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Lethbridge Herald Newspaper Archives

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Lethbridge Herald (Newspaper) - March 8, 1913, Lethbridge, Alberta HIS MISTAKE.  "igpABITtJAL CuBtomor * tto bis Iwir-bcr): "Your fconfoiindfd x>ung woman r&(ae a hue and cry?  The yoting- womaa rais�s a sllgrht hue, but.iio cry. "TTUBBY," said. Mrs.', Chatter, look-' ^. "ing up from her paper, "it sa>'s here that. Koreaii brides never speak all day long oc the MCouraeoC'tlm� she'made his acquaint-anpe, ari^ save him, a penny ^ each jnmrnlng when they^ parted 7:r.'s'/'E*e4l^1^ lie'' .;: tov^jt |htei-, any Swore money,: and 'tBeJrf^t.i'inpralngr ;she J dia not jires^nt tfee Hiaual penny. He'did not seem to aotIce'*'the'omission/-  - -' i -Thfe.'succeedinfir- day, when' the pen-' nyVSa not given to hJm, ho said nothing. But on the morning of the third day, .when the penny was Hot'',jCorth; coming, he sidled-^upUo'beKand. whisr'; pered: "I say, what's the matCeV? lfln't.'^our[hiisband'-working?" ' , ''T>,'X>0]N"^T^see"., 'obs^rye^'iMrs. Bing v ' ; ijS-jfijyi 'When ;the'y.~'araj giving away all them offices, they "don't let wo-k:�: men hold something." -VThey would, my dear, but the wo- men won't do It," answered iter, hus-W.s'b^d., ' jVl.^.VWell.T should like to know. John B|i8r,,,what they'll.let them hold?" ^eUook his hat.'looked to see that vhall^door.waa open, and. in tremb-V accents, murmured: -"Their sues,; my dear." --�'WSE CAUSE OF IT A.LL. iXS^Jsthe way be lost his home, |!^.^;?he' ' -""Yes," sir,.'t,;"H(>w else"w�uld I ac-couot'j^fo^'it^e'JaUccess of'ipy . neigl^-bora?"'" ' . ALL TBE LUCK. "T'M sorry thjvt we ever met," I heard Ma-tellin' Pa last night; .�Vnd Pa said he wiis sadder yet-1; guess he said it Ju.st for.sp\te'; .; Then Ma she scolded .Pa some more and after that commenced to' cry .,,^1'." - And threw her new hat on the floor^ and said she wished that^s^le could die. i " Pa sajd that he was just a slave and hadn't any ri.5ht'to live, Th� more he earned 4he more he gave, the more Ma wanted.-him . to' give; . ' - -... . . "1 nover get a: chatice to plav: I m just & drugt/.' that's what .1 am," Pa said, and .then .we" went .aAvay.an^ ^gave the door an,awful slam. When I wa,s gettin; injo bed and Ma lienf down to hear my prayers ; She cried some raore'iind turhed'her heaJ'and" Baia~h"er life was-AiII of cafes; ' { I'm aorry t^or'them,;,llN;t . get 0)111 of marrying ." *her."..j^-l6ripeck. e.v'pliuned. "When shejproposed. sjie;sald, 'AVill you marry me,? Have you any objection?' You see. no'^mattisr whether I said 'Yes' or '.Vo,'. she had me." 'Wh>f didnt, you just keep silent, then?' inquired his friend. '"That's t?%at I did. and she said, 'Silence glveo consent, and that ended .it." �. ' A CLERICAL CURE-ALL. , gHE: "The Rev. Mr. Wilklns is Something of a faith healer, you know, and I'm thinking of attending hts'chur.th for my rheumatism." He: "I can recommeiid him for lii-somnliu" . ' ' A GRUEL PUN. j^UDD: "He slipped on the polished floor and killed himself.'' Judd: '"Sort" Of'hardwood .finifeh.' you might say." NOTHING DOING. "j SAW the bakerkissing you this morning, Mary. -In'future I shall take in the bread myself." ; "It won't be no use, mum. He don't like fair wom^iv!''-^l-ondon' Opinion. . : . ' if; ��  .;. WELL ENOUGH PAID. MINISTER in a Highland parish .found on, arriving at church one Sunday that only one worshipper had braved the elements. Mounting the pulpit stairs the minister looked down on John, �yvho was more noted for his gruff out-spokeness than his piety, and said: "Will I give you the sermon in Gaelic or in English?" "Gie's baith," gruffly answered John; "ye're weel paid for't." WILLIE'S,LIFE-SAVING. V^ILLIB had b e'en-forbid den to, try his new skates because his parents  thought the � ice "was not safe. Consequently, when he appeared in the doorway, dripping wet, there was trouble brewing. -'Don't lick me, raa," said the offender, "because I've-just saved three men and two women from drowning." i"How?' demanded-his mother. "Why," explained Willie, "they were just going on the "ifc'e when I broke through." THE WAYS OP TRAVELERS. J^ GENTLEMAN whose travel talfes are knowri throughout the world tells the fqllowing on himself: '"t was booked tor a lecture one^nighj at a littljj.pSaofii In Scotland, four miles from a railway station. "The chairman of the, occasion, af'-i tei^[ Introducing me as 'the mon wha's codm here tae broaden oor intellects,'' skid that he felt that a wee' bit" of pi'ayer would not be out of place.  >"''0 Lo.rd," he continued, .'put it intae ,th,e heart of this mon tae speak the truth, the hale truth, arid naethlng but the truth, and gle us grace tae" undej--stain' him.' "Then, with a glance at- me, the chairman said, 'I've' been a traveler mesolf!'"- , DEEP DEJECTION. -jyj.RS. J0NE3S had just cjJle'V upon ' Mi-si Bfon-n, the sexton's wife, who waV sitting beside the fire in an attitude of deep, dejection. *Mrs. Jones: "\Vell, Mrs. Brown, wtitLt news?" " . ilrs. Brown: "Oh, tilings Is very bad, Mrs. Jones. Would you believe �.'- as true as I sit here, my husband ain't buried a living' soul for .a month!" ON THE MUSIC SCALE. major loved a maiden so, . His warlike heart was soft as ; " . i>oh. He'd ofteA kneel to.her and say Thou artmy. life and only Ray. Oli^ If but Itinder thoil would'st be  > Aiid sometimes sweetly smile on Me, TJlou art my earth and guid-ing star, I love thee near, I love thee Fah. iiy passion I cannot control, Thou art the Idol of my - Sol. The major rose from bended knee � xi Aftd went her father for to ^Si.'-' Ifer father thought no jnatch was _ ' .p finer, . . . For the major was no mere . . Minor. They married soon, and after that � Took some rooms in a cosy. Flat And thus here ends thisi little tale. Fashioned in the musio . > 'ScalB,: . A NOVEL COMPLIMENT. ."(^H. Miss Llghtfoot," told Jollyer after their third dance at the Ipall, "you .^re a most wonderful dancer." . "Really! Do you think so?" she re-! plied. , ' � - 'T.Yes, Indeed, afore wonderful, than the damsel who danced before ;Herod and' demanded � the head of John the i-Baptlst;" ',; . ^ , . " !?'RealIy!- How so, pray?" |wwell, you see, wheti she danied otj^e man was decapitated, but when you dance all men lose their heads." .-f-THE RmSQN WHY. � , fiSHE .was. a dear,. Qld-.fashioned, mo--dest, simple, . maiden lady. So that, when slieahnounced-the fact that she thought of paying a cl^iropodist a' ;visit, her great friend was duly astonished. "I didn't know you suffered from corns," remarked the latter, when the news was first broken to her. ' "I don't," replied the old lady mildly, albeit firmly; "neither am I afflicted with bunions,'.chilblains, nor any other pains in the feet." Her friend gazed at her with growing consternation. vTJhen, my dear," -she- remonstrated gently, "what cm earth do-you want to visit a chlropodi-st for?" The'little old lady's cheeks blushed a delicate pink, as she leant forward, laid one mittened hand on her-interrogator's arm, and whispered: "It's this way, my dear.  I do so want to.be able to bqast that at least once in my life I had a man at my feet!"  ' SURE ENOUGH. rpBACHER: "Now, Tommy, can you name something that will, not freeze'?" . ' ' Tommy: ''Yes, ma'am; hot water.' THP/mfipEST. ,]J^j[RS., AHISTOCRAT: "Did you - hear : what Mr.s.-Jtlouveuu Riolie said to me at the concert this evenlngV" Mrs. Weimarn: ;VNo.". Mrs. Arlstoorati J'Wcll, she informed ma thiit shcAad doblded to have a nom de plume in 'fi()r hat." WHY SHE DOES it. "YYH'Y does Miss Scrcccher close hei^ eyes when she sings?" "Perhaps she has a tender heart.' "rdou't quite;unjflorstand.' "Maybe rshe can't bear to sec hov!" we suffer." WH.AT DID MABEL SAY NEXT ? "TTIS F'lANCBB (finding lier younger^sl^ftjpij ensconced, on her young man's kneej: "Why, Mabel, arent yoi,i. ashampjl.of yourself ? Get down!" ' �� � �'-. Mabel: "Shan't, tgot here first;--London Opinion. making SUliE OF it.. > : A Bl'KLY roaft^aned"'on ,tlie par'-: ''"^ soit'a R^lfe.-: >,.'MMnaarni'!.';J)e^'si?iihappily expressed: "OROWN.was what Is ponimonly cal-led a gifted amateur singer. As a matfter''of 'fact, he Imp" really ' quite a good vo?co. and, allhougH ho had only just recdvered from an extremely bad''eold,'Jt-oadlly responded- to an invl.tati.on, to, si.ng, at. the village , ' qoncerl.^^ ..What is |more,''"he r^ri'dered" his selection \n a truly charmlng'-'irtan-ner. � ' "When the applause had died down, however, the chairman-a nervous lit- , |-tle man,-somewhat Inoxporlenced, rosa hurriedly to hiei feet . , , , . . 'lidles-a.nd -rerr-r genUem6^,'/ h"e|,. began,.,'-'.'beforo Mr;',' BrowniStar.teci, t(j,.. -or-sing he- aBkod mo to/^.iJOlogiao forhls-er-voloe,