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Lethbridge Herald Newspaper Archives

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Lethbridge Herald (Newspaper) - November 14, 1912, Lethbridge, Alberta '��'1 .' CERTAINLY ' "PfK-D^n't you think, now, thnt the uoni;m of to-dny Jii h�>r pn-deavor to.Imitate lii.iii Is iictiiiK liko Jiii idiot? She-^"\Vhot ot it? Don't yon lliinlv the lniii.ui"n'is sucfrssful?- Fuii, . THOSE'8AMt) FULLOM'ti.' 'N the early day.s In Inilluna' tin-only .reading- hook used In srlum! was the'Bitjle." One liay tViP rlaxs was standing, readlnp tUo. aci-oiinl of tho '.hiee Hebrew children in the fi'-ry 'iirnace. A little ton-hcadtd lollow. ^'ho stood near the end, had the verse nith the unpronoitnoeahle nuini-s: lie mangled up Shadrnfh and ^l-,nge phing-ed Into the water, and swam with swift, steiuly .strokes towards the lady in distress. "Cotivn.ue'" ill. cried. "Have oolir-j age. an'i I ln*Je'(>u." j "My her.i:" yasped the fair one, nn-inlnddil of his liald head, :is she clung to his ?!eciOLD�l!: "That furnace Isn't mended proiieriy. It smokes all the time." i Workman: "Bid you light a fire In It';" Householder: "Of course T did." Workman: "Ah. that's what done It, you may depend." MIGHTY CARKFVL. Y^rORD had been received by'the, In-siiector of the electric llghtsys-tem that an ovoilic.iil wire had fallen down In u crowded street. The inspector betook himself to the spot as quickly as he coiild. When he arrived lie found the Inevitable crowd handling the wire in a most careless manner. Luckily, no accidents had occurred. Going up to tlie nearest man, who happened to' bo an Irlshmiiu. he ad-inonlsherl him severely In grave tones. "Vou took a grave risk." said the inspector. "You had no right to touch that wire. Why, man, do you know you might have been killed outright by the shock'/" The Irishman looked at the Inspector with a knowing air. "Ah," said he, "I was mighty careful, sorr! Sure, and I felt it carefully before I took hold of It!" A WISK iSFBAKmit? -A. ''''�'I'-T^^'-"^' "lan who had been In-vltfd to speak at a jioUtlcal meeting was pliieed last on the list of the speakers. Moreover, the chairman Introduced several speakers whose names were not on the program, and the .audience was tired out when he eventually Introduced the last speaker: ".Mr. Bones will now give us his address." ".My address." said Mr. Bones, rl.s-Ing, " is Park \'lHa, and I wish you all good night." NEW-LAID EGGS AND FRESH ONES Jl nlFFElilJXT THING. �rTKNKY JlAWKl.VS, jr., was about to be married, and on the eve, of this momentous occasion he was dis-cu.sslng the forthcoming event with his father. "Well, father," be was saying, "I must confess that I don't feel so sure of (his marriage business as I did at first- I fact, I'm funking it altogether." "iN'on.seiise, my boy!" responded hl,s parent. "What do you mean? .Vfaudle's a nice girl, with a little money and plenty of What do you -want?" "Oh, yes, I admit that!" replied Henry Junior. "But It's all very tine for yod to talk, father. You married my mother; but I'm marrying a. total .stranger!" TUK I.KAHT IMPORTANT. "^Mi^KKH John and farmer Turmut were having a talk over a glass if, nut-brown in the local inn. Though they had, striven not to speak shop, heir talk had gradually veered round o Iho one topic about which It was eally worth idiattlng. "How's your corn?" demj^nded Farmer T. ".\ir right," was the reply. "J'lgs dbin' weir?" , ' "Flue," came the an.'swer. '"I'hat llltio pony of yours-(inlte well'/" "In good condition. Jly little pony vi'cnt fourteen miles yesterday." "flood crop of cabbages?" "K.xcellent." "Glad to hear It. How's the mlasus?" fJ^lUi Ciistomi)P- -'i'leaBe. .sir,. I'vo, brought t|)es(i-eggs buck- niuV Mu^^eI says jou wald ihey wcfo laid lo-ddy, so alio wants to-inorrow's oggB, 'cos these are sorneflnk awful."--I'Tum the Sketch. ilhlTflOD. �fj^llAT careless Ul.xb'y has left his lawn mower out In the rain." > "That's Just Olio of hla la-/.y trloks." "What do you mean?" "Ho w.iiits to get It. so rusty and sfineaky that the iiolghbors won't lot him cut the" THACilC. pKTKU.S-And then ho Unlocked the door and swnro that everything In the place should bo burned. Mrs. T'elcrs (entering In time to hear tho eoiicludlng sontence)-Unlocked what plnc'o'/' , -T-'oters-4a'hP, coal cellar! "y^Hyrm-a you learning i.'reuch'/" ' "I'vo Just got a dog from Ji-numo and ,;Uio silly hoa^l c4t�^t uiiaoi'BtRna a word M'OHSKAyD wonsE. -. "Y^^'" said jtlie prospective ifll.s|j|ess agreeably^ after she had asked very per.soniil ciiie'stions as to the ap-plicant'.s honesty, sobriety, and in-duatry--"yes, I iliink you'll suit me very well as hou.semald, But there' one little pofnt-your name. Daphn strikes me as feeing raiher too fanciful for a rriaid;'"! have several young men boarding hpre, and sifch a name might mhke them frivolous.' I hope you do'ii't mint! being called by your surname?" ' " ' - The appllcant~bowed her head in as sent. ;- � �  "Certainly not, mum," she said (|uickly. "Fact ip, I'm used to it from the gentlemen." "Why, what Is It?" "JDarling, muni," said the applicant soft iy. PREPARED PKHSONAL TASTK. "J|AUY!" Father's voice rolled thunderously down the stairs, across tho tcsael-ated hall, nnfl Into the dim and silent drawlngiroom. "Yes. papa, dear," came the silvery reply.  "A.iklhiit young man If he can tell mo the time." A moment of silence followed; then Mary spoke again; "He says It's ten minutes to eleven, pa." "Then ask If he doesn't think It's about bedtime." .\galn there was momentary silence, broken once more by Mary's dulcet tones: "He says. pa. that he rarely goes to bed before twelve, but It seems to him a matter of personal taste. And ho .^.h.'i-.s, pa. that. If he were in your place, ho'd go to bed now If you feel tired," MADE ALh THE DIFFEKEyCf:. "yyniAT'S the matter, my lad?" asked an old gentleman ot a youngster who was crying lustily In the street. But tho boy couldn't reply through his sobs. "Please, sir," chimed In a companion, "we were playing marbles, and. he's been an' lost his glass alley." "There, don't cry!" e.^clalmed the old gentloipaii, kindly. "Here's . a. .nickel; run and buy some moi'e." '  But'lhe tears continued to flow. "There!" said the benefactor. "1 wouldn't cry any more If I were you." "Yes-s-s. yon would," gnspeiJ the weeping one, . "If you'd"-sob.s-"lost your father's glass eye." GRATITUDE, INDEED �y^ICAR: "Well, Mr.-!. Grundy, nmid all your troubles, I am pleased to see your gratitude to rrovidence does not fall." Mrs. Grundy: "Ko, sir, rheumatiz Is bad Indeed, but 1 thank 'eaven I still have a back to 'ave the rheumatiz In!"-London Opinion. HOLE IN THE ELBOW. A TEACH Eli In a suburban school, hearing a smothered laugh, In-ciulrcd who dared to be so rude. "I'lense, sir. It was me," answered a loud voice, "but I did not mean It." "Did not mean to do It?" (luerled the now angry teacher. "No, sir. I laughed up my sleeve, but I did not know there was a hole in my elbow," A TERRIBLE EVENING "Qir. weren't you dreadfully angry when Harold kissed you last evt'ning'/" ''yes-^^ij}';^iy>lyT-&very time."-New York WoVl(l. . .' , (^n.ARlC.N'CE-'