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Lethbridge Herald Newspaper Archives

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Lethbridge Herald (Newspaper) - November 11, 1912, Lethbridge, Alberta , .,' !:i|IL .'ligjgi II ^fr^ ^\P^f. - --^ mmyK>\:'^ij' � OFF H/S GUARD. rPH^ young undergraduaio was hiuil-ed before his tutor. Ho hii-.fiiu'e on Ihe yolini; i;fiitliiiiiurs part Wii.i ?o uniisuiil that his food parent I'lTanie imx'Ous nod nlimind. .She rineslloni'd llni'- I'.llii'l. but that yoiin�: lady only sliool; her riirls. She hiiiint ."ireii Ti.nini)- lor rimvi. Tlo'ii rook s.-nt (or, and that ln\po:�in3 pi'r.-JoniiMo ii?n''* ^ile hegun ly. '�(^ootl xriu'lou.**. And the took reniarkuil; "Plea.�e'ni. Mnster Toniniv".** locked! himself in the lupboard wllli Ihol ciike.s nnd plo.�. unvs he'* K"ln�' on eatin' uritil he's too ill to be whipped;" But mother th.iuKliI oilurwL.'e. h.XPh'RT Ol'lMOS'. pwiVATl''. .Murphy was the dirtl^-^'t tnun in Mie reK-iineiu. .Ml means had heen tried to make him keep himself elvun. hot wllhovit Slieie.-^.-.-. ,' officer pkued .Mniphy In of the leKlmeiit and said: "Now. Ali.rpliy, what hjve \oii lo say for voar.'-elf.Murjihy. iinal; Alice, whose parents were "* well-to-do. and who lived in a larKC house with a dozen servants, had loeii, invited oat with a tiny friend whose people were not iiuito so well off. All the same, she had a very Kood time, and enjoyed the visit greatly. On the way home she told her mother, who had coniu to fetch her, all about It. "So yon had a nice time, dear?" Inquired the fond mother. "Oh, yes!" replied the child. "But there was one thint,-.!'' I "What was that'.'" "Well. 1 lu;te to tell you about It: it sinis so creel, and you mhrhln t let me go again." The iiiollier lu'omlsed that that wonlun't liapijiii. "They used their own srandniolh.'r for a cook!" whispereil the child, in a tragic voice, lIOPlihHHSIA' TA XOhUD. J>H01-'EyS01i THINKITOCT was , about to be married, and had just received an invllation to his own wedding, which he had absent-mindedly mailed to himself. "Well, Well,"" he mused, "what does this mean? My fiancee's nanje on a wedding- Invitnilon! The faithless hussy! And great l,ogarithins! There's my own name on it, too. Elllher she's untrue, or I'm about to be a bigamist." KBlB.YGE.' I .V duo time the women came into aU-thorlty and power in the courts, and the first culprit haled before thcni for punishment was a man who had spent his life advocating dres.s-re--. form for theifair sex. "Wretch ihat yon are!" decried the stern lady who presided on the bench, "Ihe decision ^f the court is that for thi! term";.of your natural life you shall be permitted to Wear none but blouses that button up the back-and that you be compelled to button them yourself." but one age iM ANUV was a good-looUlng yif ^�^>'Y '' '.....� Picture taken from the wall. ilaby does not want pretty picture. lia\)y wants sun, lialiv convinced that sun can't be had. Wails. Ilaby convinced that sun Haby wants milk. ... .... jlaby does not want m.ilk. Wants pieliy See preuy dolly. No. See pretty doggie. No. Waits. IJaby wiuiis to fjet on daddy's Ituee, B i^fw^cow? cow. CowP.Cow:^Vl,ere? _Cow. Ilaby wants cow. x\ nai cow r vu.r. vu... ^�...... idea. Cow piol),ibly refers to inillc, Uaby wanis mills-? Uaby does not wiuii mill!. Wants cow. Cow ?  Cow. Ini. posiible to gel cow. Wails. Baby wants coof. Cool? Coof. Whiit does baby want ? Coof. Daddy in search o( coof, Can't find coof. Wails.  Preuy picture? No. Wails, Haby wants stove. Baby wants sun. Ilaby wants ctiof. Wants cow. Offer cookie as sub-Btiiiite. No snbstllnto nllovvcd. Wails. , ' Same as above, with marvelous variations, including petition (or table, ciniir, oocU (wlint iliedeuceis "opcU?), lippoo, niiiyana; ,  waier, niore w.iler, more waief, prcily dolly, etc., etc. � � .,, I coii\e to you with bowed Itead, repentant, O Woinankiivl. 'tftv'vt.'�i/;)wh jji.trj). nf. wQUKuVs splieie. And Thave wonde- 8,54 8.55 q 00 10 10.30 A BRIGHT PAGE. :^N hotel guest look kindly interest In a bright-eyed page-boy. who had answered his calls very promptly. "What Is your name, my boy?" he Ir.rjulrcd. "They call me "Bllllard-cue,""" replied the youth. ' �"Bllllard-cue"! And why is Ihat?"" "Because I work so much belter with a good ll|i."" A STUMBU^-a BLOCK. rrWO old settlors sal smoking in it cabin ill the backwoods. No wo-man"B hand desecrated that domain, and grime reigned supreme. The conversation drifted from politics to cook-. Ing. ^ "Yass." said the elder of the two, "f did get one of them cookery books wanst, hut 1 could never do nothing with it." "What whs the hilch?" inquired thd other. "'Well, every one of them recipes began in the same way, with tho sanul words. Kvery one said 'Take a clean dish, and" 1 never got no further." TRY IT rOVrtSELF. IIADDY was driving home from thd market with his ass and cnrt when he was aoccMted by a police-sergcjLnt, who charged him with over, loading the donkey. "What wclghl," he asked, "Is an as< able to pull'?"" "l''aUh, then,"" niiswered Pnt, "your-, self ought to know best. How muclj can you pull?'" SELF-REVELATION A'/CB FOR THE PLAYKRH. /JAHD-l'X.A Y-ING Quartet iwho have been trying for about an hour or so to smoke old lady out): Now,; ma'am, surely you feel tho effects of the smoke? j Old l.ady: No, nol at all, 'Dtui't you] young fellow.s worry yourselves. Get | fUcng with your playing. You see, it's like this. I've ,iust boon visiting my ^ son as Is in the smallpo.x hospital, so, I thought I'd i'ome In hero to get dls- 1 Inl'ocled like. TOO GENTLE. ("ilA') Gent: "Gcnlle disposition! He �  wants to iiilo the head off every dotr ho niets. I've been swindled." I'ancier: "You didn't ought to keoii dogs hI all. mister, '.rhft animals you ought to keep with your tomporuniont l!j* silkworms," NEWLY MARRIED, "ilH'H. KNK;KKU; "You , shouldn't have healing foods In the suni- i