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Lethbridge Herald Newspaper Archives

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Lethbridge Herald, The (Newspaper) - May 14, 1974, Lethbridge, Alberta May 1974 LETHBRIDGE HERALD Lynne Van Luven Confessions of a secret slob My friend Mazie awakened me at 3 a.m. one night last pounding on my front door with a fervid stoccato. 'Thank heaven you're she oblivious to the hour. just got to talk to someone or I'll go I gently releasing the lapels of my housecoat from her frantic grasp and easing her tense frame into a chair. the guilt. I've got to tell somebody the burden is top much to bear. Confession is good for the isn't Maybe I should see a Are confessionals open this Maybe a grip on I suspecting the worst. Was Mazie about to confess a flagrant affair with the A plot to send her children to boarding school in Or maybe she had a secret no use hiding it I'm a secret Mazie catching me completely unawares. Clandestine wailed my friend. been a unacclaimed leader of the SS troupe for years. Not that we've got a regular club. Until nobody ever admitted being a secret slobber. But I can't stand the pretense it spring in full and I haven't done a stitch of housecleaning. What's I don't really care if I ever do any. I'm at some point in my I must-have turned down the wrong fork in the she continued breathlessly. laundry is a disaster my white's aren't whiter than my colored things look kind of dingy I don't think I've ever bothered to notice whether rny detergent gets out ground-in dirt or leaves the clothes fluffy and fresh smelling. And the shirts that live at our house have ring around the collar AND around the cuffs. Not to mention those unsightly under-arm deodorant stains. dishwashing detergent doesn't get my plates so clean you.can see your face in them and my glasses have water spots. My windows aren't squeaky clean and my floors don't have built-in shine. As if that all wasn't bad I've not once in all these put that fancy blue cleanser in my toilet bowl and I always gritty cleaner that's supposed to scratch the enamel. Come to think of I don't think I've ever brought out the natural beauty of my wooden furniture tormented by my failings I get no added Mazie. night I dreamed the Man from Glad sold me into slavery to Mr. Clean who whipped and made me scrub the same patch of tile over and over to get out the tracked-in dirt and grime. And through the whole Carmelita Pope and Josephine the Plumber heckled and taunted I taking this whole thing too seriously. Every housewife in North America with any brains at all is a secret slob. How many eulogies have sung the praises of the deceased's spotless How many tombstones have cited the dear departed's achievements in the realm of gleaming toilet And has anyone ever been given any respect or acknowledgement for possessing a husband whose undershirts are unblemished by perspiration Enlightenment dawned on Mazie's troubled brow. Her eyes took on a new her shoulders squared. she as she walked to the door with a firm and resolute step needed STAVELY AUCTION MARKET Cattle Sales Start at a.m. EVERY WEDNESDAY Call Bob Phone 228-3777 CATTLE Local and Eastern Buyers always present Alberta Corner 3rd Ave. and 8th St. Phone 327-8548 USE OUR CREDIT PLAN .....J OFF TIRES G78x14 Each 29.05 H78x1S Each 29.95 J78X15.................. Each 29.95 L78x15 Each 29.95 C78x15 BLEM. Each 29.95 650x13 4 ply nylon. Each 22.95 SALE ENDS FIRST COME FIRST SERVE' USED RADIAL TIRES Starting As Low As ftrestone FRONT WHEEL I Ttrestone 4-WHEEL ALIGNMENT AND BALANCE BtJAKE SERVICE BRAKE RELINE If your gar needs these additional services We relace rotors ai S8 95 each We rebuild calipers Irom S 1 4 a 5 We II advise you before oroctcding with any additional work GUARANTEED FOR 24 000 M'LCS OR MONTHS We'll repack outer front wheel adjust brakes and give a complete safety inspection ;