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Lethbridge Herald Newspaper Archives

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Lethbridge Herald, The (Newspaper) - May 23, 1973, Lethbridge, Alberta 40 THE LETHBRIDGE HERALD Wednesday, May 23, 1973 COLUMNIST'S NOTEBOOK HAL BOYLE NEW YORK (AP) Jump- Ing to conclusions. Most men can't spell may- onnaise. At any one tune, except when they are asleep, no more than two of every W people are free enough from fear, passion, financial trou- bles or loneliness to be called as sane and normal as they should be. When they are asleep, the number of normal people probably rises to two out of good nights. If you are over 40 and want to be shocked by how far you have failed physically, play a game of with a 10- girl. The cheapest millionaires arc those smoke cigars. They v.ill generously take you to lunch, but when you return to their office for a talk they will fish a big cigar from a box on the desk and spend the rext hour blowing smoke in face. Rarely vill they hold out the box to you. To tnem the cigars are a kind of 5-ymbolic reward which only they deserve, if you need a free cigar, ask a cab driver, not a millionaire. On a rainy day. t'mes as many men as women will get their eyeball stuck by the point of an umbrella. WHO NEEDS IT? The reason I haven't taken up yoga, as many of my friends have, is that I figure if God had wanted me to be a pretzel, hs would haie made me one. The ordinary adult feels about teen-agers pretty much like Gelett Burgess felt about the purple rather see than be one Speaking of Burgess, here are three more iir.es from, this wry and partly- forgotten humorist you may like- "Many people live alone and like it, but most of them live alone and look it "To be two years a widow exceedeth a college education." "If the Lord only send some- tiling interesting, I wouldn't mind if it was only a plaid Pig-" Any girl who sticks a guy for a sirloin steak three times in a row when he takes her out to dinner doesn't deserve marriage anyway. One out of three people who take up an office collection for any cause doesn't chip in a buck himself. Guys with white shoes don't wear very well either. One of the things I feel sorry for about kids growing up today is that most of them never have put ear to a i railroad track to hsar if the i train is coming. Remember i v.hat a thrill and feeling of j daring that gave you the first time you did it? I The" busier an executive Icoks the less he is probably i getting done. If a man lets his work give i him an ulcer, he'd probably got two if he stayed idle. Xo matter how bad the weather is, it's always a good Noblef ord opens league 'with victory i NOBLEFORD (Special) i The Kobleford Little League opened with a win. i They played their first home I game in the north county i League. Trie team getting the defeat was Shaugl'aessy. The hosts j tromped them 23-2. i The winning pitcher was Rodney Whillans. The loss went to G. Stzeina. Rodney Malchow blasted one over the fence in a losing cause. Coaches of the team are Richard Deimuth and Stu Whdlans. THE MOUNTIES 1873 Written by members and ex-members themselves. Farmer's daughter Almost 30 years ago, the foster parents of a wispish, young teenage girl reported to the local RCMP detach- ment that their daughter had been criminally attacked in their farmhouse. The daughter was with them and was able to give an excellent, fully-detailed de- scription of her assailant. In addition to the attempted assault, the suspect had taken money and a cream cheque which she had been forced to turn over to him. The only thing that had saved the girl herself was the sound of her parent's truck approaching the house. The man ran out of the house into the surrounding bush moments before they arrived in the farmyard. Since their farm was lo- cated in the 'V formed by the junction of two rivers, and there was little possibili- ty of his being able to es- cape by crossing either, he would have to leave by the only access road. Two men were detailed to watch the road during the night in a bid to cut off any escape attempt. Unknown to the girl's fam- ily or to anyone else in the commiunity as far as we knew, a man had just been released from the Federal penitentiary and was known to be returning to this dis- trict. The description given by the girl matched this man exactly even to the scar running from in front of one ear to below his chin on the other side of his face. His previous conviction had been for rape and indecent Naturally he was our prime suspect. The following day short- ly before dawn, when no trace of tfie suspect had been found the N.C.O. in charge of our detachment decided we would have to make a de- tailed search of the bush where it was believed the suspect must be hiding. ARMY USED Since only a very limited number of police were avail- able, we requested the assis- tance of the Army unit sta- tioned only a few miles away. The request was answered immediately and very short- ly more than 50 soldiers and RCMP were beginning a foot by foot search of the area. The search proved fruitless. After this we asked the foster parents of the girl to bring her in to the detach- ment for further ques- tioning. She made on slight mistake in repeating her story of the night before and this was enough to caste a suspicion of doubt on her story. At the insistence of her parents, we continued ques- tioning her for several hours and she finally broke down and admitted that the whole thing was a hoax. It developed that the girl craved recognition and would do almost anything for it. To gain her ends, she had spent a lot of time planning an' al- most foolproof story. She even admitted burning the money and cheque belonging to her parents so that no trace of them would be found. Needless to say, there were as many red faces as red coats at our detachment. If there had been any possibility of her seeing our prime sus- pect or knowing of his intend- ed return to the district, we would have found it much easier to doubt her story right from tba start He's number one Prime Minister Trudeau's new Cadillac stands outside the Centre Block of the Parliament Build- ings, Ottawa. The 1973 bullet-proof car was delivered last week and received its licence plate CAN-001. SIMPSONS rSAQTC GASOLINE EVERYDAY LOW PRICE Regular 45 50 9 Gal. Premium Gat. Use Your Simpsons-Sears SIMPSONS bears Cotne clean I Really clean with the pre-wash program and Roto-swir! action of this heavy-duty automatic Kenmore. Optional second rinse keeps clothes bright. Swishes away all soapy film! Clean up on savings too. 10 days only .98 e-2-spseiJ, S-pregram Kenmore wasner Normal, delicate and perm-press plus pre- program and optional second rinse 5 temperature combinations 2nd low1 speed for handwashables Variable water level control eaves water Serf-dean fint filter Ud cafejy switch. Porcelain top Major b-'Soft-heaf Fabric Master Kenmore aryer Lets you select degree of dryness you want. for every kind of fabric! Coft-heat diminishes as clothes dry to pre- vent over-drying. No-heat 'air1 fluffs towels High sir-speed for fast drying. Interior light Top-mounted lint screen. Air-freshener lamp Push-to-start button. Door safetyswnch Major AppIIancei Sears Available from coast to coast In Canada through all Simpsons-Sears stores, this very special offer is the slncerest effort Simpsons-Sean can make to bring you merchandise that quality with the lownt possible price. Simpsons-Sears Charge Use Your Handy STORE HOURS: Open daily from a.m. to p.m.Jhurs. and FrI. a.m. to p.m. Centre Village Mall. Telephone 128-9231 ;