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Lethbridge Herald Newspaper Archives

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Lethbridge Herald (Newspaper) - February 27, 1913, Lethbridge, Alberta ^IjUle: ^imm funny- Y^am I -----^,,^r.�m nnnnrnar i TTKMRV WAS XJSEFXJl rpaAvii^ii: - i'AivliiiJw' sooiotjy ft - " you want io. iee Nature at Ite be�t, you 'should-' taSo ei trip through , Mlw :S6oratyj'::i'.,"WoiU(in?t tt be Sr.aW? And I do .so dots? on plno-" V - � � � � JfE0Ea8A.RY. � rpHB bishop was pxafflihing' aiclaas of "What's the best'pfeparatioh-^for en-terins the state 'ofc' matrimony 7'* he asked. .' � v, .a \va)k between tJie'Bl&(rea'\4'fi6r)i hewas"to appear; On one of these tonra ho plcketf up a. miserable aittle dog benauHe it looked so much like he ,l�lt. MClje ^tpry will explain-whlit became of the dog. ' 'Thd (Ifstilib'ufBiei he came io'was an Inn, and, of course,'he wanteJi a drink.i .....' ---'-.^^ u. a llttftf-whiasey.''�, Ana^ i}�en, luriuiiH uus, ..v. �.>,^w�., _____...... �i*bu"ltfi^e5'!'itl^^^^^ verj' promptly; "I'lrtil^iia ham'sahjil;^iibpckn -was so surprised hc almost falftfted^  HeJooked ftt,tllft-^�^ merfn, deiSp}tottb|l6 man, to sell me for ten pounds, after all I'vu done for ydul So help me Moses, I'll never speak anotliet ivpr4 M Iqng jW J live.'" ^Jt* tiejdldn't, ,, .J. A.'ilOAK" POINT. -'� ' "^Y*^^ 'oi^n-dWv6 a, prisoner -to a pjte'i ,-pf'.oijteum.^.bult. ywu cannot .mak� lilm,i>l(>k';l't:';./,Thisfit was thart >vorriea' - Waj-der-.^.;" JH�^^ to see th� ^rVri-:cdm�sabout,con\^ 99^1. 1,^^, ; , ev^.'bivMti!^; rej.;i:|siuso*toikt!k.oak*: > ,,, umj;'S: Ther'govem.'or'e hair - began to: ' bristle.;.,., '' .." "Rffuses. {16e8 iie>V eaiil the gresit �'Si's put to ItT ,,. : wa^.'gt^.to -vrith a BlaaC "Bdg 'pi^Mldo!' ij*l,">xp6*rtuteited War-; ,.' dil- T.^'st6�lMttSt progrBSB -witi /a buiriy toot. J?but't��tt3 Impoartbte." ''I�'pb�(flb'^'li'iftwred'tha'governwT ' "why tonppi�it>iit-#��hat*� b ;you 'pl�a�9/alr} 'tfsfian. avlatorl K STKATSBBACKB .r- 'No, she IS- ' "liot' a7vffwd^rsMroamfc-Bho ~ atpl� ' me^mrlteaifeiac. wid let >m, biirgtens; and maafl^iaVaf^nkBflaid^-ftateth* aivtieat' p�wan>I:';^v�'^^^r-�i'a'>I ^ caiiijotitwn �cr aWJtt.upomiaie world- ' � - ' 'iber anottiec' ^�l|:^:c�^^l^l^^^^^ �Vl�lWr--�''aooa'��|�ious! y;'couvlnce �the offending husband th&tijfewas un manly :ot him, to- aay^. thaplekit, ,. to strike Polly with'hl�;i�8t,-.th6*.'n�lh1ster coAoludedi"Davldy^you:kno^. that the wife is; the weaker .- Mpssei,! - and' you fAould hav* pity on itpr.\' ^ . ^ ' 1 "Weel, then," said X)�i.vW ,sU}kUy', "It �.Bbt/�:the weaker vesaelii^iBijerphpuld carry.the less^saiI.t''^^/^ BE MIOHT-ONGE. pA'iaBNTJ^Y the old gentleman had been sitting through the ordeal of hoarlng the voice-culture student in the, hall bearoom below practlBlng-wlthi a zeal which left no room for crlflolsim, but with a tttlenit by no means so kindly desoribed.'V ( rinally he creipt softly down the stalrti and -rapped at the door of th^' young �w'omEtn's rocim. 'I can't come in," ho said In response to an Imvllatlon, "but I simnply came to tiell you of a friend of mlno who would,' _ know, ho willing tx> Pay almost any amount of money to hear you sing." Ovwwiholmcd wHU Joy tlio young ,TTOman begged tlie kind old gentleman to wrlto -his friend's name and address on a piece of paper. When ho had gone upstairs �he looked at .the Blip oC paper which ho had handed back to her inscribed and neatly folded.. It read: "John W.Jones, A�ylum for "the Deaf." aSE KNEW HIM. /|||�Rai '^MTH had engaged a middle-aged coloresd woman to do some housecleanlng. As she pjlr,t....3 o'lt the tasks to be done, she said: '-These wlndWa wore washed Juijt a couple 0* days ago, but you'd never know it. A colored man stoT)ped at the door and asked Cor work, so I let him try the windows, but lie mado a poor Job ov It. � 'T\''ihait Mndah lookin' man wossat, Mrs. Smif ?" asked the helper. "Oh, a big, strong-looking man, with only one eye. He said his name was RastuB. He seemed to be a siilftlese, lazy, good-for-nothing sort!" "I^specJcs so, lady. He's the mos' wufchlesa, no-account in dls town, an' I know him. I mah'ied him!" :^y7BAT OTHERS MISSEDi piMiSY PERSON: "I � suppoSe,, my dear Mr. Qotrox, that you. have I used 'Make bay while the sun shtnoa' a� you life's motto?" � Mr. Gotrox: "Certainly, sir; certainly! vBi�t that's only half of it Ybu should.add that I made the hay from the-grass other i>eopl6 let grow under thttlr feet.". � THE FVlfNY ENOUSII. piHBNOHMAN!,"Tou are funnj- people, you Bngleesh. You take strong whisky; you put, water In it to make It i*eak; you put sugar in It to make It sweet; you puHemon in It to make It sour; then you say, 'Hpra's to you, and drink it youwelf! Mon Dlou!" A TERRIBLE MISTAKE. '-^HAT was an awful mlstako the surgeon made. The man be operated on didn't have what -ho though.! ho did." "Didn't have appendicitis at all, eh7" "Oh. ho had appendicitis all right, but he didn't have any money." THE 0REATB8T PROBLEM. "T SUPPOSE that thero are many problems which POlar explorers seek to solve?" said the unscientific man. "Toe," replied tho Intrepid traveler; 'a great many," "What Is the most Important one?" "Getting back." certain proof of inebriety AvTAGIflTRATB: "What -was. the prlsonor doUig-?" � ^ COnstabae. "'E were 'avln' a very 'eated argument with a cabdrlver, yev worship. �Magistrate:-"But .that doesn't pro-ire he was drunljj": , , r>.,i,i^� Constaible:.- "Ah! But there worn't n'o oabdrlve*' there,;yer worship. -London Opinion. no rbless:-,!:'me; have^tvskr Jiec a itfdy ^wJlo �f I t I cafledtto; "'fwaJ^fX^^^^Be'to otter you _ .. "Corfc.lnllyi'^.-^Pl�a�ed. to hear it!,' \1Well,",thwMet*'�|{l'8'th&.tiyou'make vthoiimanagarL of hebojre: no grudge % HOPS yOWfire i?ot'4^"�rfat'papa for kicking yon, dearest. , ^ ,.4^, ;'Oh. n-ri-i^-9l,-iN-n'^iSot all' I n-n-n-wer -pay aJiy atteMiOTT,;-(^to-wiiat goos---'Qii b-b-^l?-ehYna>j[ back!;' > � ' v. i i LVlfO- aOMPliAJ^NTJ^'^ } T oDOEXEir ".I -caii'it stay , h*ra "'any longer, Mrsr BJjjlW.'^ " ' . (Lflftdlady: "WUTT pot. sir? .mhat Is* your compralnW?!' ',v > t lideetJ treme}ii^qual^i busy Olid � tlrlngf: day, - .and >-durtn^.?;-.!**! first act h^ fell fast asleep ^ His daughter, greatly qon^^rjliesl^^Jp case. Mr. Penley imlEJht notice'/frpm' 1ih9' � aikii^: that ''hearjlfe�tiber,Jiaff sleep, .reiproaoiheld him .bitterly ^6ft;;^aei>'-( -lli^ during his frl�nd'�iperf9rn|a^^�i',y>' V: It Was disgraceful' she;Sald!,.-;^teVii^^bl?' ho retorted/ that she w�^' ^lt|t(^|c�j;,^a had-nMt beeii asleep'at all,^lie;-a*Ci|*t�d pO^tlyely,, During' Uie ,abQvn^�ix!^\l ^S8.feWt^uprlghtl:atid::dId;::ihi8^[s^}^l^ keep awake; but just before jitee^.^ii'r-taln fell ha dozfed off age;lh, ^aikv _^is head droppea'fQrTca^Hl.',/ , ^ c '.v , j -When the llgihts^were tut^c^'.Up,ils daughter prodded htm vlolta-tly^� ati^tsifi' same.time\hlssiug in hla ear: J5:!:'js>.fi|-,!, :"Papa,- do rememberiwhei-o .yovu'=a^ei( 'Charley's Aunt!'" . ' r'''}'-^.' Her father, still halt a^Bleep.'^onlyj ioaught thelaat t^o words;' bdti*jii4(^v*[,show thathe'was wW^ii^Mf^j^l^ jumped, io his feet and grasmSii^^e. tiind ofI'tttj old ladyj' f^"' T^if^0^' be'passing .alonig.,ithe ronv ofi,^^^'^n', 'Xrqn^-of ;him. ^ , - ,y ^^'fCh^Tley'a .aunt!"..,,h�i.,, ,,.excjalm�f#!S^1eij.,-and it's a sacrl-flpejjv ssld tha'dea^^ ' ; "^oU're, on?le. E'S;;,-^;ere at:ditfJj,4r;gaiid: Mr. Green, -ally's ybung ^4ri.,ms dlnJng.wlth |jtijfem;i>i.;ib was; th^ttiyaime ho' had 1 vjsltfedi ,them.that; -w^ki-ahai ^they were if?':;|tWlj^b brb-ther sali^neit-to' her, -oye-; ^l^i.'^he Jyoung. masher/.-u down 'suSplclbifjsiy, for only tli�' bvenmg bi-itckfhb hail. boxed To'h�my>s ears' foii ;I).5i%isauoy. lli�ip^fwi:a,: chance -to^'gbt^wi&i.' i.;�Pi;fs�ntly :,Mr. Greenv-a^ed': "May. j^j/ftel'p yovfto a. little.-JsQore fish, Mll- �ly?!V=--� � � ....... p iif^NO, tfiank/you,'* re-pUedjMlss Milly, '"Will you.'Tommy-?" �,.-� ^ ' :. ':'�. 'jis'Oi---thar^^ saiaCiTommy, 'snap-, pishly. ' '''Then I wili," said tlirhiaihw '"Do; 5kMWi "Tommy/V; he \^ hbip4: Ip^^,-; hlpself f-:,.'!that.^^^^^ Bftould-- always j'e'^Fpientyl of' fISlij^ w&attlit- wlVat kind im':...,-.'". ��. .......: ("�Why?" Inquired Tomraj-. ' JfO PROOF. "T CAN prove-that I had nothing to do with this affair," said the Indignant woman to the judge. "At the time the crlm6 was committed my maid was combing my hair in my boudoir,". "And where- were, you;' asked^ thy judge mildly. ': ' ADYANTA&ES. , gjOU-SB-HUNTBR: "sut wheneVer thei-e's a flood I should think the water would always come right up-to house."  ' , . , t Houso Agent! "Pogsibly, sir.. BJit there are preclotis^ 'tt^- proper^es where yoxi. tan get fIshitig froaitthe/ dlnlng-rbom -wlndo-w.'',; . � : the serpent again .....#11 rfHE TempceJT- "Hurry lip, sister, and take them, tJou dpn'tl ftnOT^,;,;! ^ a^ybett^." ' , ^ / >' ^;-^t)^:|^||>4 HENRY W4.S USEFUL. 'JJENRT," said his ftither-ln-tow-, as he cdlled his daughter'a spouse � Into the library arid"locHed the dopr, 'you have lived with me now for over two years." , "Ye.-!, father." , - ' "In all that time I haveh't asked you , a penfly for board." , "No sir"-wondorlngly. "In all your little family quarrels I have always taken your part emd. dq,- . lilded In your favor." 'Always, air." "I have even paid some of your bills." "A good many, father." "And In every way helped you to g�t along." "You have been very kind, sir" "I have tried to be, my boy, and 1 hope you appreciate It." "I do sir." "Then the small favor I am about to ask of you will no doubt be granted?" "Most certainly, sir." "Thianiks. Then I want you to tell your imotheir-ln-lajw that thpso tickets ' for tJio suppeir-club dance whlcih .sflje: plclced up m my room this morning must have accidentally fallen out of your pocket and we'll call it square!" VERY BACKWARD. rjHB Neversleeps had just moved Into the flat below that of the great Professor Puddlehead, M.A., and, aided by a few congenial spirits, were having a "quiet little house-warming."' The walls groaned, tho windows shook, plates crashed into a thousand pieces, the Neversleeps' baby squallei^ unheard, and, with It all, the notes ot^ "Alexander's Rag-time .Band" floa;ted up to the professor, poring over "Jtud--:* die's Boshology.". ^ ' :. In desperation he at last sent MatU-' da Jane to remonstrate with, the liew-.v comers.  .� 'Please, sir," she said tcMr/Ne^y^i;.-,; sleep, "Professor Fuddlehead, .s'si:/^ 'Win you make less noise; because Jhef can't read.'" ,f [j "Ah," replied :the: noisy: fonei .vjVI'fe....... ^ sorry to hear that! Tell your mMtiij *1 that I could read when t was bSlV' *lvel"- .....-,r vj%,^ NO arO^E UNTURNED. y^-iA'^} /A COUNTHYMAN ytbo,yi^m:tt6k^l:.M. dOtt lost his gold waton. He trotS,- > 'i ted.brito Sobtldid-yai^S^an^it abo;ut his trouble.,Vrith,t)ieir ubu4i poUtfeuesa they infortaod lUm that t^eyV V' woulfTleavo no stone untumpd 1ft' thptr/ ; fendieavor to find his watch. ^ , TjVi';' A few db.y� later he wen^t.^ thrqtjgh-j*^^^ soi-no.of the leading -Wioioughfa,r�s.ijUidA saw street after street turned'uil^'find-'- j'J'fs waW'told thst a few'mljes 'ttiH .eatne. condition.::. ,:. :.,.,..�,:. �,,..^�.,.1�,�.�./WJW.i�:.��:.��^ hm off to Scotlaijd 'Yard and ' ' , kUd: "I dltl4i'tj!rilpk.a. WapiteingA'wii*^**^ ai! thftt^trwWterfiXf y.ou.d^n,^l,ian|j'|}ia,.^ -/^f,.^ watch by Saturday, you nbed not pull up;aiy moH 'of the,rbad.''' ' 'tr'-'^r-iS m "i^ecause," said' he. with a smile, -'fish' oontalhfl phosphorus", and phosphorus is good for the brain." , ; ''Oh,, Is It?" ancered TOmmy^ mating; for the door, "then yrfu ought to eat: 'a-VhitoV �)'",''^Jiat!" roared the master, rushing k^ilind"the table, when Mllly Stopped filH-amldst roars of j,augl?ter. ^ ^!'] �'�^"iSld you hear what the.^lttle i^cal S8i,i'd; '-Mllly?' I-ought-tO,-jjreat-a- 1 "pgarest'J' she"- ^iS.uhmir^d ,Jy. ;'>ow^thafc>y^,'|trp;\,ms> BET-EE DWI ^,'A.TJDrE," -asked Her dearest ^frlehd'; IdiiBob,;: kiss you last mgntv"..;: : r "The Van' idea! Why do you ask suchi^'-iq^ifestloh,?!'-, - :;:;.: :.. ;"Oh,;..haipp6n^:'.to hear him stiy he i liked" your, che.ek!" . ^XlpN^aiNQ.'---y:--:-Jf&::. (-'(^a.' PfiPfn- Al^rno;l has asked; nie ::-.:� �:,..-tD,m�lTfy4i!ttt.!.'.'. -J' .1 �� .',,;::�.:.,:,.:::.( ;j.;,1!,The::nervy.vpUp!': What has ft'evev^i' done-,to, deserve you?" :::.--,>:/: !.."Well,:..AIgernon- Is a writer of iSdihe ..:Vil3;.that, sp7^, CJfla you. convlnceltoe o^.that?';.......,.,,v.,.fe.,,.,,..,.,,',.1..,,..,,, ^'Certainly, Here is the npte." C Jifc i �:; VEnY BMAlRi^-tM,^ clNcmNATt,)nan; i|hoi ing toj ^"boost" hl^ 'xsityj | to a friend from NeV yorjcfi vereation turned 01}, the Poll ment. "WeU." satd>to'fi�i>i! Queen City; "you dp.n;t. (^^Ute.: police department IS;,,' ' "Whyr look h^re,'*'. W getting more onthtfBlaSttc �sfaa a murder coinmltte!J-''he. ^ days ago, and four,4ioutj5 'ait6rw*rdi| the police knew alb^b,;jf.. M'\ "Oh!" drawled the'SinSrf'''|r6ln' past, "tha :mjitder,,cg i^cfays agw lady at the party, ana, wa, at � .^j lor a toplc,'6� rtfnvsWatiOB. much meAtftl btxpseXis hfe at^leiietpfl-quired: ^ " li .'^ ' "Oh. Mite ^-7-\'^.^mitL%i familiar ^itii, ?Jrat(bft's t^l^^-"' ; Toun* lady tecbi-ntullyX5^-;;r/v-wars t pardon.' X3ra6b8'6 tolefc**"-........... Young Uady,; (sUU lAote , �'Aiid'I was not aware that W-talis, .elth'erV\i;-V' ', > --vroW. Harry, go to Snfl^h*.; ' 'f^- car. akdH^t a;{niart ^ to*V��ei.'.'"''*�l-:iB|.:||g|^m ;