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Lethbridge Herald Newspaper Archives

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Lethbridge Herald, The (Newspaper) - September 21, 1972, Lethbridge, Alberta Thunday, S.pl.mb.r 21, 1972 THE LTTHBHIDOI HMALD 31 DIFFICULTIES Ordinarily you don't have to get close to the ground lo photograph a giraffe, bur one resident of the Thoiry Game reserve near Paris made the angle as difficult as possible for o closeup-minded cameraman. An intervieiv with American bum9 A commentary By RUSSELL BAKER New York Times Service WASHINGTON This is Phil Chivy, America, and as a public service lo tile nation in this vital presidential election cam- paign, this ncisecasler will periodically present Interviews with the indispensable men who make government and politics in America the great farce we have nil learned to love to sneer at. Today's guest: A man without whom scarcely a politician in America would be able to in- flame and embitter us all. How do you do, sir. It's a pleasure to have you with us today. Would you identify yourself for the millions who have lo work hard and pay taxes so they can enjoy the pleasure of having you, Sir, to hate? ANSWER: Yes, of course. Delighted to, Phil, bum on welfare. I am the Q. It's good of you to come by today. A. Not at all. I happened to be in town for a few days with nothing to do, and since you've got plenty of free parking space for my Cadillac here be- hind the studio, it seemed like it would be a painless way to spend n lillle idle lime. Q. You've been out of town thftn? A. Just up to Maine for the summer monllis. It's a liltle early yet for Jamaica. Q. Being on welfare must be tremely gratifying to realize that that hate is helping thou- sands of hard-campaigning poli- ticians rise to the top of their profession. A. WeU, without being im- modest about it, I would have to say that I sometimes feel mighty proud of the service I perform for the men who labor so hard to bring out the worst in our country. Q. How did you become the bum on welfare, sir? Did you major in it at college? A. It just came naturally, Phil. You sec. I was one of THEM. "Q. Really? One of THEM That's disgusting. A. Exactly. And we all know who THEY are. Q. I'm sure we all know who THEY O.TC, but for the benefit of any newcomers in America who may be listening, why don't you just tell us who THEY are? A. Well, Frankly, Phil, now that you ask me, I really don't know who THEY are, but who- ever THEY are, THEY are the reason for the trouble. Q. Do you believe THEY are related to THOSE WHO? A. I rather doubt it. THOSE WHO, you see are the crowd that is always saying America is no good, thus forcing Presi- dent Nixon to defend America, even at the risk of his political career. Q. As the bum on welfare just one long vacation. Don't you ever get tired of it? A. Frankly, it's exhausting, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. If you're not down at the new-car dealer paying top dollar for this year's Cadillac, you're Ifghlin'g the airline re- servations people for first-class tickets to Jamaica. And what do you have lo show for it hut the hate of the hard-working taxpayer? Q. True, but it must he ex- Christinas mail deadline for overseas set OTTAWA (CP) fosl office announced Monday iis deadlines fov Christinas mail to overseas. Sealed and unsealed oir mail including Christmas cards to Britain must be mailed by Dec. to guarantee receipt by you must somelimes have mo- ments when your conscience bolhers you. How do you feel right now, for example, when you have to face somebody like me? A. A good pei-son, you mean? Q. Right! A great human j being. A hard-working Ameri-' can. The truly silsndid sort of; person whom America is all about. How can you sit there and look me straight in the eye? A. I had special training for it, Phil. Q. Fascinating! Then you did have some special vocational inslvuclion? A. Yes, I attended the aca- demy of political quacktloodle and small fraud. There they taught me to look really mar- velous human beings like your- self right In the eye, so that you would want to kill me. (J. And a good job they did too! I want to kill you right now. A. You see, Phil, that's be- cause I am making you feel more and more wonderful for being the kind of person who Christmas Day. Air mail to the I works hard to support a bum rest of Europe must be sent by like me. You should now lie Dec. 8. carter to vote for ths first pah'- Unsealed surface mail must be. sent to Britain by Nov. 24 and to the Rest of Euvopc by Nov. 10. The deadlines for parcels sent by air arc Dec. 8 for Brit- ain and Dec. 6 for the rest of Surface parcel post deadlines are Nov. 1 for ain and Oct. 20 for the rest of Europe. All air mail for Canadian Forces points must be mailed by Dec. 1.1 to lirilian and by Dec. 8 to all other points. Sur- face cards and Idlers for Can- adian Forces points must lie sent by Dec. 1. Surface parcels must he mailed by Nov. 24. Air parcels for Britain must be- sent by Dec. 8, for Cyprus by Dec. 1 and for the rest of Euvope by Dec. 0. lician who promises to starve me to death. Q. You're righl, you welfare SIMPSONS-SEARS days Simpsons-Sears Days continue with this outstanding value. Shop today. Event ends Saturday. bum! I want f see you suffer. How do you feel, knowing what a good person like me thinks of scum like yourself? A. Really great, Phil! Really Great! I think I've got you nil ready to vote for the pro- gram everybody's running on this year twice as much nicanness-of-spirit! You can go ahead and shoot me if you like. Q. I don't think I could do I that. A. Oh, go ahead, it's all right. I'm not real, you see. Q. Terrific, ladies and gen- tlemen! The bum on welfare! The man you love yourself for haling! Only in America! You can still enjoy big Savings... but only during Simpsons-Sears Days! Save 2-speed, 7-automatic program Kenmore washer Was 309 Whits Automatically selects correct time, speed and tmperature tor every kind of fabricl Optional second rinse, low sped for sheers Cold wash option. Self-cleaning lint filler Variable water level control saves water Rinse agent dispenser. Rote-swirl agitalar Porcelain top. Lid safety switch With Suds Saver more Avocado or Harvest Gold more Kenmore 'Soft-heat' Fabric Master dryer Exclusive 'Soft-heal' diminishes as clothes dry to prevent over- drying or scorching Fabric Masler lets you select degree of dryrress ycu want for every kind of fabric No-heot 'air' fluffs blankets and lownls High air-speed for fast drying Easy-reach, top-mounted lint screen Door safety switch. White acrylic finish Match-male for 7-program Kenmore washer Save Kenmore dishwasher fan-forced air drying 4 programs including Sani-wash 2-level washing action. Rotating upper rack allows for random loading Temp, indicator light. Detergent dispenser. No pre-rinsing needed. Rinse agent dispenser. Silverware and small item baskets. hard Maple work-top. Buill-in model Decorator colours more Was 98 309 White Charge lion your all-purpose account Weaurvice what we sell, coast-to-coast Satisfaction or moneyrefunded Quality Costs No More at Simpsons-Sears at Simpsons-Sears you gel the lines! guarantee satisfaction or money refunded and free delivery our slore-to-rfoor scrvico begins with the safe protects you every iacfl of trio way STORE HOURS: Open Daily 9 a.m. to p.m. Thursday ond Friday 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. Centra Village. Telephone 323-9231 ;