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Lethbridge Herald Newspaper Archives

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Lethbridge Herald, The (Newspaper) - September 14, 1912, Lethbridge, Alberta wlinKiw on :v pile of h.mks PM eaiil, "ilk-Kens' works all thi-, tor lour pussinn 'Irishman read first th-. n ihf oilier, his head, and hluru-fl out: "nifken.s may u hN 'TKM'XS. SUX-UXIOX KATKS. .WHEN" a group of visitors was ot, the window of i ing through I ho founty jail re- :ently a burly nosro trusty was called to open doors anil perform uthvr sun- Hat-, duties for the visitors. "How do you like it in one asked. it? l.awd, if fvah -Mi iuiV heall, I'll BO so tor fni'i. toivul He eai. work, all the week 10. 'It'll take. S3 to sell1 ll.c. a dollars if he wants to. Hut 1 m n man and won't ioueh 11. ItelU-l l'> S'illPWIfKOKKU AEI'-O.N.U'T: I "I suppose yo'i i ty to do j S jb 1T Tho farmer: "Allus did. Firs! It: "Mow was' them bicycles, iher. '.lie motor- "Why, Jack proposed to her last cars to breaUin1 down, and nowjnluh! and insists I.OB lumlnf an ail- yotl airommy fellers come floppin1 j swer before she will have time down nil over land. Yes, I iiardiy! learn whether Tom inieiuis 10 pro- get time to look after the crops." post." 57M :i friyhtl'ul dilemma. A NAME CONTEST I LONG BUT NARROW YOU ALL HAVE SEEN IT L: VO. L-enlie rer.aer. there- has not I'een an accideiu. These are sum- mcr at a .Muskoku aoiel. The roaiKhas just jirrived. UXCLE E1LLTS QUJSHT10X. j said Aunt Ann Skiles! 10 JUT husband, after ihe sup-: per things had leen, cic-urt-d away. "Jet's so and hear itc-ture to- nlehi." Uncle Billy htid foi-gottyn that" there was n leutiire. when he was re- minded that u returned missionary to tell nil about ill tilt! Vhurch he did riot sse "I mightn't TO anywhere to- srumWcd Uncle Billy. I ought to IIP doctoring my horse." "Well, you're IIOL doins: it. and you're- not likely to Ao it. Get. ready and po." l.'ncle Billy meekly obeyed. He sat patiently through ihe' lie t ure-. wiiioh both and yroi'iiable. Ar the-cluso of his discourse the re- turned missionary, said: "I will vait few intniites now for th-? pursiose of miswerinir :my quep- that in the audience may wish m ask." For hull a minuU' nobody snokfe. Thtrii, I-.- the of Aunt Ann, ;uid tlie asLonishmeru uf the Unde Billy loaned fnrwara utitl aaktd: "What tiu-y UHO in India to cure hurses liliU Siave srot llie WHAT THEY HAVE THE his rect-lil irii.i to California Bertj Walker tlie jmrlerj a tied as thouirh. he from the "Whai do Ben asked him- "Oh, anything you fit iu replied ths tM.riT. "AH iiert. "Boys, Jet's srive the i-'orter thre-o cheers." Ami they did. TUK VOICE OF KXPERCEXCE. CAN'T why ma fried a sht- siiiti. "I don't why thusc can't bf so inijiist'.-tj thai there will bu n.. frlfticii. Xuw. my liufOiand and 1 h oiher- ilioronyli- ly." "InnecilV he r.-plif-d. "How Jons you IlpK OEXTLE HIXT. "Some one must jokins with Miss Siilnirhs uliout and told her I the street systtm 1 4JUM.MER Koardor: Wo IIOIH- to set Tourist: "Mow, fur that infernal "1 replietl tht- Turr-nto rol nred youth, who was first tri "Hut I understands we jtppi'i.achi Hamilton, an' J specks (it; iryin' to wake up .IP folk HIS BIRTHDAY SURPRISE TV iCTOIl'o Von wish to r-onsull the doctor. Couldn't you iioni.i instead? iho doulor Dot-lor'w yes, lie's in; but. VMI you're his very first jiationt niid Iwaut to ixlvv him a surprise to-morrow hccatiL'c U's his York ABOUT HIS MARK. CTALP-PAST one. and he Im.ln't yet received the food he ordered he- ore the hour. The customer got tired Uingintj th.: bell violently, he eyed lie slow-moving waiter balofully. say. he excluimed, "have ou ever be.-n in the "Xo. sir." replied the waiter, in sur- "Hui. why do yon jh no reason in particular." re- the customer airily. "I was 'ihinkim; how thrilHnK you would PEKFECTLY did you get Harry'.' You a wore that yon would never, lever have anything tu do with such n dear. I know 1 did. well, I votildiTi have 'accepted him if he hadn't made such a perfectly dread- ful threat." "Oh: That old chestnut about rush- ing out and committing "Xo; worse than that." any of those threats are bluffs. I suppose he hc-M kill the next man who called on you, eh'.'" -Xo no! I've that belore he threatened that. If 1 did not HCv-ept him he'd ffq'aml propose t.. you I believe he would have done u, he wan perfectly desperate; DAttKXESiS ItKGlXS, WHILE tourlnff last summer, a cer- FOKGOTTKX WHICH. holiday-maker found ihls Item in a list of police posted up on a in Ireland; further vehiftl A DILEMMA must a llt-ht when darkness be srin.-i. Darkness begins when the light! were mother and daughter are lit." L traveling on l.alie Ontario, from Toronto to Niagara, uncl the water was jry ruuBll. Suddenly tho daughter rxulnlmed: inamnin. It's coining on again worse than "Hut why. asked her "do you not 'follow out the directions j nhoti'i whieh'your father told yon be- j fore you came on j answered the daughter. I in a faint "I've forgotten whether: I ought to breathe in as the vessel rises, and let the breath go ont. as it moves downward, or whether It ought to be Ihe oilier way. And. I wish I were BRAT IT. 'Tpi'IlS n'l-tock pysH-m; I hat the aclopttf.' umst bo a great relief to heads nf Hlcf..'1 "U will bn much more miKcestlvo yel! the yonnjr v m-n'fl benux' than to a'.cut it being U EifGLISH BROTHER: "1 sot a cold recoi.Uun the office to-day Tho Sister: "Why, wluil The Brother: "1 got OpVilon. jt'urney out to the ends of the for you 1 would even lay down life H- and count myself honored." The maid cast down, her eyes. she In dulcflj iieeents, "if you would do all that fof me, perhaps for my sako you do one little thint- more." "Ves. he raved, his voice thick vlth love; "only lell me, me your command, und I will fulfil It, tlimish Ihe whole world be itifallisl The maid looked at him pretty itralyht. "Then would you kindly take your left knee off my rlslit fool she naif! calmly. "You're kneeling right on my v. corn." "VEItY SUSPICIOUS. New York inll- l- lionaire fumed for his ciuitwuh habits was recently called upon haons i two who tried to m e GVOD .ROFKSsdjK: "3ou say they cun- tt'.stcrl will oE tho Stuyt-nt p, sir; and the ritu'.H'ht: V 1 er-, sir: aim ..-nut hclil that lie! was suffering from hal- the ''-oat financier lncinalions." i then they Professor: "On what if 'Vriv'in'" toM that his Student: "It appears that, be inilil he" to tiiem his jjioperty lo hib T 1TTLK had been very keenly interested in gardening work all the sprinfi. What specially, iiplietiled t- her had been the sow.iug of seed, and then the of little plants. One day mother took her to see I m-itfhbor's haby, who Just M.nntliK Ol'l. "Haby show the little girl his tooth- ies" fueled tin; fond mother, as the Kitie rosclmd mouth. "O-o-oli, squealed Winlil- frc-d sjloefully, us she saw ihe two 1St' tie teeth just peeping through tlifl fciuns, His teeth are just com- ing A yj.mif.Vi. "V'or have a terribly faithful dog, J" IP "When you turned roim'l. a slrancf mo-srel wnnltfl "in nway wit1.-, youl f'-tipi'fie am. so your dot? Immediately don't rej IP seemed very suspicious. lllt! you thins h.; notice. AUD: II true that you nnd .laclc have (imirrelled'.'" had shaken WW -VOW, old man. -N fortable. and lot us talk I-iii 1 lived tliore three "liver meet .Miss Ivatish'.'" llfl! Why. 1 was eiiB.Kod to r.lit that's tlin fol- erowd were i-nqage.l to nt .me time or another. 1 see u'vr lived in i'alnesvllle. Why .l.asK. nliciul her In "Why, married her." IIKSS. Why do ihn hens KO to roost so Mrly? KKherl: To set Haven't you notleed how early Ihe roosters l.esin crowinB? Swat It Till! TIMID 1! A: true have (imirrelled'.'" I "I'm not fond of the Eva: "Ves. mid the worsl ot It Violrl. hut I licnr your fn- lie wanls me to return his and stnjrf! think I had I've forKolten whieh of them la o bcioro the foot Uullutlii, pr.KKINO OF mad? Tln> elty is doomed! Vv'hy iVist Iholl noi run instead of lylnif licre in front of Aurclius MoneybriK's doorslep? lloho of tjion not sec that lliousands of years lifiicc. when they .lit' m" exi-KVntora will iiiliu me for Aurclius -ruck. 1 ;