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Lethbridge Herald Newspaper Archives

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Lethbridge Herald (Newspaper) - March 14, 1913, Lethbridge, Alberta "JOHN'." i father to �oJi ono any, whenJbi� "caukht Wm nhavtiw iown _otf his ui>P^r-lSp, "don't throw four 'shavrri^.'W.tttflf out yrhepe there are any bare-Joot^d boys, atiout, or thoy liilghfget thdlr feet priclced!" NO BNOOUBAQmBNT. pAi^aON (to wofkman* -who .keofis tailing nlpa frojn iiis Uottla)-. "Bo you know, thy ttuini^I novec tasted SiplritAlJi Wy We." �Wdtkman: "No; an' you. alti't a-goln' to begin 'ore neither." REVENGE IS SWEET fj^jm firisHr3,T?,{ "Oan't you persuade blm to set on a bit faster? . .1 (ififtll-intBs my train!" . The 9_i>8.uf�eur: 'Tm afraid not, sir. He's the man. you fined reaej5itly hla- atientlo^, ^wi�q';iait>'aotediit?Jsr-;t^e;' itUoiijroari� who ra'iea eamestlVahd ^ti'tfbiry at hlfti. "'Ere,'ybu.''" �c-callSd." "Ain't yer tohiJh'-tfpT iira'^oifly'SlxOenpe." ' "Buf the URIS'-nS9,n pnly*:^hook l;ls hesa:- -- /r'fsy ' ^ :.''Oaii'tv ha -^Miii^erea; > ^'�|�ua c6?t ine eleven shllUna' tt I did. Vet see," therp'4 ma �a' ^iV^wWe an' twenty children." j. �Whatl^i-iexiilaJtWBd' t^ie^'ShoTt-jrian, ''hoari^e wJthvini�%aiilj)ty,";,aii^ jtpliit^ to t}i6 Jqng line "of eaintejtvfitoest "Are all of 'them yon'r^r, , IT _ A nod wis the little man's 'Bole answer. " . j' ' , "Good htovejia!.!!. crled^ fhe'mau'pf' th^'jbooth,-',tts ^'liaVibouod^d to'-lts dij^. t^itJuc?. "Ddn'ji ywiiiive, guv'hbri-7 � I'm^Slng to glvle'the' .�tay:Whet3pa�a: Oreat inifc/W(T-eat.''I'pt gdn' to bring 'Im out to ;ave" a looH at you.*' TUB LAST^BOPm^ _ ^ fVM'ST: had fluarrfeled,'quarri^led'Irre^ yoo^blyjt se?*ieil; and they were tetu^jjlng the predsente-^tokemi - j)f a hve now dead, whiqh made d pHlful aisiglay wheufhpaped tofether ott'*thd A/TUXjUIN^ was-quit* bald', with the r ejcoeptlon of a single lock which he combed carefully oyer*,they"Blde of.,hls: head. A Short tlf&d e^ort'sbra^ yfpint? ladles apked him ftip HlB rtiphotoprAJJh,, aha,' hftvlng a peculiar sense of humor, he had p. picture taken of (th^ top of his head. About a W6ek afterwards he went past' the pho'tograprifer's. shop and noticed an Immense .crowd study-; Ing a ploturd'ln the window. Ho loolted\ and foundf that ;the dis 7 courteous artist had printed aigreaHyr enlargea.ptQ^upeofihla.hald.-lieadi.wlth the iblaoklooV tunglrtg ^^o^nd .fiie edgei'. and had labeled it: ^ -^ "Eo'llpio vof' the Moon. The 'phenomenon as; At v-appeared ; at a 'an't say I am," replied the other, who happened co be an American, "though one day while I was walking In New York 1 saw a man slip, and fall from the top of a sLxteen-storoy building. When he had got about' half way down, I made a pass Just as you did, and he stopped falling Instantly. 'Hbwever, being busy at the tifne.f I went on without thinking any more about It; which reminds ma-next time you're In New York, you mlgut Iqok out for him and rescue hlml" TEH LITTLE REBFAj. "gAY, grandpop," began little George, Is It .true tihait George Washington ooUldn'i tell a lie?" "Yes, quite true." "And was he an awful good man?" '"He sure was." "Then what did you let *hem name me George Washington Brown for ? Ain't 11.0 ihave amy.fum?" BLUFF. "�\TR. BADGERTON Is here, sir," said .i the : chief clerk. "Shall I srnow �him: ln?'lLv '   '"No," replied the great orgaiilzer, "let him wait In the ante-room for about three-quarters of ati hour. He ihias {), big proposlUon, but I am anxious to keep Mm from getting the Idea thm/t I consider.W wor*h while." .-. TBEN ME WENT SOME. Q_1HB youn man sat and eat and ; �' talked and talked. : About.11.30 he giang: "Love, I'm Going A-way." The young lady .showed Interest for the first itlme since 8.30. "When do you start?" she IiMjuired. ;  . . OF OOUIiSE. "QH, Helenl Suppose.I should faint some time, and I should come to In-flome young man's arms! What TO?OUld I do?" "Why, Margaret, keep your eyes cloa-' el, Of course!"- POOR JOHN. "JOHN, you never listen to half tho things I say to you," sho complained. "Well, dea.T,',' he tepUed, "I have to work part of the time." - SURE PROOF. "gUT are you sure." persisted the grouchy customer, "that this 'ere stuff will cure my rheumatiz?" "Oh ,ye.9," re5>lied the drug clerk; "all the doctore refuse to reoommend It." tvh-sjtha laat of'tljekifts. All was'over lelff'rieA-'s&pfpmei �"i\ie\V^'^' 'i''"^^^ � '"%,>|owal�., � '"Xfit)'}mnei''way''t'h4t l cM-fe^.".- : -. '^i}a ^ what'' may- that be ?'' Mr. &rq^ji'9 lajigu^fl." iyu was Vetrl^tly. A SURE SIGN OF COMING BALMY DAYS "JJUBRAY! Spring Is here. There goes a June bUg. up the avenue:"-New York World. it&T; LIKE HOME /;"0ebi'g6, ;Geerfte,-'tjy 8*vlng'you my-wl?!t' Mf^s,, SJmmoiJS .gapped, as she .\Vi'iab�raW;;;4i,'a rjsauli of the ' pre�wjt| fejt^^gjmen . hiy huBbahd -wlU A CEJBTAIN largo engineering flym ' -f , latelji'""r8oelVed. (�(,n, **." WteniUy.\,he expiaine'dj tjieln- fnean-Ing wd9/'h6t fttocltingd,". whifeh seen^'ed 1 abBur^j^btttiwaa 'presently, ,peen' tq. be the nparesf-Wfjown'' Bn^laii "synpnym for ;'fir9 fipbe." / :^%\\y\-4 rpWo'littlQ ohlldrenthacl ftpeat /th� day toB�^her,.-ttna,hk^,fip�talne4;^ uii-'^ hwlyittlel .Mary, aeed^mr?, bad*adi|. ^.^eofltea-smtoh'.td; sha5?.,pf.>i�f� ,.,g,'�he� ^ , ' t'jljtmma/-aien'it^ltii^ ah' ,Evelyn just b6iiMf�A>Mpr' f , ; ' >' INTELLIGENT ELECTRICIANS �^'TIT alqi^ t^l ij Bo-ifl \oiir min ti mini m% ob-ctrlo ^qll , j ' ^' "Ho dl'd^po, M'Wiua, but as rvntr 'br 0 tJines anfl'jiD' no ariSAfif, eonLl)ii1od'nint''thero Vb i� ipbud/ at hctiio ~IgndiU' ' '^"NO^IiaSK /, Q^HB tramp sat, serene and dlrt;^' on the baokdoop; stop ' eating %the breakfast for-which he had askedSand the dervant stood looklng'at him curiously. ^ \ Presently the knight of the road, ob-iserved the attention she'was paying him. - , , , . "Wp^ter,y'er/lookin' at m'e for?""be asfced In' Idle iftiriosity. "fhlnk-rm 4 lopg-lost cquslngr' ', "No,"'re|)iled the biftld, coollyl^"but I must say you remind me of a mWlI used to know." v " .,' , ^^"SweetheartV''\a�^k^d^th^r)i,^^;id^; ^ "None of your., business!"" was the maid's retort. '~*>Bij^>oraethlng. happened to him whloh'U' never ^Happen 'to you" , I , "What's that? \ DJed 'af^'tAimhii^ire, diahe?" - ned The maid'9 reply Tyas orijijhl "No; ha' was- a^cWen't&liy'/ ,whlle bathing..;-_ ^ . ^ HE WAS PEEVED >* > QTH^ aeriOus-lbokltig j ^ira^lo U'st^ ii^i^MSS? qllende, but ithe'^sqUalHng of *|k" I'nr^t; in tho row of sw,t� directly ahead g�,vo (blm ItttW opportunity, Annoy^e,6�,vftj place'to irritation, I pjid 'lrritatloifl-''^'ta ,tUru 'vcas JBUpersedeq by resolv^. "oHo l?adQd,forward, Uucjioa, the'-nloi^f^Si', the ^^uldert a-rk^tiCa afspi^^"^-- '';iWhy,no;-sV^^tKfe^^^^ "kerely-.bT"--- "'-' " ' ' '^^ ^'^:;^lme hunsrry^^ors-e mistake 4ie. for ft' welkins hale' of- hay " HER IMPRm^jdN.^ '   ' *"r�IHE} immensl'iyi of' "naifture'-Mrlk^s ' "every une with the" same awed feelfhg." ' i, -'Mb; It doesn't. I tSok -'a girl- to ttoe ipl^ciis-onoe, au'd shetpiaf.^'e tdve bhoiight |the hippopotamus wds ct^fe.'' 'SHE WAS .SATISFIED. "Q'XYGEN, oxygen, madam. That Is what you need," said the eminent specialist. "Comp eyery afternoon for your 'Inhalaitlon's. They will cost you |5 each.". : . "I knew our tanilly physician didn't undersland my case,", deolared the fashionable patient. '.'He told me all 1 needed was plain, fresh air." ; " HE-KNEW. "rpoMMY," said- his mother, "what would you like to g>lve your cousin Willie for his birthday?" '.'I know. what.I'd" like to give him," answered Tommy, who had been bullied by the other boy, "but I ain't big enough.". ! , VEQRADEO. - ' ""YOU are very low," observed the weather man. "Yes,'.' replied' the official thermometer, regretfully, VI fear I have tajten a dipop too much.'' v \ HARD WORK. "go you have a city job, have you?' "Yes." "Don't have 'to do any work, I suppose?" "I don't, eh? I have to get my pay warrant every month tind sign 'It and get It cashed." AN EXAMPLE. "T^EALTH doesn't always bring, bap.-plneas." .remarked the youngster with 'the large spectacles.  "Naw," asserted the other kid. .'.']L,ook at me cousin  yonder. He's got two cants, end he can't decide betwew lolli� pops and chewing gum.". OUGH! ".J|j[ABGARET, dear ,t_ell mewhat^wa^ your principal reason for accepting me?" ' "Well, Percy, you see," some,.g-Irls (have money and could: marry' bralniBJ while others' have brsilha ana :o0uld marry money. I had'neither.'' THREATENING TOMMY m.................. - \ ' ' .1 - ."rj^OMMY! If you don't oome home ^ this minute I'll tell ma ho-w^ " you tore your clothes."--Fun. i ' , ' , \ yERSATILE. . ''PHpl^ ohedrirul agent stepped Into the business map's private office a-nd set his grip 6n the floor. '  "I "have here," he said, "a patent glass cutter �or 25 cents. It is, kno-wni a^-TT-?' ? ' ^ , - / ' ; -"Don't weed any glstss cutter/' anaipf ped" the business roan. "Ah, you don't need a glass ^cutter! �^cfll,"' them, I hav^ ber,e a^ yacuu^ cleaner, that sells for $40. It'ls'nOw in UB9 in thousands of homes.;^^ Jt is-'' . , /, BEYOND'HER ^ "I don't need ft vaxjuum cleaner.',' , "Veli, pe'rt}�!p5 not; but then I^hay%.| som^UWng ejse (here that will cirtajniy �Interilat yoii.. It Is a phon'Oi?raph fj^ft retails for the Small sum of ^U Th'^H iBii't'^other phonOgHiplh in'tlha �world ooifsoLiNa. in . ^ ,^ if . , �"gA-y, your beastly 'dog," Ki|d the'iMIgnant tramp-' , " "Oh. thai'li. ija'an right,,';'rep!fjed oj\ woman at the^^oor. '/'tto-ave'anothVj.'' ."yjBS" AFTER ALL. '"}] -^'-j' "QHA!rLIH, \vliy do you tOU every'one, th^t we ar^ engaged? I did not siiy yes!" , ' 'N^ , PITIABLE NOTHING to do but Work. Nothing to oat but food; Nothing to wear but clothes, Ta keep one from going nude. Nothing to breathe but air; Quick as a flash 'tis gone; Nowhere to fall but off, Nowhere to stand but oa. Nothing to.comb but hair. Nowhere to sleep but In bedj Nothing to weep but tears, Nothing to bury but dead; Nothing to sing but songs. Ah. well, alas! alack! Nowhere to go but out, Nowhere to come but back, Nothing to ae but sights, Nothing lo quench but thirst; Nothing to have but -what you've got, I'hus through life we're, cursed. Nothing to atrllce but a gait; Everything moves that goes; Nothing at all but common sense Can ever withstand these woes.-Boston Transcript. LIKE OEOROE WASHINGTON. "rj^OMMY, I'm asliamed to hear you tell such fiba. When I was your age I never told a He." "Say, pop, when did you begin?" PRIVILEGED CONFESSION rjmE Solicitor: "But suppose, - after '.'^'i',]; we begin this suit for breach (it" promise, 'the def^hdant offers JtV ->�I dpn^t think'he""'' will; he has neverJshown"/'any ihclfritf-U ', f.jtf tlon that way,'Waeas., , ' {LT\r lamip, �n*ti�. >. '�, "^'ij.^i Two'piooiijpftny'wl'tihout a'd' And so tStje parlor'liatnp Weii'toitt.'- I . THE O0ClD[omtT^^]SS.i^^W /THEJ recent scenes, (ii' Biilfi�st;'''b5}-55'4 �r of polHioal ejcoU^aidiit. ' viciti'fM S^tory'ol tord Oharlei ,-B�jrfepforii's*;/' Uuitratlve of past' poHtl6^i^.maiii?w^^^^ Ireland; Lord Charles '* wffe'u^ sorry; a' dlhrop ;otjay| Ti've apen.thl3 tlmeV" /':,?^:^"�WV 'hospltal-rivlotim^ of- eipibslon u^al'yorgM*; blown "oif th%- 6'ther s: 4^^^oV^^�h'l^^ .j'^^'J^he t\ifa'>.|!vi(|re .plafeed;' in'.^adjaisg �nlnus hisituMO .shouteU -'his-,;? that--" A, SAV OMiW , 'lay of your,Ufa?'^^^S* ."The'day^t oonsanfo'd^to let 3|Uldast "1 wouldn'.t buysa^j>^pnograiil\'oji a; Jjet!''' growled.the .;j)Ua1rie8b man, get-' ting red Jn'tho'fttce: - ^ ^ ^ "W^l, I am surprised!' But then, ;i hav'e'ih^^re'a oamera"i'i;^4.+, sellq l9r $27. It will -talse the Widest scopo-r-" ' J'No camera'to-day!"'ypned*be business mian. "Well, ,.then, I baVe a four-hundred' fthd^'^wwity-thre'^-asUar ' �utw>obUe, iWBiW'l' V?cu'd >' n fi-^r "lot t^rr. s . .�^,,,.v- . '"Thank irou," said 'thf at;eiit "^nt'c all I hftd td'.aeV place " ^ ' "TSjjFOW, o>illdren,"'eald the t^pltflr'toi  Isaj It'ndorgapfon ola-sg, "'1 w�a| icu ,il u 'j >>->v lui " I,,' t In ifftot, -tib^t^.you oouWt.hear a'pin diip.''Si Cver-rChlnrf liuJ nii-tol Ijau iil.cb ana t n Vai ]ii v.i utuui lo hpi ik �when^'fLll/j.Jgj*'o(M in^tll^'.^^r"^^^ 'h, I r'irn tiiticlkcd iriih L-i uh\ -ii �i'A" >�^ ___________ A�*cv*'Sl* "1,'; ;