112 pounds in less than a week. How did you do it?" Well, when I wake up in the morning, I have a terrible craving for a cigarette So, to resist the temptation I go into the kitchen and have a piece of cake “How big a piece?" The entire cake. "That’s gluttony.”Tom Loeffler Children are our greatest national resource The crusade to locate and identify missing children has yielded positive results in the years since the television broadcast "Adam” called attention to this tragedy The Missing Children’s Act which I supported in the 97th Congress im proved federal recordkeeping to help parents and local authorities across the nation locate missing children Last year, I supported the Omnibus Crime Control Act which established a national toll-free hotline to collect information from the public on ab ducted children Since then, more than 100,000 calls have been received at the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. The telephone number is 1-800-043-6578 The government's response to the problem is only the beginning, however. Parents and private citizens can do the most to protect our children through local prevention programs and by making sure that children follow some basic safety tips I’ve provided a few suggestions for parents to keep in mind. Don’t let your child go to a public restroom alone Don’t put your child’s name on clothing or toys. Children respond to first names, and persons using their first names may not be thought of as strangers Know your child’s friends Make it clear to your child whose home he or she may visit. When your child tells you that he or she doesn’t want to be with someone, listen and find out the reason. Never belittle any fear or concern your child has — real or imaginary. Encourage your child to communicate with you, and talk to your child. Take a photograph of your child each year. Make a mental not*1 of your child’s attire daily. TEACH YOUR CHILD: Their full name, address and telephone number, including area code, also your full name, office address and phone number How to make a long distance phone call by dialing direct, operator assistance and 911. To come home before dark To phone home to tell you where they are, especially if they change locations. That a stanger is someone you and they do not know. To tell you if someone offers them gifts or money, or wants to take their picture. Adults should not ask children for directions Never to acknowledge that they are at home alone to a person on the phone or at the door, and to keep all doors locked and never to answer the door by opening it when home alone Never go into anyone’s home without parent’s permission. If they are waiting for you to pick them up after school and someone else drives up and claims you sent them, GO BACK TO SCHOOL FOK HELF lf they are separated from you in a store, not to look for you but instead to go to the nearest checkout and ask the person at the register for help. Parents can do the most to help protect their children, but the government is also doing its part by improving the ability of law enforcement agencies to find missing children. As a parent and legislator, I pledge my best efforts to protect our nation’s children, because they are, without question, our greatest resource. True. But it takes about 20 minutes for me to eat it. And that’s two cigarettes I don’t smoke. “Why can’t you just eat a stalk of celery?” I tried. But I found myself lighting the celery and trying to smoke it. I can't light a piece of cake. “But you can't keep eating cake every time you have the urge to smoke.” I realize that. So, as the morning goes on, I keep other, more nutritional snack foods nearby. “Such as?" Bananas. Whenever I get the urge to smoke, I eat a banana instead. “How many?” Well, I used to smoke a full pack before lunch. So I guess I’m eating about 20 bananas by noon. “That’s incredible. Aren’t there any side effects from all those bananas?” Yes, there’s been one side effect. I’ve attached a chain to my office ceiling, with a rubber tire at the end of It, and I sometimes sit in the tire and swing back and forth. “Interesting Before you quit smoking, how many packs a day did you consume?” Two to three packs Which is 40 to 60 cigarettes. “Then you are now having a 40 to 60 bananas every day, to compensate for thr cigarettes?” Don’t be ridiculous. Nobody could eat 60 bananas a day. By afternoon, I'm sick and tired of bananas. So I switch to something else. “Such as?” Twinkles “You have 20 Twinkles in an afternoon?" Yes, and they’re terrific for this purpose, because you have to unwrap tham and that helps you keep your hands busy, which is one of the problems of quitting smoking. And you can puff a Twinkle like a cigarette, except you don’t inhale. “Well, I think you might be carrying this thing too far. Shouldn’t you be eating foods that are lower in calories9” Believe me, I am. For dinner, I stick to simple broiled fish, a salad with lemon juice for dressing, and I skip dessert. Not even a cookie. “That’s better. But what about in the evening, when you're watching TV or reading. What about the urge to smoke then? I hope you don’t grab Twinkles ” Don’t be silly. Who can eat Twinkles day and night? “What do you have?” Something from 31 Flavors. “Which flavor?” All 31. “I don’t want to discourage you, but have you given some thought to going back to smoking, but maybe cutting down just a pack a day?" What? And give up my health kick? Your representatives Rep. Tom Loeffler U.S. House of Representatives 1212 Longworth House Office Bldg Washington, D.C. 20515 Rep. Edmund Kuempel Texas House of Representatives P.O.Box 2910 Austin, Texas 78769 Rep. Mac Sweeney (Guadalupe County) U.S. House of Representatives Washington, D.C., 2051K Sen. Phil Gramm United States Senate Washington D.C., 20510 Gov. Mark White Governor's Office Room 200 State Capitol Austirt, Texas 78701 Sen. John Traeger Texas Senate Capitol Station Austin, Texas 78711 Sen. Lloyd Benison United States Senate Room 240 Russel Bldg Washington, D.C. 20510 1220 A Tf&ii    VOW fit RIGHT rn OUT OF MNI MOOKE CHARACT!#, A SHRINK? I " ‘    WILC IF YOU fit UNCLE DUKE, I pout nm ARICK- cm Au I THEN IIL HAVE THE UMOSEHT ROUFF? LBJ ME give you A HANO HERE YOU CERTAINLY ARE BEING CONSIDERATE, (MIC PUKE LEPHEW ;

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