Lethbridge Herald (Newspaper) - February 21, 1973, Lethbridge, Alberta
Ann Landers DEAR ANN LANDERS: When I visited a friend she showed me some lovely china she had inherited from her mother and grandmother. I admired one platter in particular and said, jokingly, "You can give this to me on my wedding anniversary." Well, Ann, on our anniversary that platter arrived, beautifully wrapped - and I thought, "How generous of her " The very next day, to my complete astonishment, this woman phoned me and asked if I'd mind returning the platter. It seems her children were unhappy that she had DEAR ANN LANDERS: I would like to say a word to "Mother In Distress" - the woman who was upset because a Gypsy palm reader told her daughter she had a very short lifeline and not to put off doing the things she wanted to do because she didn't have much time left. I, too, have a very short lifeline and was told by a palm reader that I would not live longer than one-third the natural life span. I was also told that the two crisscross lines below the second joint of my index finger on my DEAR ANN LANDERS: My husband and I moved from our home town 25 years ago. My parents are in their 70s, and -while there is no ill will, we are not close. They were born in Europe and made no attempt to Americanize. Yesterday I received a letter informing me that a cousin (my aunt's daughter) is coming from another country to visit in our home. I do not know this woman's age (it wasn't mentioned), I cannot speak her language and she cannot speak mine. I didn't know she existed until this letter arrived. I phoned my mother and asked how this person got our address. She said, "I DEAR ANN LANDERS: A 13-year-old asked what to do about his four-year-old brother who bit people. He said his parents had tried withholding desserts, severe scoldings and so on. Nothing worked. He bit the cleaning lady, the TV repairman and every Md he ever played with. You were the boy's last resort. You told him that your own daughter bit you when she was two years old and you bit her back. Your final line was, "She never bit me or anyone else after that." Please say you were joking. I can't believe Ann Lan- given it away. She told me to take my time and think it over. We've been friends a long time, Ann, and I don't know what to make of it. I'm sure no matter which way I decide, our friendship will never be the same. I'd appreciate your advice. -L.ll. DEAR L.H.: Obviously your friend did not give you the platter with a full heart. If she had, her children's comments would not have mattered. Certainly you would not enjoy the platter after you had been asked to return it. So, do so at once, without comment. right hand foretold two marriage. I am nearly 84 years old and my husband and I celebrated our 60th wedding anniversary last month. What do you think of that, Ann Landers? -Daily Reader in Dothan, Alabama DEAR DO: I think palmistry is a lot of horsefeathers and I appreciate your testimony. As I said before if those Gypsies could predict the future, they would not be sitting in drafty tents reading palms for $2 a pop. They would be on Wall Street cleaning up. gave it to hef. Be nice and put a roof over her head." My husband and I work six days a week. We don't need a houseguest, especially one who doesn't speak English. My husband said he has never heard of such gaill and has urged me to say we can't accommodate her. What would you do? -Waiting To Hear DEAR WAITING: I'd tell my mother that I would be glad to have the cousin for a weekend but after that she would have to take over. P.S. Make sure the cousin goes to your mother's house (from the boat) and is based THERE. More to the point, instruct your mother to send her with an overnight bag. ders would do such a thing. -Let Down DEAR L.D.: I wasn't Ann Landers when I bit my daughter, but it worked, and that's what counts. It may not have been according to "The Book" but there are times when a mother's instinct is better than any book. Children's responses vary, no matter how severely you punish some kids, they won't bat an eyelash. Other youngsters dissolve into tears when you look at them crosseyed. A mother knows her kids bet? ter than any psychologist and I'm for doing what comes naturally. COMPLETE REBUILT AUTOMATIC WASHERS DRYERS AS WELL AS SPIN WASHERS 90 DAY GUARANTEE FAIRFIELD SERVICES LTD. 327-6070, 327-6884 We will also buy any R.C.A. - INGLIS OR WHIRLPOOL automatic washers or gas dryers in need of repair for rebuilding. We also have 3 fully qualified service technicians available for other repair services. Brigitte turns bitter Brigitte Bardot, the sex bombshell of the sixties, says she hates humanity, rejects children and suffers moments of melancholy, when she has little interest in life. A bitter recluse at 38, she says she may quit movies when she is 40 and retire to the farm. Sexy movie star becomes recluse PARIS (AP) - Actress Bri-gette Bardot at 38 has become a bitter recluse who says she hates humanity, rejects children and suffers moments of melancholy when she has little interest in life. The screen sexpot of the 1950s and 1960s, who drew headlines with her three marriages, a series of semi-permanent boy friends and her sun-kissed life on the French Riviera, says she might quit the movies altogether when she is 40 and retire to a farm. "I find my balance in nature, in company with the animals," the magazine L'Express quoted her as saying in a rare interview. "I have two more years to prepare another existence." Bardot turned 38 last Septem; ber. She has made fewer and fewer movies in recent years and rarely turns up in the papers. PLAYS LESBIAN She has just finished Don Juan, directed by first husband Roger Vadim, who launched Bardot in the early 1950s. Advance publicity for the film has centred on a lesbian sequence where she is nude in bed with actress Jan BirkiA "Even if Don Juan is not my last movie, it will be the one before last," Bardot told L'Express. "My profession is not the centre of my life." Why does she want to change her celebrated life style? "Why not? There- are moments when one does not even feel like seeing one's friends. When one finds little interest in leading a life that, after all . . what? What does one do from morning to night? Nothing thrilling. "I say to myself, what am I doing? I am going around in circles . . DISLIKES LIBS Bardot lashed out at France's women liberationists, saying equality of the sexes is not for her. "A man must protect a woman, and a woman must be comforter," she explained. But she made clear, as quoted by L'Express, that her fascination with men is drying up. "I hate humanity. I am allergic to it. I see no one, I don't go out ... I am disgusted with everything . , . Men and beasts, and even beasts don't behave like them." Would her life on the farm include a family? "There is no question that I should bring a child into the world . . . people who make children are crazy," she replied, but if her life became more stable, she might try it, "although I don't have a very developed sense of motherhood." Bardot has one son, Nicholas, I who lives with his father, producer Jacques Charrier. When she is with the boy, "we play poker and he tries on my things, to see if there is anything he likes," the magazine quoted her as saying. "Thank God he is being raised by his father. It is better that way. A woman would make a homosexual out of him." Marriage remains popular BANFF, Alta. (CP) - Futuristic marriages such as five-year contracts and group marriages probably will not work, says marriage counsellor Dr. Carlfred Broderick. "Many marriage forms of the future are simply naive to basic human needs." Dr. Broderick, executive director of the Marriage and Family counselling centre at the University of Southern California, told the Conference for Couples here that open-ended forms of marriage "underestimate the great need people have for secutity, permanence and stability." The need for freedom, one of the main elements in short-term arrangements, was at odds with the security of traditional marriage. "But open - ended contracts are extraordinarily taxing . . . many may struggle nobly and sometimes with good effect, but it is not an easy way to live. "Polygamy collapsed from its own weight more than anything else. The men simply found it tremendously difficult to relate to several wives at once. Some of the great horror stories of polygamous colonies can be traced to that one element." Dr. Broderick said marriage has remained popular because it "ruggedly evolved" to meet the fundamental needs of human beings. "I remadn unpersuoded by many young people who say that our fundamental needs have changed. Marriage has evolved as one of the best relationship answers to human needs." Dr. Broderick, a self-described behaviorist who likes to help marriage partners in crises by teaching "working tools for real-life situations," i Childless couples longing to adopt By JUDY KLEMESRUD New York Times Service NEW YORK - Childless New York couples, grown desperate by the current shortage of healthy white infants, are turn-, ing to the legal but often expensive field of private adoption. In this non-agency procedure - widely known as the gray market - lawyers arrange for couples to acquire a baby at a total cost, including legal and medical expenses, that may range as high as $25,000. Al-thought the procedure is legal in all but two states (Connecticut and Delaware), critics have questioned the high costs. Behind the baby shortage lie the pill and other modern contraceptive devices, liberalized abortion laws and the lessening of the stigma once attached to unwed motherhood. The adoption agencies, which once were able to provide a steady stream of white infants at fees ranging from $500 to $2,000, have found that their sources have virtually dried up. A result: waiting lists of from three to five years for a baby. The agencies have shifted their emphasis to children who used to be classified as "hard to place": they are either black or of mixed race, over the age of two, or physically handicapped. The United States Department of Health, Education and Welfare estimates that 60,-000 of these children are now available for adoption, 1,050 of them in New York City. "Gray market" adoption differs from "black market" adoption - which is illegal - in that the black market involves bypassing legal procedures to directly sell a child for something of value (usuaily money), or it involves outright fraud-such as the falsification of a birth certificate. But what both the "gray" and "black" procedures boil down to is the ability to pay. And generally, the fees are sky high. In private adoption (known as "independent adoption" in some states), a couple generally go to an adoption lawyer who is either already in touch with a pregnant woman or knows other lawyers who may be. The couple then agrees to pay the mother's medical expenses and all legal fees. The total cost ranges from $3,000 to $25,000. According to Joseph H. Reid, executive director of the Child Welfare League of America, a total cost of $10,000 for a baby involved in a "gray" or a "black" procedure is becoming "rather normal." "What we're hearing about these days are $25,000 babies," Reid said. "This is a very serious situation and one that may develop into a very critical one. Ten New York area couples who were interviewed about their experiences with private and black market adoptions all vehemently refused to have their names used, for fear of cutting off their contacts for fu-turo adoptions, or because they feared that the children they had already adopted in this manner might somehow be taken away from them. Here are some of their stories: - A Brooklyn couple learned through a lawyer friend of a man who allegedly had a steady supply of white babies born of prostitutes. The mam visited the couple at their home a few nights later and said he knew of two babies who would be born in a few months. If the couple agreed to his $5,000 fee, he said, one of the pregnant women would check into a hospital under the namc of the wife, and the baby's birth certificate would bear the couple's names. No adoption proceedings would therefore be necessary. '- A Manhattan couple in their early 40's, who had been rejected by an adoption agency as being "too old" to adopt, received a telephone call one evening. It was from a Manhattan lawyer whom they had never met, or even heard of. "I may be able to help you," he said, sympathetically. "If you like, I will mail you photographs of some handsome single young men and beautiful single young women. For $10,000, you can choose the couple you want to make the baby for you." At last report, the couple were still considering the offer. Among the better known adoption lawyers in New York are Joseph Spencer, who is sometimes called "the dean of private adoption;" Terry Milbur, Stanley B. Michelman, whose speciality is babies born in this country of visiting German and Australian mothers; Leonard N. Tarr and Emanuel H. Pavsner. Tarr is presently serving the eighth month of a two-year prison sentence in a federal correctional institution for perjury. He will be paroled March 7. Pavsner received a three-year suspension last March from the association of the bar of the City of New York for "converting to lids own use" money he receivied as a guardian for two elderly men designated as "incompetents." Pavsner, who is still arranging adoptions, was one of three Manhattan lawyers who were visited recently by a New York Times reporter and a male friend who were posing as a prospective adoptive couple. At the meeting, Pavsner told the couple that for $10,000 they had a good chance of getting a baby by the end of February. The parents, he said, were an 18-year-old Jewish girl and and a 19-year-old Protestant boy, both college students from middle-class backgrounds. Pavsner, a modly dressed man in a navy turtleneck and a goatee, spent 20 minutes taking a thorough written biography of the couple, including detailed information about their financial status. Then he said that if the couple were interested, they would have to pay him $10,000, which would be put in escrow in case the baby was not perfect. Pavsner said that both the couple and the pregnant girl and her family would be given each other's names - which is in opposition to agencies' policies of strict anonymity - and each would have the right to decide on the other's qualifications. Michelman, the second lawyer who was visited, told the couple that for approximately $6,200 he could probably arrange for them to have a baby within six to eight months. The mothers he deals with, he said, are German and Austrian girls who are found by his associates in Europe. . The mother flies to New' York in her ninth month and is housed in a private home until she gives birth", he said. "I work with three German-speaking doctors, and they give the girls excellent care." Michelman said he Had arranged similar adoptions, and that, so far, only one woman had decided to keep her baby and take it back to Europe. He said his portion of the $6,200 would be $2,250. "I know that's a lot of money for an hour's paper work and two court appearances," he said, "but we do take very good care of the girl while she's here." eeWhimsy | finish th^ts. ft/ Patrick Duffy receives the original art far his Whimsy. Send yours to this paper. Wednesday, February 21, 1973 - THE LETHBRIDGE HERALD - 23 Music festival judges Included on the list of adjudicators for the April 2 through 7 Lethbridge and District Kiwanis Music Festival, are Beth Douglas, right, and Phyllis Schuldt. Miss Douglas has adjudicated in the city before, and is presently assistant music co-ordinator of Winnipeg schools. She has been a church choir director, conductor of the Winnipeg Boys' Choir and former lecturer at the Faculty of Education Music courses. Miss Douglas will adjudicate vocal and choral sections. Mrs. Schuldt specializes in ensemble music, has been a teacher and is presently a member of the music faculty at the University of British Columbia. She is also an examiner for the Royal Conservatory of Music of Toronto, and has conducted teachers' workshops in B.C., Ontario and Washington, U.S.A. Gay-liberation movement fighting for acceptance By PEGGY SIMPSON WASHINGTON (AP) - Led by women who admit to being lesbians, the gay-liberation movement is fighting for acceptance by "straight" feminists at the convention of the National Organization for Women N.O.W. The strong lobbying by lesbians has taken the convention by surprise. Some women have reacted with annoyance. There has been more than a little nervousness from feminists who voice fears that the lesbians will spoil N.O.W.'s public image or dilute its drives for the equal-rights amendments, ecuial pay for equal work, child care and other issues. On the whole, however, said gay-liberationist Ms. Sidney Abbott, most N.O.W. members realize homosexuals suffer double discriminations and favor N.O.W. acting in their behalf. She predicted resolutions expected to be approved at this convention will clear the way for future co-operation between N.O.W. and gay-lib chapters on legislation concerning women's rights. "I don't see any absorption of gay lib into N.O.W.," Ms. Abbott, who prefers that form of address, said in an interview, "but N.O.W. will be free to work with gay-lib forces from now on." She said lesbians don't want to scuttle or crimp N.O.W.'s drives for the equal-rights amendment or any other women's-rights measures. "We want our issues to be considered important alongside others," she said. Ms. Abbott estimated that 10 per cent of the estimated 2,000 N.O.W. members attending the convention are lesbians. She said she expected no opposition today when the convention was to take up resolutions, including one from the sexual tiy workshop saying: "Since freeing lesbians will free all women from sexual stereotypes and will be courageous, historic and long overdue, be it resolved that N.O.W. make civil rights for lesbians and positive attitudes toward lesbians a top priority." Ittt UNIVERSITY Ot C'AICAKl March 10-11 LLL" ECONOMY REMNANT CENTRE WINTER FABRIC CLEARANCE AND 10% OFF SALE Thursday, Feb. 22nd REMNANTS BY THE LB. - FABRICS BY THE YARD 310 6th St. S. Phone 328-0252 The World of Fashion ... at your FEET When you choose your new spring shoe wardrobe from Benefit Shoes E N E F I T S H O E S For Miladi . . . 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